aries85 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I just started seeing this guy who's I've known for about a year, but we've just been acquaintances until now. I went on a first date with him a week ago and things went great and he was eager to see me again. We've also texted practically everyday and he seemed to be really into me. A couple days ago, I invited him to come to a party with me and things seemed to be going well at the party. We ended up kissing for the first time. However, but the end of the night I was drunk and made the mistake of inviting him over to watch a movie. We ended up heavily making out on my bed (nothing more than making out) and cuddling before he said he had to go. I asked him if he wanted to stay the night since it was late, but he said he couldn't. But he suggested we do something the next night and asked me to text him. The next morning I did text him to see how he was doing and he asked me how I was doing also. Then I sent him a text later on in the day that he didn't respond to. It's been about a day and a half and he still hasn't responded or followed up on his own. Did I do something wrong or am I just being anxious for no reason? Sorry this was long, but any help would be appreciated! I'm going crazy!
Mrin Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Hard to know but ya, you probably shouldn't have done the whole drunken invite back to your place thing. Don't get me wrong - the dude probably loved it. But it took some of the mystique out of the chase. That being said, I'd just sit tight. He suggested going out the next night. Asked you to text. You did. Nothing happened. Ball is in his court. I know I were him I would have probably figured I had you wrapped around my pinky that night. Let a few more days pass without hearing from you and I'd be rethinking whether I really had you wrapped around my pinky and would go back into pursuit mode. 2
CarrieT Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Yep, you might have ruined things. A lot of people get turned off by those who can't handle alcohol. My last relationship was with an alcoholic so if I started dating someone who couldn't handle their booze, I'd stop seeing them. Lesson learned, if that's the case! 1
Versacehottie Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Hard to know but ya, you probably shouldn't have done the whole drunken invite back to your place thing. Don't get me wrong - the dude probably loved it. But it took some of the mystique out of the chase. That being said, I'd just sit tight. He suggested going out the next night. Asked you to text. You did. Nothing happened. Ball is in his court. I know I were him I would have probably figured I had you wrapped around my pinky that night. Let a few more days pass without hearing from you and I'd be rethinking whether I really had you wrapped around my pinky and would go back into pursuit mode. Yes, this^^^^ Key is DO NOT PANIC. It will not change things for the better. It will only tip them over to ruined for real if you cling onto him. Yes, it sounds exactly like he lost the chase bug. Definitely thinks he has you wrapped. Do not jump when you hear from him. Act like a girl with options who is NOT head over heels for him. He is panicking himself because he probably feels like it is going too fast and it means he will end up with insta-girlfriend. Ball is completely in his court and then some. Effectively he stood you up so that's why I say do not jump when you hear from him (which I think you will). Good luck 1
Author aries85 Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Thanks for the inputes! I really regret moving too fast and getting too comfortable with inviting him over. The thing is I see him a couple times a week at meetings, and now I'm not sure how I should act around him. Pretend nothing happened? Try striking up casual conversations? 1
CarrieT Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 The thing is I see him a couple times a week at meetings, and now I'm not sure how I should act around him. Pretend nothing happened? Try striking up casual conversations? Why not apologize? I hate people who pretend nothing happened when something obviously did. Be up front and state that you regret how you acted and ask if you can make it up to him with a proper date - that you arrange - where you act and present yourself as the lady you want to be treated as.... If he turns you down, then you know the ship has sailed. If he accepts, then you have a chance to redeem yourself. 3
angel.eyes Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Why should she apologize? While it was poor personal judgement to drunkenly invite and make out with the guy, technically she did nothing wrong. And he went along with it. I would be pleasant and cheery. Don't bring up the incident. If he asks you out again, great! If he doesn't, lesson learned for the next guy. 6
road Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I just started seeing this guy who's I've known for about a year, but we've just been acquaintances until now. I went on a first date with him a week ago and things went great and he was eager to see me again. We've also texted practically everyday and he seemed to be really into me. A couple days ago, I invited him to come to a party with me and things seemed to be going well at the party. We ended up kissing for the first time. However, but the end of the night I was drunk and made the mistake of inviting him over to watch a movie. We ended up heavily making out on my bed (nothing more than making out) and cuddling before he said he had to go. I asked him if he wanted to stay the night since it was late, but he said he couldn't. But he suggested we do something the next night and asked me to text him. The next morning I did text him to see how he was doing and he asked me how I was doing also. Then I sent him a text later on in the day that he didn't respond to. It's been about a day and a half and he still hasn't responded or followed up on his own. Did I do something wrong or am I just being anxious for no reason? Sorry this was long, but any help would be appreciated! I'm going crazy! I do not think you did anything wrong on that 2nd date. I think that whatever happened on that 2nd date has caused him to just not want to pursue you any more. Remember dating is trying people out. He was not sure. He gave it a try and you left him feeling blah. I think this truly is case of it's not you it's me. He's not feeling it. If a girl that I liked a lot made out with at the end of the date I would be wanting another date ASAP. 2
brokengirl85 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Yes, you've probably ruined things. You did several things you shouldn't have done: -first and most important: getting drunk -inviting the guy -heavily making out on a first date-asking him to stay the night -texting him afterwards -texting him yet again one more time You came of as easy and desperate. No guy wants to feel the girl they are with is easy. Specially if you don't know him! Now the texting him: wait until the guy texts you first! You don't know what is he feeling. Don't initiate until you know for sure there's reciprocation. Now relax and forget about him. He might want to contact you again when he's horny again. I don't think you've showed him you're girlfriend material, so that's what you can expect. It's on you to accept or move onto someone else 1
Saracena Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I. He's not feeling it. If a girl that I liked a lot made out with at the end of the date I would be wanting another date ASAP. My thoughts exactly. OP, in my experience guys who are serious are not in the least put off by things like this. In the past when (like you) I've felt I may have behaved in a certain way I shouldn't, it made absolutely no difference whatsoever! Guys still came back. In fact, on reading your OP the first indicator for me was the fact he didn't want to stay the night with you. Sorry. 2
Versacehottie Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 In fact, on reading your OP the first indicator for me was the fact he didn't want to stay the night with you. Sorry. Yes caught this part too. Could be for a variety of reasons--but a lot are not good signs for wanting a relationship. Definitely trying to slow it down (could be for reasons that have nothing to do with you or because you were too available or things moving too quickly or losing interest or not feeling chemistry). I disagree (sorry Carrie) that you should apologize. For what?????!!! That will make you seem even more desperate and trying to do things so "right" and be "perfect" for him. Attraction killer. Be cordial, professional, not phased at work. He needs to be wondering "did he ruin things"? 2
ilovemefirst Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 You guys are being harsh. Yeah, she had a bit too much to drink and perhaps might have said something to push him away, but i would not go as far to say that shes an alcoholic. 1
despgirl Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Examine your relationship with alcohol. Because she got tipsy one night??? 2
Author aries85 Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 It was actually my first time drinking in a while, so I didn't realize how bad my tolerance got. Either way, I don't think I was belligerently drunk (probably more tipsy). And he seemed to still be really into me at the party even though I was drunk. However, I don't understand why he would suggest seeing me the next night and ask if I would text him if he wasn't interested anymore. He brought that up all on his own after saying he couldn't stay the night. Is this just a thing guys say even though they don't mean it?? But why even bother saying it then?
brokengirl85 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 It was actually my first time drinking in a while, so I didn't realize how bad my tolerance got. Either way, I don't think I was belligerently drunk (probably more tipsy). And he seemed to still be really into me at the party even though I was drunk. However, I don't understand why he would suggest seeing me the next night and ask if I would text him if he wasn't interested anymore. He brought that up all on his own after saying he couldn't stay the night. Is this just a thing guys say even though they don't mean it?? But why even bother saying it then? Wait what? I thought you said it was you who contacted him first (twice!) and last text went ignored... Either way, he might be wanting to finish what was unfinished the first night.
Cherryz Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Yes, if you easy or a guy can get your goodies easily they lose interest very fast. Its in their nature to "figth" to get a girl. Getting drunk, and also all the other stuff you offered him after that most have been the reason he lost interest. Also if he tell you to text him next day instead of telling you that he will text you later and also do so, is a sign that he is not much into do effort for you. Maybe this is a sign that you should stop drinking and be more easy to give away your goodies. Let the guy work for it. And also the more you wait the more you get to know each-other in a relax way and see if a guy is worth it and so on. I think you shouldn't have text him. Because its like you chasing him. Whatever happen move on. And learn from this and quick!
Cherryz Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 It was actually my first time drinking in a while, so I didn't realize how bad my tolerance got. Either way, I don't think I was belligerently drunk (probably more tipsy). And he seemed to still be really into me at the party even though I was drunk. However, I don't understand why he would suggest seeing me the next night and ask if I would text him if he wasn't interested anymore. He brought that up all on his own after saying he couldn't stay the night. Is this just a thing guys say even though they don't mean it?? But why even bother saying it then? How old are you????? You sound kind of naive or not much experienced. If he value you he wont ask you to meet in the NIGHT again. But i guess he just want to finish what you already let him taste the nigth before. And you being drunk and him being into you is nothing special rigth away. A men can be like that too knowing that you will be more easy to have sex later. Im not saying that is his case. But it can be also.
Author aries85 Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Wait what? I thought you said it was you who contacted him first (twice!) and last text went ignored... Either way, he might be wanting to finish what was unfinished the first night. He suggested seeing me again right before he left, and asked if I would text him. So I did text him the next morning to check up on him. He asked me if I had fun and we exchanged a couple of texts (last text was a short reply from him so I didn't say anything more). A couple hours later, I texted him about something he left at my house and he hasn't replied to that. He didn't try to go any further than making out though (even though we were on my bed), so I don't think he is after sex.
Author aries85 Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 How old are you????? You sound kind of naive or not much experienced. If he value you he wont ask you to meet in the NIGHT again. But i guess he just want to finish what you already let him taste the nigth before. And you being drunk and him being into you is nothing special rigth away. A men can be like that too knowing that you will be more easy to have sex later. Im not saying that is his case. But it can be also. I'm 22. I know it was probably bad that I texted him first the morning after and it probably seemed like I was chasing him, but I said okay when he asked me to text him. I thought it was decent to follow through with my word. And I thought it would be inconsiderate if i didn't check up on him in the morning since he left so late.
angel.eyes Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 He told you to send him a text, so you did the right thing with the first text. After that, I would have waited for him to respond, rather than sending more texts. It was actually my first time drinking in a while, so I didn't realize how bad my tolerance got. Either way, I don't think I was belligerently drunk (probably more tipsy). And he seemed to still be really into me at the party even though I was drunk. Belligerent drunk? Happy-go-lucky drunk? Who cares?!? The relevant fact is you were drunk, lacked self-control, and exercised very poor judgment! That's going to be a turn-off for a lot of people, especially on early dates. However, I don't understand why he would suggest seeing me the next night and ask if I would text him if he wasn't interested anymore. He brought that up all on his own after saying he couldn't stay the night. Is this just a thing guys say even though they don't mean it?? But why even bother saying it then? First, unless a specific date, time, place, and activity are discussed, "Let's see each other again," is often meaningless, social fluff as the person heads for the exit. Another possibility: he got home and reflected on the evening--i.e. drunk girl he just started dating a week earlier takes him back to hers and gets increasingly physical until he has to put a stop to it and leave. In his mind, he's probably wondering how often you get drunk and haul guys home. He probably decided you were just looking for different things out of dating. Hence the lack of follow-up. Maybe he'll give you another chance. Who knows? Either way, let him contact you. Stop chasing after him. 2
stillafool Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Because she got tipsy one night??? She didn't get tipsy, she got drunk. Some guys get turned off by drunk women.
brokengirl85 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Your reasoning is somehow wrong here. If a guy is interested in you, he'll text you. And he'll be preoccupied to see how you're doing. Not the contrary. If a guy us into you, he'll not ignore your texts. He'll initiate. He'll reply and will sound excited. He'll want to meet you ASAP again It's not your job to check on him. Not your job to initiate either. It's his job and looks like he's not interested.
Eighty_nine Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Why should she apologize? While it was poor personal judgement to drunkenly invite and make out with the guy, technically she did nothing wrong. And he went along with it. I would be pleasant and cheery. Don't bring up the incident. If he asks you out again, great! If he doesn't, lesson learned for the next guy. Yeah, I'm not understanding what she did wrong-- got drunk when they were out drinking? Doesn't sound at all unreasonable. I think you just were too available for him; inviting him over and then making sure to follow up with next day plans. You didn't do anything 'wrong'-- it's just men really enjoy a bit of a chase and don't like it to be too easy. Maintain some distance, act friendly and casual when you see him and you may hear from him again. 1
Author aries85 Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Thank you guys for all your help. I think you guys are right that I made myself seem too easy and too available. Is there any way I can salvage this/get him to chase me again? I'm really into this guy and I see him regularly. Not sure how "friendly" or "casual" I should act the next time I see him. Wouldn't it be weird to act distance and aquintance-like? It just seems to make more sense to me that two people who were kind of intimate would interact more, but I don't want to seem even more desperate by being friendly...
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