h0000 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I have been dating a guy and it's going 3 months. Everything is good I have no complain at all. Lately he told me he's decided to go back to study so he will be working full-time and studying part time. He told me he's nervous about it and also doesn't want to ruin our relationship. His main reason is he will be very busy. I told him not to worry and things will be fine. But I slightly feel bit insecure over this. Do you guys think its his pre warning?Dont know if I should ask if he actually is thinking about ending this? Or just give him my maximum support? 1
jesseambers86 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Why would it be a 'break-up warning'? He's just trying to be honest with you, that's all. Do your best to support him and it'll be fine.
266696687 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I have been dating a guy and it's going 3 months. Everything is good I have no complain at all. Lately he told me he's decided to go back to study so he will be working full-time and studying part time. He told me he's nervous about it and also doesn't want to ruin our relationship. His main reason is he will be very busy. I told him not to worry and things will be fine. But I slightly feel bit insecure over this. Do you guys think its his pre warning?Dont know if I should ask if he actually is thinking about ending this? Or just give him my maximum support? It does sound a bit like a pre-warning. People who say things like... 1. I don't want to hurt you Mean they are aware they are going to hurt you. It's pre-warning. Sounds very similar to what your guy stated."I don't want to ruin our relationship". He is aware his time is going to be limited and is preparing you in advance for this outcome If he wasn't planning on letting his new commitments get in the way he would have told you something more like the following: "don't worry I won't let these new commitments get in the way of our relationship." - this is a reassurance or "don't worry we'll work out a schedule so we can ensure our relationship can continue". By saying "I don't want to ruin our relationship" is suggesting he has no control over it (absolving himself of responsibility) rather than taking steps to ensure your relationship can continue. I would personally see what he said as a pre-warning. His intention is to let the relationship dwindle once he starts his new commitments.
PegNosePete Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 It sounds like a warning that he will be very busy and may not have much time to spend with you when he is studying. Not a warning that he wants to break up. Sometimes, people actually mean what they say without any hidden meaning. Shocker I know! 4
Author h0000 Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 Why would it be a 'break-up warning'? He's just trying to be honest with you, that's all. Do your best to support him and it'll be fine. I guess because I wouldn't ever worry I cant be in a relationship just because I'm busy. And if I say something like this it would be more like "oh, you know, I don't want to ruin it..but I probably will ruin it...." Anyway...should I ask him and find out where exactly he stands?
Emilia Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I think he can tell how anxious you get and he is trying to manage your expectations. You are catastrophising.
Author h0000 Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 (edited) I think he can tell how anxious you get and he is trying to manage your expectations. You are catastrophising. I only get anxious after he told me "I'm nervous and I don't want to ruin things" and I actually never even thought about it ruining things..I was all about "its the right thing to do, go for it!" till he talked about us and I'm like " where does this come from now?" It worries me that he thinks it will ruin things..if it makes sense And by managing my expectations do you mean he thinks my expectations are too high and is trying to get me to be realistic? Edited February 23, 2016 by h0000
Recommended Posts