Getting anxious as date 3 might approach

February 15, 2016

Yes. Can you suggest an alternative? Tell him, hey I'd love to see you again, let's go do xyz, instead. I did that once. A guy I went out with suggested I come to his place and watch a movie on date two. I was like, how 'bout we go to a bar instead? He tried to make out with me, invited me back to his place, and when I declined, he ended the date and I never heard from him again! It was a great weeding out process, actually.

Just tell him what you'd rather do, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

February 15, 2016

I'm having mixed feelings right now.
this guy I've been casually dating has proposed a third date at his home.

While I initially contacted him through a dating site with a message that said I was just looking for fun, we've been in two dates, we barely kissed goodbye (mouth closed), there hasn't been any flirting at all, besides him telling he likes me and he was shy because of that, and our communication through text is kind of poor.

Maybe it's me the one to blame, but...going to his home? I know sex is implicit and I don't know if I'm ready to be at that level yet.

I'd like another casual date, let's say, going to the movies, before I could decide whether I want to have sex or not.

I still haven't replied his text, and I'd like to make it clear that, while I'm still interested in getting to know more of him, I'm not ready for sex yet.

Does this make any sense for you guys?

Well, for starters, why would you contact and say you are "looking for fun" if you aren't. Or is it just that you don't see this guy being the fun?

I've never had any girl say she is "looking for fun" (unfortunately!) - even the ones that probably were.

Secondly, based on his actions so far, he does not seem to be pushing for sex at all.

February 15, 2016

Well, for starters, why would you contact and say you are "looking for fun" if you aren't. Or is it just that you don't see this guy being the fun?
I've never had any girl say she is "looking for fun" (unfortunately!) - even the ones that probably were.

Secondly, based on his actions so far, he does not seem to be pushing for sex at all.

I was actually looking for fun when I contacted him. I thought it would be fun to have something casual, plus he was my type.

He's not pushing,he's suggesting it. My fault for initiating a conversation asking for fun.

What I want to know is how to let him know I changed my mind. Is it all lost already or do I still have any chances?

February 15, 2016

Yes. Can you suggest an alternative? Tell him, hey I'd love to see you again, let's go do xyz, instead. I did that once. A guy I went out with suggested I come to his place and watch a movie on date two. I was like, how 'bout we go to a bar instead? He tried to make out with me, invited me back to his place, and when I declined, he ended the date and I never heard from him again! It was a great weeding out process, actually.

Just tell him what you'd rather do, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

My guess is he'll disappear, just your guy did. Should I just tell him: "Sorry, I'm not feeling it" or it's just too rude?

February 15, 2016

Simply suggest something else to do, which will give you time to talk and interact to get to know each other better, so you can decide if you want to have sex with him. Then, if you do actually want to have sex with him, at the end of the date you can suggest he invite you over the next time if he'd still like to. If you're still unsure, then suggest something else before he does, so you don't have to turn him down twice. He'll either be fine with your pace, or he'll decide you're not really interested - either is okay, really.

February 15, 2016

I'm with Joseb and was going to reply what he says, you made it clear in your profile you wanted to have fun, so the dude might be wondering why you are hesitant about hanging out at his place, and I know what that means, that usually implies 'visiting his bedroom'. After date three and if you are physically attracted to him.

I don't understand either what the problem is with dull text conversation, see this as a hookup situation only, or possibly FWB since I think you're not looking for a RS right now?

ETA, we'll if you are not interested anymore for whatever reason, or you changed your mind you may just tell him it's not going to work, or you don't feel like it. After having met I would expect at least a text, don't vanish silently, now that would be even more rude.

February 15, 2016

Simply suggest something else to do, which will give you time to talk and interact to get to know each other better, so you can decide if you want to have sex with him. Then, if you do actually want to have sex with him, at the end of the date you can suggest he invite you over the next time if he'd still like to. If you're still unsure, then suggest something else before he does, so you don't have to turn him down twice. He'll either be fine with your pace, or he'll decide you're not really interested - either is okay, really.

I sent him a message that said I'm not ready yet, and I proposed going to the movies.

My guess is he will not reply or he will say he's busy now. And then I'll have my answer

February 15, 2016

You were true to yourself & that's good. See what he says. He might surprise you but I wouldn't count on it.

February 15, 2016

He said he'll respect me and let's do what's comfortable for both of us.

I replied I'll think about it.

February 15, 2016

Yes. Can you suggest an alternative? Tell him, hey I'd love to see you again, let's go do xyz, instead. I did that once. A guy I went out with suggested I come to his place and watch a movie on date two. I was like, how 'bout we go to a bar instead? He tried to make out with me, invited me back to his place, and when I declined, he ended the date and I never heard from him again! It was a great weeding out process, actually.

Just tell him what you'd rather do, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

I agree with this. Suggest an alternative.

If the guy has any tact whatsoever, he'll understand what this means and slow things down.

If he does an offski, you'll be rid of an idiot.

Edit: just read your post. Good, don't feel rushed into anything: that's a sure way to make a mistake.

Edited February 15, 2016 by Jabron1

February 15, 2016

My guess is he'll disappear, just your guy did. Should I just tell him: "Sorry, I'm not feeling it" or it's just too rude?

Asserting your boundaries is never rude. If he disappears because you want to slow things down, good riddance.

Glad you said something.

February 15, 2016

I have this very familiar feeling that this might not work. Just when I replied him about something and he did not follow up but went online.

Just that. It's like a deja vu.

I told him I was going to think about going to his home or not tomorrow (even though I already told him I'm not ready and that I preferred going to other place) and then we messaged saying something about feeling comfortable and respecting our times, he stopped replying and he's online.

That really pisses me off. Whatever.

February 15, 2016

What's the problem if he's online and why are you so concerned about it? You aren't a couple so he can do what he chooses.

February 15, 2016

What's the problem if he's online and why are you so concerned about it? You aren't a couple so he can do what he chooses.

Yeah, but he stopped replying. Whatever.

That's why I don't want to get involved with guys, because my head cannot stop and I end up hurting.

February 15, 2016

You're obsessive. Stop checking the online activity of the guys you talk to and date. It does Zero good and only drives you crazy. You texted back and forth. The conversation ended. He can go on his computer. Once again, you're 3 dates in and over analyzing things way to much. He's not your boyfriend.

You also are making this more difficult than it needs to be. Why do you need to "think about it" some more still? He asked you to hang out at his house. You don't want to at this point. Just say "how bout we grab a drink at this ____ instead?". Done, problem solved.

I don't know why you feel the need to illustrate to him that "I said I was looking for fun but I changed my mind and I wanna make sure you know that I'm not ready for sex yet". You don't need to get into detail and say that to him. Say it with your body language and actions. You don't want to have sex? Then don't go to his bedroom or take off your clothes even if you go to his house or he comes to yours. You don't need to have a discussion about where your heads at right now in terms of that. That just makes it awkward and uncomfortable and definitely will make guys think you are going to be a lot to deal with if they continue seeing you.

February 15, 2016

You're obsessive. Stop checking the online activity of the guys you talk to and date. It does Zero good and only drives you crazy. You texted back and forth. The conversation ended. He can go on his computer. Once again, you're 3 dates in and over analyzing things way to much. He's not your boyfriend.

You also are making this more difficult than it needs to be. Why do you need to "think about it" some more still? He asked you to hang out at his house. You don't want to at this point. Just say "how bout we grab a drink at this ____ instead?". Done, problem solved.

I don't know why you feel the need to illustrate to him that "I said I was looking for fun but I changed my mind and I wanna make sure you know that I'm not ready for sex yet". You don't need to get into detail and say that to him. Say it with your body language and actions. You don't want to have sex? Then don't go to his bedroom or take off your clothes even if you go to his house or he comes to yours. You don't need to have a discussion about where your heads at right now in terms of that. That just makes it awkward and uncomfortable and definitely will make guys think you are going to be a lot to deal with if they continue seeing you.

Yes, there's no point on explaining anything. Who really cares, at the end?

One reason I was firm on my decision to go on a date outside anyone's houses is because I don't want him to get confused. I'd love to go to have a glass of wine to his home, IF there was nothing more than that involved. But I really don't want any misunderstanding, specially because I don't know this guy yet.

I'd be happy to continue dating him IF I feel comfortable and can start trusting him. Right now, I don't know if he only wants sex (and he was polite replying to me declining his offering) or if he's truly interested in me as a person. I'll feel uneasy about the whole situation until I figure this out.

February 15, 2016

I'm wondering......are you confused about what "casual" and "looking for fun" means?

February 15, 2016

I have this very familiar feeling that this might not work. Just when I replied him about something and he did not follow up but went online.

Just that. It's like a deja vu.

I told him I was going to think about going to his home or not tomorrow (even though I already told him I'm not ready and that I preferred going to other place) and then we messaged saying something about feeling comfortable and respecting our times, he stopped replying and he's online.

That really pisses me off. Whatever.

OP, you sound really conflicted about what you want. You initiated contact with the guy to say you just wanted to have fun, which is interpreted as wanting NSA sex.

You then decided that this isn't what you want. It's fine to change your mind, but not reasonable to be annoyed with him for not being on the same page. You changed the "offer" mid-course. It's no different that being taken to bed by a guy who claims he wants a relationship only to tell you after the fact that he just wanted some fun!

Perhaps if you think through what you actually want and then let that guide your interactions from the beginning, you will have more success in dating.

February 15, 2016

I sent him a message that said I'm not ready yet, and I proposed going to the movies.
My guess is he will not reply or he will say he's busy now. And then I'll have my answer

So you suggested the movies, good.

He said he'll respect me and let's do what's comfortable for both of us.
.

Which I guess means he is up for the movies and then you blew him off by saying

I replied I'll think about it.

...and you wonder why he is no longer replying????

February 15, 2016

...and you wonder why he is no longer replying????

This x1000. That was an ender right there.

February 15, 2016

So you suggested the movies, good.

Which I guess means he is up for the movies and then you blew him off by saying

...and you wonder why he is no longer replying????

I think she meant to say that she'd think about still coming to his house for wine, not that she would think about seeing him. I could be wrong though. And not sure how that came across in her text.

February 15, 2016

The movies? You're not gonna get to know someone at the movies anyway!

February 15, 2016

The movies? You're not gonna get to know someone at the movies anyway!

Unless they hang out at his place afterwards.

Lot of confusions right here, OP.

February 15, 2016

This may be slightly off topic but it's made me wonder about my online dating profile. I have "Let's have fun" as my headline. Although unoriginal in no way does that mean I want casual sex or anything along those lines - it's meant in a lighthearted way. Now I'm wondering if women interpret it that way. If they read my profile they'll see I'm genuine. Just wondering.

February 15, 2016

This may be slightly off topic but it's made me wonder about my online dating profile. I have "Let's have fun" as my headline. Although unoriginal in no way does that mean I want casual sex or anything along those lines - it's meant in a lighthearted way. Now I'm wondering if women interpret it that way. If they read my profile they'll see I'm genuine. Just wondering.

Ya probably should change it. Unfortunately that phrase has been countermanded by too many people to mean - down for a causal sex relationship.

Suggestion - "let's go on an explore, or three"

Edited February 15, 2016 by Mrin

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Getting anxious as date 3 might approach

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