Confused Teenager Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) Sorry if this is long, but I really need help. I feel like I'm going to go crazy over-analyzing this. Sometimes I feel like I'm not made for relationships. I worry and analyze everything. I'm sorry for posting this when I just posted two days ago. But I really will appreciate any advice/insight. I've been dating my best guy friend "Ben" secretly for 2+ months now. We plan on announcing our relationship soon. It's a bit complicated, since I dated one of his good friends a while back. He plans on telling his friend about us by the end of Feb, and wants me to tell my family about us by then, too. But I feel like I need to solve this issue before I take this step of risking my parents being super mad at me (they're against me dating in hs) and risking his friendship with his friend. I don't want us to go public, and then have me break up with him a month later bc I can't handle this. Anyways, before we started dating, I noticed that he was unusually friendly with this girl "Kelly" in our English class. He's been in the same table group with her for half a year by chance since our teacher randomly assigns seats so that's prob how they got so friendly, but we recently changed seats a month ago so he doesn't sit near her anymore. Once I was talking to him, (a few weeks before we started dating), he reached over mid convo and pinched her as she was walking into class. This might seem like nothing, but Ben's the kind of guy that mostly sticks to himself and his gang of guy friends and is typically somewhat reserved/introverted. He doesn't really have any girl friends besides me, so this was out of character for him, and I've known this guy for 3-4years. So when I found out he liked me a few weeks later, I brought up how I was surprised bc I had thought he liked Kelly bc of how he seemed comfortable pinching and playing around with her. He replied saying "I'm not going to stop doing it though," which I thought was strange since I hadn't asked him to in the first place. I let the matter slide at the time bc I figured that it was me he liked, and 2 months pass without me really thinking about it again. During those 2 months I don't really notice much interaction between him and Kelly either. However, yesterday as we were once again talking with our group of friends near the doorway, she passed by and he reached out and they did some sort of quick special handshake. And finally today, Kelly initiated it and poked/slapped him (not sure which) and quickly walked way, which led Ben to turn around quickly, walk away from our friend group for a few seconds, and poke/slap (?) her back as she was trying to run away. Again, I was surprised, this time because I thought they didn't really interact anymore, let alone talk enough to have a special handshake. I'm thinking that she might be in one of Ben's other classes. Am I overreacting or does this seem like flirting to you guys? I'm fine with him just talking to her, and I'm fine with him having female friends, but the playful touching makes me a bit uneasy. Also, I don't really like Kelly as a person so that might be part of the reason why I'm so antsy. A few weeks back she was basically heartlessly boasting about how she broke up with her bf bc he was just a rebound to get over her ex, and I think it's really cruel to not only use someone like that and not even be ashamed of it. However, she's never been mean to me personally. I plan on talking to Ben about this soon, but I wanted to get some other opinions on this first. Thank you, really, for any help. Edited February 25, 2016 by Confused Teenager
xxCourt96xx Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 High School, I don't miss it. Okay so, first of all, don't overthink. Honestly...it'll make you go crazy because suddenly your mind is trying to create stuff that isn't even there. Breathe a little bit. Your bf might keep to himself like you said but he is allowed to make friends-girls included. Personally I came to sadly find out that guys in high school aren't very mature yet...most of them just have the "good stuff" on their mind. Don't stress yourself out so much, just go with the flow of high school. He's a guy, guys flirt, guys tease. I'm sure he likes you a lot, or why would he be with you and not her? If it bothers you to the point that you're starting to overthink things, either talk it out with him or break up and cut your losses.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) Yeah, we're not saying you're wrong in your thoughts... more that, so far it isn't that much of a big deal. Now if this were a workplace, and you were all 5-year employees together, and you were married to your now-BF... it would take on another tone... but who knows whether that little exchange was as much to show his buddies some element of his social worth, or what-ev-er? I'm SO relieved that YOU don't have any specific negative interactions playing-out with "Kelly"... so you won't risk getting it from multiple sides if ever you say anything. Ultimately, though, the most rewarding result from all of this is that you train yourself to be more confident and secure in yourself. So IF you opt for that route, you will have something significant down the line whether you date "Ben" for long, or not. PS - and about your seeming judgment OF "Kelly"... while I can understand that it SOUNDED as if she choreographed that whole rebound relationship, and the whole end result (long before the earlier relationship even finished, I'm sure) ... the TRUTH was more likely something that, when taken day-by-day, as would be wise for you to DO, does not put "Kelly" in such a bad light. (so maybe cut her some slack too... and MAY-be find a way to make friends with her... <since, unlike so many such situations, YOU haven't really had cause to write her off yet> ) (furthermore, nobody knows you're dating, so you can't really even hold Kelly's actions against her, right??) Edited February 25, 2016 by SincereOnlineGuy
mikeylo Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 He is lacking boundaries of having a committed relationship and lack of respect towards you. He will either outgrow thus soon enough or he won't. You can tell him that it's not appropriate behavior but I doubt he will stop.
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