Banderson Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I recently ended things with a 23-yo girl that I met off of OkCupid. We were seeing each other sporadically for about 3 months. The chemistry was not that intense but I definitely enjoyed her company. We went on some amazing dates together and she was pretty good with planning some of the dates. She told me early on that she doesn't like to jump into bed with someone until she's in a committed relationship so I respected that and we never got intimate since we broke it off before becoming official. We ended up spending Valentine's Day together and she started asking me about becoming official. I told her I'm not ready to commit to her partly because the intense chemistry is missing, and because I'm not at the point in my life where I wanna make dating a priority. She's a great girl, so I feel bad for not able to give her what she wants. I could tell she was heart-broken and so I decided to end things so I don't lead her on. About 2 weeks after the break-up, she texted me and said that she now only wants to go back to casual dating and she no longer wants commitment from me. I asked her if she was sure of this decision and she said yes. I did enjoy her company a lot even though the sex was off the table. Do you think she truly wants to go casual or does she have another motive?
mortensorchid Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 Sounds to me like she's lonely without you and wants you back as a friend. Who's to say this issue isn't going to come up later on for you both?
brokengirl85 Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 She wants commitment. However, since she likes you (and probably is in love with you) she agreed to a casual thing. She doesn't want to lose you. This is so sad. I feel for her. 1
joseb Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 Yeah I had the exact same thing happen. I talked her out of it because I knew in reality she did want something longer term. I'm still friends with her now, but thats after a period apart.
Author Banderson Posted February 24, 2016 Author Posted February 24, 2016 Sounds to me like she's lonely without you and wants you back as a friend. Who's to say this issue isn't going to come up later on for you both? What issue are you referring to? Yeah, I don't know if she could be that attached to me by now since we haven't been physically intimate. I wouldn't mind going back to casual dating but I just don't wanna break her heart again if she starts wanting more.
brokengirl85 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) It's not your responsibility to break her heart again. You've been clear enough. She's the one who, again, sets the ground for rejection. I'm pretty sure she thinks she can change your mind into commitment. It's important you state your intentions once more time Edited February 25, 2016 by brokengirl85 2
Erik30 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 She's lying, she just doesn't want to let you go because she really likes you, and probably has feelings for you since she wanted to become official. I agree with the others that she's hoping you will change your mind over time. You could date her casually if you want, but be prepared to break her heart again. (And it will hurt her even more the second time)
Author Banderson Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 She's lying, she just doesn't want to let you go because she really likes you, and probably has feelings for you since she wanted to become official. I agree with the others that she's hoping you will change your mind over time. You could date her casually if you want, but be prepared to break her heart again. (And it will hurt her even more the second time) That's what I was thinking too. I talked to her yesterday and she said she knows that I won't change my mind about her and she just purely enjoys my company. She wants to keep casually dating me for now since she's super busy with school and doesn't wanna go out of her way to look for another guy. She seems genuine and is a smart girl, so it seems like she's just keeping her options open. Still haven't decided if I wanna go back even though I do enjoy her company as well
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 She's reluctantly accepting the consolation prize which means this has the potential to go off the rails. Tread carefully.
truth_seeker Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 I would stay away from her. She could be setting you up for a trap... as in getting pregnant to make sure you will stick around.
kendahke Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Sounds like she's using the back-door approach to get you into a relationship with her... and she doesn't understand or respect her value if she'll accept a demotion--so why would you want someone around who so quickly would discount themselves? If she wants something casual, you need to tell her "so you understand, I will be seeing others and will be answerable to no one, including you" in order to call her bluff because it sounds to me she doesn't understand the parameters of what her demotion entails.
iphone_user1 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 I would stay away from her. She could be setting you up for a trap... as in getting pregnant to make sure you will stick around. Oh, no. That would be a nightmare
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