ayeshau Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I’ve been on about three dates over the last three weeks with a guy that I have a really great connection with, he’s been pretty open about how interested he is. He texts everyday and calls pretty often as well, very attentive and he drives an hour to come see me every time. Its kind of assumed were going to hang out on the weekends and we make plans together for the weekend. We had plans this past Friday and he let me know he didn’t have the car but that he didn’t want to wait a week to see me so if I was free Sunday we could reschedule. I said sure and then on the day of Sunday he said he really wants to see me but that he doesn’t know if he should stay home and study as he didn’t the whole week (its our reading week). I don’t know if im overreacting but I just can’t stand flakiness. Its something that’s a lot more normal these days, making plans with people and backing out the day of. He let me know this probably just a couple hours before we were supposed to hang out. I got kind of annoyed by this and just haven’t replied, he’s texted a couple times. Not sure if this is an automatic dealbreaker and I’m overreacting or if it actually is a red flag. What do you guys think?
smackie9 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Over reacting. He probably tried to get his school work all tied up BUT things don't always goes as planned. You could give him one more chance or look at it as him being irresponsible for neglecting his priority all week to study. 1
Wewon Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I’ve been on about three dates over the last three weeks with a guy that I have a really great connection with, he’s been pretty open about how interested he is. He texts everyday and calls pretty often as well, very attentive and he drives an hour to come see me every time. Its kind of assumed were going to hang out on the weekends and we make plans together for the weekend. We had plans this past Friday and he let me know he didn’t have the car but that he didn’t want to wait a week to see me so if I was free Sunday we could reschedule. I said sure and then on the day of Sunday he said he really wants to see me but that he doesn’t know if he should stay home and study as he didn’t the whole week (its our reading week). I don’t know if im overreacting but I just can’t stand flakiness. Its something that’s a lot more normal these days, making plans with people and backing out the day of. He let me know this probably just a couple hours before we were supposed to hang out. I got kind of annoyed by this and just haven’t replied, he’s texted a couple times. Not sure if this is an automatic dealbreaker and I’m overreacting or if it actually is a red flag. What do you guys think? I don't like flakiness either, I find it rude and disrespectful. It also seems that people that flake do so as a way to test boundaries in a relationship. That being said, sometimes people flake because of circumstances that are outside of our control, that's why you have to weigh it in the proper context. Three weeks isn't that long but it is long enough to tell you this: You have great connectionHe text regularlyHe's transparent about his interestHe's willing to drive an hour to see youHe regularly makes weekend plans with you You also know that he's a college student and shares a car. This isn't really a time to test him for reliability, its more of a test for if a girlfriend is going to be empathetic or a source of stress whenever she's disappointed. 3
brokengirl85 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) The poor guy might not have the means or time to drive another hour to go meet you. It's not fiakiness, it's reality. Given the fact it's your fourth date already, why don't you propose to do the driving and meet him closer to his home? Edited February 22, 2016 by brokengirl85 4
Maggie4 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Why didn't he study the whole week? Procrastinators make for bad boyfriends.
soleilesquire Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I have become suspicious of the word flakiness. Too often what modern day daters deem "flaky" is just "that's life." I don't know if it is technology or instant gratification or 24/7 connectedness or what. But not EVERYTHING is a "sign" of some impending doom or problem. People get busy, life happens, things don't work out. It's not always some deep dark dysfunction. 1
Emilia Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I can't stand flakiness. If he offered a close alternative I'd be ok. Otherwise would see if this was a regular thing.
LostOnes05 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 He comes to see you every time? Why didn't you suggest going to see him then? Definitely an overreaction. If he said he had to study, and all of a sudden you see snapchats or Facebook pictures of him at a concert...then yea, he would be full of it. Otherwise, slow down and think. Jumping to conclusions is a great way to burn calories...not great for a lasting relationship.
smudge21 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Yeah, too early to say this is being flaky. Don't overthink this one time. You're noticing it more because he's made so much effort in the past, the change is obvious but it's not worrying. Just see what happens but bare in mind that from what you say it sounds like he's making all the effort here and you're happy to let him. Us guys do like taking charge but we also like to know the person we're chasing is just as willing to chase us too, so maybe make some similar effort on your end.
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