Guess refusing sex is good enough to weed out guys who are not serious about you?

February 23, 2016

Decent chance she'll have sex with one of them.

About what % ("decent chance") do you think? Just curious.

Sexy dancing has gone on for decades without its leading to sex. If it had led to sex after, no one would have danced to Stairway to Heaven in the 70's and 80's.

February 24, 2016

I'm just wondering about this. If a guy grinds against a woman on the dance floor does that mean she should expect him to have sex that night? Do people see that as an implicit contract of sorts, that goes both ways? If he doesn’t want to or decides to wait, should she not go out with him again? I'm just curious because when I was young, flirting, kissing and sexy dancing didn't necessarily lead to that conclusion ("we're going to have sex") at all. Even making out didn't automatically translate into having sex. I don't remember either my girlfriends or guy friends making that assumption, so I'm wondering if that has changed in this generation.

I'm wondering about the same thing. Why is a woman grinding and making out with a guy considered easy or a tease while a guy who does similarly sexually aggressive things to a woman is only "enjoying himself in the moment"? It seems like we're having double standards here.

I've met guys in the past who acted very much interested right off the bat, kissed me passionately or tried to fool around with me even on the first date, extended the date, etc., and then I never heard from him again after one date. The younger me was all childish and hurt, wondering why that happened because he seemed so interested in me! Then later I was told over and over again that men can be just having a good time and enjoying the moment on the date, and it is what he does in between dates that shows whether he's truly interested or not.

February 24, 2016

When the ball is in her court you wait for her to come back to you. If she doesn't you just assume SHE isn't interested and move on. If she wants to play hard to get there are a bunch of girls ready to replace her. It's not about sex, it's about finding someone who is crazy about you. If a woman only kind of likes you, puts herself in a position to have sex with you, and then turns you down...ehh, next.

Most guys don't act this way...but the smart ones do.

At least you didn't go home with him, but If you really wanted to take things slow you shouldn't have danced and made out with him. If I grinded and made out with a girl all night and she didn't want to come home with me i'd be confused and definitely discouraged from going on another date with her.

This only applies for the first month or two...after that the guy should actually make an effort if he likes her enough.

Well, I didn't think they was any "ball" involved here. We ended the night and said maybe we can do this again, and that's it. To say the least I wasn't too comfortable with having the initial few dates at loud bars or clubs, although we did get a chance to talk about each other quite a bit. But hey, if you want to dance and enjoy the night, I'm going to have a good time myself too. That doesn't mean I'm obligated to go home with you later, though.

Also, I'm simply not sure about his interest level either and considering that we met on an app, I may be one of 200 that he's connected or chatting with on there, so I don't think he'd care if one case doesn't pan out. I'm not opposed to sex, and I'm not trying to get into a relationship right away; I simply want to wait until I know for sure that he's interested in me and not just the sex.

I'm also not into the idea of sleeping with someone who beds different women every week.

February 24, 2016

It's a great way to weed out guys. There's no sane reason in this world to sleep with a guy you barely know anyway. A guy looking for a real relationship would respect you for your choice and it wouldn't deter him in the least as far as continuing to talk to you.

February 24, 2016

He probably doesn't want to look desperate. You rejected him but now it's time for you to show you are interested in him as a person. I think the ball is in your court.

Well, I'm not sure if a guy would be thinking anything about this if there are so many other options

I guess saying that I'm not comfortable about going home with him can be interpreted as a rejection, but I'm not so sure if he's interested in me as a person, either, so this goes both ways.

February 24, 2016

Even if you had told the guy that you DIDN'T want to grind and make out so soon, he still would have perceived that as rejection and acted the same way. Guys are so sensitive these days. All you have to do is say "Boo" and they may run away crying.

February 24, 2016

I'm always a bit perplexed when I come across threads like this one. On one hand I completely understand and support your decision to remove sex from the equation early on in the dating process. I think that's smart and something most girls who get emotionally invested after sex should be conscious of doing if they've had bad experiences in the past. Shows you're learning and being smart so kudos for that.

That being said, what I don't understand is when girls expect a guy who they've literally told (I'm not interested in a casual thing/sleeping with you) decide to bail so quickly, or give up, or put the future initiations/date offers solely in the guys hands and control.

What girls need to understand is that if you are going to slow play it and require a longer "getting to know you" phase before any kind of physical involvement, you also need to come to terms with and be ok with the fact that the guy is not required to follow the rules of YOUr playbook and have all his plans set around trying to woo you and get you to trust him and feel secure. You barely know each other so he's going to talk to other girls if someone interests him, might go on another couple dates, while still being interested in you and asking you out in a few days or a week later, etc.

You're dating to hopefully leads to a relationship, and won't sleep with a guy until you feel ready. That's totally fine and respectable. But not every guy is going to cut off all contact to other women and deliberately take his time knowing that it will be a process to win you over. Now, the right guy will do that. They're out there.. But sometimes the guy who does that, isn't the guy you want as a BF. So it's a double edged sword.

If you like the guy and you want to get to know him better then you need to take the initiative to re in force your interest after taking sex off the table. Lots of guys will take that as a girl saying "I'm not opposed to sex, I'm just not attracted to you enough to tell you it's gonna happen anytime soon tho". So for the guys you do like, send them a text or two and do a little initiating before you call it quits. If after doing that a couple times you still don't get a vibe of him being interested, then you can bail.

There are some good points in this. To be fair, I've initiated contact with him once or twice since that last date, and he eventually replied, but just not as prompt or enthusiastic as before. We'd have a good conversation, asking about each other's weekend plans, but neither mentions meeting up for something. That's where I get the impression that he's probably moving on and not caring too much about this.

February 24, 2016

When you see a girl grind with six guys at a nightclub, do you really think she slept with them all?

From what it sounds, this was more like a date and def not a free for all

February 24, 2016

I'm trying to figure out how you're ascertaining that the reason he didn't call you is because it's because you didn't want to have sex with him?

How do you know that was even the reason?

My point to the OP that this is quite the assumption on her part.

February 24, 2016

OP, you remind me of myself over the past couple years. The day I deleted my dating apps for good was the first day that I began to feel happy and free. It wasn't long after that until I met someone in real life, who wasn't hiding behind the online platform. We're going on 5 months now as a couple. If we don't work out for some reason, I will never use dating apps again. Let me explain why I say this in hopes that it will help you.

I was single for over four years until a few months ago. I spent so many first dates with guys I met online. I never progressed past one date- ONE! with these people. The people I dated more than once were the ones I met while out with friends, etc. I am STRONGLY against online dating, for me anyway... here is why (and I think what has just happened to you proves this fact):

While shopping (dating) online, men (and women) have a revolving door of options. It's all superficial and fake. It's kind of like flipping through a catalog or reading a magazine. I compare it to shopping online without seeing or interacting what you want to buy. There is so little effort required, it takes the romance and depth out of dating. (More power to people who have succeeded and found lasting love online. You are the exception). I started to feel like just a face on a body across the table from the plethora of men I went out with. Once I felt like I may as well be an escort, because that's what it felt like. I felt as if I could be anyone to these people; they selected me from a profile because they thought I was attractive and wanted to have my company. Many of them were hoping to have sex too. It made me feel so cheap.

I fooled around with a couple guys over the years, and I'm not going to lie I had a couple one night stands. But eventually, I started looking for a real relationship, so ultimately, sex was no longer on the table. Of course I still wanted it, but I didn't want it with any of the guys I met online, that's for sure.

I think where you are going wrong is by stating out loud that you aren't a casual sex person. Words are cheap, it's the actions that matter. I would be put off a little on date one if a person said that to me. If you don't feel that way, ACT that way. There's no need to say it. Let me give you an example about the actions.

The night I met my current boyfriend, we were totally on fire for each other and sex was clearly on our minds. I was visiting his city and leaving in the next two days, so while I certainly had the opportunity to sleep with him (and man, did I want to...) I never TOLD him that I'm not a casual sex person...I just didn't let him come into my hotel room. I think I said something like 'I want you, but I don't know if I'll ever see you again, and I like you too much to risk that... and probably 'I'm looking for something more substantial than just potentially a one night stand'. And then... I followed through with it by not allowing him to come into my room. I ended the evening and I shut the door while he was standing there about to fall over with lust leaning into the doorway. And he has never stopped pursuing me ever since that night. He didn't fade out for a few days or send me casual messages with no plans to see each other again, like your recent date is doing.

Most men (not all, but most) who date online are used to women giving it up easy. It's like a free for all. Hell, I've seen prostitutes on some dating sites. That should tell you something. Therefore, when people meet someone on another online date, she's/he's just one of the many he could choose from. I'm not saying that people can't make real connections this way. It's just not for me, and I think the odds are stacked against you. If you say "I'm not into casual sex", if he is, he's gonna move on. I would recommend not saying that out loud anymore. It's TMI

So to answer your original question:

I DO think that holding out on sex weeds out the men who only want that. CLEARLY my boyfriend wasn't after just sex with me; he got to know me day in and day out for almost 2 months while separated across the country before we slept together. I honestly think that if I had slept with him on the first night, we probably would have continued talking...but like I said, I wasn't willing to take that risk. He told me later that of course he wanted to sleep with me that first night, but he could tell by the way that I ACTED that I wanted something deeper. And he wanted that too, so he pursued me. I think it made him want me more and know he had to put in the effort, which he has.

Take it from me, as a woman who was against casual sex just as you are...the ones that were lukewarm and didn't care too much just faded away just like your date is doing... and the ones that were after more than sex... like all my boyfriends past... will never leave you wondering and will never leave it up to you to initiate contact or plan the next date.

Don't contact him again. Hold out for someone who will pursue you.

February 24, 2016

OP, you remind me of myself over the past couple years. The day I deleted my dating apps for good was the first day that I began to feel happy and free. It wasn't long after that until I met someone in real life, who wasn't hiding behind the online platform. We're going on 5 months now as a couple. If we don't work out for some reason, I will never use dating apps again. Let me explain why I say this in hopes that it will help you.

I was single for over four years until a few months ago. I spent so many first dates with guys I met online. I never progressed past one date- ONE! with these people. The people I dated more than once were the ones I met while out with friends, etc. I am STRONGLY against online dating, for me anyway... here is why (and I think what has just happened to you proves this fact):

While shopping (dating) online, men (and women) have a revolving door of options. It's all superficial and fake. It's kind of like flipping through a catalog or reading a magazine. I compare it to shopping online without seeing or interacting what you want to buy. There is so little effort required, it takes the romance and depth out of dating. (More power to people who have succeeded and found lasting love online. You are the exception). I started to feel like just a face on a body across the table from the plethora of men I went out with. Once I felt like I may as well be an escort, because that's what it felt like. I felt as if I could be anyone to these people; they selected me from a profile because they thought I was attractive and wanted to have my company. Many of them were hoping to have sex too. It made me feel so cheap.

I fooled around with a couple guys over the years, and I'm not going to lie I had a couple one night stands. But eventually, I started looking for a real relationship, so ultimately, sex was no longer on the table. Of course I still wanted it, but I didn't want it with any of the guys I met online, that's for sure.

I think where you are going wrong is by stating out loud that you aren't a casual sex person. Words are cheap, it's the actions that matter. I would be put off a little on date one if a person said that to me. If you don't feel that way, ACT that way. There's no need to say it. Let me give you an example about the actions.

The night I met my current boyfriend, we were totally on fire for each other and sex was clearly on our minds. I was visiting his city and leaving in the next two days, so while I certainly had the opportunity to sleep with him (and man, did I want to...) I never TOLD him that I'm not a casual sex person...I just didn't let him come into my hotel room. I think I said something like 'I want you, but I don't know if I'll ever see you again, and I like you too much to risk that... and probably 'I'm looking for something more substantial than just potentially a one night stand'. And then... I followed through with it by not allowing him to come into my room. I ended the evening and I shut the door while he was standing there about to fall over with lust leaning into the doorway. And he has never stopped pursuing me ever since that night. He didn't fade out for a few days or send me casual messages with no plans to see each other again, like your recent date is doing.

Most men (not all, but most) who date online are used to women giving it up easy. It's like a free for all. Hell, I've seen prostitutes on some dating sites. That should tell you something. Therefore, when people meet someone on another online date, she's/he's just one of the many he could choose from. I'm not saying that people can't make real connections this way. It's just not for me, and I think the odds are stacked against you. If you say "I'm not into casual sex", if he is, he's gonna move on. I would recommend not saying that out loud anymore. It's TMI

So to answer your original question:
I DO think that holding out on sex weeds out the men who only want that. CLEARLY my boyfriend wasn't after just sex with me; he got to know me day in and day out for almost 2 months while separated across the country before we slept together. I honestly think that if I had slept with him on the first night, we probably would have continued talking...but like I said, I wasn't willing to take that risk. He told me later that of course he wanted to sleep with me that first night, but he could tell by the way that I ACTED that I wanted something deeper. And he wanted that too, so he pursued me. I think it made him want me more and know he had to put in the effort, which he has.

Take it from me, as a woman who was against casual sex just as you are...the ones that were lukewarm and didn't care too much just faded away just like your date is doing... and the ones that were after more than sex... like all my boyfriends past... will never leave you wondering and will never leave it up to you to initiate contact or plan the next date.
Don't contact him again. Hold out for someone who will pursue you.

Thanks for sharing your story! I agree that online dating seems very inorganic and usually two people are placed into a situation where they are kind of "forced" to figure out how they feel about each other within a limited amount of time. It's definitely not ideal and I jumped on this wagon two years ago when my last long term relationship ended. Before this all of my romantic partners were people I met in school or at work or through mutual friends, which was more natural as you are already in each other's life, and you develop shared experiences, friendship and then something more. I have a super busy job, very little time to socialize, not a huge fan of the bar scene, and I live in the suburb of a mid-sized city, so it just seems like there are not a lot of opportunities for me to meet new people in real life.

I have to say, though, that I'm lucky enough that I haven't had any really weird encounters online. I've never had a one night stand or had to deal with some "jerk." The only issue I find with men using online dating services is that a lot of them are fresh out of a recent breakup that they are still hurting and emotionally unavailable, but eagerly looking for companionship to fill that loneliness. Once you are connected with them, it can be all great in the beginning until something happens and they realize they are not ready for a serious commitment and have to end it with you, which sucks.

In my experience, most of the time the interest is one-sided so it doesn't take long for one person to break the news to the other one: "You are really great, but I'm just not feeling much here. So good luck and goodbye." To me that's actually a very noble and genuine thing to do and not wasting anyone's time there. There have been three men over the course of these two years that I'd dated for a more extended period of time with mutual interest but eventually still burnt out due to reasons beyond my control. These three cases all ended amicably and I'm actually good friends now with two of them.

Now, all the scenarios above I just described are from online dating websites. A friend of mine recommended this app to me last month so it's my first time using a random app. This new date I mentioned in the original post is the first person I met on there, so in a way I'm still new to the app dating scene. Of course I'm definitely starting to notice how even more casual things can be with people you meet via these apps. At least with those dating websites, you have to fill out a profile, and sometimes have to pay for a subscription; these apps, however, seem to make dating based on a swipe left and right or pure judgment on one's physical appearance.

February 24, 2016

OP, you remind me of myself over the past couple years. The day I deleted my dating apps for good was the first day that I began to feel happy and free. It wasn't long after that until I met someone in real life, who wasn't hiding behind the online platform. We're going on 5 months now as a couple. If we don't work out for some reason, I will never use dating apps again. Let me explain why I say this in hopes that it will help you.

I was single for over four years until a few months ago. I spent so many first dates with guys I met online. I never progressed past one date- ONE! with these people. The people I dated more than once were the ones I met while out with friends, etc. I am STRONGLY against online dating, for me anyway... here is why (and I think what has just happened to you proves this fact):

While shopping (dating) online, men (and women) have a revolving door of options. It's all superficial and fake. It's kind of like flipping through a catalog or reading a magazine. I compare it to shopping online without seeing or interacting what you want to buy. There is so little effort required, it takes the romance and depth out of dating. (More power to people who have succeeded and found lasting love online. You are the exception). I started to feel like just a face on a body across the table from the plethora of men I went out with. Once I felt like I may as well be an escort, because that's what it felt like. I felt as if I could be anyone to these people; they selected me from a profile because they thought I was attractive and wanted to have my company. Many of them were hoping to have sex too. It made me feel so cheap.

I fooled around with a couple guys over the years, and I'm not going to lie I had a couple one night stands. But eventually, I started looking for a real relationship, so ultimately, sex was no longer on the table. Of course I still wanted it, but I didn't want it with any of the guys I met online, that's for sure.

I think where you are going wrong is by stating out loud that you aren't a casual sex person. Words are cheap, it's the actions that matter. I would be put off a little on date one if a person said that to me. If you don't feel that way, ACT that way. There's no need to say it. Let me give you an example about the actions.

The night I met my current boyfriend, we were totally on fire for each other and sex was clearly on our minds. I was visiting his city and leaving in the next two days, so while I certainly had the opportunity to sleep with him (and man, did I want to...) I never TOLD him that I'm not a casual sex person...I just didn't let him come into my hotel room. I think I said something like 'I want you, but I don't know if I'll ever see you again, and I like you too much to risk that... and probably 'I'm looking for something more substantial than just potentially a one night stand'. And then... I followed through with it by not allowing him to come into my room. I ended the evening and I shut the door while he was standing there about to fall over with lust leaning into the doorway. And he has never stopped pursuing me ever since that night. He didn't fade out for a few days or send me casual messages with no plans to see each other again, like your recent date is doing.

Most men (not all, but most) who date online are used to women giving it up easy. It's like a free for all. Hell, I've seen prostitutes on some dating sites. That should tell you something. Therefore, when people meet someone on another online date, she's/he's just one of the many he could choose from. I'm not saying that people can't make real connections this way. It's just not for me, and I think the odds are stacked against you. If you say "I'm not into casual sex", if he is, he's gonna move on. I would recommend not saying that out loud anymore. It's TMI

So to answer your original question:
I DO think that holding out on sex weeds out the men who only want that. CLEARLY my boyfriend wasn't after just sex with me; he got to know me day in and day out for almost 2 months while separated across the country before we slept together. I honestly think that if I had slept with him on the first night, we probably would have continued talking...but like I said, I wasn't willing to take that risk. He told me later that of course he wanted to sleep with me that first night, but he could tell by the way that I ACTED that I wanted something deeper. And he wanted that too, so he pursued me. I think it made him want me more and know he had to put in the effort, which he has.

Take it from me, as a woman who was against casual sex just as you are...the ones that were lukewarm and didn't care too much just faded away just like your date is doing... and the ones that were after more than sex... like all my boyfriends past... will never leave you wondering and will never leave it up to you to initiate contact or plan the next date.
Don't contact him again. Hold out for someone who will pursue you.

I have to say, this post is a far different than what I'm used to seeing on here. VERY eloquently put!

Some of course will say, "I don't know what you're talking about, I've had great dates on here" (Great FIRST dates?)

Anyhow, I mentioned this in a post in the past, but figured it beared repeating. I took a break from online dating for about a year. Figured I'd give the male perspective of what you wrote...being a woman...but as a man...they kind of parallel each other.

When I decided to give it a go again. I saw the same spinsters on here that I had already emailed back THEN. That's rather telling of the women (or people) on these sites. They build up a set of unrealistic expectations. Like the other poster, I live in a suburban area outside of a mid-sized city as well, and I'm kind of surprised these women aren't willing to give it a shot by driving 5 minutes for a bite for some interaction with me considering the minimal options around here, geographically.

I always thought geographic availability kind of helped in a smaller town.

Anyways, these permanent fixtures on these sites, I'm like, "Well, I'll guess I'll email them again...see what happens." Still...nothing. I'm sure they've built up their cat collection during this time. lol

I've noticed the MOST success I had with women responding and actually MEETING me in person, were the new faces.

Speaking of "I'm back for round 2" profiles. I saw this woman in her early 40s, single, never married, no kids...pretty attractive as far as this area is concerned.

(Note: If you see an attractive person in this neck of the woods out and about, they are 99% married or have a live-in boyfriend, no question) But, apparently there are attractive, (at least to me) people peppered about rural America.

Anyhow, back to my jist...she started out with...

"Well, I'm back for round 2, figured I'd give this shot again...LOCAL ONLY please!" (Already limiting herself there).

She had a very well put together, thought out profile about how she is and what she's looking for. Said her parents have been together for 40 years and had picked up the values and morals that her old-fashioned parents have instilled in HER when raising her.

That very well mirrored within me, and there were a lot of things we NICELY matched up on....but on paper.

I recall even some women being into the same sci-fi geeky, even most OBSCURE genres and made note of that in my initial email to them.

No such luck, you could be perfectly matched in every way and STILL not get a response.

I'd used to very closely read profiles to see if someone's beliefs, values, hobbies, etc. would match...when I'd find these rare gems, I'd get pretty excited and email them only to be ignored or ...and this you have to laugh, "Sorry, but I don't think we'd make a good match."

Even THOUGH, we clearly did based on the written profiles that mirror each other's personalities, beliefs, etc.

It even makes very average looking women to be overly picky. It's as if they have nothing to bring to the table themselves, but expect MORE from the other party.

Online dating gives this sense of "He's okay/cute...but I could do better" (Read the "Husband Store".)

In this small area, I would occasionally see their faces out and about in person at a grocery store and thought about interacting with them there, to give me a chance to prove myself face-to-face. But didn't want to come off as creepy doing so.

I recall a guy that once emailed a woman on POF that said he got ignored by a certain woman, then he saw her at a local fair grounds...approached her, chatted her up...asked her out..and after going out a few times...fessed up that he had emailed her ON POF, and she said, "WOW, had I known it was YOU, I would have never NOT replied to you!"

LOL

That goes to show how much of a serious wall online dating puts us.

That's why these Meetup groups are so much better, as you are seeing people face-to-face...but, it's an "organized" method of meeting people...not too organic.

I can't do the traditional, "Approach a woman in a bookstore" because a lot of women in public have this "stranger danger" feeling going on. But yeah, lesser than the two evils though. lol

February 24, 2016

Do guys really do that? I was under the impression that if you are really interested in someone, you'd definitely keep in touch and get the contact going. If you don't think something is worth it or it's going to take too much effort, that's when you step back and consider moving on.

Your outlook is right.

Someone whose actually interested in you and sees you as something more than a booty call doesn't have you meet him late at night at some club so he can see if you'll take him home or take him up on his lame offer to go to his place. It's like the lazy ass didn't want to spend time with you having dinner or drinks or anything but just wanted to fast forward to the end of the evening where he might get laid.

Why would you waste your time reaching out to HIM at this point? He's shown you LOUD and clear what he's after.

If the guy were to put any LESS effort into you, he'd be in a coma.

February 24, 2016

He probably doesn't want to look desperate. You rejected him but now it's time for you to show you are interested in him as a person. I think the ball is in your court.

LOL. Very doubtful.

Romeo isn't sitting back licking his wounds. He's merely set his sights on someone else who might actually fall for his transparent bullsh*t. When your entire 'dating' history consists of meeting late on a Saturday night at some club - TWICE - followed by his suggestion they go back to one of their places, the only 'interest' he's got is in getting laid. It ain't rocket science.

February 24, 2016

Grinding and making out is about as close as you can get to having sex in public. If you're not ready for sex, you really shouldn't be grinding up on someone

6 days or 6 dates? 6 days is not long at all.

I'm not buying into that. I thing the opposite. You don't want sex? Do the next best thing - grind. Your logic is flawed. In your mind someone is ready for the next level as long as they made it to the level below. Not a healthily way to think.

February 24, 2016

Grinding and making out is about as close as you can get to having sex in public. If you're not ready for sex, you really shouldn't be grinding up on someone

6 days or 6 dates? 6 days is not long at all.

6 days and 6 "dates" if you want to call them that. We lived in the same apartment complex so after work we were with each other everyday for 6 days.

February 24, 2016

Good thing is he didn't push it or acted in any dramatic ways. He simply said he understands and it's okay. Couldn't tell if he wanted to see me again or not at the moment, except he casually said "well we should do this again."

After that Saturday I honestly didn't expect to hear from him again, since I mentioned that I couldn't do casual sex. He has definitely slowed down the communication a bit but surprisingly still reached out on a few nights the following week, engaging in a pretty good conversation with me. Still, perhaps he was just passing time and enjoying the attention
.

What was your response to this then? The fact he's communicating with you shows some level of interest IMO and he did appear to be fine about your turning down sex. I would actually suggest meeting up again!

February 24, 2016

Do guys really do that? I was under the impression that if you are really interested in someone, you'd definitely keep in touch and get the contact going. If you don't think something is worth it or it's going to take too much effort, that's when you step back and consider moving on.

Yes, some do. He may think you said no because you don't find him attractive, rather than just wanting to be careful to avoid ONS. He's staying in touch because he liked you, but is probably hesitant to ask you out right away because he thinks he'll be rejected. This way, he may think he's building some connection, and will probably ask you out again eventually. If he does, show some enthusiasm for seeing him - playing it too cool may make him lose interest. You can still wait a bit before considering sex, if you show sincere interest in other ways.

Of course, it's also possible that he is finding/dating others, but still likes you and is waiting to see what develops.

February 24, 2016

This post reminds me of a woman that posted publickly on her FB page how a guy that attempted to "grope" her in her bed while they were both watching TV.

She said his reaction was, "I can't lay in bed next to a woman without wanting to fool around."

Apparently, she was appalled at this and gave him the boot.

I was like "Seriously? You invite a man into your bedroom 'to watch TV' and you don't expect him to try to touch you?"

I even said to her, "If he didn't make a move, then you'd probably think he's not interested."

February 24, 2016

I do think holding back on sex is a good idea in online dating. In fact, it's a good idea in all dating - it just helps you get to know the person clearly without lust and physical connectivity clouding things.

I can't read your guy, I think so far he seems respectful? I mean he stopped when you asked him to and he is still staying in contact. I think the ball is in your court on this one - if you like him, make it clear. And on your next date don't get to the point of grinding if you see long term potential with him.

Time is the best way to get to the heart of someone's true intentions.

February 24, 2016

This post reminds me of a woman that posted publickly on her FB page how a guy that attempted to "grope" her in her bed while they were both watching TV.

She said his reaction was, "I can't lay in bed next to a woman without wanting to fool around."

Apparently, she was appalled at this and gave him the boot.

I was like "Seriously? You invite a man into your bedroom 'to watch TV' and you don't expect him to try to touch you?"

I even said to her, "If he didn't make a move, then you'd probably think he's not interested."

Exactly. What did she expect? My wife did something similar while we were broke up. She met this stranger at a bar. Talked for a few hours and he got her number. Next weekend he called her out of the blue said he was on his way to her area and wanted to see her. She arranged to meet him out with her roommate and her boyfriend. He hit on her the whole night. Said she didn't invite him back to her apartment but he followed them. He knocked on the door and she LET HIM IN!!! At the end of the night he said he was too tired to drive back. She let him stay the night - IN HER BED!!! She says to me she didn't think anything would happen. Am I the ONLY one who smells BS???

Now you tell me. A guy comes out of nowhere demands he see her, hits on her all night, follows her home uninvited, hits on her some more and then asks to stay the night because it's "late". Add to that she said she didn't want him there AT ALL but said NOTHING.

Everyone raise their hand on who would then invite the guy to not only stay the night but stay the night in her bed. Use your imagination on what happened next and then multiply it by 4.

He set the whole thing up and she was too dam naive to figure it out and didn't have common sense nor self respect (or she just dam lied to me about it). So the moral of the story is don't be a fool and allow a guy to be in your bed and NOT know what is going to happen next.

Edited February 24, 2016 by SSJROMANCE

February 25, 2016

What was your response to this then? The fact he's communicating with you shows some level of interest IMO and he did appear to be fine about your turning down sex. I would actually suggest meeting up again!

I simply said, "Sure, we'll see." Didn't think twice about it. I feel like there's a difference between keeping someone as an option and having real interest, though. Both men and women are guilty of this - sometimes you make a minimum amount of effort to keep in touch with someone because there's no better options yet.

February 25, 2016

I do think holding back on sex is a good idea in online dating. In fact, it's a good idea in all dating - it just helps you get to know the person clearly without lust and physical connectivity clouding things.

I can't read your guy, I think so far he seems respectful? I mean he stopped when you asked him to and he is still staying in contact. I think the ball is in your court on this one - if you like him, make it clear. And on your next date don't get to the point of grinding if you see long term potential with him.
Time is the best way to get to the heart of someone's true intentions.

Well he did eventually asked if we can meet up again and suggested the same thing we did the previous times. I said why don't we eat out somewhere too because it seems like we were always going directly for the club scenes. And he was silent for quite a while after seeing this question, and finally responded that we can but it'd still have to be late like 9:30 or 10ish. What the hell?

I'm just really amazed by this one. To me dating is not like this. Seems like he only wants to do the clubs, but I think there should be some more "normal" activities too like coffee, lunch, or dinner, or maybe some daytime outdoor stuff, etc. I really feel like saying let's not do this anymore.

I don't know if he's worried about the cost because I'm not looking for a free ride. I'm more than okay to split the bill. At this point it just doesn't seem worth it to keep going out with someone when you want different things.

February 25, 2016

Well he did eventually asked if we can meet up again and suggested the same thing we did the previous times. I said why don't we eat out somewhere too because it seems like we were always going directly for the club scenes. And he was silent for quite a while after seeing this question, and finally responded that we can but it'd still have to be late like 9:30 or 10ish. What the hell?

I'm just really amazed by this one. To me dating is not like this. Seems like he only wants to do the clubs, but I think there should be some more "normal" activities too like coffee, lunch, or dinner, or maybe some daytime outdoor stuff, etc. I really feel like saying let's not do this anymore.

I don't know if he's worried about the cost because I'm not looking for a free ride. I'm more than okay to split the bill. At this point it just doesn't seem worth it to keep going out with someone when you want different things.

Yeah, I think I would bounce. It seems like too much hassle and low compatibility and it is really only early days.

It is such a cliché, and everyone says it, but I recently experienced it myself for the first time... when the guy is into you and you are compatible, it is just easy. You never have to second guess him or wonder what his motivations are, everything is crystal clear. Get rid of these mixed signal and unclear guys and leave room for the guy who will be super into you!

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Guess refusing sex is good enough to weed out guys who are not serious about you?

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