GH3 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I've been dating my new boyfriend for a little under two months and he already seems to be very emotionally attached to me. I feel very attached to him as well and he really is a breath of fresh air, but he is saying "I think love you" already, he's very reluctant because he knows its early and I explained to him that I don't think it's a good idea to say it just yet (even though I actually feel like saying it quite a bit). The context: I met through my most recent ex, they were friends/roommates, so I've known him about 6 months before hand. After his friend and I broke up and I was more emotionally stable, him and I had a funny tinder match up, I asked him if he wanted to hang out. On our date, I found out about the crush he's had on me, for a bit apparently, and it took off from there. He just recently moved out of state to stay with his parents temporarily. At his graduation party, he got emotional about having to leave me the next day, he started crying and clutching me, I felt so awful. The next day he told me that it's just a thought and he's not 100 percent sure, but that he thinks he's in love with me. He said he knew it was early and he didn't want to take those words for granted like he has in prior relationships. Now we Skype with each other and have a long distance thing. He tells me that he adores me and that he wants to be the man that I want and more. I love that he puts his whole heart into our relationship, it's something that no other guy has done for me lately, even his friend. I never met a guy as sweet and gentle-hearted as him. However, it's also a bit scary for me, I've been through several relationships that haven't ended so well. Come Valentine's day, he Skypes me and tells me that we can spend the whole day together and do whatever I want. So we had our all day Skype session and it was really nice. We got ready for bed and kept our video chat running while we fell asleep. Right before we were about to sleep, he says "Babe..." and I said "yes?" He didn't say anything, he just paused for a good while so I repeated myself and then he said "I love you." It would've made the best moment to say "I love you too" but I didn't, I paused and he said "you don't have to say it back." The only thing I could say was "...Trust me, I feel the same way." Now, he kinda makes it clear that when he says "I adore you," he really wants to say "I love you." I feel bad because I know what it's like to not be free to say those words and I do feel like saying it, I'm just not exactly sure that it's right yet. What's holding me back is that I'm caught inbetween listening to the advice of my friend and cousin telling me it's too early (One of them has never been in a relationship, the other has been in two) and me actually feeling ready to say it back. I have really strong feelings towards him, he's amazing to me, and I'd like to let him know. So I want another outside opinion on the timing in my case, please.
scooby-philly Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 You feel a certain way. There's no right or wrong about it. However, your feelings are also telling you there's something you're not comfortable with it. Listen, we all are conditioned to see everything a person says, does, the way they act as "normal", "weird", "sane", etc. No one escapes that. I wouldn't exactly listen to someone who's never been in a relationship themselves - unless the two of you are completely honest with each other AND have a deep relationship. that said, it does seem like there's something else going on besides "love". There's nothing wrong with say it back to him. but if you do, realize there's nothing that stops you a week later, a month later, a year later, from taking it back or walking away. Some people see that word as a barrier or a threshold that once you go there, you can't come back. However, they're the same type of people who can't usually express what they mean. Advice? You'll regret not saying it back if you bottle yourself up. Just keep in mind it's a word. True "love" is a decision made over and over again and saying it does not mean you will not have to walk away at some point 1
mikeylo Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I explained to him that I don't think it's a good idea to say it just yet Why are you dishonouring his feelings? duh ! You cant decide what he feels/doesnt feel. 2
Author GH3 Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 Why are you dishonouring his feelings? duh ! You cant decide what he feels/doesnt feel. What do you mean dishonoring his feelings, I don't think there's anything wrong with what he feels, I just don't know if it's too early to say it or not because I don't want to take such strong words for granted.
angel.eyes Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I say things when I feel them, not when my inexperienced friends tell me I should say them. That's just ludicrous. Nor am I a robot that follows some theoretical timeline developed by goodness knows who. I am me, a unique individual.
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