TheBathWater Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 There's this woman I messaged through online dating a couple of times the last few years. For whatever reason, two years later, now she decided to contact me. I was recently reading Aziz Ansari's book and he suggested skipping typical coffee / bar first dates and doing something fun that you love doing already. I like this idea, so I suggested to her we do antigravity yoga together and then get a healthy snack and juice afterward down the road and talk. She started giving me abit of a hard time and seemed adamant that we have a drink or coffee first to talk. I was sleeping when she sent her last text so I haven't responded yet. I'm honestly sick of coffee and bar dates! Moreover, because it took her 2 years to message me, and now she wants to decide on the first date, I'm concerned about letting her lead here since I like leading and being the man. I want to know from guys who get what I'm saying, what would you do in this situation? Would you maintain your frame, or would you simply give in?
lucy_in_disguise Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) I really like the idea of doing something active and fun that you know you would enjoy, but I think it works best if it's something your date would be interested in too, and wtf is antigravity yoga? Does she indicate anywhere that she likes yoga? I would feel put off if the guy insisted on doing something I had no interest in even after I had made another suggestion. Moreover, while I am an active person and love to go to the gym, I would interpret the yoga invitation as being invited to your daily workout. Also, some women may have their own rules about keeping it simple and safe when meeting someone new off the internet, so that may be another factor. Of course its up to you but you should weigh how much you might like her vs. your aversion to coffee shops/ bars. I dont think it bodes well that you already seem bitter that it took her so long to message you- either you need to let it go so you can give her a proper chance, or decide youre not interested - playing the middle field by holding it against her before you even meet is just a waste of time. Edited February 24, 2016 by lucy_in_disguise 1
smudge21 Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 The 2 year thing is more of a red flag for me then the dating location. For that reason alone, I would want to keep the date as simple as possible.
Tribble Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 Also, some women may have their own rules about keeping it simple and safe when meeting someone new off the internet, so that may be another factor. QUOTE] I really think this is applicable here. I love your date idea. It sounds like fun (although I do like yoga!). The problem I think is that you've never met her in person before. If you had, I'd think she's kicking up a bit of a fuss. I know drinks/ coffee can get dull but it is a safer thing to do and allows you to duck out early if there really isn't a connection. I seem to really suck at dating. I've met 2 guys from online recently and we went for a couple of drinks that ended up being about 5 hours. Then I never heard from them again. I had a good time so it isn't so bad but does feel like a bit of a waste of time. I've had other coffee dates with no connection and I've wanted to get out of there. An activity like you suggest doesn't give that option. Maybe try a quick meet up to see if there is anything there, then suggest the fun date. I love activity filled dates, I find they're a lot less pressure and you can be yourself a bit more. Sorry, I know you wanted guys opinions but as a girl, I'd be a little uncomfortable if someone suggested this as a first meet. I also don't know if this kind of activity is expensive??
clia Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I would not want to work out with a guy on a first meet. I would want to be dressed up cute and looking nice, not dripping with sweat. So while I applaud your creativity, maybe save that date until you get to know her better. 1
PegNosePete Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I think if you're "fighting" or playing these power games before you've even met, this is not going to go well. 1
Kamille Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I've applied Aziz Ansari's Monster Truck Rally rule by suggesting one of those game cafes. Basically, you want something fun, but not something that requires a certain level of skill for the first meet. No-gravity yoga? I do yoga yet I would be intimidated. Plus... Could you even speak during a yoga class? Since she's now insisting on coffee or a bar, go with her suggestion. What I've suggested in the past to spruce things up is to go to a local micro-brewery. Date and I decided to sit at a bar, a position that allowed us to sit side by side and flirt with each other.
joseb Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I can see her point. Getting all sweaty with a stranger she has not met might be a tough first date. Maybe as a second if things go well?
elaine567 Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 Some of these "activity" pursuits can be seen as just an excuse for guys to see women, they don't even know, in skimpy, close fitting gym gear doing things with their bodies that are just a turn on for guys... http://antigravityyoga.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/308465_253787731324885_153409388029387_647335_590276885_n.jpg If she was an anti gravity yoga freak then go for it, but as she thinks that idea sucks, then stick to coffee.
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