Orick Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Hi guys. Im having an issue. My girlfriend doesn't like my best friend who happens to be a girl. Its bad. We might even break up. Any advice?
kendahke Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Hi guys. Im having an issue. My girlfriend doesn't like my best friend who happens to be a girl. Its bad. We might even break up. Any advice? The short answer: Who have you known longer? Keep that relationship and let the other go. The longer answer: Why doesn't your girlfriend like your best friend? What has your best friend done that has caused your girlfriend to take this action? Has she disliked your best friend from the moment she found out your best friend is a girl? In my experience, the one causing all the drama is the one that needs to go. Edited February 22, 2016 by kendahke 1
Author Orick Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 The fact is, I've known my best friend for longer and she has been there through thick and thin. My girlfriend said she thinks my best friend likes me but that is definitely not the case. They tried getting to know each other but it did no good.
PegNosePete Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 You need to give a whole lot more information if you want any meaningful replies. For example: for all we know, your female "best friend" might be spending all her time at your place and sleeping in your bed even though "nothing ever happens". Or your gf might be jealous of a perfectly innocent friendship because she has issues from her past. Without all the info we don't know and can't advise. But the above advice is good: if you're viewing it objectively, the one being unreasonable should be the one to go. Are you viewing it objectively...?
Toodaloo Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 So much more info needed. Why does your girlfriend think your best friend wants to be with you? Normally I would say sod the girlfriend stick with your mate but I was told about a situation a friend has with her other half and his "best friend"... Yeah that best friend is being a b word on the sly and wants the guy all to her self for bit of an ego boost. The "friend" doesn't want to date him she just doesn't want anyone else to...
Author Orick Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 My best friend mostly communicate through chat. I hardly see her face to face. But if im up late at night she would wake n message me if i need company. Since i have gotten together with my girlfriend though i don't talk to my friend in the night as often. On valentine's i sent happy valentine's to my gbf(girl best friend) and my girlfriend was upset about it. We went out a night and my gbf sent me a message. My girlfriend didn't take kindly to it. I was hoping something could work out so i can keep both relationships because i feel it's unfair i have to choose.
central Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 There are many people who take exception to opposite sex friends (OSF), so you may encounter similar issues with any future romantic interests. My view is that OSF are normal and healthy, as long as there are clear boundaries about acceptable behavior. Anyone I've dated has to accept my friends, and if they have OSF, we need to mutually agree on boundaries of behavior about our OSF. I will not dump my long term friends for anyone, so small-minded people need not apply.
PegNosePete Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 On valentine's i sent happy valentine's to my gbf(girl best friend) and my girlfriend was upset about it. I'm not surprised. I think most people would be upset if their partner send HVD to another woman. 2
Poutrew Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Dude, you have a girlfriend, and it's not your girlfriend, know what I mean? Look at it this way, you told us that you are maybe breaking up over this. So, after the break-up, who will be left? *That* is you girlfriend. Also, if I caught my girl sending a valentine's day card to another guy, and that guy wasn't her dad or rich uncle, I would send her packing...
kendahke Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 On valentine's i sent happy valentine's to my gbf(girl best friend) and my girlfriend was upset about it. Was it "hey, happy VD!!" or was it "My darling, Happy Valentine's Day. I love you!"? Or was it just the fact that you sent her something, period? We went out a night and my gbf sent me a message. My girlfriend didn't take kindly to it. You are leaving out a whole lot of context, either by oversight or on purpose. It's rather hard to figure out what to tell you. What is the history of your girlfriend and your gbf and why your girlfriend has taken the tack she's taken. No behavior happens in a vacuum--and it's either something your gbf did early on or it's some baggage your girlfriend has hauled into the middle of your relationship for you to unpack.
mikeylo Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 You might end up being the confirmed bachelor !
Author Orick Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Thank you for your replies. I'm sorry if im not being clear enough. It was a simple happy valentine's with a smiley face. My girlfriend and I have no other real issue other than this. The conversation with my gbf are clean, nothing closely peverted. We talk about movies and our ups and downs. I don't want to sway any thoughts but im thinking it is baggage. Sigh, i will see how it goes and update. I appreciate the support guys
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Have these 2 women ever spent time together? If they have not met & interacted, I suggest you introduce them. Especially when I was younger, when my guy friends got new GFs I would caution them to introduce us sooner rather than later so I could assure the women that I was not a threat. If your BFF doesn't act in a way that reassures your GF that your GF is Queen Bee & she (the BFF) is just a friend with no ulterior motive, you need to recognize that your BFF is not just your friend. If you don't feel the same way & you don't want to date her, you better shut her down sooner rather than later & stop even mentioning things like Valentine's Day to her. 1
smackie9 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Relationships have boundaries. You just need to make adjustments, as to what your GF will find more appropriate, like stop with the late night chatting all together, and cut back on communication and don't meet up one on one. I have always had to make adjustments when I got into relationships, it's out of respect for my partner's feelings....they were never drastic changes, just ones that were acceptable for both parties. Your GF's reaction is quite normal....I doubt it's baggage.
CarrieT Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Open up your BestFriend relationship to *any* potential Girlfriend (as the current one probably won't stick around). Meaning: Share with your partner any and all conversations you have with your BestFriend to show that there is nothing to be jealous about. If you have to hide your convos, then jealousy will be tantamount and will tear apart your relationship. I'm in the camp that opposite sexes CAN be friends as long as there is nothing hidden. I am recently married but all my oldest friends are men. My new husband has met 85% of my Guy Friends (only missing those who live across country) and knows there is nothing to hide in those friendships.
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