Audacious Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Hello , this is an update to this topic : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/568769-ex-girlfriend-got-married It really hurt me , mostly because I was blaming myself ( despite the fact that there was nothing I did not do for the sake of staying together) for not doing enough . some posts here really put things in perspective . I got hurt pretty bad when I was in that relationship because nothing went the way we wanted and I got hurt even more when the actual No - contact on her part took place . I stopped reminsecing now because I kept getting this stuck-in-the-past feeling that was really horrible and the realization that she got married and there is no going back from there . I think that my life is starting to get back to normal , I don't reminsence , I do not keep reading the past stuff she sent me and I do not look at her photos or Facebook profile ,( sometimes I would slip for a second , just a second and look at the Facebook profile ) but otherwise I am ok . I have noticed that I care about what I eat since this shocker happened , I have lost a few pounds . I go about my daily life normally , but now I have these questions : - 1- She once wanted me to lose some weight and I did go on a strict diet to achieve that , could that be the subconscious reason why I am being successful in sticking to my diet? 2- I have no negative feelings towards her and I really wish her the best , despite it all , she was not a bad person in my opinion . does this mean that I am still not over her ? 3- Am I moving on or just ignoring what is going on ? 4- I sort of have this rather crazy idea to jump into a relationship and get married quickly , I do realize the idea is crazy , it just crosses my mind everyone in a while , especially everyone I know is either getting married and got married years ago , I feel " Pathetically singe " Thanks so much guys
smudge21 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I think you're doing fine with the healing thing but you are still thinking about her, that's clear from all of those questions where you link your changes to her still. I look back at the ex that brought me here 5 years ago and I can say without doubt I'm over her... because I have no feelings whatsoever for her. Nothing. I do remember though that back then (and it took a good year to get truly healed) I linked everything to her, even when she got engaged and I thought I had moved on. I started changing myself, forcing myself out and deep down it was still because of her. I have a friend who is constantly pushing herself to change and it's so obvious her ex is the reason but she won't have it. Eventually though we all heal 100% and when it comes we're better people at the end. You are healing, but not quite there yet. Right direction though so stop over thinking things and just carry on. You can never force yourself to heal, it just happens when it happens. 1
Toodaloo Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 1- She once wanted me to lose some weight and I did go on a strict diet to achieve that , could that be the subconscious reason why I am being successful in sticking to my diet? No - you are being successful this time because you are happier and want to do it rather than being forced to. Big difference there. Massive... By the way well done you! 2- I have no negative feelings towards her and I really wish her the best , despite it all , she was not a bad person in my opinion . does this mean that I am still not over her ? No it means you have moved on. You are getting to the "shrug" phase where she is now just somebody that you used to know. Its fine. Don't stress. 3- Am I moving on or just ignoring what is going on ? I think you are overthinking it and still involving her in your subconscience when really there is no need. Time to just accept and move on and quit thinking that everything you do is about her. It's not. Its about you now. She has sod all to do with you now. 4- I sort of have this rather crazy idea to jump into a relationship and get married quickly , I do realize the idea is crazy , it just crosses my mind everyone in a while , especially everyone I know is either getting married and got married years ago , I feel " Pathetically singe " There is nothing pathetic about being single. Its difficult being single. You have to do everything on your own and sort everything out. You can't share tasks or gain inspiration or ideas from your partner. So far from it. Also studies have shown that people who get married later in life stay together longer and have stronger relationships. So actually you are doing the right thing by not making rash decisions. Enjoy going to those weddings. They are great places to hook up and meet new people! 1
Author Audacious Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 Thank you guys so much , I think that I am finally at the "acceptance " stage albeit , it seems to me a bit too fast ( a look at the original topic might clarify why ) . It is so reassuring because admittedly , I overthink this thing and I feel like my current state of serenity will be followed by some sort of a relapse . Thanks again
Toodaloo Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Look at the big picture. Give it 20 years and you will not even remember this. It will take a reminder to make you think about it. So really does it matter? No. In 20 years time you will still have your friends and family. You will have found love and will probably be worried about your kids and keeping up with ballet classes and school runs etc. Those are way more important and far more worthy of your brain space than this. So quit thinking about it and leave space and time for the things that really matter. Let the good things in so you have memories you can treasure.
Author Audacious Posted February 24, 2016 Author Posted February 24, 2016 Look at the big picture. Give it 20 years and you will not even remember this. It will take a reminder to make you think about it. So really does it matter? No. In 20 years time you will still have your friends and family. You will have found love and will probably be worried about your kids and keeping up with ballet classes and school runs etc. Those are way more important and far more worthy of your brain space than this. So quit thinking about it and leave space and time for the things that really matter. Let the good things in so you have memories you can treasure. 20 years ! lol , I would be an old man . I don't think that I would ever get married , that by itself deserves a thread of its own . sometimes I zone out and think of the what ifs and what might have beens but for the most part I value reality more than anything else , and it helped me to drag myself back from the past to the present , in 20 years ? I don't know , anything could happen I guess
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