too_risky Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Ok I have a NC question like everyone else on here it seems. We broke up, (I did the original breaking up and didn't talk to him for 13 days after which I wanted to try to work things out and he had already started dating someone new). After this, we went no contact several times. The last time lasted 11 days before I broke. Each time I would go a week or so without contacting him until I found some reason to text, email etc. I finally needed closure because it was getting nowhere and driving me insane. It was consuming me. I went to see him, we talked for 3 hours and things seemed worse off when we parted. I vowed then never to contact him again. It's been 12 days so far. The thing I'm curious about, what if you've done it (NC) 3-4 times before but the most you ever lasted was 11 days and now this time you're lasting longer. Does it have the same effect? Also, did I mess up the whole process by going to see him to get closure and answers? Obviously that was CONTACT. I want him, would do anything to get him back and love him with everything in me but my heart can't take it anymore. I meant it to myself this time when I went no contact. It wasn't something I announced to him. I just threw in the towel and gave up after our last conversation. It did help me by seeing him. I felt some relief. I love him too much to be over him that quickly tho. Also, my other question is, he thinks I'm dating now (he started dating immediately, 13 days after our breakup). Does this push him farther away or make him wonder? If I continue with NC, I will eventually heal I hope but the selfish side of me still wants him to come back. I also wonder how he could replace me so quickly. Is this just rebound? Was he just trying to punish me?
dawn duval Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 I encourage you to move to the "anger" stage of breaking up. That way, you won't want to contact him, you won't care how he'll respond or whether he notices, and if he comes up with lame excuses to contact you you'll be so angry at him you won't want to respond. In my recent experience I find that anger is the only way to properly carry out NC. Before that I was just going thru the motions and was at risk of slipping. I was in your situation just a week ago, completely caught up in my ex and all I could think about was him and what was he thinking. I was like that for months and it was affecting everything -- my work, sleep, friendships. I was about to try to get meds to get myself under control. I didn't know about long term, but it was clear our relationship wasn't going anywhere any time soon. I was so fed up at how pathetic I had become that I put my mind to moving on, and then the anger followed right away, and now NC is no problem....I'm actually enjoying it. Just focus on what an a$$ he is -- I'm sure there's something there -- and you'll get there. Stop thinking about him and instead focus on the crap he did to you. And btw, if you're still not convinced about how great it is to move on -- I think there really is something to the thing that he'll call you as soon as you start getting over him. My friend just called and said her ex (that she cried over for months) called the week after she had started moving on. I think guys have a sensor that tells them when their ex is over them. Like clockwork they call (and try to screw you over all over again -- or hopefully they've changed in the meantime). But for the record, if mine called me now I'd scream insults and slam the phone down. In the past couple of days, he's only sent lame emails about stupid crap so I just shout "die" at them and ignore them.
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