kendahke Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 But at least skype with the person first to see if its the person and how he/ she acts. Exactly. Good advice.
kendahke Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 So it's a lose-lose situation. Put up flattering photos and on the off-chance that you get a date she's not going to be happy when she actually sees you. Or put up realistic photos and sit around like a lemon for months on end while no one responds to anything you send them. OLD is the crummiest most shallow environment on Earth. Flattering photos and recent photos aren't mutually exclusive. You can have flattering recent photos. You can also be truthful in your description of yourself, too. I tell them I'm a cross between Pam Grier and Nigella Lawson and that I'm not a size 0 flat bellied maiden and if that's what they're looking for, then they need to rebait that hook and drop it back in the water. However, putting a profile and photos up on OLD doesn't mean you're owed attention. It is a hit or miss thing--sometimes you're on there at the right time for who you want to meet and sometimes, you're on there at the wrong time for who you want to meet. 1
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Flattering photos and recent photos aren't mutually exclusive. You can have flattering recent photos. I have flattering recent photos of me, but what's the point in putting flattering photos up if the only possible outcome of that is disappointment? Also, you need to allow for the fact that some people are ugly and so it doesn't matter what you do they will just never get a match online.
Sweetgirl28 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I have flattering recent photos of me, but what's the point in putting flattering photos up if the only possible outcome of that is disappointment? Also, you need to allow for the fact that some people are ugly and so it doesn't matter what you do they will just never get a match online. What if you combine flattering and unflattering photos? The guy I talked about in this thread had put up 3 pictures; two of them made him look like a bearded dwarf, whereas the third one was closer to his real looks. I guess that did the trick for me. The first two pictures were off putting, but the third one seemed ok - not hot or anything. We also messaged for a month before meeting up, and as I got to know him better, I became more curious. I don't regret meeting him at all.
road Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 (edited) So we're supposed to put flattering photos up but not misleading? So where is the line drawn between the two? Flattering is usually largely misleading. What if, like me, you have put nothing but flattering photos up and you still get no response? Misleading to me is lying: 5 yo photo before he went bald, wearing a hat in every photo to hide being bald. Photo from when she could wear a size 2 and now the only way she can get into a size 12 is if the sew her into it. Flattering to me is making one look the best they can: Vertical stripes and solid colors help people look slimmer. Wear knit fabrics because the hug hence show off the body, avoid them because they show the minor flaws. [] People date based on what they see. Lying may get you a cup of coffee with the opposite sex for 15 minutes. Not worth it. Mandatory full shot and a close up mid torso up. With everyone having phones that can take pictures and internet capable there is no excuse to not have a current photo. Edited February 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
BlametheIrish Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 So we're supposed to put flattering photos up but not misleading? So where is the line drawn between the two? Flattering is usually largely misleading. What if, like me, you have put nothing but flattering photos up and you still get no response? Then maybe check the content of your profile. If it's poorly written, that can be a huge deterrant too. Plus although it may not be fair, men have to try harder on dating sites. I've noticed women average looking to good looking get their inboxes blown up on dating sites. However many men I know have very little messages in their inbox even after sending out lots of messages. My only male friend who gets a lot of love in his inbox is very good looking by societies standards. 1
Toodaloo Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And never a truer word was said. All anyone has to do is sit and listen to a bunch of men or women discussing looks to discover that everyone has different tastes and things that they do and don't like. One mans nectar is another mans poison... I have been told on many occasions that my profile pictures all look different. Well they are all me and all reasonably recent. The old ones are marked as old. But we all look different with different clothes, hair, make up, emotions etc... I have been told on many occasions that I look nothing like my profile pictures. Thankfully 95% of the time they think I am better looking (phew for that). The ONLY way to find out if you are going to fancy someone is to just ball up and go and meet them. Take away your shopping lists and just go and meet another human being rather than treating it like shopping on Amazon. After all you are shopping for a human being not a flipping hand bag or car stereo. Some of the ugliest blokes/ plainest women have a presence about them that is just sooooo soooo sexy! You are not going to get that over the internet even if you do Skype. So get up off your bottoms. If you like the way a person thinks or sounds then get up and go meet them and see what they look like. Its called real life people and its all around us! 6
William Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Let's get back to the thread starter's assertions about reality in a dating situation matching up with the online profile for their dating life. The thread is about their personal dating experience and preferences. 1
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Ok staying exactly on topic. The reason this bald guy, and others, put up misleading pictures online is because they haven't had any success with more accurate photographic representations. People only have themselves to blame if looks are that big a deal to them.
carhill Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 OP, I ran into a lot of this as, yup, a balding guy dating in my 20's. Women, predominantly, had a preference for guys with full heads of hair and some explained exactly that so it clued me in. We didn't have online dating then so it was real life meetings. IMO, you can be as discriminating and discriminatory as you want in the dating world and tough toenails for the guys whom you reject for lack of hair, or any other reason, or no reason at all. Do what feels right and date whom you find attractive. We guys whom you pass by appreciate your candor and honesty. Myself, I never wanted 'a chance', rather a woman who was honestly interested in and attracted to me. Anything less was a waste of both of our time. 1
TheArtist Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 (edited) Some of the ugliest blokes/ plainest women have a presence about them that is just sooooo soooo sexy! Oh definitely! I've been out with a couple of girls like that. They don't stand out in the group because they're super hot or covered in make up, in fact they usually dress in a way that makes them comfortable, and they stand out because of their confidence, or the way they flirt with their eyes. Some people just have something about them that makes them appealing; it's really not all down to looks at all. That's the problem with expecting too much from OLD. PS, I'm also sans-hair on top... ladies... Edited February 23, 2016 by TheArtist 1
Toodaloo Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 PS, I'm also sans-hair on top... ladies... There was I complaining about folk going off topic but urm... Artist... How you doin'???!!! Looks and photos are one thing but a human being in the flesh is another. Give me the second any day. 1
hasaquestion Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 A lot of classical male pattern baldness happens early/mid 20s. I started losing it really fast at 21. Scared away a gf and spent a year or so feeling sorry for myself. It took about 2 years to get my mojo back and stop being a mope about it and get back to where I was before I started losing it. Anyway, if you're bald or your hairline is receding just own it. Putting a picture on a profile that doesn't look like you is stupid. Yeah some girls won't like it but its no biggie. I don't like girls who are chubby. Why should they like me without hair? Self-respect 101. If you need to beg someone for something... then you shouldn't. Putting a misleading picture on a dating profile, no matter your gender, is basically that. BTW if anyone wants specific advice that relates to balding and image PM me. 2
kendahke Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I have flattering recent photos of me, but what's the point in putting flattering photos up if the only possible outcome of that is disappointment? Then you need to either leave OLD alone or keep tweaking your profile until you get the response you're after--but keep it truthful because if you land one on a lie, then you'll be back to square one. I'm not that vested in it to really give a dang... I also don't think anyone owes me attention just because I have a profile and pics up on a dating site. 1
strow Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I've always been honest with my dating profiles, although you can't see the bald spot on the back of my head from a regular picture. A few hotties didn't care to see me after the first date, I'll guess that's why because I can't think of any other good reason.
Bobbi7 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Yeah, a lot of the guys tha I met from Okcupid, put up photos from like 5-10 years old! My god. And they are the ones that bitch and cry a river when women don't look anything like their pictures. At least if their going to bitch about it, they should out up a recent picture of themselves!
strow Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Yeah, a lot of the guys tha I met from Okcupid, put up photos from like 5-10 years old! My god. And they are the ones that bitch and cry a river when women don't look anything like their pictures. At least if their going to bitch about it, they should out up a recent picture of themselves! It's just a big waste of time for everyone when old pictures are used.
soleilesquire Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Ok staying exactly on topic. The reason this bald guy, and others, put up misleading pictures online is because they haven't had any success with more accurate photographic representations. People only have themselves to blame if looks are that big a deal to them. I believe the reason that a person chooses to lie is because they have poor character, not because someone else has a preference regarding attraction. This is important because the OP is talking about what to do when someone posts a misleading picture. One of the foundational considerations in her question is whether or not it is okay to lie and whether people are responsible for their own choice to lie. So it is impossible to talk about lying with one's pictures without addressing the idea that lying is justifiable. So I disagree that it is the OP's responsibility that a man lied just because she has a particular hair preference. 1
strow Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I believe the reason that a person chooses to lie is because they have poor character Or they're driven by desperation. My dad's old- over 80- and he's still trying! He says that if he put his true age down he gets nothing. Once he drops it to 75 he starts getting hits. Can you blame the guy? 1
Larryville Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I met with a guy at the weekend who looked different from his pictures which must have been a few years old at least. He had a receding hairline and didn't have much hair compared to his other photos Amazed how big an issue this is across the board… Folks to help with picture investigation… don’t focus so much on the person. With modern phones and digital cameras the first red flag (age) would be color of photo, if colors are faded or look dull. Older cameras don’t do low light well, keep that in mind. Look at the technology in the background. One lady I peeped online she has what was a clearly a TV NOBODY would have in their home today, old tube set. An old antenna wireless phone, a phone on the wall for example. If you can see any cars, age of the cars, type (Pontiac for example they no longer make) Buildings landmarks if in a town you recognize, old, renovated, gone… even is a pic is inside. His or her hairstyles and of others in pics, clothing... Old fad items in room or background Type of furniture in background.. Also goes to taste It's just a big waste of time for everyone when old pictures are used. ABSOLUTELY!
soleilesquire Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Or they're driven by desperation. My dad's old- over 80- and he's still trying! He says that if he put his true age down he gets nothing. Once he drops it to 75 he starts getting hits. Can you blame the guy? I guess I'm just silly. I see condoning deception (such as a misleading picture) a problem. I'm not sure I'd really equate 75 versus 80 as an age to a young, thin, full head of hair photo when in reality the person is old, fat, or bald. Again, I think bald/shaved is sexy. Lying is not. If a person can so easily dismiss a lie over something so trivial....will they lie over big things too?
strow Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 If a person can so easily dismiss a lie over something so trivial....will they lie over big things too? It's not a good way to try to start a relationship. But it's infinitely better than nothing.
Eighty_nine Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 When I was OLD I wouldn't put up my favorite pictures of myself and I wouldn't put up my least favorite. I'd put up the in between; that worked for me.
strow Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 When I was OLD I wouldn't put up my favorite pictures of myself and I wouldn't put up my least favorite. I'd put up the in between; that worked for me. Why? You've heard of "put your best foot forward". Believe me when people look at your pictures they're quickly forming an opinion. You want to give it your best shot you don't typically get a second chance.
thecrucible Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 The most effective method for me was to ask a male friend (with no romantic interest in me thus brutally honest with the truth) to tell me which, if any, of my photographs are most appealing to the opposite sex. Then men can do the same and ask their female friends. Anyway I still don't think baldness is really the issue because at least in my case there have been certain guys who weren't my type physically but I fell for them because I really connected with them in person. But if you like him a lot anyway and it's only the bald head that's putting you off, I'd give it a chance. Is is the bald head or is it more the disappointment of him not being what you expected?
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