Help me understand this.. i am at a loss for words and devastated

February 23, 2016

so about a month and a half ago I started seeing this girl who was totally amazing. we both had chemistry and the whole time we were dating we both always said to each other it felt like we had known each other for longer than we had. we kissed a lot, flirted at dinners she laughed and told me how hot and cute i was all the time, and i returned the favors. We went out for a fantastic valentines dinner. about a week later this past weekend I ask her to hang out after work on friday and she says she wants to hang out with her friends instead. so i say ok fine lets hang tomorrow night (saturday) and sunday we were going to go for brunch etc. saturday comes and she bails on me saying she wants to go out with her friends again, so i kind of get a little choked that she blowed me off and ask her why etc? nothing rude just inquiring. anyways i let it go eventually and then sunday we go for brunch and have a nice day together, had sex etc. she kept telling me the whole way thru this "thing" that she got bored of people really quickly but that i was different and she liked me so much. sunday was no exception to this.. monday she is being very distant texting me so i ask her straight up what the problem is... she tells me she is over it. just like that out of no where.

I thoguth we had a connection i said? and she agreed. I asked her what i I did wrong? She said nothing. she said she wanted to be alone because she recently got out of a 4 year relationship blah blah blah. i have been told this same lie by so many women so I am used to it by now.

Then she said she still wanted to talk to me/ see me as friends, and i said i cant stand the thought of her with another guy.. she told me if she was going to be with a guy it would be me, its just that she wants to be alone.

BUT, after her 4 year relationship, she was seeing a guy from england who moved away and dumped her. ( i would define it as a rebound...) I asked her about him and why she was ready to settle down with him, and she simply told me "IT WAS DIFFERENT". Can you believe that? I asked how so? and she said she was in love with him. from what I could tell everything in our relationship was moving towards us falling in love. she told me at one point even she had a dream she told me she loved me...

Please help me understand what is going through this womans head. because its totally beyond me. why did she call me baby for a month and a half and tell me she wanted to see me everyday, then pull this out of no where.. I cant understand it. After dating for a year and a half and having no success i actually thought she was the one...

February 23, 2016

It is what it is, she's not ready to settle down. Tell her good bye and move on. It will be okay bro, it always is.

Basically she wants to rebound from her 4 yr relationship and you ended up being more than rebound material. She wants to put that on pause while getting her jollies off from a bunch of dudes wanting her after she was monogamous for so long.

February 23, 2016

Yeah man that sucks. But in the end, a woman either feels it or she doesn't and you won't be able to change her mind. It's done.

My advice, don't settle for "friendship" with her. All you'll wind up doing is torturing yourself because deep down you'll want more when she doesn't. The best thing to do is just be honest with her and say "I'm only looking for romance with you and have no interest in friendship. So feel free to call me if you change your mind but otherwise, best of luck to you." Then you simply don't contact her again.

February 23, 2016

Yeah man that sucks. But in the end, a woman either feels it or she doesn't and you won't be able to change her mind. It's done.

My advice, don't settle for "friendship" with her. All you'll wind up doing is torturing yourself because deep down you'll want more when she doesn't. The best thing to do is just be honest with her and say "I'm only looking for romance with you and have no interest in friendship. So feel free to call me if you change your mind but otherwise, best of luck to you." Then you simply don't contact her again.

so why did she feed me all the BS from the beginning? telling me she was so into me etc. i need to know what i did wrong.

February 23, 2016

so why did she feed me all the BS from the beginning? telling me she was so into me etc. i need to know what i did wrong.

You believed it.

Sorry but the signs where there when she said she gets bored of people easily.

You took it as a compliment rather than a red flag. Easy to do I know but...

You didn't do anything wrong she just got bored.

Find someone you values as more than an x box...

February 23, 2016

so why did she feed me all the BS from the beginning? telling me she was so into me etc. i need to know what i did wrong.

You did NOTHING wrong, and going forward, please don't ever ask a woman what you did wrong. You can ask what "went" wrong, but not what "you" did wrong, that sounds very weak (sorry!).

It's not about you, it's about her.

I am sure she did feel very connected to you, but as she even told you, she gets bored easily and it sounds like what that is exactly what happened here.

All you can do is accept what she said, wish her well, block her and move on.

Do not be "friends" with her.

February 23, 2016

so why did she feed me all the BS from the beginning? telling me she was so into me etc. i need to know what i did wrong.

Re-read what you wrote. From the beginning.

She probably did feel a strong connection with you initially. But then for whatever reason she wound up changing her mind here in the present. A person's interest level can change on a dime at anytime. It sucks but it's true.

So what you need to focus on is the right here and now. At this point in time, she is no longer interested. So instead of trying to analyze and figure out "what you did wrong", you just accept it and move on. In the end, you didn't do anything wrong. She just lost interest for her own reasons.

February 23, 2016

so why did she feed me all the BS from the beginning? telling me she was so into me etc. i need to know what i did wrong.

You might not have done anything wrong? Hard to tell. We weren't there.

That said, judging by how dramatic the tone of your post is, I wouldn't be surprised if you give of desperation vibes.

You're worrying too much about this. She's just not that into you. Her loss, your gain.

February 23, 2016

Not seeing anything unusual here.

You were caught up in the early fireworks, and so was she. But it wasn't real, at least not for her, in the end you were just one in a long line of potential suitors but just like everyone else she compared you to her ex of 4 years and you didn't make the cut.

February 23, 2016

Re-read what you wrote. From the beginning.

She probably did feel a strong connection with you initially. But then for whatever reason she wound up changing her mind here in the present. A person's interest level can change on a dime at anytime. It sucks but it's true.

So what you need to focus on is the right here and now. At this point in time, she is no longer interested. So instead of trying to analyze and figure out "what you did wrong", you just accept it and move on. In the end, you didn't do anything wrong. She just lost interest for her own reasons.

it wouldnt sting so much if this didnt happen with every woman i date... the only difference here is it actually went on for a month and a half and i had hope that thre were nice girls out there who wanted to form a connection, and not just girls who wanted to screw around.. now I am back to my original feeling that I am not good enough for any girl and I am never going to meet someone who values me at all.

February 23, 2016

Not seeing anything unusual here.

You were caught up in the early fireworks, and so was she. But it wasn't real, at least not for her, in the end you were just one in a long line of potential suitors but just like everyone else she compared you to her ex of 4 years and you didn't make the cut.

yea thanks that makes me feel a whole lot better. *sarcasm*

it makes me feel like dating is totally pointless. I can never be good enough for the princesses of the world.

February 23, 2016

yea thanks that makes me feel a whole lot better. *sarcasm*

it makes me feel like dating is totally pointless. I can never be good enough for the princesses of the world.

That's why lots of guys get frustrated and discouraged and give up and they do things like have sex with hookers or even worse, they hire "sugar babies" which are paid hookers who pretend to be in a relationship with you.

February 23, 2016

it wouldnt sting so much if this didnt happen with every woman i date... the only difference here is it actually went on for a month and a half and i had hope that thre were nice girls out there who wanted to form a connection, and not just girls who wanted to screw around.. now I am back to my original feeling that I am not good enough for any girl and I am never going to meet someone who values me at all.

To be honest though, six weeks is not a long time at all. For most people that's still considered casual dating.

In the end though, stop beating yourself up. People change their minds. It happens. All you can do is keep trying and being yourself.

February 23, 2016

That's why lots of guys get frustrated and discouraged and give up and they do things like have sex with hookers or even worse, they hire "sugar babies" which are paid hookers who pretend to be in a relationship with you.

right... im 26 so i guess thats all i have to look forward to.

February 23, 2016

Re-read what you wrote. From the beginning.

She probably did feel a strong connection with you initially. But then for whatever reason she wound up changing her mind here in the present. A person's interest level can change on a dime at anytime. It sucks but it's true.

So what you need to focus on is the right here and now. At this point in time, she is no longer interested. So instead of trying to analyze and figure out "what you did wrong", you just accept it and move on. In the end, you didn't do anything wrong. She just lost interest for her own reasons.

Very true. This isn't 50-60 years ago when people would meet and stay together for the rest of their lives. Now it's today we're a couple, tomorrow it's over... monogamy is on it's death bed... thanks 21st century.

February 23, 2016

That's why lots of guys get frustrated and discouraged and give up and they do things like have sex with hookers or even worse, they hire "sugar babies" which are paid hookers who pretend to be in a relationship with you.

Interesting point you bring up here... I read online how there is an epidemic of young women in college being sugar babies for married men, business men. These women are in debt, some have boyfriends, but prostitute themselves to pay off loans, bills, live an easier lifestyle.

February 23, 2016

right... im 26 so i guess thats all i have to look forward to.

If you're devastated from being dumped after a 1.5 month relationship, you're in for a hard road if you continue to date.

February 23, 2016

If you're devastated from being dumped after a 1.5 month relationship, you're in for a hard road if you continue to date.

i've had maybe 3-4 of these types of relationships over the past year, so its started to wear my down. if this was the first one it wouldnt affect me so much .. that combined with the fact she actually seemed legit.

February 23, 2016

Judging by the tone of your posts and the fact that this happens with everyone you date, I think that there is something in your behaviour that is turning your dates off.

Not trying to hurt your feelings, but it's best to be aware of what you're doing so you can avoid this happening in the future. It sounds like you need to build up your confidence and personal happiness before dating. 1.5 months is too short to be "devastated."

February 23, 2016

right... im 26 so i guess thats all i have to look forward to.

Dude you're 26. You pretty much have your whole life ahead of you. You haven't even hit your prime yet.

My guess is the girl liked you in a superficial sense but was turned off by your personality as she got to know you. So it sounds like you've got something to work with.

Like I said you sound clingy as hell. Devastated? Like someone else said, 6 weeks isn't very long. You should be glad its over after only 6 weeks if it wasn't going to work out.

My advice. Don't worry about results in life. You don't control results. Worry about process and let the chips fall as they may.

If you feel like you did nothing wrong? Your process is legit and she can eat a d**k. If you keep getting the same result? The process might have something to do with it. Personally, I'm willing to bet you are too clingy. That's not a big deal most guys at some point get burned for being too clingy. If its happening to you now, you can learn from it just like all the other guys do.

February 23, 2016

Judging by the tone of your posts and the fact that this happens with everyone you date, I think that there is something in your behaviour that is turning your dates off.

Not trying to hurt your feelings, but it's best to be aware of what you're doing so you can avoid this happening in the future. It sounds like you need to build up your confidence and personal happiness before dating. 1.5 months is too short to be "devastated."

No girl will tell me what it is i am doing. when i asked her for an explaination she just told me:

I like you a lot, its me, i need to be alone.

Well that really helps me figure out wahts wrong with me..

February 23, 2016

Dude you're 26. You pretty much have your whole life ahead of you. You haven't even hit your prime yet.

My guess is the girl liked you in a superficial sense but was turned off by your personality as she got to know you. So it sounds like you've got something to work with.

Like I said you sound clingy as hell. Devastated? Like someone else said, 6 weeks isn't very long. You should be glad its over after only 6 weeks if it wasn't going to work out.

My advice. Don't worry about results in life. You don't control results. Worry about process and let the chips fall as they may.

If you feel like you did nothing wrong? Your process is legit and she can eat a d**k. If you keep getting the same result? The process might have something to do with it. Personally, I'm willing to bet you are too clingy. That's not a big deal most guys at some point get burned for being too clingy. If its happening to you now, you can learn from it just like all the other guys do.

i tried to match the level of interest. She demanded my attention throughout most of us knowing each other, so I demanded hers. She would get upset if i didnt text her back etc. She told me after the guy from england dumped her she needed a guy to restore her faith in men, so i tried being a good person to her, and treat her well. and in the end of it was for nothing so little miss princess could flip a switch and decide im not good enough

February 23, 2016

Ok here's the likely problem, now that you've clarified your recent dating history.

You are trying too hard. Girls like it when guys are independent and less attainable.

Don't be so available, don't be so emotionally mushy, don't go into the whole thing about how great she is and how you're so into her.

Play it cool, let her come to you, and watch your success rates skyrocket.

February 23, 2016

I ask her to hang out after work on friday and she says she wants to hang out with her friends instead.

You believed it.
Sorry but the signs where there when she said she gets bored of people easily. You took it as a compliment rather than a red flag. Easy to do

The signs are ALWAYS there, people choose to ignore those signs. When you learn to recognize you will “less” disappointed and broken.

I read online how there is an epidemic of young women in college being sugar babies for married men, business men. These women are in debt, some have boyfriends, but prostitute themselves to pay off loans, bills, live an easier lifestyle.

The fake profiles women put on Match for example...

Judging by the tone of your posts and the fact that this happens with everyone you date, I think that there is something in your behaviour that is turning your dates off.

Why lack of self awareness is many individuals biggest issue...

You took it as a compliment rather than a red flag.

February 23, 2016

No girl will tell me what it is i am doing. when i asked her for an explanation she just told me:

I like you a lot, its me, i need to be alone.

Well that really helps me figure out whats wrong with me..

"Its you not me" is girl code for I'm just not interested and I don't want to hurt your feelings. Its not helpful, but what do you expect? Girls aren't dating consultants. They aren't gonna agree to an exit interview or fill out a feedback form either. And frankly, they don't really understand why they like what they like. Other men make more reliable sources of advice than women do. You asking a girl to explain attraction is like a girl asking a guy to explain makeup. If you want analysis go to a guy friend.

Its not ideal but that's what we all deal with. You can do it too. You just have to be (brutally) honest with yourself.

i tried to match the level of interest. She demanded my attention throughout most of us knowing each other, so I demanded hers. She would get upset if i didnt text her back etc. She told me after the guy from england dumped her she needed a guy to restore her faith in men, so i tried being a good person to her, and treat her well. and in the end of it was for nothing so little miss princess could flip a switch and decide im not good enough

Frankly (and I'll get blowback on here for this but I don't care) a "little miss princess" expects you to be less interested in her, than she is in you. You aren't supposed to match her interest. Well now you know.

You sound bitter as hell man. Relax! I know it sucks but like I said you're not some kind of uniquely oppressed person. Most men deal with this stuff and a lot of the guys who you look at as not 'struggling' have had to go through the same letdowns as you, it just happened earlier in life.

Why do you want a girlfriend? Curious.

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Help me understand this.. i am at a loss for words and devastated

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