He's mad at me. Should I call him?

February 24, 2016

So, I miss the guy I've been seeing off and on for about 4 years.(I'll call him CG/current guy).. I was engaged to someone else(EF/ex fiancé) a few years ago, but it didn't work out. However during that relationship this current guy I'm speaking about continued to contact me asking was i happy and my then fiance ended up calling up telling him to stop contacting me. He did but eventually made contact with me again...

*I decided to move on from the CG initially because of his drinking, other habits and his insistence with wanting me to have his child, which I never did and I told him I didn't want that mainly because he already has 2 children. He asked would I marry him but I never took it seriously.

I ended up leaving my EF about a year ago and ended up seeing the CG again for the past year. He's a sweetheart in many ways but his issues still exist and are annoying. So I've had to recently hold him at a distance and tell him to get the things that he keeps leaving at my place. He gets offended when I tell him that, which sparked our current discord, i.e. him basically saying we should even communicate anymore since I'm basically kicking him to the curb.

We texted Thursday when i told him i couldn't have his instability in my space but i wanted to stay friends. He didn't want to hear that i guess. He responded saying he never wanted us to be off & on, he wanted to be with me forever. I didn't respond then.but yesterday I texted something random &irrelevant, but I then apologized bcuz I forgot I didn't plan to communicate. he responded saying he loves me but had to go. I responded saying "we've both been gone for a while, not knowing what love really is. Thank u for loving me the best way u knew how." I erased his blocked text chain so I'm not sure if he responded.

*I want to call, probably just to hear his voice one last time. Weird, i know... But Should i?

February 24, 2016

*I want to call, probably just to hear his voice one last time. Weird, i know... But Should i?

Leave him alone. It's totally unfair to him the way you're treating him.

Either he's in or he's out. Make up your mind and stick to it.

February 24, 2016

Yes LEAVE HIM ALONE. You will do him NO GOOD if you contact him. Let him move on and you figure out yourself.

February 24, 2016

Leave him alone. It's totally unfair to him the way you're treating him.

Either he's in or he's out. Make up your mind and stick to it.

I should add that, his habits make him unstable .

A while ago he claimed he lived a more or less hedonistic lifestyle. Now after we reconnected he says that he's realized that lifestyle isn't working for him and now he expects that I'll somehow just forget about he

His previous way of living... Which isn't healthy anyway, in any way.

I think he just wants to play the victim. And had worked in the past. I've just grown fed up with it and his double talk.

February 24, 2016

All the more reason to leave him alone.

February 24, 2016

Well, you dumped him....so, he is a victim of being dumped.

Look, you made a choice and you decided that what's best for you is to move on without him. So, you need to leave him alone so he can heal and move on with his life. And after your last text to him, it shouldn't be too hard.

I know you meant it in the sweetest way possible when you thanked him for loving you the best way he knew how. To someone that was just dumped, he probably read it as "Thank you for loving me the best way you knew how (it just wasn't good enough) Perhaps, one day, you'll actually learn how to love a person."

Again, I know that's not what you meant, but for a person that is hurt and emotionally charged, he could have possibly read it that way.

February 24, 2016

If you really loved him, you'd know to leave him alone for his own good. But because you don't, you're more worried about you being able to hear his voice.

Not weird. Selfish.

Leave him alone.

February 24, 2016

Not weird. Selfish

Selfish in the truest sense of the word. He's a person not an object to be played with whenever you feel like it.

February 24, 2016

Well , he texted again a few minutes ago. He said he only meant that he had to go as in get on the subway, not go forever. And that he knows what love is, it's how he feels for me and no mistaking it.

We are both damaged in ways that I admit. He's just willing to go through a bunch of ups and downs. He has a drug & alcohol habit. Not sure why you think he's a victim. If u put someone (me) through ups and downs due to your whims and being high, why would i NOT feel like letting go. But I do love him in spite of the responses in here. And he does love me, however it's not healthy I guess since we're hurting each other ...

February 24, 2016

If u put someone (me) through ups and downs due to your whims and being high, why would i NOT feel like letting go.

Then let him go. None of this sitting on the fence, and you know by your own admission that it's been a rollercoaster for both of you. That is likely not going to change.

February 24, 2016

I can't... If I stop communicating he'll communicate with me then it's a cycle. The way he feels and looks at me and understands my nuances...

I'm just being honest. Neither of us wanna let go completely.

February 24, 2016

I can't... If I stop communicating he'll communicate with me then it's a cycle. The way he feels and looks at me and understands my nuances...

I'm just being honest. Neither of us wanna let go completely.

Then why even bother asking the question?

I'll tell you why.

Because you've established a co-dependent, toxic and unworkable relationship you're addicted to and can't let go of.

Just like heroin or crack Cocaine, it's really bad for you, but it gives you a buzz, a high, and yet catapults you into dissatisfaction and un-ease.

And exactly like a drug, you know it's bad for you, but you claim you can't let go.

Well, of course you can.

But right now, you just don't want to enough.

The problem is, it's because you think he has some good qualities (of course... all drugs that make you 'feel good' have 'good qualities', don't they...? Really.....? )

and furthermore, you believe he needs you.

And he believes it too.

The only way, is cold-turkey.

But you've got to do it.

Edited February 24, 2016 by TaraMaiden2

February 24, 2016

I can't... If I stop communicating he'll communicate with me then it's a cycle. The way he feels and looks at me and understands my nuances...

I'm just being honest. Neither of us wanna let go completely.

Block him. This business of you wanting friendship with him after you dumped him is totally unfair on him. You need to enforce space so that each of you can move on.

February 24, 2016

I agree guys... It's definitely toxic and co-dependent on both our ends for the simple fact that we say we love each other but we can't give each other what we need for several legitimate reasons that we've discussed...

I tried blocking him but all I do is check the blocked folder. .. I'll try starting over fresh... Tomorrow. Right now we've both just exchanged more endearing messages and it puts us both(well, me anyway) in a more vulnerable position.

February 24, 2016

What you actually need to do is to change your number.

That way, you won't need to block him.

All you'll need to do is not contact him.

Think you can do that?

And please don't say you can't change your number.

You can.

I have done.

Twice.

February 24, 2016

Dear God, make a decision and stick to it. Stop this selfish half-and-half crap. If you want to be with him, be with him and stop all the stupid breakup games. If you don't, be an adult and show some self-control and leave it be. Sorry if I sound harsh, but damn this is unproductive and overdramatic.

February 24, 2016

What you actually need to do is to change your number.
That way, you won't need to block him.
All you'll need to do is not contact him.
Think you can do that?

And please don't say you can't change your number.
You can.
I have done.

Twice.

Yes Tara,I can change it of course. But lots of my work connections and resume stuff is connected to my current number. I've changed my # three times total. Once in the last 3 years,I.e. since I've known him. My ex fiancé wanted me to change it for him. Glad I didn't... Everybody has their own agenda for me....

I'll consider btwn this evening and this weekend, changing it again.

You're right, that's the best solution.

Edited February 24, 2016 by luvflower

February 24, 2016

Yes Tara,I can change it of course. But lots of my work connections and resume stuff is connected to my current number.

It doesn't matter. I had 137 work and professional connections when I changed my last number. I only "lost" 2, because I didn't need them any more ( I deliberately omitted them from the notification text. ) Every other contact was retained and I still have them.

All data is transferrable. You needn't lose anything.

I've changed my # three times total. Once in the last 3 years,I.e. since I've known him. My ex fiancé wanted me to change it for him. Glad I didn't... Everybody has their own agenda for me....

Changing it again, then, should pose no problems...

I'll consider btwn this evening and this weekend, changing it again.

You're right, that's the best solution.

as things stand, I think we might safely say it's your ONLY solution...

February 24, 2016

Dear God, make a decision and stick to it. Stop this selfish half-and-half crap. If you want to be with him, be with him and stop all the stupid breakup games. If you don't, be an adult and show some self-control and leave it be. Sorry if I sound harsh, but damn this is unproductive and overdramatic.

Simon calm down.... And breathe.

Over here, I'm calm not flipping out at all really. I'm just genuinely having trouble getting through this separation from this guy.

He was the closest friend I have in my city. We've been there for each other through some rough times.

Here's not all bad and I'm not selfish. If you knew the entire story I think you'd understand where I'm coming from. But you sound like you've never been at a crossroads. Since you're so perfect, I'm not sure why you're even here on LS.

February 24, 2016

You've been a member for 7 years; yet your post count is relatively low.

Simon's been here less time, but his post count is way higher than yours.

That indicates frequent and regular input and engagement.

And - if you'll forgive me saying so - the amount of people who should let go, but don't or can't, and post threads asking precisely the same things you have, are very high in number.

There is a selfish element to it, though. I know 'selfish' is a dirty word, but in fact, this relationship - this co-dependency - does something for you, hence the reluctance to release it.

Drug addicts are 'selfish' in the sense that they use other people to their own advantage, however toxic and damaging that may be.

Couples who become co-dependent in a toxic and/or dysfunctional relationship are using - and "abusing" - one another.

That's the 'selfish' bit.

But you're going to be ok.

Follow through and relax. Own your part, but then disengage....

February 24, 2016

You've been a member for 7 years; yet your post count is relatively low.
Simon's been here less time, but his post count is way higher than yours.
That indicates frequent and regular input and engagement.

And - if you'll forgive me saying so - the amount of people who should let go, but don't or can't, and post threads asking precisely the same things you have, are very high in number.

There is a selfish element to it, though. I know 'selfish' is a dirty word, but in fact, this relationship - this co-dependency - does something for you, hence the reluctance to release it.

Drug addicts are 'selfish' in the sense that they use other people to their own advantage, however toxic and damaging that may be.

Couples who become co-dependent in a toxic and/or dysfunctional relationship are using - and "abusing" - one another.

That's the 'selfish' bit.

But you're going to be ok.
Follow through and relax. Own your part, but then disengage....

Thanks Tara. You sound like a mediator... I appreciate the feedback

February 25, 2016

Simon calm down.... And breathe.

Over here, I'm calm not flipping out at all really. I'm just genuinely having trouble getting through this separation from this guy.

He was the closest friend I have in my city. We've been there for each other through some rough times.

Here's not all bad and I'm not selfish. If you knew the entire story I think you'd understand where I'm coming from. But you sound like you've never been at a crossroads. Since you're so perfect, I'm not sure why you're even here on LS.

I'm plenty calm, but this is a nice way to portray yourself as a victim. Yes, breakups are hard. But they are made harder when you continue to make ill-advised decisions. Part of being an adult is doing something that's hard. But if you actually show that self-control and discipline, things get a hell of a lot better.

Of course I've been at a crossroads. But I also realize how unfair it is to selfishly act on those impulses. I'm sorry I'm not saying what you want to hear, but I wouldn't be doing you a service if I blew smoke up your butt.

What you are currently doing is counterproductive. I call them as I see them.

February 27, 2016

I'm plenty calm, but this is a nice way to portray yourself as a victim. Yes, breakups are hard. But they are made harder when you continue to make ill-advised decisions. Part of being an adult is doing something that's hard. But if you actually show that self-control and discipline, things get a hell of a lot better.

Of course I've been at a crossroads. But I also realize how unfair it is to selfishly act on those impulses. I'm sorry I'm not saying what you want to hear, but I wouldn't be doing you a service if I blew smoke up your butt.

What you are currently doing is counterproductive. I call them as I see them.

Thanks for being so passionate about the topic. Like I said, you must be Mr perfect now at decision making. Or perhaps you're just not paying about them all... From your prior threads, you've had difficulties as well making decisions. I'm learning as I grow and vice versa. So I won't claim to have all the answers, nor will I stand in judgement of anyone for not being able to make an immediate decision about a certain topic. We are all different in processing. Yes, I process slow sometimes. However, I'm not evil not am I manipulating this current guy I'm discussing. If anything I'm being too nice. His brother just told me that he can't hold himself together long enough to be any good to anyone. Sad, because this guy can be very sweet. Other times I'm certainly convinced that he's fried from some alcohol and/or other substances. I don't use anything, don't drink... I never have. But I still tried giving him chances and seeing the good in him. For that, I kind of regret for several reasons.

Nevertheless, thanks again for your feedback.

February 29, 2016

Well, you dumped him....so, he is a victim of being dumped.

Look, you made a choice and you decided that what's best for you is to move on without him. So, you need to leave him alone so he can heal and move on with his life. And after your last text to him, it shouldn't be too hard.

I know you meant it in the sweetest way possible when you thanked him for loving you the best way he knew how. To someone that was just dumped, he probably read it as "Thank you for loving me the best way you knew how (it just wasn't good enough) Perhaps, one day, you'll actually learn how to love a person."

Again, I know that's not what you meant, but for a person that is hurt and emotionally charged, he could have possibly read it that way.

Thanks chi_town. You're right. But I really did mean it as in perhaps one day maybe he'll actually learn how to love someone the right way...

I posted later in this thread reasons why. You'd probably understand after reading the latter posts. Either way, I'm doing better. I have no intentions of playing with anyone's emotions, it's just sad that we could be so sweet to each other, but I know he's not who I need in my life as a long term intimate partner. I think we were just very helpful and caring for one another over the past few months

I heard someone say once, "just because someone wants you, doesn't meant they're right for you". I've been too accepting of him and I think sometimes people (he) are shocked when kind people actually put up boundaries. If his family members have even said things to put me on notice, then I obviously should take heed... No doubt. Too many details to share in here... But I'll share if you ask.

March 14, 2016

OP, I'm just something what is it about this guy that has you starting a thread when you recently got out of a more serious relationship... You were engaged...?

Sounds like this more recent guy needs some serious help. I wouldn't spend much energy on him. Alcohol or any other substance have more power over prior than you know. If you cant get him help for his addiction then leave him alone, mainly for your own sanity.

Sign In

He's mad at me. Should I call him?

Recommended Posts

luvflower

ontar

kztar

luvflower

ontar

Chi townD

mightycpa

ontar

luvflower

Zahara

luvflower

TaraMaiden2

basil67

luvflower

TaraMaiden2

Simon Phoenix

luvflower

TaraMaiden2

luvflower

TaraMaiden2

luvflower

Simon Phoenix

luvflower

luvflower

callmesally

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...