Getting anxious as date 3 might approach

[brokengirl85]

Brokengirl I feel you are playing a game you can't handle.

 

When you message a man you just wanna have fun that means you will have sex on 1st meeting, or 2nd. There is no restaurants, movies, and getting acquainted.

 

So you messaged him and he thought he was gonna get some and you changed the game on him. Of course e changed his attitude.

 

I acknowledge this and I feel sorry if I deceived him with my attitude. I somehow feel sad about this. And because of this, I'm not insisting or even contacting him about the movie night. I know it's not what he was expecting. I cannot change the way I feel either. I changed my mind when I met him. I'm sorry if he was hoping to get laid on a first date. I'm not expecting him to contact me at this point.

[joseb]

I acknowledge this and I feel sorry if I deceived him with my attitude. I somehow feel sad about this. And because of this, I'm not insisting or even contacting him about the movie night. I know it's not what he was expecting. I cannot change the way I feel either. I changed my mind when I met him. I'm sorry if he was hoping to get laid on a first date. I'm not expecting him to contact me at this point.

 

It sounds to me like if he was hot enough you would have had no problems having fun with him. I think you just don't find him attractive, so drop him and move on.

[brokengirl85]

So, again, another one that's not going to work out.

Last night I received a txt inviting me to his home. AGAIN. This guy is relentless.

I replied no and that's all. No more texting.

 

As for me, I'm not interested anymore in this guy. If I had some kind of hopes this might had Taken a turn on a romantic side, I'm positive it's not the case.

 

As a learning experience, what I got from this guy and the doctor is that the third date is key. If there's no sex involved or planned, most guys will disappear. And that's ok! If I think about it, it's the perfect filtering to discover whether a guy is interested in me or in sex.

 

Another day!

[Gaeta]

So, again, another one that's not going to work out.

Last night I received a txt inviting me to his home. AGAIN. This guy is relentless.

I replied no and that's all. No more texting.

 

As for me, I'm not interested anymore in this guy. If I had some kind of hopes this might had Taken a turn on a romantic side, I'm positive it's not the case.

 

As a learning experience, what I got from this guy and the doctor is that the third date is key. If there's no sex involved or planned, most guys will disappear. And that's ok! If I think about it, it's the perfect filtering to discover whether a guy is interested in me or in sex.

 

Another day!

 

 

The only conclusion you can draw from this is if you are looking for a relationship then don't contact men for fun ! C'mon!!!

[brokengirl85]

The only conclusion you can draw from this is if you are looking for a relationship then don't contact men for fun ! C'mon!!!

 

Yes, I learned that as well!

[Miss Peach]

As a learning experience, what I got from this guy and the doctor is that the third date is key. If there's no sex involved or planned, most guys will disappear. And that's ok! If I think about it, it's the perfect filtering to discover whether a guy is interested in me or in sex.

 

I wouldn't say this exactly. What I have found if that men will put you in a category at some point - good time or GF/wife material. On top of that they are trying to figure out your price to get what they want. The reason they are talking to you is because they find you attractive and want to sleep with you. Just assume that.

 

This guy basically put you in the good time category. It was rightfully so after the way you conducted yourself (i.e., saying things like looking for fun). He's wanting to cash in on that; not get to know you and take you out and spend money on you. You changed the price and it's too high for him.

 

The best way to get a guy is to essentially name your price and be consistent about it. If you want the GF/wife experience act like one. If you want the good time experience act like that. A guy could still want nothing more that to just have a good time even on date 4, 5, 6. It's your job to say your boundaries and his job to determine whether he's willing to make that agreement.

[brokengirl85]

I wouldn't say this exactly. What I have found if that men will put you in a category at some point - good time or GF/wife material. On top of that they are trying to figure out your price to get what they want. The reason they are talking to you is because they find you attractive and want to sleep with you. Just assume that.

 

This guy basically put you in the good time category. It was rightfully so after the way you conducted yourself (i.e., saying things like looking for fun). He's wanting to cash in on that; not get to know you and take you out and spend money on you. You changed the price and it's too high for him.

 

The best way to get a guy is to essentially name your price and be consistent about it. If you want the GF/wife experience act like one. If you want the good time experience act like that. A guy could still want nothing more that to just have a good time even on date 4, 5, 6. It's your job to say your boundaries and his job to determine whether he's willing to make that agreement.

 

Yes, youre totally right. I'll be consistent in the future.

It's sad though I'm not valuable enough for him to invest in me. Sad. Sad. Sad.

 

I guess I was hoping that in the end, that he could see me as someone valuable to spend time with.

[zanwalk]

I think you are confused about what you really want, which is a relationship from what I can gather. Therefore, saying you are 'just looking for fun' will attract all the wrong sort of guys, those guys will definitely not be interested in investing a lot of time and money in a girl who seems reluctant to sleep with them.

 

You need to get clear in your own head exactly what you are looking for, and from what you have posted in this thread, it seems that you are looking for relationship material, not one night stands.

 

I hope you find what (and who) you are looking for, be careful out there!

[brokengirl85]

I think you are confused about what you really want, which is a relationship from what I can gather. Therefore, saying you are 'just looking for fun' will attract all the wrong sort of guys, those guys will definitely not be interested in investing a lot of time and money in a girl who seems reluctant to sleep with them.

 

You need to get clear in your own head exactly what you are looking for, and from what you have posted in this thread, it seems that you are looking for relationship material, not one night stands.

 

I hope you find what (and who) you are looking for, be careful out there!

 

Thank you. Yes, I can't do one night stands. I just can't. Since I'm too sensitive with feelings, I have to protect myself. I have walls built, and I'm realizing these walls are preventing me from opening to new people and situations.

I made a mistake contacting this guy. I should not try to change people or feelings.

 

 

Today someone from tinder offered me to have a coffee with him. I think he's cute and interesting. Should I make him some questions before accepting going on a date with him? I don't want to have any unwanted surprises.

[SwordofFlame]

Thank you. Yes, I can't do one night stands. I just can't. Since I'm too sensitive with feelings, I have to protect myself. I have walls built, and I'm realizing these walls are preventing me from opening to new people and situations.

I made a mistake contacting this guy. I should not try to change people or feelings.

 

 

Today someone from tinder offered me to have a coffee with him. I think he's cute and interesting. Should I make him some questions before accepting going on a date with him? I don't want to have any unwanted surprises.

 

Asking him what he's looking for is fair game on Tinder I think. Just make sure he backs up what he says with his actions and non-actions should you decide to meet him.

[fitnessfan365]

Thank you. Yes, I can't do one night stands. I just can't. Since I'm too sensitive with feelings, I have to protect myself. I have walls built, and I'm realizing these walls are preventing me from opening to new people and situations.

I made a mistake contacting this guy. I should not try to change people or feelings.

 

 

Today someone from tinder offered me to have a coffee with him. I think he's cute and interesting. Should I make him some questions before accepting going on a date with him? I don't want to have any unwanted surprises.

 

You need to make up your mind OP..LOL

 

Your profile says you want casual sex. But then here you say you're not built for it. You contact the guy and suggest the movies instead to avoid being alone in his place. He respectfully agrees and then you say "I'll think about it." If I was that guy, I'd be thinking "What the hell? She just said she wants to go to the movies". Since you kept flip flopping, I'm guessing that's why he stopped responding.

 

For what it's worth, my advice would be to take some time to reflect on who you are and what you're really looking for before you attempt to get into any sort of dating/sexual situations. When you're not sure of what you want and you keep changing your mind all the time, all it does is make you look wishy washy which will drive guys away.

[Jabron1]

The best way to get a guy is to essentially name your price and be consistent about it. If you want the GF/wife experience act like one. If you want the good time experience act like that. A guy could still want nothing more that to just have a good time even on date 4, 5, 6. It's your job to say your boundaries and his job to determine whether he's willing to make that agreement.

 

First off, ladies, accept that all men want sex. We have roughly fifteen times more testosterone than you. Sex is important to us. Some men will be more honest about it than others. But, even the so-called 'nice guys' have sex on the brain.

 

Making me wait for sex won't make me think highly of you. I wouldn't tolerate it. To me, it's manipulation through withdrawal of intimacy.

 

I would think that there isn't any chemistry, or the girl has issues, or that she is trying to manipulate me.

 

A man with options won't tolerate it.

 

I had sex with my ex on the second date. I didn't think less of her. I don't base an exclusive relationship on sex; I base it on what she is like as a person. She went out of her way for me, without me even asking, and that earned my loyalty.

 

The quote above 'the best way to get a guy' is more like 'the best way to get a sex-starved guy that no other woman wants'. If you get a man jumping through hoops, you will have acquired a lap-dog, not a man.

 

The real best way to get a guy is to form an emotional and physical connection to him. Effect his heart and mind. There are no safe formulas.

[katiegrl]

You need to make up your mind OP..LOL

 

Your profile says you want casual sex. But then here you say you're not built for it. You contact the guy and suggest the movies instead to avoid being alone in his place. He respectfully agrees and then you say "I'll think about it." If I was that guy, I'd be thinking "What the hell? She just said she wants to go to the movies". Since you kept flip flopping, I'm guessing that's why he stopped responding.

For what it's worth, my advice would be to take some time to reflect on who you are and what you're really looking for before you attempt to get into any sort of dating/sexual situations. When you're not sure of what you want and you keep changing your mind all the time, all it does is make you look wishy washy which will drive guys away.

 

^^This. OP seems VERY mixed up.

[brokengirl85]

I think you're mixing up things. My profile does NOT say I want fun it sex (that's another person who commented here I think)

Edited February 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
personal insult redacted ~6

[brokengirl85]

First off, ladies, accept that all men want sex. We have roughly fifteen times more testosterone than you. Sex is important to us. Some men will be more honest about it than others. But, even the so-called 'nice guys' have sex on the brain.

 

Making me wait for sex won't make me think highly of you. I wouldn't tolerate it. To me, it's manipulation through withdrawal of intimacy.

 

I would think that there isn't any chemistry, or the girl has issues, or that she is trying to manipulate me.

 

A man with options won't tolerate it.

 

I had sex with my ex on the second date. I didn't think less of her. I don't base an exclusive relationship on sex; I base it on what she is like as a person. She went out of her way for me, without me even asking, and that earned my loyalty.

 

The quote above 'the best way to get a guy' is more like 'the best way to get a sex-starved guy that no other woman wants'. If you get a man jumping through hoops, you will have acquired a lap-dog, not a man.

 

The real best way to get a guy is to form an emotional and physical connection to him. Effect his heart and mind. There are no safe formulas.

 

But how about if the girl is not sure about the guys intentions? How do we follow our instincts without getting involved in a situation that could hurt us, ex having sex early in the relationship?

[brokengirl85]

You need to make up your mind OP..LOL

 

Your profile says you want casual sex. But then here you say you're not built for it. You contact the guy and suggest the movies instead to avoid being alone in his place. He respectfully agrees and then you say "I'll think about it." If I was that guy, I'd be thinking "What the hell? She just said she wants to go to the movies". Since you kept flip flopping, I'm guessing that's why he stopped responding.

 

For what it's worth, my advice would be to take some time to reflect on who you are and what you're really looking for before you attempt to get into any sort of dating/sexual situations. When you're not sure of what you want and you keep changing your mind all the time, all it does is make you look wishy washy which will drive guys away.

I don't know what are you talking about. My profile says I want a serious relationship. And he never stopped replying. He invited me for dinner last night at his home. Gezzz please

[brokengirl85]

Also, I said I'll think about it when he insisted me going to his home. I think this thread is already messed up and some people just reply without taking the time to read, which is somehow understandable given the fact it's 7 pages long. So thank you to those who replied with the intention to help me. I really appreciate it.

[kidm]

I think this all boils down to what you said in your initial email (i.e. looking for fun). That's usually online speak for casual sex so everything that came after that was the guy wanting to get to that fun that you mentioned you were looking for (i.e. invitations to his home to probably get laid). There is nothing more to it. You've stated in this thread that you can't do NSA and need an emotional connection for sex so going forward with OLD, refrain from using phrases that imply you're interested in casual sex.

[Miss Peach]

Thank you. Yes, I can't do one night stands. I just can't. Since I'm too sensitive with feelings, I have to protect myself. I have walls built, and I'm realizing these walls are preventing me from opening to new people and situations.

I made a mistake contacting this guy. I should not try to change people or feelings.

 

 

Today someone from tinder offered me to have a coffee with him. I think he's cute and interesting. Should I make him some questions before accepting going on a date with him? I don't want to have any unwanted surprises.

 

I think you should do whatever screening you typically do on OLD to feel comfortable meeting and like it's worth your time.

 

For me, I prefer a 10-15 minute phone call. That way I can make judgement call as to whether we might match up and also see if they're at least someone I would enjoy talking with for an hour or so at the coffee shop.

 

You'll have to get good at reading through the lines though. Men are taught they can't just come out and ask for a good time if that's what they really want. They tend to give off other hints that's what they're after. Sometimes they are obvious and other times it take a little bit of time to figure it out.

[Jabron1]

But how about if the girl is not sure about the guys intentions? How do we follow our instincts without getting involved in a situation that could hurt us, ex having sex early in the relationship?

 

I'd like to point out that I'm not suggesting you rush into sleeping with people. Just that making guys 'wait' is merely a method of finding a lap-dog.

 

Personally, I don't push for first date sex. I think doing that can be detrimental.

 

I usually have sex on date 2 or 3. I sometimes will wait until dates 4 or 5. But no-more than that. There has to be a limit.

 

You have to try and judge a guys character. That's on you. It's something that I thought came easy to women; I can usually tell if someone is decent or not pretty damn quick. There's nothing wrong with asking a guy what he's after.

 

But, if you really want to know a man's character before you get intimate with him, try meeting people through a social circle.

 

There are no guarantees in life though. I've had family members stab me in the back over money, when in the past they had seemed generous people. Human beings are capricious - there's no getting around it.

[brokengirl85]

I'd like to point out that I'm not suggesting you rush into sleeping with people. Just that making guys 'wait' is merely a method of finding a lap-dog.

 

Personally, I don't push for first date sex. I think doing that can be detrimental.

 

I usually have sex on date 2 or 3. I sometimes will wait until dates 4 or 5. But no-more than that. There has to be a limit.

 

You have to try and judge a guys character. That's on you. It's something that I thought came easy to women; I can usually tell if someone is decent or not pretty damn quick. There's nothing wrong with asking a guy what he's after.

 

But, if you really want to know a man's character before you get intimate with him, try meeting people through a social circle.

 

There are no guarantees in life though. I've had family members stab me in the back over money, when in the past they had seemed generous people. Human beings are capricious - there's no getting around it.

 

I was thinking that online dating might not be working for me this time. I can tell (usually) if a guy is a player or if he is somehow a creep. But there are some good deceiving types out there as well.

[Qboro90]

I was thinking that online dating might not be working for me this time. I can tell (usually) if a guy is a player or if he is somehow a creep. But there are some good deceiving types out there as well.

 

You say you can tell but you keep going out with guys that are players or can't figure out what they want after you hang out with them. So I think your intuition is actually not accurate at all and you should hold off on making such definitive assumptions about people until you spend a descent amount of time with them.

[brokengirl85]

Updates...

 

This guy just contacted me and invited me to the movies tomorrow. I had to decline because I already have plans and because I thought oh well, he's contacting me on a Friday evening, surely he has no other viable options.

So whatever. But he wanted to reschedule for next weekend or any day during the week. What a surprise. Maybe he run out if options?

 

I don't know. I told him I'm up for next weekend but he stopped replying.

 

I deleted my online dating profile early in the week because I took your advice guys that I'm not ready to date, so even if this guy contacts me again and sets a date to go to the movies, I'm really not desperate looking for guys right now.

 

I've decided I have to work on myself before engaging in any type of emotional turmoil with someone.

[Shanex]

Sorry for nitpicking but he just suggested about a date tomorrow, in my book that's not long ago. And he isn't replying about next weekend proposal? Let him make up his mind a bit, even though it's clears he wants to hook up, he was probably a bit disappointed for tomorrow and I agree that if he keeps texting you, he probably has no other options atm.

[brokengirl85]

He replied about next weekend proposal. He said yes, and that he'll see me on Saturday.

We're both really busy people, is hard to find a time. I still don't know what he's looking for, but since I contacted him with that unfortunate "looking for fun" message, I'm really alert.

 

I thought I'd never hear from him again after I proposed the movie date. Maybe he's actually not having many options right now. Otherwise, I really don't understand. He's extremely good looking, successful, he could have any women he wants. I'm OK, physically speaking, and I'm sweet, and exotic, but again, he could have that as well.