Miss Peach Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 9 years isn't a big deal the older you get. The concern I have is her age. I was in that situation when younger. I have always been very mature for my age. It really didn't cause an issue IMO until marriage and children. So if that is what you are looking for it creates a lot more risk IMO. We married on his timeline. The issue with that is I changed a lot between 20 and 30 and at 30 we weren't as compatible anymore. I also wasn't ready for children as early as he was.
smackie9 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 You are right the age gap at this time in her life is too much....she's hardly lived as an adult very long, plus you two are at different places in life. Dating? sure have fun. Looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage? don't waste your time. Make sure you always wear a condom.
strawberryshortstack Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I'm currently talking to a girl who is 20 years old & I'm 29. We both like each other and everything but was wondering if that is too much of an age difference. She was just a teenager and I'm going on 30! At that stage of her life, I'd say it's too much of a difference. You likely won't have similar life goals. Once you get to be my age (low 40s), it may not be as big of a deal, but even I don't like to go more than five years younger (older is a different story). Of course, everyone's preferences are different, so you'll need to assess this for yourself with your own needs in mind. If you're not looking for a serious relationship, I don't see it being an issue.
Summer3 Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I'm currently talking to a girl who is 20 years old & I'm 29. We both like each other and everything but was wondering if that is too much of an age difference. She was just a teenager and I'm going on 30! When I was 20 I was in a LTR with a guy who was five years older than me. Although we did have a lot in common the age difference DID effect the relationship. He always saw me as a little girl and I always thought of him as an older guy. When I turned 22 I broke up with him because he wanted to settle down and I wanted to see what it was like to date different men and do some traveling.
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 i think its more important if you are at a compatible stage in life.....you want the same things ....you believe in the same things and see the same future rather than age...you can be exactly the same age and be on different paths......you can be young and mature or you can be old and too immature.....it really depends on that more so than age i feel..maturity levels.....and life experience is also a factor..........deb
TheBathWater Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I'm a lot more pessimistic about this sort of thing. I'm 32, and in the last year I attempted an LTR with a woman who was 23 and one who was 24. Never again, I won't do it. Here I even wrote a haiku about it: No, no, no, no, no. It's never going to happen. No, no, no, just no. I agree with some of the posters here that age doesn't correlate with maturity, but I'd like to say it in a slightly different way: "Aging does't necessarily correlate with maturity." It's possible to be an 18 year old trapped in a 40 year old's body, but the reverse is a lot LOT less likely, in my opinion. Life maturity is a process, and an overwhelmingly vast majority of people who are young - no matter how mature they are - cannot speak from the same place of wisdom as someone significantly older. You are significantly older than her. I say, if you want a sex buddy or something fun and time-limited, this is totally okay. But man to man, if you think this is going to last or that she'll be able to meet the needs of a 29 year old man, don't waste your time. Trust me. Just read my last few threads started for more details. 1
mmmike Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I'm currently talking to a girl who is 20 years old & I'm 29. We both like each other and everything but was wondering if that is too much of an age difference. She was just a teenager and I'm going on 30! It's not a problem if you're 30 dating 39 or 40 dating 49 however at 20 to 29 she probably doesn't have enough life experience to be a very good, quality, and committed and stable partner. Perhaps consider having fun and dating her lightly but I wouldn't get too attached. She just doesn't have that maturity yet at that age. You might have a fun run at it for a couple months or years but don't hope for a full commitment. Good luck. 2
blackcat777 Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and we're about 9 years apart. The only hitch was he did break up with me for four months when he moved away to school... big life changes, everyone told him not to be tied down, etc. He came back. It is very common for young people ( < 25 ) to bail on a perfectly great relationship if it's their first serious one. I do think you need to be prepared for that possibility. I'm honestly glad it happened when it did and not much later into the relationship. It was the only time in my life someone broke my heart. We're also fortunate that our timetables match up--I don't want to THINK about kids until I'm ~37 (younger man or not). He wants to travel. I want to travel. We're going to travel together. He talks about getting married, but I understand we can't realistically even think about that until he graduates school. I think he's just the greatest person. I feel like our situation was, in the beginning, a question of whether or not I would pass up a really amazing person in spite of his age. We both thought the other person was about 23, hit it off, went on some dates, and then... oh, the look on his face when my birth year casually entered the conversation. There are also certain times when it's wise to bite your tongue and let a person learn through their own decisions (even if it means not the best decision). I think as long as you can let the other person remain their own person and still enjoy life with them... at first it sounds like good advice for an age gap, but really, it's just good sense for any relationship. If it's really meant to be (ugh, I believe in that tripe ), it will be. If it's ultimately not meant to be in the long term, you can still learn so much from another person with a different perspective and make beautiful, amazing memories. I've read a lot of age gap relationships that end in beautiful friendship, too. My BFF has been with a man 21 years older for about seven years and they're in it forever. When we hang out, our boyfriends play guitar together. Edited to add: I have put up with some seriously immature baloney from his peers, however. If your younger person one-on-one seems really mature, the average maturity quotient of the surrounding social circle might present some challenges from time to time. Edited February 24, 2016 by blackcat777
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