Friendzoned out of nowhere

[Trauma_Luna]

So there's this girl that has been my friend since 2012 or so, we have had a lot of experiences together and raised a great friendship, i can say we were "best friends". But some months ago i started having feelings for her, a lot, also she started flirting with me, we used to go out and drink a lot, she always used to say things like "You're the only one that makes me feel happy", "How am i single and you are single and we're not together?" and "I have a lof of guy friends, but you are the only one i would date".

 

So i started to feel that she was the one... until one day i told her my feelings, i said i was really feeling stuff for her, i really liked her and that i wanted to be more than friends. She then said "I don't feel good doing this, you ex-girlfriend was my friend and i don't think this is right". So after discussing it a little we agreed that "just friend" was good for both of us, and we left it like that, just friends.

 

We kept being just friends, no drama, we never talked about the topic again. I sent her flower this valentines day and i wrote on the note "happy valentines best friend!" ... I obviously still have feelings but i didn't mean anything sending flowers, i just wanted to do it.

 

She called me atfer receiving the flowers and was so happy and grateful about it.

 

I didn't speak to her in some days after that. BUT THEN! out of nowhere she sent me a text saying "Hey... lets just be friend please"

I replied saying "Aren't we friends already?" and she said "yeah, but i mean, like best friends!" i laughed and said "ok, lets be best friends"

 

I obviously felt a struck in my chest but played it good. Like nothing happened, i mean, i was good being "just friends" since i told her my feelings, why was it necessary to repeat it? I wasn't trying anything with her anymore, i treated her as always, just friends, but she repeating it and making it so clear, i dont know, it did hurt.

 

She called me today like if she was sorry for something.. she was like:

 

"Hey how are you? i was just thinking of you and thought it was a good idea to call you, you know the flowers you gave me are getting prettier everyday i put them in my room, beside my bed, they smell so good"

 

I replied "oh good, i am glad you liked them"

 

And she ended with "Are you mad at me?" I of course said i was not, and played dumb like "why should i be mad at you? come on!"

 

The thing is that i really feel bad about this, i really like her and was respecting her choice of being just friends, but she repeating it without any reason makes me want to just end any relationship with her. I don't feel like speaking with her anymore.

 

What should i do? please people

[john_ohio]

don't be suprised it turned out this way. Afterall you agreed to be "best friends" with her. If you don't want to be friends with her, then why do you tell her otherwise? Your intentions clearly does not match with your actions and your words..

 

You're a man, stand up for your feelings. Don't expect her to do mind reading stuff.

[CC12]

i mean, i was good being "just friends" since i told her my feelings, why was it necessary to repeat it?

 

Probably because you sent her flowers on Valentine's Day, which is normally the kind of thing a man does for his wife or girlfriend. She was just making sure you didn't mean that as some sort of romantic gesture.

 

I think you're fooling yourself if you really believe that there was zero romantic intentions with those flowers. Sure, maybe you didn't think it would really work or you didn't expect her to change her mind or anything. But you wouldn't have sent her flowers if she had a boyfriend or if you had a girlfriend.

 

You shouldn't be upset that she's clearly stating her feelings about dating you. Not everyone is comfortable being that direct about it and it just leads to confusion and wasted effort. If you don't think you can be friends anymore, that's completely understandable. It doesn't seem like you should be friends with someone you have to lie to.

[preraph]

She needs to stop building up your hopes and then dashing them. Maybe it's because she was drinking, I don't know. But it's not really fair for her to get the friend card back out after telling you why aren't you together. I am a woman, and here's what I advise women, and now you, when someone won't get off the pot: Openly date other women. I bet any amount of money it will drive her nuts. Every guy who did me that way didn't want me because I wasn't their type of something and then had a hernia if i went out with someone else when they were around.

[angel.eyes]

Obviously, deep down you're not okay with being just friends. You want a romantic relationship and she doesn't. That's why you're so hurt that she reminded you of your platonic position in her life.

 

Be honest with her about your intentions instead of playing games. If she reaffirms that you can only be friends, tell her that you aren't able to do that and can no longer be friends. One person developing romantic feelings for the other happens all the time, and it generally wrecks the friendship.

 

It's pretty pointless to hang around being friends hoping she'll change her mind some day. That rarely ends well for the person who's sitting around hoping. If you think the reminder that you're just friends was painful, imagine what it will feel like when she starts dating some other guy and wants to chatter excitedly about how great he is all day to you...because you're her best friend. Cut the cord now.

[Archibald Salisbury]

You should have made your intentions clear in the first place. Its clear that you love this girl then why agree in staying friends. You should have told her that you would never stop having feelings about her and friendship isnt enough. She would be in a dilemma, having you more as a friend, or not having you in her life at all. If she really appreciated the time with you she would not let you down. If she did, then you would know that she wasnt the right one and you were just wrong. It happens sometimes. When you are about to get friendzoned the best thing to say is that youd rather be nothing than friends and still have those feelings. Then you let her choose.

[Satu]

In the beginning she was trifling with your affections, but when she told you that she wasn't interested in you romantically, you should have backed right off. The Valentines thing was a bad idea. That's for couples only.

 

Your friendship is over, by the way.

 

Look to bestow your affections elsewhere.

[fitnessfan365]

You've been friends with her since 2012. So being in her "friend zone" is hardly out of nowhere.