Ginaa Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Im 20 years old currently living with my bf of 2 years. So far everything has been pretty much perfect in our relationship. I love him to bits and would never want to hurt him. Even the thought of hurting him is too much to bear. The problem is ive been recently been haunted by an ex boyfriend from my past. We dated about 4 years ago. He recently came out with the truth about why he broke up with me. The reason being that "He had never felt so much for a person, that he was scared that I had the power to hurt him, so he ran". Which I find just a little unbelievable. Anyway It took me 2 years to get over him. I thought I was fine, apart from the fact that now I cant stop thinking about him and that really bugs me. I would just like some advice on why this could be and how to change it.
Toodaloo Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 You are 20 years old so lets get realistic here. This ex of yours was a childhood crush. Thats it. You are over dramatising this. Tell the ex to f off and get on with your life. He is just trying it on. Block delete all that stuff. Get on with life rather than go back to bloody high school. It doesn't matter why he dumped you in the past. He dumped you and you moved on and got happy. Who cares what rubbish he is digging up now. Tell him to go away and get on with it and stop being a baby. 7
scooby-philly Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 part of me wants to agree with the one reply "it was a childish crush..." but that belittles you and your experience. I would say, anytime we experience something like that for the first time - the break up and now the "truth" it haunts us. Doesn't change when you're 20,30,60, 100. You're in a relationship now. The statement made by the previous bf does not imply anything regarding your current relationship. Listen to his words.... he was afraid of you destroying him. That's on him and that's his fear - not yours. Not your current BFs. You may have been the first person he was vulnerable too and it scared him. Who knows. All that matters now is what you decide to do. If you're not a destroyer, then it's water under the bridge and in a short while you won't remember it and when you do, it won't hurt. If you think there's truth to i - i.e. some part of your personality that would hurt someone (on purpose - we all do it accidentally) just talk it out with someone you trust and will provide honest, experienced advice. In that case I will be ageist and say talk to a parent, aunt, uncle, or older (by like 5-10 years) sibling, a former teacher, etc.
Mrin Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 The reason being that "He had never felt so much for a person, that he was scared that I had the power to hurt him, so he ran" I call BS on this. No teenage boy has this sort of introspection or vulnerability. This is just a line he heard somewhere and he's using it in you for reasons you can probably surmise 3
WaitingForBardot Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 ... He recently came out with the truth about why he broke up with me. The reason being that "He had never felt so much for a person, that he was scared that I had the power to hurt him, so he ran". Which I find just a little unbelievable. ... You find it unbelievable because it is. Roughly translated it means he found someone he liked better and dumped you. Now he's single again and seeing if you'll rise to the same bait. What you're feeling is reasonable, but telling you what he did is manipulative at its core. I remember every one of my GFs/SOs fondly, but I would never allow myself to be manipulated in this way. Just move on, you will stop dwelling on it eventually. 1
Toodaloo Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 You find it unbelievable because it is. Roughly translated it means he found someone he liked better and dumped you. Now he's single again and seeing if you'll rise to the same bait. What you're feeling is reasonable, but telling you what he did is manipulative at its core. I remember every one of my GFs/SOs fondly, but I would never allow myself to be manipulated in this way. Just move on, you will stop dwelling on it eventually. And by the time you are 40 you will not even remember his name Trust me age gives you perspective. Sounds harsh but it does. You start to worry about important things, like the people who do love you, rather than the unimportant things, e.g. the people who don't and mess with your head. The earlier you develop the intolerance for crap like this the faster you will be happy. 3
Zippy2000 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 "He ran". He ran away from you and felt he couldnt commit. Hes from the past. Youve moved on and found someone decent Your ex is still looking and now feels he cant find someone so he looking for familiar territory. You dont owe your ex a thing. He had his chance. You found someone better. Why go backwards? 1
amaysngrace Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 It took him two whole years to figure out his feelings? What happens the next time he can't handle his emotions and leaves your life again for another two years? Tell him good-bye now. He's trying to mess with your head. Your BF sounds nice though. 3
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