Getting anxious as date 3 might approach

February 15, 2016

OK let's stop all this ponderin' and wonderin', just contact the guy and say there's a great little restaurant you would love to show him, followed by a walk by the river, kiss goodnight. 'I really enjoyed tonight,' 'Me too, let's do something at the weekend', 'I'd like that, I'll call you in a couple of days'. Everyone is happy.

February 15, 2016

OP, you sound really conflicted about what you want. You initiated contact with the guy to say you just wanted to have fun, which is interpreted as wanting NSA sex.

You then decided that this isn't what you want. It's fine to change your mind, but not reasonable to be annoyed with him for not being on the same page. You changed the "offer" mid-course.

Just because a woman says she's looking for fun doesn't mean the guy should just say 'come to my house' or 'let's go watch Netflix', etc. It's not necessarily a done-deal: though she is giving him every chance.

It's called game. Everyone is playing it, and this fella is playing poorly.

Don't get me wrong; i'm sure the gentleman in question thinks he's the sh*t, but he's coming across as a donkey. The guy is screwing up, and the girl is frustrated with him for being useless.

He might be moving on because he thinks the girl is a prude. She's not a prude; he's a poor lover.

February 15, 2016

Just because a woman says she's looking for fun doesn't mean the guy should just say 'come to my house' or 'let's go watch Netflix', etc. It's not necessarily a done-deal: though she is giving him every chance.

It's called game. Everyone is playing it, and this fella is playing poorly.

Don't get me wrong; i'm sure the gentleman in question thinks he's the sh*t, but he's coming across as a donkey. The guy is screwing up, and the girl is frustrated with him for being useless.

He might be moving on because he thinks the girl is a prude. She's not a prude; he's a poor lover.

Yes. I'd probably had acted differently, more confirtably, if he had built some sexual tension during out first two dates. AND if he had continued texting me more often, for example.

He messages me when he wants to meet me. Texts are dry. Kisses are closed mouth. No touch. No flirting at all. Just questions and chat, which is really nice though, but then I see him more like boyfriend material than someone id have a hot session of sex.

February 15, 2016

Ya probably should change it. Unfortunately that phrase has been countermanded by too many people to mean - down for a causal sex relationship.

Suggestion - "let's go on an explore, or three"

It's a damn shame when you try to keep things sincere and real and it's taken out of context.

By the way, what do you mean by "let's go on an explore, or three"? Not sure how that sounds better.

February 15, 2016

By the way, what do you mean by "let's go on an explore, or three"? Not sure how that sounds better.

I wondered about that too.

February 15, 2016

Couple of things:

I'm enjoying his company. When I proposed the movie night it's because I want to do something fun far from his home. We've already chatted ALOT during our previous two dates.

I replied "I'll think about it" when he said he'll respect me if I choose to go to his home. That was after I proposed the movie night.

I initially said I wanted fun but he's so uptight in general that's kind of difficult imagining me going to bed with him in this stage. I'm sorry, things change.

Yes, I'm conflicted and yes, I'm doing whatever I can to be truthful to myself.

Our date is supposedly today and we ended the text combo yesterday without a definitive date set. He didn't propose a movie when I suggested going to the movies, and he stopped replying my last text. I know j said "I'll think about it", should I just send him another text confirming I want to go to the movies, or just wait and see how he reacts? I know he has an extremely busy day today, I don't want to put more pressure

February 15, 2016

OP, it really sounds like you're torturing yourself with this and the whole thing is inevitably not going anywhere. Are you talking to other guys? My suggestion is date other people, not over analyze things and enjoy yourself.

February 15, 2016

OP, it really sounds like you're torturing yourself with this and the whole thing is inevitably not going anywhere. Are you talking to other guys? My suggestion is date other people, not over analyze things and enjoy yourself.

Ugh you're right. I still enjoy to see if this going anywhere. I'm not dating others. I just can't multi date :/

February 15, 2016

Yes. I'd probably had acted differently, more confirtably, if he had built some sexual tension during out first two dates. AND if he had continued texting me more often, for example.

He messages me when he wants to meet me. Texts are dry. Kisses are closed mouth. No touch. No flirting at all. Just questions and chat, which is really nice though, but then I see him more like boyfriend material than someone id have a hot session of sex.

You said that your ex-boyfriend was a player. That can be a level of intimacy that a lot of guys won't be capable of. It's like you were used to eating at a fancy restaurant, and now that you're being offered McDonalds, you have no appetite.

Now you don't know what to do with this guy, or where to place him. So, you're starting to consider him as a potential boyfriend, and boyfriends are made to wait.

The problem is he got the impression that he was getting no strings attached sex. So, as far as he's concerned, the clock is ticking until the time he gets laid. This guy wanted sex yesterday and is growing impatient.

I think that you'll probably have to let this one go Brokengirl. Too many wires have been crossed.

February 15, 2016

You know what I'm going to do? Nothing. If he still wants to pursue this, he knows he has green light and a suggestion to the movies. I know I said I was going to think about the whole going to his home thing, but I'm pretty convinced is not the right thing to do and my silence will speak volumes.

So, if he really wants to enjoy my company instead, and go to see a good movie, he'll have to get back to me again.

I'm not breaking my head anymore.

February 15, 2016

You said that your ex-boyfriend was a player. That can be a level of intimacy that a lot of guys won't be capable of. It's like you were used to eating at a fancy restaurant, and now that you're being offered McDonalds, you have no appetite.

Now you don't know what to do with this guy, or where to place him. So, you're starting to consider him as a potential boyfriend, and boyfriends are made to wait.

The problem is he got the impression that he was getting no strings attached sex. So, as far as he's concerned, the clock is ticking until the time he gets laid. This guy wanted sex yesterday and is growing impatient.

I think that you'll probably have to let this one go Brokengirl. Too many wires have been crossed.

Yes, I'll let this one go. I'm not contacting him. Too much of a struggle.

And you're right. Ex relationship was full of games. Games that rushed adrenaline. Flirty texts, running to his home in the middle of night, fights, crying, then The best sex I've ever had... And more.

I thought a good way to get over him was to have fun with someone else, but my choice with this new guy was poor.

February 15, 2016

This may be slightly off topic but it's made me wonder about my online dating profile. I have "Let's have fun" as my headline. Although unoriginal in no way does that mean I want casual sex or anything along those lines - it's meant in a lighthearted way. Now I'm wondering if women interpret it that way. If they read my profile they'll see I'm genuine. Just wondering.

I would change it if that's what you're after. I steer clear of those profiles because I don't do NSA/FWB arrangements.

February 15, 2016

OP - It sounds to me like he was just biding his time with you until he got you into bed. Since you didn't put out he's probably moved to easier targets.

February 15, 2016

OP - It sounds to me like he was just biding his time with you until he got you into bed. Since you didn't put out he's probably moved to easier targets.

Yes, youre probably right on this one. Lucky me I'm going with what's truthful for me.

I'm always hoping guys will fall in love madly with me. It only happened twice and they were both very long term relationships. It's kind of difficult click with someone and to be in the same page.

February 15, 2016

This guy is a brick wall when it comes to reading cues.....bad sign in my opinion. As a man, when I was dating I paid close attention to cues, body language, and language itself. If she flirted, I took that as a positive sign, but not the only sign to look for. I also paid attention to how she treated personal space. If she invaded mine through touch, (via flirting or just mannerisms) I took that too as a positive. Language...what did we talk about, how did the conversation flow, what did we talk about...anything deep or interesting.

All the above adds up to more dates, not necessarily sex. That part comes with intimacy...you become intimate before you become intimate. If you are hitting a brick wall with flirting, communication, having sex - at least to me, would appear to be awkward, don't you think?

I wouldn't do it if it were me. If things are awkward, they aren't flowing..... then what happens when things don't work out and you've slept with him? Not to mention, you don't know anything about him in two or three dates to sleep with him. (This last point should be way up on the checklist)

February 15, 2016

This guy is a brick wall when it comes to reading cues.....bad sign in my opinion. As a man, when I was dating I paid close attention to cues, body language, and language itself. If she flirted, I took that as a positive sign, but not the only sign to look for. I also paid attention to how she treated personal space. If she invaded mine through touch, (via flirting or just mannerisms) I took that too as a positive. Language...what did we talk about, how did the conversation flow, what did we talk about...anything deep or interesting.

All the above adds up to more dates, not necessarily sex. That part comes with intimacy...you become intimate before you become intimate. If you are hitting a brick wall with flirting, communication, having sex - at least to me, would appear to be awkward, don't you think?

I wouldn't do it if it were me. If things are awkward, they aren't flowing..... then what happens when things don't work out and you've slept with him? Not to mention, you don't know anything about him in two or three dates to sleep with him. (This last point should be way up on the checklist)

Agree. Absolutely. Stay with me on this:

-first date he wanted me to have a glass of wine at his home. I said no, he was ackwarly nervous but regained composure right after and we continued chatting. No flirting. Close mouth goodbye kiss.

-second date. He was very interested. Having dinner he proposed me to go to his home to binge watch Netflix. I said no. He started to sweat profusely. I asked if he was ok. Rest of the dinner was ok. Close mouth goodbye kiss.

-proposed a third date at his home. I said no.

Text are dry, though they're correct. Just to plan dates. Nothing more. I never initiated, only one time after second date that I texted him thank you for the lovely dinner.

That's pretty much the sequence.

February 15, 2016

There is the possibility he is an introvert and feels more comfortable in his home. This isn't a green light to go there, but just a possibility regarding the reason he keeps nagging you to go there. If you like this guy, just keep being patient and go out with him maintaining these boundaries you have in place. (not going to his home, or yours) Stay in public settings, try to get him to open up more, eventually he will. An introverted boyfriend isn't necessarily a bad thing, they can be obsessive because you will be his world, but if you're a girl who wants that kind of attention from your man, attention is what you'll get.

If he's not an introvert, but just a box of rocks, then....you know the rest. Use your judgement here, don't waste yourself on a waste of time. Same with the introvert, if it's too complicated, get out. Relationships shouldn't be complicated. In fact, being in a relationship, a good one, should benefit you. (and the other person) The above two situations strike me as relationships where you will sink a ton of energy into them and the return will be a crap shot. There are plenty of other options out there.

Edited February 15, 2016 by morrowrd

February 15, 2016

Well, you told him you were "looking for fun".....in man speak that translates to "getting laid"

You need to re-evaluate the message you're putting out there or not be surprised when you get invited over for netflix and chill.

February 15, 2016

Well, you told him you were "looking for fun".....in man speak that translates to "getting laid"

You need to re-evaluate the message you're putting out there or not be surprised when you get invited over for netflix and chill.

I already explained all this in previous messages.

February 15, 2016

I already explained all this in previous messages.

If I get that right you wanted him to be more flirty and less pushy right on the first date (if he wanted to get you to his home the first time).

Probably fair, the point remains to be a tad careful with a profile headline such as 'looking for fun' because this is a magnet for super horny and tactless guys.

February 15, 2016

Yeah, even if I'm open to a more casual situation, I try to keep that on the DL until I know more about what the guy's intention is.

February 15, 2016

It's a damn shame when you try to keep things sincere and real and it's taken out of context.
.

Well in the context of a dating app/site "looking for fun" has come to be the polite way of saying "I just want sex, nothing serious"

It's like Netflix and chill, I'm sure at some stage that meant watching TV but now it's code for nsa sex.

So yes, if that's not what you mean then definitely change it.

February 15, 2016

Agree. Absolutely. Stay with me on this:

-first date he wanted me to have a glass of wine at his home. I said no, he was ackwarly nervous but regained composure right after and we continued chatting. No flirting. Close mouth goodbye kiss.
-second date. He was very interested. Having dinner he proposed me to go to his home to binge watch Netflix. I said no. He started to sweat profusely. I asked if he was ok. Rest of the dinner was ok. Close mouth goodbye kiss.
-proposed a third date at his home. I said no.

Text are dry, though they're correct. Just to plan dates. Nothing more. I never initiated, only one time after second date that I texted him thank you for the lovely dinner.

That's pretty much the sequence.

IME he was setting you up as a FB or FWB from the start. Those men who put me in that box are the only ones who tried to get me home so quickly and consistently.

February 15, 2016

Yes, I agree in that keeping things in the "safe" side is the way to go until you figure the guy out. With this I mean not initiating, not having sex, and not expecting much. It's hard though

February 16, 2016

Brokengirl I feel you are playing a game you can't handle.

When you message a man you just wanna have fun that means you will have sex on 1st meeting, or 2nd. There is no restaurants, movies, and getting acquainted.

So you messaged him and he thought he was gonna get some and you changed the game on him. Of course e changed his attitude.

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Getting anxious as date 3 might approach

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