Crazy on and off relationship

[angelina24]

My ex and I started dating two years ago when I was 22. Things were perfect in the beginning, he was taking me out for dinners, and taking me everywhere with him. Things got bad soon after that , I was cheating on him and he also got very controlling and jealous, probably because of the cheating. Months later, I wanted to fix our relationship, and make things work on my part, but he just got more and more possessive, and clingy. After my cheating, he wouldn't take me out as much anymore, he did somewhat, but he didn't want to wine and dine me anymore as he did in the beginning. He took me out on trips but not out for dinner, and romantic stuff he used to do. I felt like this relationship couldn't be saved so I broke things off. Months after this, he found me and contacted a couple of times on facebook since I had changed my phone number. This was bad for me since all the leftover feelings came flooding back when I saw his messages. I was happy but at the same time I knew it was a bad idea. Sadly, I let my feelings get in the way and I gave him my number when he asked me to. We have been talking two months since then, by calling and text, and he has asked me out for coffee, to go out to the beach and some parks to go for a walk, at least 5 times but I said no every time. When i refused, he kept asking me to come over and watch movies, I kept saying no again. He told me "he would like to be good friends, or maybe more" When I kept refusing, He then began talking sexually to me and that "he wants to sleep with me and only me and needs me" After I refused, he got upset and said "Come on, i know what you like. You cant be without s** for too long, i am the right guy for you. The only one for you" To be honest, I want to see him as much as he does but I have a feeling he only wants s** from me, to use me now, or to get back at me for the past, or something. I might be wrong. A huge part of me wants things to go back to how they were when we first met, but I feel such grief and sorrow because I cant take back the cheating plus his jealous ways which ruined our relationship before. I know he wants to reconcile but I am scared of being completely vunerable to him. I do have feelings left for him but I don't want to be used for s**, if that's all he wants. We did have a romantic and passionate relationship and there were feelings involved but i am just very confused on what to do now. What should I do?

Edited February 23, 2016 by angelina24

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you need to move on from each other for good.

 

Sounds like there was far too much damage done already. You're so young; you don't want to waste time on a relationship that probably isn't going to be a happy one.

[angelina24]

What do I do with my feelings then? I hate to admit this, but I still have leftover feelings for him which I was overcoming until he found me on facebook and sent me those messages. He messages me every day now and whenever I tell myself I will block his number from my phone, I end up unblocking it.

[smudge21]

I agree, far too much pain already in this "relationship". They should be about love, but I'm not getting that - you did cheat and he is acting all possessive; it's not a healthy mix really is it? You both need time apart, lots of time, as right now you're both thinking with your hearts and for this situation I reckon you both need clear heads. Nothing good will come from getting back together right now.

[ExpatInItaly]

What do I do with my feelings then? I hate to admit this, but I still have leftover feelings for him which I was overcoming until he found me on facebook and sent me those messages. He messages me every day now and whenever I tell myself I will block his number from my phone, I end up unblocking it.

 

Your feelings will dissipate over time. There's no magic pill; time and distance from him are the best medicine.

 

All you can do is keep him blocked.

[angelina24]

Im also worried about missing out on a good thing, there were so many good times in our relationship. And the fact that he came back to me makes me wonder if its destined to be or something. But another part of me keeps saying "things can never be repaired"

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, how good could the relationship possibly have been if you were already cheating on him?

 

You need to take a big step back and look at the reality of what you two had. It doesn't sound very good at all.

[smackie9]

You can't solve your issues by cheating. You can't can't control a controlling jealous jerk. He is what he is. You will never get the wonderful guy he was in the beginning back....to me that was just a mask he was wearing to lure you into a false idea he was a great guy. When it's bad, the mature and realistic approach is to leave him. YOU need to learn that when you see behavior like this, you need to walk, not try to fix......that's just life my friend.

[Emilia]

Im also worried about missing out on a good thing, there were so many good times in our relationship. And the fact that he came back to me makes me wonder if its destined to be or something. But another part of me keeps saying "things can never be repaired"

 

What is your relationship like with your parents/immediate family? Are they divorced? I'm trying to work out why you are used to difficult relationship where most people would run

[angelina24]

Guys, I am aware of what I did. I cheated on him and I regret it. But after that, he stopped wining and dining me and things changed. He became colder and focused mostly on s** with me. At the same time, he became so controlling and jealous to the point where I was telling him everywhere I was, who I was with when we weren't together. He would also go through my phone and check who I was talking to and punish me. But, I still have lots of feelings for him sadly. Especially now that he came back to me. I just don't know, I am scared to go out with him. What if I end up sleeping with him again and the feelings come back.

[Cherryz]

Often when there is alot of on off, and in such period it is a sign i think

that you guys are not ment to be but you keep forcing it.

 

You was with him and experience it all, and see that its not working.

Learn from it and move on.

[smackie9]

Guys, I am aware of what I did. I cheated on him and I regret it. But after that, he stopped wining and dining me and things changed. He became colder and focused mostly on s** with me. At the same time, he became so controlling and jealous to the point where I was telling him everywhere I was, who I was with when we weren't together. He would also go through my phone and check who I was talking to and punish me. But, I still have lots of feelings for him sadly. Especially now that he came back to me. I just don't know, I am scared to go out with him. What if I end up sleeping with him again and the feelings come back.

The only reason he will keep this having you back is to keep punishing you for cheating on him. He is not the type to forgive and forget. Block, delete, go NC. It's over, so make it final.

[truth_seeker]

Often when there is alot of on off, and in such period it is a sign i think

that you guys are not ment to be but you keep forcing it.

 

You're absolutely 100% right.

 

It's funny, over the years I would meet women... some with boyfriends, fiances, husbands... all of them had wandering eyes, would like to flirt, even some bold to make a move... I always say to myself why are you even with the guy if you're looking for attention elsewhere?

 

Some people want to have their cake and eat it, too...