loveisallaround Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 A quick recap: After a short term, but mega intense relationship - my boyfriend decided to break up with me because "he doesn't have enough time for himself," "his friends don't see him anymore," and he "wants to get back in touch" - basically he's not ready for a relationship. If that was true or not, I accepted it, had minimal contact for two weeks and absolutely no contact for a month afterwards. It definitely helped me. I'm on the right path, I've moved on and I'm extremly busy. I decided to break the NC last week. I unblocked his MSN and readded him to my list. He messaged me once but I kept it brief: He says: "How's your project going?" I say: "Excellent. I'm on my way out. Enjoy the heat." I really was on my way out, although I wouldn't have had a long conversation with him in the first place. My goal is not to get him back, or even be friends with him - I just want to be on friendly terms. It was a good relationship, and given that he was honest with me, I shouldn't look more into things. But two days later I found out he blocked/deleted me from his list. I sent him an e-mail basically saying that I wasn't being malicious with no contact, I needed it for myself. Et cetera and so forth. He responded, we talked both phone and e-mail. His reply was: I have to forwarn you here - i'm going to tread a fine line in this email between insulting that fact that you've emailed me something SO REDICULOUS and reassuring you that it's really nothing. I'm hoping to focus on the latter. i think you know i'm a pretty loose guy, so when it comes to things like this, i find it hard to a)take it too personally and b) hold it against anyone personally. emotions are great and they're there to be used - give 'er. No hard feelings, if you need something from me, lemme know. I'm here. (and i have your movies) On the phone, things were smooth - chit chat, etc but when I questionned him of why he deleted me he asked to meet me next week. I said I should be able to pending my schedule and that I'LL give HIM a call. My goal is to make sure everything is cool with him before I close this chapter in my life. We shared such a rare connection, I feel it'd jepordize my integrity not to do so. What is the deal with this? He's obviously distained but refuses to admit it. I wasn't born yesterday and I've never been a complete a**h*** to him. I'm not offended by this (his loss; he brought this on himself, conciously) but I do genuinly care about him as a person. I hate overanalyzing but what the **** is going on here?
Female Guest Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 I think he's pissed because he's not in control and he wants to get you back but only out of revenge so i'd said he's seeking to hurt or punish you in some way because you sort of got the upper hand. and now he wants to switch it so that he feels in control and feels he has the upper hand....
Fallen_Angel Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Games people play, I tell you!! i'm going to tread a fine line in this email between insulting that fact that you've emailed me something SO REDICULOUS... Oooh that makes me angry! Why should it be ridiculous for you to get over him by distancing yourself?! Hmmm? Yeah, it certainly sounds as though he wants the upper hand. If he shared your goal of remaining on friendly terms, I don't think he'd criticize your actions like that. I'm so glad you said you'd call him. The way I see it, the dumper usually has the luxury of control until the person who was dumped can wrest it back. I love the idea of fighting back!
Author loveisallaround Posted June 12, 2005 Author Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel I'm so glad you said you'd call him. The way I see it, the dumper usually has the luxury of control until the person who was dumped can wrest it back. I love the idea of fighting back! I knew I had to get that in there. I'm glad I did. He's basically made a mockery of my good intentions. Being a "loose kinda guy" in no way means being a total son of a bitch. The a**h*** can't even spell 'Ridiculous' correctly - so what gives him the right to trash me for saying I never meant to hurt him. I also think half of it is the success I'm beginning to experience in my career. Breaking up with him has been the best thing for it. He wants to get into film so I think theres a little jealousy there. I don't know what to expect next week but I'm back, 100% and no amount of mind games, "finding myself" crapola or sad faces will knock me down.
Sal Paradise Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Originally posted by loveisallaround A quick recap: After a short term, but mega intense relationship - my boyfriend decided to break up with me because "he doesn't have enough time for himself," "his friends don't see him anymore," and he "wants to get back in touch" - basically he's not ready for a relationship. If that was true or not, I accepted it, had minimal contact for two weeks and absolutely no contact for a month afterwards. It definitely helped me. I'm on the right path, I've moved on and I'm extremly busy. I decided to break the NC last week. I unblocked his MSN and readded him to my list. He messaged me once but I kept it brief: He says: "How's your project going?" I say: "Excellent. I'm on my way out. Enjoy the heat." I really was on my way out, although I wouldn't have had a long conversation with him in the first place. My goal is not to get him back, or even be friends with him - I just want to be on friendly terms. It was a good relationship, and given that he was honest with me, I shouldn't look more into things. But two days later I found out he blocked/deleted me from his list. I sent him an e-mail basically saying that I wasn't being malicious with no contact, I needed it for myself. Et cetera and so forth. He responded, we talked both phone and e-mail. His reply was: I have to forwarn you here - i'm going to tread a fine line in this email between insulting that fact that you've emailed me something SO REDICULOUS and reassuring you that it's really nothing. I'm hoping to focus on the latter. i think you know i'm a pretty loose guy, so when it comes to things like this, i find it hard to a)take it too personally and b) hold it against anyone personally. emotions are great and they're there to be used - give 'er. No hard feelings, if you need something from me, lemme know. I'm here. (and i have your movies) On the phone, things were smooth - chit chat, etc but when I questionned him of why he deleted me he asked to meet me next week. I said I should be able to pending my schedule and that I'LL give HIM a call. My goal is to make sure everything is cool with him before I close this chapter in my life. We shared such a rare connection, I feel it'd jepordize my integrity not to do so. What is the deal with this? He's obviously distained but refuses to admit it. I wasn't born yesterday and I've never been a complete a**h*** to him. I'm not offended by this (his loss; he brought this on himself, conciously) but I do genuinly care about him as a person. I hate overanalyzing but what the **** is going on here? He did it to get the response he got. You emailed him, called him and now are going to meet him next week. He is trying to get back control and wants to keep the door open. You shouldn't of emailed him when he blocked ya. He was throwing a fit basically. He would of unblocked after about a week. He is acting like a child so you should of treated him like one and called his bluff.
Author loveisallaround Posted June 12, 2005 Author Posted June 12, 2005 I do kind of regret even talking to him, but as I said I do genuinely care about him. As Movie of the Week as that sounds. I might opt to not meet next week and perhaps the week after. I'm not sure what I should do. This is ridiculous - I don't have time for these kind of games. I have so much to concentrate on; he's not a priority in my life anymore, I really feel like being on his level and blocking him out of existance.
Author loveisallaround Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 I've decided I have no time this week for him, so that puts the kabosh on our meeting plans. I just can't get around my head that he'd want to play these power games. The relationship is gone and HE was the one who ended it. Theres no reason why anybody should have "power" because there is no relationship to base it on anymore. And there never will be again.
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