went on my ex's IG

February 23, 2016

This girl and I have been dating for about 5 months. Everything is amazing and I havent been this happy since my son's mother about 3 years ago. I am 100% fully invested in her. We hit it off quick went on vacations, explored and just enjoyed each other's company. I wanted to try something I have never done before and be completely open and honest and so I let her full access to everything and didn't care if she was on my phone. I made a mistake and wasn't even thinking but I went on one of my ex's IG (a short relationship about 2 years ago) cuz we shared passwords at one point. No messaging or anything I just wanted to see what was up with her. I know some of you are gonna say you miss her but I don't have those feelings what so ever.

So i owned up to my mistake told her I shouldnt have been on it and on top of that called that ex and cleared it up telling her i was on her profile with an old pw and that i had no feelings for her and im happy that she's moved on.

My question is what can I do to prove to my gf that I don't have feelings for anyone but her and to assure her that I am 100% invested in her. I was just plain no thinking. Just because she saw that I was logged into my ex's IG she is talking about breaking up.

Edited February 23, 2016 by WIDESTI

February 23, 2016

This girl and I have been dating for about 5 months. Everything is amazing and I havent been this happy since my son's mother about 3 years ago. I am 100% fully invested in her. We hit it off quick went on vacations, explored and just enjoyed each other's company. I wanted to try something I have never done before and be completely open and honest and so I let her full access to everything and didn't care if she was on my phone. I made a mistake and wasn't even thinking but I went on one of my ex's IG (a short relationship about 2 years ago) cuz we shared passwords at one point. No messaging or anything I just wanted to see what was up with her. I know some of you are gonna say you miss her but I don't have those feelings what so ever.

So i owned up to my mistake told her I shouldnt have been on it and on top of that called that ex and cleared it up telling her i was on her profile with an old pw and that i had no feelings for her and im happy that she's moved on.

My question is what can I do to prove to my gf that I don't have feelings for anyone but her and to assure her that I am 100% invested in her. I was just plain no thinking. Just because she saw that I was logged into my ex's IG she is talking about breaking up.

Jeez... Really going out of your way to dig your own grave huh man?

There's a difference between being "open and honest" and being "brutally open and honest". Your gf didn't need to know that you randomly clicked on your ex's IG and took a quick peek. You certainly didn't need to call up your ex to explain that you looked at her Ig. Talk about over doing it. The amount of damage control you went into doing, for damage that you actually brought on yourself is probably the strangest thing your current gf is trying to figure out.

February 23, 2016

The way you get past it? When your gf threatens to break up with you then you call her bluff. "Ok, break up with me because I clicked on my ex iG one time for 8 seconds, smart move babe."

You've already gone above and beyond by calling up the ex(weird move btw), so there's nothing you can do to "prove" that toure invested. Your actions and the way you treat your current gf should either show you are or not. If you're saying you've done everything right besides this, then you have the right to tell her "get a grip, it was a lapse of thinking. I thought by being honest with you it would show you that I never want to jeaprodize what we have.... From now on I'll keep things to myself if this is how you're going to react"

February 23, 2016

The way you get past it? When your gf threatens to break up with you then you call her bluff. "Ok, break up with me because I clicked on my ex iG one time for 8 seconds, smart move babe."

You've already gone above and beyond by calling up the ex(weird move btw), so there's nothing you can do to "prove" that toure invested. Your actions and the way you treat your current gf should either show you are or not. If you're saying you've done everything right besides this, then you have the right to tell her "get a grip, it was a lapse of thinking. I thought by being honest with you it would show you that I never want to jeaprodize what we have.... From now on I'll keep things to myself if this is how you're going to react"

Sorry guess I didn't make it clear I was logged in on my exs acct with an old password she never changed while we were together and while my gf was on my phone she came upon it

Edited February 23, 2016 by WIDESTI

February 23, 2016

The way you get past it? When your gf threatens to break up with you then you call her bluff. "Ok, break up with me because I clicked on my ex iG one time for 8 seconds, smart move babe."

You've already gone above and beyond by calling up the ex(weird move btw), so there's nothing you can do to "prove" that toure invested. Your actions and the way you treat your current gf should either show you are or not. If you're saying you've done everything right besides this, then you have the right to tell her "get a grip, it was a lapse of thinking. I thought by being honest with you it would show you that I never want to jeaprodize what we have.... From now on I'll keep things to myself if this is how you're going to react"

Big deal. You looked up an Ex. We ALL do it. I cannot stand controlling partners and break up with ones that try to control me. SHE needs to get a grip. Not you. She needs to let it go or you should let her go.

February 23, 2016

Big deal. You looked up an Ex. We ALL do it. I cannot stand controlling partners and break up with ones that try to control me. SHE needs to get a grip. Not you. She needs to let it go or you should let her go.

Yeah, but he actually logged into the ex's account, password and all. That is a little more than skimming through an ex's IG or FB to see what they were up to.

OP, I am not sure why you called the ex to let her know either (that was strange) but all you can do is apologize to the current GF and move on. Either she accepts it, or doesn't. I have to be honest, if it were me, I could get over you checking out an ex's pics once (as Mike said, we all do), but why did you actually LOG IN to the account??

February 23, 2016

Yeah, but he actually logged into the ex's account, password and all. That is a little more than skimming through an ex's IG or FB to see what they were up to.

OP, I am not sure why you called the ex to let her know either (that was strange) but all you can do is apologize to the current GF and move on. Either she accepts it, or doesn't. I have to be honest, if it were me, I could get over you checking out an ex's pics once (as Mike said, we all do), but why did you actually LOG IN to the account??

Cuz I was blocked. I just wanted to come clean I haven't talked to her for about 1 year she was ok that I told her. But yeah I just wanted to see what they were up to and lapse of though. like I said I know many would think I had feelings but no I'm 100% way more invested in my current relationship.

February 23, 2016

Omg you apologized and admitted it. Move on now. Don't bring it up again.

February 23, 2016

Having had my current relationship start with me and my Ex at war (mostly via social media) and my current GF in the middle of it heres what I can suggest (and I'm still in the midst of it, she hasnt forgot)

Time, you just have to stay the course, stay away from Ex's stuff and let the good times and days/months make that accident fade.

Let her vent and dont be on the defensive. If its bothering her let her have her moment to bitch about it. Dont try to defend yourself and make it about you. Agree and apologize and say as little as possible while shes venting.

She will have one of two outcomes, forgive and forget or forget but never forgive. Both are just a matter of time and allowing her to vent and accepting your mistake.

February 23, 2016

Jeez... Really going out of your way to dig your own grave huh man?

There's a difference between being "open and honest" and being "brutally open and honest". Your gf didn't need to know that you randomly clicked on your ex's IG and took a quick peek. You certainly didn't need to call up your ex to explain that you looked at her Ig. Talk about over doing it. The amount of damage control you went into doing, for damage that you actually brought on yourself is probably the strangest thing your current gf is trying to figure out.

Wow, yes totally agree with Qboro as usual. I'm not even sure other than your search history why you would think she would know. And if she is the type to dissect it that much, well then "full access" (which I don't agree with anyway) is a huge mistake. Because you will be tiptoeing around everything you do say or lookup. I can believe it is totally harmless or just curiosity that had you looking up your ex-gf--makes sense that if you are now happy you might reflect on some of your past and wonder what is up with those people and who if anyone they are with now. Totally understand that. The thing is that with the whole aftermath you are protesting too much and digging a deeper hole. That's why current gf thinks there's more to it.

I still don't quite get the "logged in part". Even if you were checking out what your ex gf is up to. There's no reason to log into her account and perhaps fiddle with things. You didn't need to do that to see what she was currently up to. Unless she is private and you no longer follow each other. If you "logged into her account" to snoop on her in anything more than a normal curiosity way, like to tamper with her account, I can see why your current gf has concerns and doesn't wholeheartedly believe your story. It's kinda creepy. If you shared the same password, and had honest intentions, just change yours. No reason to log into her account AS IF it is yours. Your current gf might be reacting to the deviousness of that.

If it is a simple a matter of looking at an exgf's insta, you need to tell your gf to relax, it was nothing. And if she still brings it up to you or breaks up with you, then you have only invested 5 months into a relationship that would most likely bring you a lot of grief and a world of hurt. She would be too jealous to handle things that go on in normal everyday life. Anyway, good luck. And in the future, can you now see why full access is a bad idea--you will end up explaining and trying to scramble to fix things that may mean or indicate NOTHING.

February 23, 2016

Cuz I was blocked. I just wanted to come clean I haven't talked to her for about 1 year she was ok that I told her. But yeah I just wanted to see what they were up to and lapse of though. like I said I know many would think I had feelings but no I'm 100% way more invested in my current relationship.

ok I'm understanding it a little better. That's too invasive and probably a red flag for your current gf. If you were blocked, to circumvent that and gain access to her account AND remain logged in is completely weird. and forget to log out for a YEAR--that is not really that believable.

As a girl, I wouldn't care that much (or be thinking of breaking up with you) if you LOOKED AT your ex--gf's insta. The other stuff you did, including the phone call, don't really sound above board and yes they would have me deciding if I wanted to stay with you or not. Not due to jealousy--they sound like character issues of yours. That is not how I want my current bf to deal with "issues", ie such as being blocked by an ex gf. Do you think THAT'S why she is considering breaking up with you? If she is still stuck on just the fact that you looked at ex gf's page, fine let her break up with you. I think it must be the totality of everything, the "other stuff" weighing much heavier.

February 23, 2016

thank you for all your input and see and understand all your thoughts. It is up to her to forgive and I have made it clear to her it was a mistake and something I should've thought of before I went on my ex's account out of curiosity. No I did not go on to fiddle with anything or even read any messages. It has only been about a day and she is definitely communicating she is HURT. I have communicated to her I understand why she is hurt and I would do anything to prove to her she has nothing to worry about.

any other input as to how to improve this and help us move past this would be appreciated.

February 23, 2016

I made a mistake and wasn't even thinking but I went on one of my ex's IG (a short relationship about 2 years ago) cuz we shared passwords at one point. No messaging or anything I just wanted to see what was up with her.

When did you do this? After you told her she could have free access to your phone? Jeez!

If it was a short relationship 2 years ago, why did you want to see what's up with her? If you were blocked, then that's a huge hint for you to get on with your own life.

But I can see why your current girlfriend is miffed. You should have told your ex to change her password so you can't access her account anymore, since you've been broken up for a year now. What she's doing isn't any of your concern anymore, you know.

February 23, 2016

Yeah I would probably break up with you too because that's an insane violation of privacy to someone you aren't even related to anymore. Looking? Still dumb but logging in... Let's hear the real reason?

February 23, 2016

Yeah I would probably break up with you too because that's an insane violation of privacy to someone you aren't even related to anymore. Looking? Still dumb but logging in... Let's hear the real reason?

completely honest when I say I don't have feelings. I don't have anything to hide on here as I want to get everyone's honest opinions. She was technically not even an ex (never established) but someone I talked to and I ended things. In all seriousness it I just looked and it was nothing more as if just clicking on an exs page or profile. but yes the fact that I logged into your account... dumb on my part. I hope i can help fix how hurt she is and just as supportive as possible. I KNOW i wont ever do that again.

February 23, 2016

When did you do this? After you told her she could have free access to your phone? Jeez!

If it was a short relationship 2 years ago, why did you want to see what's up with her? If you were blocked, then that's a huge hint for you to get on with your own life.

But I can see why your current girlfriend is miffed. You should have told your ex to change her password so you can't access her account anymore, since you've been broken up for a year now. What she's doing isn't any of your concern anymore, you know.

I just always wanted to be open in the beginning so in the beginning she had access to my phone. I logged in my ex's account 1 time and that was the time she saw. That call I made to my ex I did tell her to change her pw and told her that i had no feelings what so ever and I am happy we both moved on.

February 23, 2016

would you guys see this to be as far as breaking trust?

She is still furious and continues to make a point to me that her feelings are hurt but also continues to show signs she cares but calling and coming over to eat (I always make her lunch on tues/thurs so she has something to eat after her long nursing classes)

February 24, 2016

would you guys see this to be as far as breaking trust?

She is still furious and continues to make a point to me that her feelings are hurt but also continues to show signs she cares but calling and coming over to eat (I always make her lunch on tues/thurs so she has something to eat after her long nursing classes)

Well you are not breaking trust with your current girlfriend. However, it probably dings her trust in what kind of person you are. I get you and somewhat can believe that you were just curious. But not sure if you realize it because you haven't acknowledged it as of yet that what you did to ex-gf getting her account isn't just MERE being curious. You were blocked. So what you did is creepy, unstable and invasive. It speaks to how far you will go on inoncuous things. If you wanted to be curious but were still blocked, well too bad, your curiosity should be satiated at that point that she doesn't want contact with you. But you IGNORED that and cyber-busted your way in to "see what she was up to". It's a bit unstable and shows a lack of appropriate boundaries.

Here's the next big question, which I haven't seen you address yet: what is the source or why is your gf angry? Which part of your transgression?

If she is just insecure that you may have feelings for the ex, guess what??? You have the beginnings of an dysfunctional and immature relationship. If she is mature and processing things properly, she may have an issue with the part you actually are in the wrong about. Let us know or find out which it it is or what is her reason for being so upset with what you did. And for the future: respect the boundaries people set with you. If you are blocked from someone's account what you did was essentially hack into it (albeit it was easy peasy but that is besides the point). Blocked=don't do it. If you were my friend's bf I would be worried that you would have trouble respecting boundaries and that wouldn't go well in the future with arguments or if she was breaking up with you. Which brings me to my next question? Why is your gf "deciding" or is that just how you view it and think there is a chance to get back in with her? Is she really "deciding" or did she already "decide"?

Good luck with all of this.

February 24, 2016

1st shes an "ex" then shes not a "ex" no wonder your current gf is kinda upset shes prob feeling like shes not getting the entire story..who shares info with some one on that level if they are not dating or in some extremely close relationship? the entire thing is odd to me I wouldn't ever give out my private passwords to casual "friends"...

February 24, 2016

...............

February 24, 2016

If she's planning on leaving then let her ass leave.

I dk how old you are but I'm almost 30 and one of the things I have learned from experience is to remove the leash and let them go. I'm tired of games and push pull crap. If she doesn't understand it and thinks it's a big deal then let it be a big deal.

If she's threatening to leave then show the door. It's a problem to be honest and a problem not to be too honest.

I get why she's feeling like leaving but frankly if someone takes things like that to that level they will be finding other things and want to leave in the future.

Life will have many bad speedbumps to shake your relationship..and this one is just a little rock you hit and it's making it shake pretty hard

February 24, 2016

Well you are not breaking trust with your current girlfriend. However, it probably dings her trust in what kind of person you are. I get you and somewhat can believe that you were just curious. But not sure if you realize it because you haven't acknowledged it as of yet that what you did to ex-gf getting her account isn't just MERE being curious. You were blocked. So what you did is creepy, unstable and invasive. It speaks to how far you will go on inoncuous things. If you wanted to be curious but were still blocked, well too bad, your curiosity should be satiated at that point that she doesn't want contact with you. But you IGNORED that and cyber-busted your way in to "see what she was up to". It's a bit unstable and shows a lack of appropriate boundaries.

Here's the next big question, which I haven't seen you address yet: what is the source or why is your gf angry? Which part of your transgression?

If she is just insecure that you may have feelings for the ex, guess what??? You have the beginnings of an dysfunctional and immature relationship. If she is mature and processing things properly, she may have an issue with the part you actually are in the wrong about. Let us know or find out which it it is or what is her reason for being so upset with what you did. And for the future: respect the boundaries people set with you. If you are blocked from someone's account what you did was essentially hack into it (albeit it was easy peasy but that is besides the point). Blocked=don't do it. If you were my friend's bf I would be worried that you would have trouble respecting boundaries and that wouldn't go well in the future with arguments or if she was breaking up with you. Which brings me to my next question? Why is your gf "deciding" or is that just how you view it and think there is a chance to get back in with her? Is she really "deciding" or did she already "decide"?

Good luck with all of this.

I definitely understand what you are saying. The source of why she is angry is that I logged into the ex's account while we were together and she has done nothing of that sort. To my defense (though I know it is not an excuse) I really put in effort and showed her everything positive. I can tell she cares because she still calls, I still make her lunch and she comes over to eat while I'm at work but she continues to stay she is angry and needs space. I don't know if she has made up her mind or not.

February 24, 2016

1st shes an "ex" then shes not a "ex" no wonder your current gf is kinda upset shes prob feeling like shes not getting the entire story..who shares info with some one on that level if they are not dating or in some extremely close relationship? the entire thing is odd to me I wouldn't ever give out my private passwords to casual "friends"...

Technically she isn't an ex. We dated/talked I just use the term "ex" for the ease of it.

February 24, 2016

If she's planning on leaving then let her ass leave.

I dk how old you are but I'm almost 30 and one of the things I have learned from experience is to remove the leash and let them go. I'm tired of games and push pull crap. If she doesn't understand it and thinks it's a big deal then let it be a big deal.
If she's threatening to leave then show the door. It's a problem to be honest and a problem not to be too honest.
I get why she's feeling like leaving but frankly if someone takes things like that to that level they will be finding other things and want to leave in the future.
Life will have many bad speedbumps to shake your relationship..and this one is just a little rock you hit and it's making it shake pretty hard

I'm 29 same as you. I don't have time for games either and I really wanted this to be it. The thing is she wasnt playing games and she was so upfront and honest about everything. I was too except for that one lapse in judgement and thinking.

Thank you for all your advice it's must appreciated

February 24, 2016

I definitely understand what you are saying. The source of why she is angry is that I logged into the ex's account while we were together and she has done nothing of that sort. To my defense (though I know it is not an excuse) I really put in effort and showed her everything positive. I can tell she cares because she still calls, I still make her lunch and she comes over to eat while I'm at work but she continues to stay she is angry and needs space. I don't know if she has made up her mind or not.

Well if it is simply that, that is petty jealousy and I don't have much hope for your relationship. If it is that you committed the invasive act of logging into her account well then your gf is right to have character issues with you. Either way it may be tough to recover. But since we seem to be going around in circles about this it sounds like petty jealousy which is dumb and im sure if she is letting you in a bit she is not going anywhere anytime soon. Sounds dysfunctional to be honest. "i can tell she cares" is not the same as you guys are together so be real with yourself about the true status of your relationship. If it's petty jealousy like I now think it is, good luck on the rollercoaster ride. It's not harmless what you did and it's not harmless what she is doing either. Simple-minded, insecure and bottomless pit: that's for your gf; I already told you where you went wrong. SMH. Still sorry that you are going through all this. You seem remorseful, though not sure that it is coming from the right place (it seems like you are just concerned about getting her back not really understanding that what you did overall is unstable), but you do sound like a nice person so good luck

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went on my ex's IG

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