Date has never flown... or really been anywhere

[Jejangles]

Agreed with others, the more you post, the more it is clear you are just not that into her...

 

In early dating, you are on high alert for commonalities and differences. When it clicks it feels effortless and exciting, when it misfires you question your attraction and interest. You two are misfiring, she does not share your interests and talks about boring (to you) topics. Move on, there is someone more compatible out there.

 

Oh and Once is an excellent movie and even better as a live musical if you ever get the chance.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I am not one for travel, but like once every few years, while I see these dating profiles that say, "Have passport will travel" where these people take global trips probably 3 or 4 times a year. Not sure where they are getting the money to do this, but I'm sure they just charge it.

 

I have no problem traveling around my own state or taking trips outside my state. But I'm sure the OP can introduce her to global travel, right? Good excuse to have a traveling companion,too.

Edited February 25, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[Jejangles]

I am not one for travel, but like once every few years, while I see these dating profiles that say, "Have passport will travel" where these people take global trips probably 3 or 4 times a year. Not sure where they are getting the money to do this, but I'm sure they just charge it.

 

I think it is a matter of priorities and interest. I grew up in a family that travelled about twice a year, and with my family on another continent, so for me it is second nature. I prioritise travel - I take one trip a year and I give up other things such as the newest electronics and expensive clothes to do so.

 

The guy I am currently dating has also extensively travelled, and in fact is an immigrant, and while his interest in travel is not the sole reason I am dating him we are both excited by that compatibility.

 

I also do agree with others though that travel alone does not make someone open minded or informed. Or lack of travel does not make someone closed minded and uniformed. It is just a matter of interests, and it is an easy thing to connect over during early dating.

[PegNosePete]

Yes you are being overly harsh and judgemental.

 

If you're looking for someone adventurous and well-travelled like yourself then you need to say thanks but no thanks, and look elsewhere. It would also be majorly off-putting to me. But calling her a hermit is unnecessarily harsh. If you feel you're not a match just move on.

[losangelena]

That is one of my favorite sayings as far as what attracts two people to each other. I'm looking for that but I'm also looking for someone that I share common interests with. We watched the movie Once and she didn't get into it - that is not a dealbreaker but it's not a painful movie to watch.

 

God, I hate that movie.

 

But I wouldn't judge someone for liking it.

[carhill]

OP, I'll share a comment my exW made early in our M. She sometimes complained that I was hard to get out of the house but, once out, seemed to always have a good time. That was, IMO, a very astute observation. I trend to introversion/homebody style living and it wasn't so much travel was scary or undesirable, rather home was more comfortable and my 'recharging' station was there. We did a lot of traveling while married, all over the world, and she was right, once out, it was easy and very memorable.

 

Each of us are different and sometimes people are entrenched in a particular path and that's their path and it isn't going to change. Sometimes they're open to change. Sometimes they're inspired. Sometimes they, for no reason at all, change their mind and do different things. Hard to know, heh, impossible to know, really, what kind of stuff she has going on.

 

I think my exW had a bit of an advantage in that regard when dealing with Mr. Homebody because she met me right after a trip I had gone on to post-Communist Russia and Ukraine, one of a few I had done. She knew I traveled, and alone; all she had to do was find the right trigger. She did. You don't appear to have such triggers available. If nothing works, and this is a big issue, well the exit sign is always lit. That's how it goes sometimes.

[newmoon]

i dislike these types of people personally - very little room for growth when you don't ever venture from your comfort zone. and at age 39 she's well-set in her ways. but... it does show some positive traits, she's obviously stable and reliable, probably has lots of friends if she has remained in/around the same community, etc. but it would indicate that in the future she'd likely be resistant to change and not have an 'open' type of personality, she might have financial issues which keep her from traveling, fears to overcome, etc. it's not judging to recognize what/who you'd be dealing with, but if someone well-traveled is important than she isn't it.

[GunslingerRoland]

I think it depends on where you live. The East Coast of America is a tightly packed, hugely diverse, and very exciting area. I can imagine there are a lot of people who stick to that area for their whole lives. It's the same as Europe... in a small area of Europe you can travel within a small distance, never needing to take a plane and yet experience many things.

 

 

For myself I live in a large city, but which is 3 hours from the next closest large city, 11 hours from the ocean, or the nearest decent sized American city. Plus it's in Canada with long cold winters. It's quite uncommon to meet people here who've never been on a plane, and it's quite common for even lower middle class people to save up money to take regular vacations to somewhere warmer.

[spriggan2]

Late to thread, but clearly never being anywhere is symptomatic of something deeper, whether bad, good, appealing, unappealing, you have to understand why and then decide what you think based on that. Not simply the fact that she's never been anywhere. Why has she never been anywhere?

 

Is she too poor to travel?

Does she not want to travel?

Has she been too busy?

Is she afraid of flying?

Is she super car sick?

Has she not put much thought into it?

Is she racist?

Is she saving travel for a later stage in life?

Is she waiting for a good companion to travel with?

Is she not sure where she wants to go?

Is she satisfied with internet/tv depictions of distant cities to the point where she doesn't need feel the need to set foot there?

Does she find it boring?

Does she not care about other cultures?

 

You have to figure out what the reasons are and decide if they are deal breakers for you.

[joseb]

I see these dating profiles that say, "Have passport will travel" where these people take global trips probably 3 or 4 times a year. Not sure where they are getting the money to do this, but I'm sure they just charge it.

 

)

 

You just make it a priority if it interests you. It doesn't have to be expensive. In fact, you can end up spending a lot less than staying at home.

I look at the money people spend on cars and wonder where they get it. I haven't owned one in 10 years.

I travel a lot. If I spent one year without going to another country I would feel really restless and trapped

Different strokes for different folks.

 

I think if at 39 she has never flown, it's pretty likely she is not interested in travel. That's fine. But as OP is, I suggest he doesn't progress this further. There are plenty of more suitable people for both if them. Don't try to shoehorn in something that doesn't fit.

Edited February 25, 2016 by joseb

[jdubinva]

She has the right to choose the life she's comfortable with. Not having any real outside curiosities and point blank saying we would be good because she's an introvert and I'm far more outgoing and there would be a counter-balance sounded strange. That works great in theory but we're both at the age where she should get over it and enjoy life. As I mentioned, she has a masters in Psychology so she's not stupid or poor.

I've lost interest. I didn't even think about her today which says a lot.

Thanks to all for listening and providing insight.

[MissBee]

I am not one for travel, but like once every few years, while I see these dating profiles that say, "Have passport will travel" where these people take global trips probably 3 or 4 times a year. Not sure where they are getting the money to do this, but I'm sure they just charge it.

 

I have no problem traveling around my own state or taking trips outside my state. But I'm sure the OP can introduce her to global travel, right? Good excuse to have a traveling companion,too.

 

It always baffles my mind when people say this.

 

How much money do you think it costs to travel?

 

It seems people who don't travel have all these ideas about it, particularly about how much it costs, that aren't based in reality. You can travel for reasonable prices if you research it. Also assuming people charge it, is it unheard of that people make decent money or even a normal wage and value travel so budget for it? For me, for example: life is about experiences, so I would rather spend $300 on a plane ticket than on shoes, or the money someone might take to buy a ton of video games over several months, or coffee or what have you could all add up to the cost of a flight. Another great thing is having friends from vast and varied corners of the world, as often I will know someone or one of my friends will have a friend in X city in the world who is willing to let me stay with them. Most of my travel has been that way, staying with friends in their home country or with their relative who has extra room or someone else they know that they connected me with.There is also AirBnB and a ton of options.

 

But again...I really find that one's mentality re travel reflects a world orientation that can reflect many other incompatibilities. It all goes back to what you value and also finding people to date who value similar things as you.

Edited February 27, 2016 by MissBee

[TheBathWater]

I went out on a date with a woman that I had connected with on the phone and we met last night for dinner. One of the things she said is that she's never flown or been outside of the east coast. I'm kind of adventurous and thought that at 39 it was a little unusual. Also, she's never been married and no kids. She is smart although a little introverted, cute and kind of fun. I was trying not to be judgmental but in the back of mind I'm thinking, what a hermit. Do you all think I'm being overly harsh in my assessment.

 

I'm 32 and have never been outside of the east coast. I only flew for the first time five years ago. I didn't have a passport until a year ago. My reason is that I grew up poor and have had to use whatever money I earn to break the cycle of poverty I was born into (and I still work very hard at it today).

 

Most people would love to see the world, see different ways of life, and experience other cultures. I'm sure some people are simply hermits with no interest, but for most of us it's other circumstances. Ask her. Don't judge, man.

[jdubinva]

I'm 32 and have never been outside of the east coast. I only flew for the first time five years ago. I didn't have a passport until a year ago. My reason is that I grew up poor and have had to use whatever money I earn to break the cycle of poverty I was born into (and I still work very hard at it today).

 

Most people would love to see the world, see different ways of life, and experience other cultures. I'm sure some people are simply hermits with no interest, but for most of us it's other circumstances. Ask her. Don't judge, man.

 

Don't judge? I'm not being judgmental - in fact, that's how she comes off. A lot of people study psychology because they are confused about themselves and I think this is the case here. She over analyzes everything.

 

She barely knows most parts of the city she's lived on the outskirts of all of her life. It doesn't really come down to her not traveling - I don't think she would be fun to travel with.

 

But, I will stand by my original statement that I think her lack of interest in seeing other places throughout her life so far is strange.

 

And, while she is attractive and in usual cases I would look at her at least as someone I could get along with physically, I don't even think that would be fun.

Edited February 27, 2016 by jdubinva
.

[EatYourVeggies]

She over analyzes everything.

 

Says the guy who puts this much thought and so far up to 3 pages about a woman's degree and if she has traveled or not.

 

The very things you are ripping her for, you are guilty of yourself. It's amazing, you don't see it.

 

She barely knows most parts of the city she's lived on the outskirts of all of her life.

 

Go fill up the tank of gas, throw on some good music and go exploring with her. It could be a lot of fun and maybe if you would stop thinking so hard and over analyzing you could find yourself in the back seat just like a couple of teenagers.

 

I don't think she would be fun to travel with.

 

And you sound like the life of the party, right?

 

Snobby, judgmental and a giant stick up your ass... comes to mind.

 

But, I will stand by my original statement that I think her lack of interest in seeing other places throughout her life so far is strange.

 

I think your interest in her lack of interest is strange.

 

And, while she is attractive and in usual cases I would look at her at least as someone I could get along with physically, I don't even think that would be fun.

 

I'm sure if you said or looked down at your nose at her like you have done in this thread... She feels the exact same way.

Edited February 27, 2016 by EatYourVeggies

[jdubinva]

Says the guy who puts this much thought and so far up to 3 pages about a woman's degree and if she has traveled or not.

 

The very things you are ripping her for, you are guilty of yourself. It's amazing, you don't see it.

 

 

 

Go fill up the tank of gas, throw on some good music and go exploring with her. It could be a lot of fun and maybe if you would stop thinking so hard and over analyzing you could find yourself in the back seat just like a couple of teenagers.

 

 

 

And you sound like the life of the party, right?

 

Snobby, judgmental and a giant stick up your ass... comes to mind.

 

 

 

I think your interest in her lack of interest is strange.

 

 

 

I'm sure if you said or looked down at your nose at her like you have done in this thread... She feels the exact same way.

 

Did I hit some sore spots with what I was saying?

[Wewon]

Yes, you're being harsh, at least if you have any interest in maintaining the relationship.

 

You've got to be careful with clutching your pearls and gasping, its easy to set up a dynamic where one person feels that they have to live to or prove themselves all of the time. You see this kind of thing with teenagers a lot.

[EatYourVeggies]

Did I hit some sore spots with what I was saying?

 

Not at all.

 

My dad got a degree in civil engineering. Ended up landing planes on aircraft carriers and after 5 kids started a Financial Planning / Investment firm. My mom has a degree in nursing and ended up becoming a stay home mom.

 

What does their choice in degrees say about them? Obviously my mother and father didn't get the right ones. Or do you think it's possible they put a little more weight on the fact they have 5 amazing kids and a wonderful loving marriage going on 40+ years?

 

I travel 40+ weeks out of the year for work and been doing it for almost 20 years. I bet I travel and have seen a lot more of the world than you. Having said that, I have yet to meet a woman who traveled as much as me and some of the best ones I ever dated didn't have an opportunity to travel for various reasons but ended up being the absolute best travel partners and most fun in the world when they had the opportunity with me.

 

For someone who says they have so much culture, experience, intelligence, open and traveled so much... You sure do seem very closed minded and rigid. Which as I was pointing out earlier, is ironic because you are saying she is without actually finding out.

[Ferret]

Im in my late 30s ive traveled the world and even lived over seas yet now im completely happy to be a homebody dose that mean I wouldn't travel again? of course not ide love to and I prob will just cause some one has a comfort zone doesn't mean its set in stone.

 

And to call her a hermit is a bit harsh try dating a flight attendant you might have better luck..and no that's not meant to be a stick in the ribs they will be well traveled and more then likely very outgoing..

[jdubinva]

Not at all.

 

My dad got a degree in civil engineering. Ended up landing planes on aircraft carriers and after 5 kids started a Financial Planning / Investment firm. My mom has a degree in nursing and ended up becoming a stay home mom.

 

What does their choice in degrees say about them? Obviously my mother and father didn't get the right ones. Or do you think it's possible they put a little more weight on the fact they have 5 amazing kids and a wonderful loving marriage going on 40+ years?

 

I travel 40+ weeks out of the year for work and been doing it for almost 20 years. I bet I travel and have seen a lot more of the world than you. Having said that, I have yet to meet a woman who traveled as much as me and some of the best ones I ever dated didn't have an opportunity to travel for various reasons but ended up being the absolute best travel partners and most fun in the world when they had the opportunity with me.

 

For someone who says they have so much culture, experience, intelligence, open and traveled so much... You sure do seem very closed minded and rigid. Which as I was pointing out earlier, is ironic because you are saying she is without actually finding out.

 

I'm not talking about my cultural experiences or world travel or anything along those lines. I just think that her being a homebody is lame to me. And, I've mentioned several times that SHE HAS said that she's an introvert and I think that's what is holding her back from trying different things. I can barely drag her a few miles from her home to try a restaurant. If she's that boring and uptight now, eff it.

 

I've already made my decision.

[katiegrl]

I'm not talking about my cultural experiences or world travel or anything along those lines. I just think that her being a homebody is lame to me. And, I've mentioned several times that SHE HAS said that she's an introvert and I think that's what is holding her back from trying different things. I can barely drag her a few miles from her home to try a restaurant. If she's that boring and uptight now, eff it.

 

I've already made my decision.

 

Maybe she just didn't want to venture out *with you*.

 

Just a thought...

[EatYourVeggies]

I've already made my decision.

 

Her not being open to it as you just said, I have would come to the same decision you did.

 

Nothing wrong with having requirements, preferences and wanting someone who wants to share and take part in some of your interests. Traveling being a good example of one that is kind of a biggie being that it would take you away from someone for long periods of time. My taste in Music is awful and not one I would care about nor subject them too it.

[jdubinva]

Maybe she just didn't want to venture out *with you*.

 

Just a thought...

 

Snide comment. Thought you were above that from reading some of your comments in other threads. Not even going to address it.

[katiegrl]

Snide comment. Thought you were above that from reading some of your comments in other threads. Not even going to address it.

 

Why was it snide?

 

It is certainly very possible that this was (is) the case.

 

I mean fact is, you're not into her....so perhaps she isn't all that into you either.

 

Goes both ways...that's all I meant.

 

Apologies if that possibility offends you.

Edited February 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[jdubinva]

Why was it snide?

 

It is certainly very possible that this was (is) the case.

 

I mean fact is, you're not into her....so perhaps she isn't all that into you either.

 

Goes both ways...that's all I meant.

 

Apologies if that possibility offends you.

 

I like to expand my horizons - Richmond has a lot of good places to go to but she's been stuck in her little world and seems content with that. Some sort of adventurous spirit is nice. She and I are not in the same book. This has happened with someone else but she did have reasons - mainly financial - for not doing different things but she had a great spirit and liked trail running, etc that we had in common. I understood that. It's not the same in this situation.