aklein Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Hello, guys. My first post ever on this forum, so, here it goes. I met this girl about 4 months ago, I had kind of a huge crush on her. I made my move, we started talking, than we started going out. Everything was fine, we started getting intimate, we first had sex after 2-3 weeks. I thought it was a great start, smooth, no cheesy stuff, could say things were heading in a good direction. Then, pretty much all of a sudden, she turned "cold". We are still seeing each other once a week or so, talking every day, but she isn't attracted to me, she doesn't feel the need for intimacy, she doesn't necessarily feel like talking to me or even meeting . Sex happens, but it's not quite something that happens naturally, so to speak. We are talking about this situation, we tried to figure it out, but she is as clueless about this as I am. The thing is that I really like her a lot, she is also into me, but it seems like a one-way relationship. That doesn't bother me that much, I'm not really the kind of person that necessarily needs something in return, in a relationship. However, this whole thing is affecting her, and I just want her to be okay. And I want this to work, but it feels we are stuck, at this point. Any opinions or personal experiences related to this would be of great help. Of course, I will be willing to give as many other details as needed. Have a great day, folks.
Tribble Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 How do you know its her attraction to you? Has she told you this? Was she attracted in the first place but now she's not? You say she's into you but you haven't really provided evidence to support that. Attraction aside, if she was into you (in any aspect, romantically or for friendship), she'd want to see you. She'd want to see you, not just go cold. And what is up with not wanting anything back in a relationship? You seem to really like her and have done for a while. It sounds like you've put her on this pedestal and you feel privileged that she'll let you be around. A successful relationship should be two people wanting to be with each other. It isn't always equal but there should be effort on both sides. I don't see that here. It sounds like a case of she's just not that into you. That sucks but sometimes that mutual want for each other is difficult to find.
Toodaloo Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 OH dear lordy no. Time to move on. She probably likes going out and the "thing" of having a boyfriend but you? She doesn't want you. I know its hard but you know what its a heck of a lot easier to bail now and find someone who does enjoy being with you and does enjoy having sex with you... 4
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 OP, don't do this to yourself. She's just not that into you. Don't waste your time with someone who's on her way out the door. 1
Author aklein Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Thanks for replying Alright, I feel like I should provide you with some more info. I apologize, I definitely should've done that from the beginning. During one of our conversations about this whole thing, she told me that she might have not been over the previous relationship. Also, the fact that she is an introvert might also be relevant. I didn't say that she doesn't enjoy spending time with me. She does, we have a good time when we meet, she also enjoys the sex. It's just that she cannot really reciprocate to my feelings and actions, and I am the one initiating any contact. She also told me that she likes me, she told me that she liked me from the start. Then, I think you can tell when someone is into you and is attracted to you, and I felt that in the beginning. Also, more recently, at some point, she told me that she doesn't really want a relationship but she doesn't want a sex buddy either. Then again, we didn't talk about letting this go, she wants to wait, to see how things will evolve. Those might be confusing and rather contradicting facts, I know. I guess that's how it goes, things are not easy when it comes to human interactions. And, about letting this go... Did I mention that i like her a lot? ) I don't really want to try to "find someone", i don't "need" a partner, I can be just fine on my own. i just want her.
joseb Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 . That doesn't bother me that much, I'm not really the kind of person that necessarily needs something in return, in a relationship. However, this whole thing is affecting her, and I just want her to be okay. And I want this to work, but it feels we are stuck, at this point. Any opinions or personal experiences related to this would be of great help. I don't know where to start with your statement. Why would you even enter into a relationship if you were not getting something back from it? I can't imagine wanting to be with someone who wasn't attracted to me. You need to value yourself higher than this, Op.
kidm Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Thanks for replying Alright, I feel like I should provide you with some more info. I apologize, I definitely should've done that from the beginning. During one of our conversations about this whole thing, she told me that she might have not been over the previous relationship. Also, the fact that she is an introvert might also be relevant. I didn't say that she doesn't enjoy spending time with me. She does, we have a good time when we meet, she also enjoys the sex. It's just that she cannot really reciprocate to my feelings and actions, and I am the one initiating any contact. She also told me that she likes me, she told me that she liked me from the start. Then, I think you can tell when someone is into you and is attracted to you, and I felt that in the beginning. Also, more recently, at some point, she told me that she doesn't really want a relationship but she doesn't want a sex buddy either. Then again, we didn't talk about letting this go, she wants to wait, to see how things will evolve. Those might be confusing and rather contradicting facts, I know. I guess that's how it goes, things are not easy when it comes to human interactions. And, about letting this go... Did I mention that i like her a lot? ) I don't really want to try to "find someone", i don't "need" a partner, I can be just fine on my own. i just want her. It shouldn't be this hard to start a relationship. This should be the honeymoon phase when things are easy. Introverts can reciprocate feelings/emotions to someone they like and are interested in. This thing was over before it started. Please move on. She doesn't want a relationship with you. It really is that simple. 1
elaine567 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Then, pretty much all of a sudden, she turned "cold". We are still seeing each other once a week or so, talking every day, but she isn't attracted to me, she doesn't feel the need for intimacy, she doesn't necessarily feel like talking to me or even meeting . Sex happens, but it's not quite something that happens naturally, so to speak. We are talking about this situation, we tried to figure it out, but she is as clueless about this as I am. The thing is that I really like her a lot, she is also into me, but it seems like a one-way relationship. That doesn't bother me that much, I'm not really the kind of person that necessarily needs something in return, in a relationship. However, this whole thing is affecting her, and I just want her to be okay. And I want this to work, but it feels we are stuck, at this point. She I guess is conflict avoidant or emotionally unavailable, splitting up with you will cause conflict and upset, hence she rumbles along in a relationship she doesn't really want. She blows hot and cold and that is never a good sign. She really wants YOU to break up with her. However you are, I guess a people pleaser/co-dependent so will put up with any old rubbish. So you are both stuck, neither happy, but neither willing to make a decisive move to end it. Codependency Relationships - Codependent 1
central Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 The only evolving will be her using you until she meets someone she likes better, then you'll be cut off and ostracized for good. There is no reason to stay around for the next level of humiliation and pain - far better to dump her first.
brokengirl85 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 She's not into you. She's probably in love with someone else. Sorry OP. If a girl is in love with you, she'll demonstrate it. She'll want to have sex with you, passionately kiss you, she'll call you, text you, want to meet you, be jealous about you...she'll make plans, she'll want to just be with you! Touch you, tease you, kiss you... As for this girl you like a lot, nah. Looks like she's just with you until someone better appears. My guess is her romantic interests are somewhere else. I don't know how you can save this relationship as it is right now.
Tribble Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I feel like these are conflicting statements: Then, pretty much all of a sudden, she turned "cold". We are still seeing each other once a week or so, talking every day, but she isn't attracted to me, she doesn't feel the need for intimacy, she doesn't necessarily feel like talking to me or even meeting . Sex happens, but it's not quite something that happens naturally, so to speak. I didn't say that she doesn't enjoy spending time with me. She does' date=' we have a good time when we meet, she also enjoys the sex. It's just that she cannot really reciprocate to my feelings and actions, and I am the one initiating any contact. She also told me that she likes me, she told me that she liked me from the start. Then, I think you can tell when someone is into you and is attracted to you, and I felt that in the beginning. [/quote'] I know you really like her. I've been there. But if she isn't feeling it, it doesn't really matter. You've only known her 4 months. It sucks but she isn't feeling it. From what you say here, I don't think she's doing it on purpose (although I could be wrong). She wants to feel it but, for whatever reason, she isn't. It doesn't matter if she felt it in the beginning, she doesn't feel it now. You should still be in the honeymoon phase, not being with someone who isn't bothered.
Toodaloo Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Thanks for replying Alright, I feel like I should provide you with some more info. I apologize, I definitely should've done that from the beginning. During one of our conversations about this whole thing, she told me that she might have not been over the previous relationship. Also, the fact that she is an introvert might also be relevant. I didn't say that she doesn't enjoy spending time with me. She does, we have a good time when we meet, she also enjoys the sex. It's just that she cannot really reciprocate to my feelings and actions, and I am the one initiating any contact. She also told me that she likes me, she told me that she liked me from the start. Then, I think you can tell when someone is into you and is attracted to you, and I felt that in the beginning. Also, more recently, at some point, she told me that she doesn't really want a relationship but she doesn't want a sex buddy either. Then again, we didn't talk about letting this go, she wants to wait, to see how things will evolve. Those might be confusing and rather contradicting facts, I know. I guess that's how it goes, things are not easy when it comes to human interactions. And, about letting this go... Did I mention that i like her a lot? ) I don't really want to try to "find someone", i don't "need" a partner, I can be just fine on my own. i just want her. All this does is make me more certain that you should go your own way. It will "evolve" alright. One day she will say something along the lines of "Its not you, its me" or "I love you but I am not in love with you". You will be dumped and heart broken and within 2 weeks she will be shacked up with someone else leaving you pondering what the heck happened there. You can give me my ten bucks for the prediction later.
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