Why does he keep pulling away!?

[chopsticky]

I've read about the rubber band theory and men caving, etc. but I have no clue if this is it or what is going on and I'm getting tired of it.

 

My boyfriend has this really annoying habit of pulling away the day after or two after we see each other and he won't contact me at all unless I call or text him first. It started happening in early January and it has happened every. single. time.

 

When I do initiate contact, he'll reply with 1-2 words and nothing else for the rest of the day, but the next day he'll act like nothing happened is all nice and fun and sweet again. I've asked him what is going on and why it's happening and he insists that it's nothing and tells me to "please relax."

 

I have kinda gotten used to it and I don't want to keep nagging and have the same conversation over and over, but I still don't like it because it brings up all this anxiety from my last relationship where my ex did this, then faded and eventually just disappeared on me.

 

Now I can't tell if it's my own insecurity that's causing this to bother me so much or if there is really something "off" with this behavior or if he's just "settling" into the relationship because it's comfortable now.

 

Does anyone have any theories as to why he does this? I'm learning to just let it be if it's who he is, but right now it's bugging me so much!

 

I actually got so tired of it this time and have resisted contacting him... let my actions speak for me type thing. I last saw him on Sunday morning. I didn't contact him at all and he disappeared the rest of Sunday and Monday, except for a quick "Good night, sweet dreams" text Monday night.

 

What gives????? Does anyone else do this? We used to never let a day go by without talking and that's why it's so weird to me.

[chopsticky]

I forgot to add that this time next month is our 1-yr mark. So I don't know, maybe he is starting to freak out. Just want to know what is on his mind when he does this disappearing act!

[elaine567]

I do not know why he is doing this, perhaps he just needs some space, he is just busy or he is indeed falling out of love. Time will tell.

This may help

http://www.rediscoverthemagic.com/why-relationships-blow-hot-cold-how-you-can-help-yourself/

[smudge21]

A good friend of mine does this, and when she does, I do the same, which leads to her questioning why I'm quiet. It's like she can't see what she's doing and only notices what I do. Maybe he doesn't notice it. Maybe he thinks that too much communication can drown people and therefore backs off a bit after meeting up. It bothers you and it's not going to suddenly stop bothering you so you need to talk to him about it. I know what it's like to have someone go quiet on you - to most it's nothing, but to you it's noticeable and makes you overthink. I wouldn't see it as a bad thing though, just something that annoys you and can be dealt with. There's no other indication that things are wrong I'm guessing.

[aries85]

I do think there is something "off" about this. You guys have been dating for a while now so he shouldn't be this distant. You also said it started happening, so maybe he is losing interest?

 

Either way, the more you nag and question him about it, the more he will pull away. I think you should act like how he is acting, and just pretend you don't care. I know its hard... so good luck.

[SSJROMANCE]

Are you sure he isn't a player? If you are sure then ask yourself the same question 10 more times. If he is "disappearing" then that's a big red flag. Where is he disappearing to?

 

Think about it. If I'm with another woman I would have little time to spend with you. Maybe a quick "Good night" while in the bathroom putting on a condom - that sort of thing.

 

If he isn't playing you then perhaps he just sucks at communication. I'm guilty of that as well.

[Gaeta]

So you've been dating a year. How old are you 2 ? Where are you at in this relationship? You met family and friends? Are you talking about moving in together? marriage? Did something happened in the past couple of months that he suddenly changed? not necessarily something with you but something in his life like at his work, or a discord with a friend, a family situation etc ?

[ChickiePops]

My ex fiancé used to do this. I don't think your bf is a player, I think he's just rubber banding.