Some men still think romancing a woman will win her over?

[soleilesquire]

Some men still think romancing a woman will win her over?

 

 

Only if she's interested to begin with!

 

This.

 

These men/boys who fixate on a woman, want THAT woman, read into every smile a "mixed signals," cannot take no for an answer, and then finally blame HER for being a flake because she didn't fall at his feet need to learn some emotional intelligence.

 

Interact with real, well-adjusted, live people. Engage people who are socially ept and not virtual with warrior costumes. Leave the math at home - there is no formula to "make" a girl want you. Stop blaming women. Stop blaming the jerks "all women go for." Stop acting like the guy who went postal in CA a couple of years ago.

 

Learn what is attractive and be that, or stop thinking you can attract an 8 when even in middle earth you'd only rate a 5. Be realistic. 99% of the time when this type of socially inept, jaded male has no success it dating, it has NOTHING to do with the woman being a flake or a princess. It;s because HE doesn't know how to interact in the mainstream. Flowers and candy won't cover up awkwardness and anger.

[iphone_user1]

I definetely don't know how to do romantic. Seriously, it just makes me feel awkward just by picturing me buying roses for a girl, celebrating Valentine's Day, writing a poem, etc... Dude, those things just make me feel very uncomfortable. Do I have a problem going on? Or is it just my personality? I'm totally the opposite of a mushy person. It's hard for me to show affection in public and even use sweet nicknames.

[Shining One]

I am curious, though I got an idea of what pragmatism is, what do you mean in the context regarding dating and romance? I just know the word is associated with those who practice it be seemingly callous.

 

I knew men who picked up on such a vibe from certain women, usually those that are career, independent types. The said woman had a few guys accuse her, nicely, of being a bit cold compared to their more warmer, feminine counter parts.

 

Yes, some pragmatic women my come off as unfeminine to men.

 

Am I barking around the right tree there?

No. I was referring to men being pragmatic. Men (in general) are being less romantic because it's not practical. Romance is wasted on the uninterested and unnecessary for the interested, so why expend all that energy, time, and money?

[thecrucible]

Romance is one of those things that seems to be dying as a result of pragmatism. If the woman is not interested, all of the romance in the world will do no good. If the woman is already interested, then the romance is not necessary. The only situation in which romance is "practically useful" is when a woman is interested in two (or more men). Romance in that situation can bring someone to the forefront.

 

I disagree. For me, what would get me interested is the 'romance'. But that is subjective. Women respond to different stimuli and you have to find the person who is the right fit for you.

 

No. I was referring to men being pragmatic. Men (in general) are being less romantic because it's not practical. Romance is wasted on the uninterested and unnecessary for the interested, so why expend all that energy, time, and money

 

I also don't find extremely jaded men appealing. I prefer the kind of guy who has a variety of life experiences to make him humble about himself and mature and experienced with women. If the guy is too jaded, well that spoils the romance for me. People are attracted to others who give off positive energy. If someone is too jaded, they are just shooting themselves in the foot.

 

Perhaps your issue is in your judgement of when to make romantic gestures. It could be that you were in a people-pleasing kind of mindset and you got fed up. If you have confidence in yourself and know that you are a good match for the right woman then you won't need to expend nearly enough energy and you'll probably get better results.

[Wewon]

I just came back to see how many times the work "entitled" would be used.

 

Funny how that word never gets used to describe a lot of women's attitude about deserving romance and free food.

 

Its not pleasant to hear, but pragmatism is part of the reason that romance isn't more prominent. One thing that kills it is the first time a guy realizes that romance is only effective when the woman is actually interested in you in the first place. It also doesn't help that most younger guys get dating advice from women whose interest may not be to give him insight but instead to engineer a behavior that works in her favor. Running into brick walls build a bit of cynicism.

 

And when you think about it, isn't that best for everyone? Only an ego-maniac wants to get romantic gestures from someone that she's lukewarm about.

[Shining One]

I disagree. For me, what would get me interested is the 'romance'.

Are you saying that if a man you were uninterested in performed some romantic gestures for you, you would become interested in him?

Perhaps your issue is in your judgement of when to make romantic gestures. It could be that you were in a people-pleasing kind of mindset and you got fed up. If you have confidence in yourself and know that you are a good match for the right woman then you won't need to expend nearly enough energy and you'll probably get better results.

I used to be romantic very early in the dating process, which lead to nothing but disappointment. Now, I reserve romance for established relationships after the woman has confirmed interest in me.

 

The point of my earlier post was that there is no practical reason to be romantic to someone who has not confirmed their interest.

[SwordofFlame]

Are you saying that if a man you were uninterested in performed some romantic gestures for you, you would become interested in him?I used to be romantic very early in the dating process, which lead to nothing but disappointment. Now, I reserve romance for established relationships after the woman has confirmed interest in me.

 

The point of my earlier post was that there is no practical reason to be romantic to someone who has not confirmed their interest.

 

I have to agree here. In the early stages of online dating, I've wined and dined women repeatedly before, bought her flowers, only for her to make up her mind that she wasn't interested in me.

[ZA Dater]

This.

 

These men/boys who fixate on a woman, want THAT woman, read into every smile a "mixed signals," cannot take no for an answer, and then finally blame HER for being a flake because she didn't fall at his feet need to learn some emotional intelligence.

 

Interact with real, well-adjusted, live people. Engage people who are socially ept and not virtual with warrior costumes. Leave the math at home - there is no formula to "make" a girl want you. Stop blaming women. Stop blaming the jerks "all women go for." Stop acting like the guy who went postal in CA a couple of years ago.

 

Learn what is attractive and be that, or stop thinking you can attract an 8 when even in middle earth you'd only rate a 5. Be realistic. 99% of the time when this type of socially inept, jaded male has no success it dating, it has NOTHING to do with the woman being a flake or a princess. It;s because HE doesn't know how to interact in the mainstream. Flowers and candy won't cover up awkwardness and anger.

 

1: I asked this question before but seeing as you made such a sweeping statement, can you please tell me what is attractive to people?

 

2: But of course every single bit of failure is due to the guy, the day I log on here and see ladies admitting they were nasty, unfriendly and rejected a guy for not reason, that day I am likely to fall off my chair. You mention mainstream, again a sweeping statement, what is mainstream?

 

3: Ask yourself why guys become jaded and bitter, I suppose once again its the guys fault.

 

4: As for a 5 chasing a 8, well again I am told its not a totally superficial world but clearly you think it is, why is that?

 

Lastly I refuse to believe someone cannot turn a "she doesn't like me" situation into a "well maybe I should give him a chance" then again I suppose I am just one of those jaded bitter guys you mention above.

 

In short there is a place for romance......in the 1940s, its relevance today washed away by the consumerism society where few people appreciate a gf and its easier to go oh well I can find someone else.

[loveiswar101]

Sadly I don't think romance counts for very much. By extension I don't think being a generous, nice, honest person of integrity counts for very much either. Romance lost its place when the world decided dating and partners is not much different to picking up something at the store.

 

It doesn't take much looking to see how many guys don't appreciate their partners and yet those same partners still hang around. Perhaps its better to something less than ideal than to have nothing at all.

 

Gotta agree...I'm thinking of doing a total 180 on my life...if i meet someone i do the romantic gestures, im polite, kind etc... But all it's got me is sweet fa.

 

All my friends say your meet someone but trust me with every date either I feel no connection or it just seems like hard work to impress women these days, unless your a fighter pilot, heart surgeon.

 

Example, meet a woman, i like her a lot, separated with kids, we have hung out a lot but as soon as I've become to available...boom doesn't want to know. WTF. We were getting on great, her kids and me getting on great. Having fun.

 

So yes, romance certainly has disappeared. 180 here i come. No more Mr Nice guy!!!

[LookAtThisPOst]

This comes up with a comparison between how men used do things back then, vs. now.

 

What was once considered romantic by women, back then, would be stalkerish to women now.

 

I've heard stories from old timers saying how they won their wives over...and when I was in my 20's, I'd pretty much attempt THEIR methods to attempt to "win over fine, young lass!" lol

 

Usually, it didn't go over well.

 

While I was in college, I heard of men leaving notes on women's windshields only to be creeped out as opposed to "swooning" lol

 

Recently, a woman (female friend of mines) posted on Facebook a picture of flowers from a "Secret Admirer"

 

She didn't know who it was and asked the delivery guy who it was from. He said, "Dunno, just a guy."

 

Friends commented how thoughtful it was and sweet, but...she had no responses from the commenters really in regards to how "sweet" it was. lol, as if she wasn't in agreement with them by not saying anything. Weird.

[soleilesquire]

A man who is interested in a girl who is NOT interested in him should pick another prospect. A woman should do the same. A woman who fixates and keeps trying and hoping and bugging the man and then pouts and blame him for not wanting her would be just as childish and entitled as a man who does so.

 

If a man gets a definitive indicator of a woman's clear interest (and that kind of intuition requires some social awareness and emotional intelligence), then "romancing" in moderation can be appropriate. I don't think a man should have to pull out all the romantic stops at that stage. I think the big romantic gestures generally are most appropriate between established couples who value each other enough to make continual effort even if "I don't have to do that to keep her." A woman worth having will keep making the effort and giving. A man worth having will do the same.

 

We can't really control who decides to be interested in us. And we can't really control what biology graced us with as far as appearance (except for making the most of what we have). Social skills, attitude, and emotional intelligence are the only things we can really control. If someone isn't interested in you, it is not necessary some sort of bad reflection on you....or them. Not everything has fault or blame associated.

[Rejected Rosebud]

If a man really really likes a woman, he SHOULD romance her to try to win her over. Everybody should try hard for what they want in this life. That said he also should know when to back off so as not to be a stalker or something like that.

[Wewon]

Nobody really "likes" anyone right out of the gate. In the early stages of a relationship you're interacting with someone just this side of being an acquaintance.

 

Yes, romance your wife, your girlfriend or any other well established significant other. You like them and they like you as well. But don't use romance as a way of impressing someone you don't know or winning them over. Women that are actually interested in you simply won't need it and any woman that is swayed isn't being swayed by the guy, he just managed to tap into her ego the way a good salesman does.

 

A lot of women want someone that doesn't know them from a can of paint to try to impress them.

[fitnessfan365]

It depends on the situation.

 

In this case, it sounds like it was a first date on Valentines Day no less which is a terrible idea. Then when she cancelled, most likely due to feeling too much pressure, he acted desperate by sending flowers.

 

But if they'd been together for awhile, had something established, and she was actually into him, that same romantic gesture probably would've been well received.

 

So I don't think you can really compare what some desperate guy did on a potential VD first date, with people that are in established relationships.

[Shining One]

If a man really really likes a woman, he SHOULD romance her to try to win her over.

Has a man ever won you over with romance after you initially rejected him?

[soleilesquire]

Has a man ever won you over with romance after you initially rejected him?

 

I know you didn't ask me, but I'll answer

 

No

 

If I knew I didn't click or have a spark with someone, then his continued attempts actually made me feel worse because he was trying so hard and I couldn't manufacture something that wasn't there.

 

If a man wants to do "romance lite" in the beginning stages, then that can increase interest that already exists. But it won't magically change a woman's mind.

[Shining One]

I know you didn't ask me, but I'll answer

 

No

 

If I knew I didn't click or have a spark with someone, then his continued attempts actually made me feel worse because he was trying so hard and I couldn't manufacture something that wasn't there.

 

If a man wants to do "romance lite" in the beginning stages, then that can increase interest that already exists. But it won't magically change a woman's mind.

This is the answer I expected. I'm still curious about Rejected Rosebud's answer because she's actually advocating that a man be romantic (to a point) in this situation.

[Robert Z]

But I think men STILL are under the impression that they can sway a woman into falling head over heels with a guy if he does some kind of romantic gesture, like send flowers or whatever.

 

 

Um no! That assumes men are idiots. A common mistake.

 

Men do this because they are trying to make a gesture. Very few would be stupid enough to think they are going to win anyone over with a few flowers.

 

I used to buy flowers for my wife all the time. Do you think I was trying to win her over or let her know that she was appreciated? [There's some real irony in that one!]

Edited February 29, 2016 by Robert Z

[Mirage10]

1: I asked this question before but seeing as you made such a sweeping statement, can you please tell me what is attractive to people?

 

2: But of course every single bit of failure is due to the guy, the day I log on here and see ladies admitting they were nasty, unfriendly and rejected a guy for not reason, that day I am likely to fall off my chair. You mention mainstream, again a sweeping statement, what is mainstream?

 

3: Ask yourself why guys become jaded and bitter, I suppose once again its the guys fault.

 

4: As for a 5 chasing a 8, well again I am told its not a totally superficial world but clearly you think it is, why is that?

 

Lastly I refuse to believe someone cannot turn a "she doesn't like me" situation into a "well maybe I should give him a chance" then again I suppose I am just one of those jaded bitter guys you mention above.

 

In short there is a place for romance......in the 1940s, its relevance today washed away by the consumerism society where few people appreciate a gf and its easier to go oh well I can find someone else.

 

 

This comes up with a comparison between how men used do things back then, vs. now.

 

What was once considered romantic by women, back then, would be stalkerish to women now.

 

I've heard stories from old timers saying how they won their wives over...and when I was in my 20's, I'd pretty much attempt THEIR methods to attempt to "win over fine, young lass!" lol

 

Usually, it didn't go over well.

 

While I was in college, I heard of men leaving notes on women's windshields only to be creeped out as opposed to "swooning" lol

 

Recently, a woman (female friend of mines) posted on Facebook a picture of flowers from a "Secret Admirer"

 

She didn't know who it was and asked the delivery guy who it was from. He said, "Dunno, just a guy."

 

Friends commented how thoughtful it was and sweet, but...she had no responses from the commenters really in regards to how "sweet" it was. lol, as if she wasn't in agreement with them by not saying anything. Weird.

 

 

Sad, but true. Seems unless a woman is really into a man (which is a topic for a seperate thread - "mind reading"), anyone else better lay off, or risk being labelled a creep (and I am not talking about geniune obsessed, stalker types). That is a word (creep) that I hear a hell-of-a-lot these days being brandished left right and centre by female friends and family.

[road]

Sad, but true. Seems unless a woman is really into a man (which is a topic for a seperate thread - "mind reading"), anyone else better lay off, or risk being labelled a creep (and I am not talking about geniune obsessed, stalker types). That is a word (creep) that I hear a hell-of-a-lot these days being brandished left right and centre by female friends and family.

 

 

When is flirting not sexual harassment?

 

 

When the woman likes the man.

 

 

When is flirting sexual harassment?

 

 

When the woman dislikes the man.

[LookAtThisPOst]

When is flirting not sexual harassment?

 

 

When the woman likes the man.

 

 

When is flirting sexual harassment?

 

 

When the woman dislikes the man.

 

Exactly! The woman in my post, the man was set up by his sister. They had gone out a couple of times already.

 

Apparently, he lives 2 hours away, but she visits her father that are neighbors to the brother (the guy doing the romancing) and said sister. So she visits like every other weekend.

 

I think before V-day, flowers shows up at her father's house (she actually lives two hours away in the big city)...so he calls her up, said, "Hey, I tried to send flowers to you at your dads house, how about I drive down and bring them to you personally and we can spend the day together)

 

It took some teeth pulling on the phone to get her to agree, being that she "had a lot of catching up to do around the house." But he kept pushing for it, she caved, and gave him directions...he showed up on the front doorstep with the flowers..and it was THEN that she decided, "Well, I actually felt better when he did show up and we had a nice time together!"

 

It was like...it was ONLY in the MOMENT, her attitude about the idea was appealing when put into action.

 

I'm not sure if she's still INTO him though and was just being nice and was just tolerating him.

 

But to me, there's just something a bit creepy or stalkerish about what he did. I mean, it was obvious she wasn't showing interest, but he forced his hand.

 

I know her rather well, so her personality is that of a woman that wont' do such a thing to a man she has no interest in because its' simply not in her nature.

 

But to the WRONG woman? It may turn out stalker-ish to them. The whole experience she told me about just made me cringe and made me think , "That's something I'd never do without sending off alarms in the woman's head"