Gommario007 Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I see her everyday and spend with her almost entire free time I have, I buy her randomly gifts like flower, choco, fruits etc. I drive her home, 80 % of time paying for her. But I think I am too nice to her, I got some signals from her. What should I improve?
Ferret Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I see her everyday and spend with her almost entire free time I have, I buy her randomly gifts like flower, choco, fruits etc. I drive her home, 80 % of time paying for her. But I think I am too nice to her, I got some signals from her. What should I improve? I think you should you know talk to her? it doesn't sound logical that you think you need to start being mean to her? what signals are you talking about? are you just being to smothering? we need more info.. 2
Summer3 Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I see her everyday and spend with her almost entire free time I have, I buy her randomly gifts like flower, choco, fruits etc. I drive her home, 80 % of time paying for her. But I think I am too nice to her, I got some signals from her. What should I improve? You sound like a wonderful boyfriend. Why do you want to work on being cruel?
thefooloftheyear Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 You don't have to be a jackass, but just don't bury your head up her behind...Most women say they love it, but in real life, they find the aloof/independent guy more appealing....in just about every case... TFY 3
Toodaloo Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 If this is what I think it is it is not a case of you not being nice or kind to her. Its a case of not letting her treat you like a doormat. So if she is being moody or nasty call her out on her behaviour. If she has been nasty do not go get her flowers, tell her to quit being nasty. If she has been kind and loving towards you carry on. If she isn't stop. It really is that simple. 8
Author Gommario007 Posted February 24, 2016 Author Posted February 24, 2016 I think you should you know talk to her? it doesn't sound logical that you think you need to start being mean to her? what signals are you talking about? are you just being to smothering? we need more info.. She told me it's very nice to be with me in relationship (6 months) but she needs to get used to date "nice guy". She had 2 mean/cruel guys before. She tells me that she was never so happy in her life but she need a "strict arm". She often just doesnt talk to me eventhough i am trying to make a convo and then after 1 hour or so she just jumps on me and tells me how much she loves me and that she is wondering how is it even possible that i am with her (she thinks she is bad/mean girl).
stillafool Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 Stop driving her home. Let her find her own way home.
soleilesquire Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I see her everyday and spend with her almost entire free time I have, I buy her randomly gifts like flower, choco, fruits etc. I drive her home, 80 % of time paying for her. But I think I am too nice to her, I got some signals from her. What should I improve? If you feel she isn't putting as much effort in as you, talk to her. Please don;t do that passive aggressive, pathetic PUA, weirdo manpower stuff and start treating her like crap. 4
thefooloftheyear Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 She told me it's very nice to be with me in relationship (6 months) but she needs to get used to date "nice guy". She had 2 mean/cruel guys before. She tells me that she was never so happy in her life but she need a "strict arm". She often just doesnt talk to me eventhough i am trying to make a convo and then after 1 hour or so she just jumps on me and tells me how much she loves me and that she is wondering how is it even possible that i am with her (she thinks she is bad/mean girl). Sounds like she is trying to convince herself to see the "nice guy" as desirable... I dunno, but in my experience, she'll eventually bolt for another d-bag...and then another and another...Then she'll get old and frumpy and then go for the "nice guy"....But by then it will probably be too late for her... Measure twice and cut once, buddy.... TFY 1
ontar Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I see her everyday and spend with her almost entire free time I have, I buy her randomly gifts like flower, choco, fruits etc. I drive her home, 80 % of time paying for her. But I think I am too nice to her, I got some signals from her. What should I improve? Stop spending all your free time with her, buy her gifts only on the holidays, birthdays and your anniversary, tell her to get her own car, and let her pay 50% of the time.
Popsicle Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) The only way I've seen nice guys turn into jerkface's is because they become bitter from going for bad girls. A bad girl is one who does not like you, or does not treat you really well like you deserve, but you continue to go after her anyway. It matters not how she became that way or what is going on in her life. If she starts treating you badly, DUMP HER, so you don't become bitter, and go after a girl who is into you and appreciates you. I don't think you should change who you are or how you are behaving towards her. Always be true to yourself. The problem is with her, not you. Edited February 24, 2016 by Popsicle 7
Miss Peach Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 You need to be authentic. If you don't match being authentic it's not going to work. The thing is... women don't really like bad guys. They like the confidence that those guys project. So IMO don't treat her poorly. Just make sure to set your limits and emit confidence. Be a man. Have a backbone. My BF treats me a lot like what you posted. The only difference is that both of us want some independence so we don't spend all out time together. If he did a 180 on me I would be gone. FWIW most of my exes didn't treat me too well either. But that is also why I have been holding out for the guy who will treat me right. Does she show you any signs of not appreciating what you do for her? Or is it just her being vocal about the adjustment? 3
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I see her everyday and spend with her almost entire free time I have, I buy her randomly gifts like flower, choco, fruits etc. I drive her home, 80 % of time paying for her. But I think I am too nice to her, I got some signals from her. What should I improve? Seems like you need to set boundaries with her. Your free time doesn't always have to involve her, I'm sure there are friends and family you'd like to spend time with too so she shouldn't monopolize all your attention. You do a lot, maybe too much for her. It's not a case of being too nice, you can still be kind, loving and caring without feeling like you're being taken advantage of or unappreciated. Let her pay once in a while. Let her get YOU a gift. You don't always have to give flowers, chocolates etc., every time you get together. Slow that down.
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 She told me it's very nice to be with me in relationship (6 months) but she needs to get used to date "nice guy". She had 2 mean/cruel guys before. She tells me that she was never so happy in her life but she need a "strict arm". She often just doesnt talk to me eventhough i am trying to make a convo and then after 1 hour or so she just jumps on me and tells me how much she loves me and that she is wondering how is it even possible that i am with her (she thinks she is bad/mean girl). Because she is taking too much and not giving back. It's lopsided and she knows it. You can still be a nice kind guy without having to give her material things. Holding her hand and just having fun together and treating her with respect is what a healthy relationship should be. As someone else said, don't go being passive on her and treating her poorly or being a jerk. 2
katiegrl Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I see her everyday and spend with her almost entire free time I have, I buy her randomly gifts like flower, choco, fruits etc. I drive her home, 80 % of time paying for her. But I think I am too nice to her, I got some signals from her. What should I improve? What kind of signals? Signals that she wants you to be less nice?
preraph Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 She's told you it's over the top and a lot for her to deal with, so I don't think there's any mystery about what you need to do. You need to use your basic skills of self-discipline and peel it back so she doesn't start thinking of you as desperate and needy. Just divide it by 4. Maybe bring her the small token once a month, not every week. And if you are expecting some sort of reward when you do gift her, then I would say stop doing it or you'll end up resentful.
Author Gommario007 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 Thank you folks for all your responses. As from what you write I am feeling like a doormat in this relatioship, I know I wont treat her poorly in future but I will set some boundaries. Seeing each other everyday apparently is not helping either so I will limit that. The main reason I drive her home is because it was almost everytime dark so I was worried about her.
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