Break or break up?

[Christine22]

I was best friends with my ex for 8 years before we decided to be in a relationship we dated about 9 months. I broke up with him 2 weeks ago today. We had a really good relationship/bond, mutual respect for the other, great sex life and have a good time together. However he works 14 hours away so it's a long distance relationship. He went out of state for college and now he's graduated but is still away from me. When he comes home his family is always with is. I love his family they are the sweetest people but they aren't considerate of my time with him. I don't just want to blame them but him too he should et aside time. I wouldn't mind having dinner or movie etc but one activity a day with them or even he can hang out with them with out me and then we could do whatever on our own. I didn't feel like he was giving me my place. So being as open as we are I brought it up to him and for the remainder of the time he was home he limited the time we or better yet that I spent with his family. Although the I said they are the sweetest people it was almost as if his mom and sister knew I was feeling a certain way so the more they purely took up his time nd that reply started to upset me. Because I have chosen him over my family plenty of times. And I know they say family come first and all but we were very serious like talking about marriage he had picked out a ring for me so although we weren't engaged we pretty much acted as such and had that respect for each other. When you see a person in that way I think their feelings should always be taken into consideration and you should compromise/sacrifice for that person as long as it's something reasonable.

 

Usually it's the girl who pushes to get married and all that but I can honestly say that I didn't. It was all him and I wouldn't say he pushed it but he the one who started talking about our future. And I already loved him but as we became closer I actually loved him in a different way I started to see him as the man I was going to marry and respected him as such. We know a lot of the same people since we went to hs together and we had both been single since hs. I didn't go to clubs or bars or talk to any guys other than fam or mutual friends of ours.

 

I have a bachelors degree but due to an accident I was left carless over a year ago and don't have the money for a Car since I'm also with out a job. But I'm a very productive person so I have had a really hard time dealing with this time since I've really done nothing during this time. He works long hours a day and we txt through out the day so I literally wait all day until he comes home after work and the gym does whatever he needs to do and then calls me where we talk about 30min to an hr or on a good day maybe a little more. He started to act different in the past weeks he wasn't being very supportive of my feelings and just really being indifferent. I got the impression that he was over the fact that I wasn't being productive. I may be wrong but even if that were true he makes around 2000 a week sometimes even more. And I don't ask him for money or anything. So it's not as if he's affected by me working or anything. And I don't nag him all day so it's not as if he wants me to stop being clingy. I think at the point where this might bother him is cause at night he's already tired for bed and I sometimes get upset if he doesn't really make a conversation with me or even seems interested. But I'm thinking like if I've been so good to him the least he can do is leave the gym a little earlier or take at least a day or 2 off to talk to me. But he doesn't make the effort. So these emotions built up so I was sad for a few weeks the though of leaving him had never crossed my mind before these few week. But he just didn't seem so invested in the relationship as I did. If ask him what was wrong and he was never able to say anything to me. Since I met him he's always hidden his emotions so it's just so hard to tell when I'm not physically there with him.

 

I had never asked him to come home but this time I asked him to come home since he's off the weekends and we hadn't been doing so great. It was a good time to come since aside from that I haven't seen him in almost 2 months. So I asked him to and he says in a rather irritated tone that he wouldn't be coming home if his brother didn't have off. So I was upset cause he's always driven alone he didn't need anyone with him. And I was so upset in the moment I told him that I didn't think it was right of him to depend him coming home on his brother especially when we were doing bad and that I couldn't stand his indifference and lack of consideration for me anymore and that we were better off not being together. I immediately regretted it. Even thought it had been on my mind lately I didn't think of actually do it. Even though it was on impulse I know to an extent my reasoning to leave him is right. In the way that he's not treating me as he should, but I can't be the only one fighting he doesn't seem to care. I cried for a week straight and we talked everyday I couldn't even eat I'd just eat a meal a day I wouldn't even call it a meal I was so devastated. But I just don't understand how he went from saying he was ready for me to be his wife to not even caring to fix things between us. That doesn't just happen I've began to question everything. Because even a few days ago he told me he loved me and that I was everything to him. But yet he didn't do anything about us working things out or anything so it got to the point where I told him I'd rather not talk to him because I just get my hopes up for really no reason. Nd well that's where we stand now. It's only been a few days since we've had no contras nd I'm feeling better.

 

I guess I just don't know how he can let me go so easy And now I wonder if anything was even true. He's honestly the sweetest guy I've ever known so the way he's being is like a stranger to me.

 

Sorry for the long post.

 

We're supposed to meet when he comes home which idk when that's going to be. But idk if I should? What are you all a thought on my situation

[PegNosePete]

We're supposed to meet when he comes home which idk when that's going to be. But idk if I should? What are you all a thought on my situation

My thoughts are that this relationship has run it's course and is now over. It seems like he wasn't really all that invested, and that the frequent arguments you were having were making him withdraw.

 

Then you dumped him.....

 

And he figures that the relationship was dying anyway, so it's not worth fixing.

 

So sorry but I don't think there's much point "fighting" for this. It seems to have simply fizzled out. I don't think there's any point meeting up with him, unless you can get a firm commitment from him that he'd like to fix things. It may be worth one final chat to find out what his intentions are. Don't pussy foot around. Just tell him straight up that you'd like to work things out and ask him if he feels the same. Believe his answer. If he says no, then you have to let go. If he says yes, then sure, meet up and discuss things.

[greenly24]

I’m sorry that you’ve been so sad lately. By the way thatyou feel hurt, I can tell that you really loved him a lot. Do you think youwould feel better if you really talked through things with him? It sounds likeyou may have said something impulsively, and maybe that gave him the wrongidea. Even if things don’t work out, talking through things may help you feelbetter about the situation. Again, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Best ofluck going forward!

[Christine22]

I think that's what I didn't really want to admit to myself but it's good hearing it from someone else. these past days I've been sad but I've been a lot better. I haven't had the urge to reach out to him or anything. It's just a lot of thinking. But your right maybe by the time he comes home we won't even see each other or they'll simply be nothing to talk about. Thanks for the reply!