Confused Teenager Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 A brief overview: I've (18F) been dating Ben (17M), my best guy friend of 3 years, secretly for more than 2 months now. He's my ex's best friend, and initially I was unhappy with him not being ready to tell my ex from 1.5+ years ago, John (17M) about us. However, I realized I was being hypocritical since I was hiding the relationship from my somewhat anti-dating family, and decided I could wait. *You can read my past threads for more info* Now that we're 2 months along though, Ben's been pushing for me to tell my family so that we can openly date, and he says he plans on telling John by the end of this week. At the same time though, I kind of feel like things have been "off" in our relationship recently and he doesn't like me as much/gotten lazy about the relationship already (I may be imagining it). Convos don't seem to come as easy as they did when we were just friends. Anyways, we didn't hang out last weekend because I was waiting for him to ask me out on a date, which probably wasn't a good idea in hindsight since he DID take me on a date on V-day. So today I ask him if he wanted to hang out this weekend through Snapchat, and he replied saying that he's going to grab curry with his friends (supposed to happen last weekend, but got pushed back bc ppl were sick/busy), and that he might also be going to SF with his fam. Which is fine, people are busy sometimes. But what bothers me is that when I replied with "hmmm...maybe in March then," he answered "yes, we shall see, maybe, maybe not," which really hurt my feelings. Like what do you think he means by maybe? Is he implying that during the whole month of March we might not have a single date? Or that we'll have broken up by then? Or was it just a bad choice in phrasing? Because then why would he want to announce our relationship if he doesn't feel like things are going to work out? Am I just overthinking things? My family's been fighting a lot and my home situation isn't so good right now, so I might just be having a bout of insecurity. Thanks for any help.
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Is this his first relationship? It could be that he's immature and/or not ready for a relationship that takes much time from an already full schedule of friends and family. Since you've known him for three years, is that the case?
Author Confused Teenager Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 Is this his first relationship? It could be that he's immature and/or not ready for a relationship that takes much time from an already full schedule of friends and family. Since you've known him for three years, is that the case? Yeah you're spot on - it's his first ever relationship.
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Yeah you're spot on - it's his first ever relationship. You've got your answer there. Imo, it's just that he's not mature enough to realize how much time and investment a relationship takes.
Redhead14 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 A brief overview: I've (18F) been dating Ben (17M), my best guy friend of 3 years, secretly for more than 2 months now. He's my ex's best friend, and initially I was unhappy with him not being ready to tell my ex from 1.5+ years ago, John (17M) about us. However, I realized I was being hypocritical since I was hiding the relationship from my somewhat anti-dating family, and decided I could wait. *You can read my past threads for more info* Now that we're 2 months along though, Ben's been pushing for me to tell my family so that we can openly date, and he says he plans on telling John by the end of this week. At the same time though, I kind of feel like things have been "off" in our relationship recently and he doesn't like me as much/gotten lazy about the relationship already (I may be imagining it). Convos don't seem to come as easy as they did when we were just friends. Anyways, we didn't hang out last weekend because I was waiting for him to ask me out on a date, which probably wasn't a good idea in hindsight since he DID take me on a date on V-day. So today I ask him if he wanted to hang out this weekend through Snapchat, and he replied saying that he's going to grab curry with his friends (supposed to happen last weekend, but got pushed back bc ppl were sick/busy), and that he might also be going to SF with his fam. Which is fine, people are busy sometimes. But what bothers me is that when I replied with "hmmm...maybe in March then," he answered "yes, we shall see, maybe, maybe not," which really hurt my feelings. Like what do you think he means by maybe? Is he implying that during the whole month of March we might not have a single date? Or that we'll have broken up by then? Or was it just a bad choice in phrasing? Because then why would he want to announce our relationship if he doesn't feel like things are going to work out? Am I just overthinking things? My family's been fighting a lot and my home situation isn't so good right now, so I might just be having a bout of insecurity. Thanks for any help. I would have asked him what he mean't. If he really mean't that it may be a month before you see each other again, I would have said "well, you enjoy yourself and keep in touch at least. I'll see you in a month if I'm available." Personally, I'm not going to wait around for a month for anyone. I will be dating other people and will make a decision when he finally does contact me to schedule seeing me. 1
Dreamworld Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 When I was younger, I was so afraid of possible rejection I would analyze everything to death and torture myself but I have come to realize that people can say one thing and really mean it at the time and then one day for no particular reason, they just lose interest. There seems to be no answer. In my experience when a guy acts vague about the next time we see each other I just go for it and give him specific dates when the time comes " hey are you free when and when?" If they cant seem to find the time to accomodate seeing me or decide and then keep bailing out on me last minute, ( I give them the benefit of the doubt and try one more time or two) I assume he has lost interest and move on. And I know this sounds overly simple, but if you have this gut feeling that he is losing interest ( convos are stilted etc) it might help to listen to it. I have learned that my instincts are right a lot of the time.
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