Some men still think romancing a woman will win her over?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I feel bad when I hear these stories about a 20-something guy because I know that he's likely heard this nonesense from too many rom-coms or women venting about "Back in the day when men were men.." speeches. That's literally like giving someone new to town an outdated map and then mocking them for getting lost.

 

But this guy is 50ish. He should be navigating things a bit better now, wishy-washy answer or not. I'd even go so far as to say that a wishy-washy answer is very telling in and of itself.

 

Well, wewon, there's more to it. When she cancelled dinner on V-Day he then called her up and said he planned on bringing her flowers in person and spend the day together. He had to talk her into it though.

 

He drove probably about 2 hours to do this...shows up on her door step and they spent the day together (even though she had a lot of errands to do that day). Then she said, "Well, now that he made his way on down here, it made me feel better that he actually brought the roses in person" and that they had a nice time.

 

But...as far as pursuing anything romantic with him, she's still wishy-washy with him and any man that attempted to get with her. It's like she's just going through the motions.

 

Poor guy, driving all that way. I guess she couldn't refuse, right?

[Popsicle]

Well, wewon, there's more to it. When she cancelled dinner on V-Day he then called her up and said he planned on bringing her flowers in person and spend the day together. He had to talk her into it though.

 

He drove probably about 2 hours to do this...shows up on her door step and they spent the day together (even though she had a lot of errands to do that day). Then she said, "Well, now that he made his way on down here, it made me feel better that he actually brought the roses in person" and that they had a nice time.

 

But...as far as pursuing anything romantic with him, she's still wishy-washy with him and any man that attempted to get with her. It's like she's just going through the motions.

 

Poor guy, driving all that way. I guess she couldn't refuse, right?

 

Persistence does pay sometimes, and maybe he senses that she likes his enthusiasm, even though she didn't initially like him, and he thinks that might win her over. When people are persistent, many times it's because they sense that the other person kind of likes it.

 

Just explaining why he might of kept at it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Persistence does pay sometimes, and maybe he senses that she likes his enthusiasm, even though she didn't initially like him, and he thinks that might win her over. When people are persistent, many times it's because they sense that the other person kind of likes it.

 

Just explaining why he might of kept at it.

 

Or, it could land him with a restraining order, but...it depends on the woman.

[Popsicle]

Or, it could land him with a restraining order, but...it depends on the woman.

 

No. And this argument is so tired.

[SunnyWeather]

it seems that LookAtTHisPost has some kind of ulterior agenda going on.

 

WHy are you so invested in your friend's love life?

[venusishername]

Hmmm... I think Sunny (above) has a good point

 

 

On the topic of romance... it goes a very long way in my book. To be romantic requires EFFORT. Men who aren't per se 'romantic' lack the EFFORT that puts a guy higher on my interest scale than someone who is not. The way I see it is... romance equates to time, thoughtfulness, and planning. Those qualities instantly make a man more attractive in my eyes. If I like him of course.

 

 

I'm a hopeless romantic, the cornier the better.. at my future wedding I plan to recite Immortal Beloved as my wedding vow.

I REQUIRE romance, and if I had to choose between two men I just met, equal level of interest on my part... I would choose to give the chance to the one who made a romantic gesture. It shows me that he put in the time and effort into being considerate, polite, thoughtful, etc.

[Mirage10]

Persistence does pay sometimes, and maybe he senses that she likes his enthusiasm, even though she didn't initially like him, and he thinks that might win her over. When people are persistent, many times it's because they sense that the other person kind of likes it.

 

Just explaining why he might of kept at it.

 

Agreed. We have all heard many stories of couples telling how they met, how she wasn't interested at first, but how persistant and confident the man was and eventually won her over.

 

Then on the other hand, we have to hear constant stories of how "he" isn't putting in an effort, men aren't romantic enough.

 

The man thought he was doing something special, putting in some effort and the words "restraining order" has been mentioned in this thread...

 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Wewon]

We've also seen threads loaded with the terms "creepy" and "thirsty".

 

The difference in these threads isn't that romance all of the sudden became passe, its what happens when a woman likes a guy versus when she doesn't. Which I think is the point of the OP (in part), the idea that a lot of men have that romance actually changes anything.

 

We've all seen instances where a guy was aloof, indifferent or even an a**, but because the woman like him she found a way to put a positive spin on his behavior.

[sandylee1]

I'm not belittling the man, if anything I was more so criticizing her. I felt more sorry for him than I did her.

 

 

 

I am noticing the women here kind of going off track a bit and not addressing the lack of reciprocation interest on the woman's part. Is it not all moot if the woman simply has no interest?

 

Actually you're pretty much saying in your first post that he's using romance when he hasn't got a chance. Nothing in that post comes across like you feeling sorry for him. More like thinking he's a fool.

 

The fact is ...if she's not interested she should be woman enough to say so and let this guy and others find a better person for themselves.

 

Many women like a guy to do the chasing...The romancing etc at the beginning of a courtship...perhaps this guy being in that 50 plus she bracket agrees with that as well.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Actually you're pretty much saying in your first post that he's using romance when he hasn't got a chance. Nothing in that post comes across like you feeling sorry for him. More like thinking he's a fool.

 

The fact is ...if she's not interested she should be woman enough to say so and let this guy and others find a better person for themselves.

 

I know, but she's one of those women that tend to cave on the insistence of men for the sake of "not hurting his feelings". I have known quite a few women like this where the man tried to escalate the romance when intruding upon her personal bubble (attempt at getting physical) where it didn't end nicely.

 

Most guys got sick of the whole friend zone thing she's dealt to these guys constantly. She can neither differentiate between a date and two friends hanging out and if a guy is insistent, she'll cave...just to be nice. She can't make up her mind when it comes to dating, which has probably led to her having even been married as a 50-something.

 

But, this is just an example...I was talking to her, and I told her that most women would really find the guy that currently tried to be insistent on spending the day together on Valentines day would seriously be annoying to the point of blocking him and insisting on calling and coming over to her house would probably produce an escalated situation.

[LookAtThisPOst]

We've also seen threads loaded with the terms "creepy" and "thirsty".

 

The difference in these threads isn't that romance all of the sudden became passe, its what happens when a woman likes a guy versus when she doesn't. Which I think is the point of the OP (in part), the idea that a lot of men have that romance actually changes anything.

 

We've all seen instances where a guy was aloof, indifferent or even an a**, but because the woman like him she found a way to put a positive spin on his behavior.

 

Good point. Luckily, some women may find it "sweet" that he put in the effort, regardless of her lack of interest in him and they usually wind up not even getting to first base with them.

[road]

I know, but she's one of those women that tend to cave on the insistence of men for the sake of "not hurting his feelings". I have known quite a few women like this where the man tried to escalate the romance when intruding upon her personal bubble (attempt at getting physical) where it didn't end nicely.

 

Most guys got sick of the whole friend zone thing she's dealt to these guys constantly. She can neither differentiate between a date and two friends hanging out and if a guy is insistent, she'll cave...just to be nice. She can't make up her mind when it comes to dating, which has probably led to her having even been married as a 50-something.

 

But, this is just an example...I was talking to her, and I told her that most women would really find the guy that currently tried to be insistent on spending the day together on Valentines day would seriously be annoying to the point of blocking him and insisting on calling and coming over to her house would probably produce an escalated situation.

 

 

Trying hard to give a woman flowers and pay for a nice diner does not mean all men would force themselves on a woman.

 

 

Though your original post did not explain things that well.

 

 

I try to be objective but I see so many people on loveshack that want a spouse, kids, and a house, and having problems even getting a date.

 

 

Then you start reading the cheating and infidelity stories. Why get up and bother to go to work everyday.

 

 

Though everyday is a new day with new opportunities. We can not lose sight of that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Trying hard to give a woman flowers and pay for a nice diner does not mean all men would force themselves on a woman.

 

 

Though your original post did not explain things that well.

 

 

I try to be objective but I see so many people on loveshack that want a spouse, kids, and a house, and having problems even getting a date.

 

 

Then you start reading the cheating and infidelity stories. Why get up and bother to go to work everyday.

 

 

Though everyday is a new day with new opportunities. We can not lose sight of that.

 

I am not sure what you mean. I am saying, that I hear stories from female friends that are trying to let men down nicely or afraid to turn them down or wind up being enablers to men when they have no romantic interest in them.

 

It's like they like the attention they get, but have no intention of dating the man.

 

When I was in my 20's I was THAT guy, making an attempt to be romantic.

 

I hear so many of these blow off stories from guys that would try to ask a woman out on a date.

 

Men can either do:

 

1. Oh well, seems like she's not interested...I'll move on OR...

2. "Hm, she didn't return my phone calls, so I'll send her roses on Valentines Day to sway her to date me, thus making it seriously awkward for her.

 

I used to be the #2 guys, but not anymore. #2 I wound up being friend zoned or at worse, was it forced her hand to actually be firm and say, "Sorry, I'm not interested."

 

I knew a ton of guys while I was in college get their hearts broken when attempting romance with an unrequited woman. It's rather saddening for them. Some of their friends would tell them, "Dude, you're trying too hard!"

 

I know a woman that would insist on "going out as friends" with a guy that went along with her statement, only to attempt to hold her hand or get close to her physically in the theater (putting his arm around here)..nothing sexual, but just wanted affection.

 

It got so awkward for her, she moved away to another seat from him. As a result, he never talked to her again.

 

Then comes a certain age where men get fed up with these women who pull this crap and just keep finding a woman that actually IS INTO them.

 

I try to be objective but I see so many people on loveshack that want a spouse, kids, and a house, and having problems even getting a date.

 

I know...and I do sympathize with their plight!

[LookAtThisPOst]

Simply put, a man who tries to sway a woman's interest with romantic gestures like roses on Valentines day or whatever is probably not going to turn out pretty for him...in fact , it'll more than likely be quite a disappointment and with a garbage can full of roses.

 

Romance is something of use to established couples.

[kendahke]

Got to talking to a female friend of mine that has "gone out" with men or "been on dates", but none to the point of it ever getting romantic. In fact, she's claimed pretty much every single guy that tried to date her had been moving too quickly, but she's really just been friend zoning a lot of them.

 

Valentines Day was esp. awkward for her, because she gave a rather wishy-washy answer to agreeing to a date with this guy she was introduced to by his sister.

 

She wound up cancelling dinner plans on Valentines Day night with him, so he wound up sending roses to her house instead!

 

I guess this guy didn't get the hint that, "Interested people ACT interested", and these two aren't spring chickens either, like 50-somethings. But I think men STILL are under the impression that they can sway a woman into falling head over heels with a guy if he does some kind of romantic gesture, like send flowers or whatever.

 

That kind of thing used to work in the 1940s, but not today. But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter?

 

 

He didn't want to acknowledge that he was trying to force something that hadn't developed the legs to run the distance, but he probably wasn't directly told that there was no interest. More likely, she was hoping he'd get the hint.

 

However, she should have owned her voice and spoke up and told him "I'm not feeling this" long before Valentine's Day rolled around, so I'd say she was more to blame in this scenario. And she's old enough to know better. That is the luxury of being over 50---you can speak your mind without worrying about what other people think about you because you're long past needing to run your actions past a committee for approval.

[Saracena]

Some men still think romancing a woman will win her over?

 

 

Only if she's interested to begin with!

[sandylee1]

He didn't want to acknowledge that he was trying to force something that hadn't developed the legs to run the distance, but he probably wasn't directly told that there was no interest. More likely, she was hoping he'd get the hint.

 

However, she should have owned her voice and spoke up and told him "I'm not feeling this" long before Valentine's Day rolled around, so I'd say she was more to blame in this scenario. And she's old enough to know better. That is the luxury of being over 50---you can speak your mind without worrying about what other people think about you because you're long past needing to run your actions past a committee for approval.

 

I agree. I'd never agree to a valentine's date with a guy I wasn't into.. it's just giving false hope.

 

Maybe when she does find a guy she likes and he treats her shabbily. .. She'll realise it's not so nice to be messed about.

[road]

When a woman is asked out by a man she does not want to date she needs to tell him to get lost.

 

 

However they need to do it without being cruel but still not give false hope.

 

 

This way he moves on.

[Larryville]

That kind of thing used to work in the 1940s, but not today. But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter?

 

 

Yup…

 

 

Far too many people particularly men lack the following:

 

 

Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.

 

Which affects the following:

 

 

Romance works when you're interested to begin with.

 

 

Genuine engagement and connection is more meaningful.

 

 

Romance is always appreciated when it happens at the right time. I prefer romantic gestures after they have been “earned”

 

 

Great point, amazing how many people are clueless to that...

Don’t mind giving romantic gestures, but yes the woman MUST earn that and the interest and attraction must be reciprocated and that frankly should be obvious to both.

[AverageJoe1986]

Ha, ha, ha! You know, maybe it's just my Latin background, but when I was introduced to that Shakespeare sonnet in college, I couldn't believe that it was considered romantic! Where are the comparisons of lips to red rubies, of eyes to emeralds or deep oceans? A summer's day? No, no, no, that's not romantic!

 

One theory is that the sonnet is so awkward because Shakespeare wrote it for a man, not a woman. The thee and the thou were about a guy, not a girl, and given the mores of the time, Shakespeare couldn't allude to ruby-red lips and emerald-green eyes.

 

I'm not sure that a poem without flattering descriptions of facial features are automatically unromantic. That he compares his love favourably to a summers day, and all the beauty contained therein, and that this beauty the lover possesses will last forever is I think sufficiently romantic.

[Shining One]

Romance is one of those things that seems to be dying as a result of pragmatism. If the woman is not interested, all of the romance in the world will do no good. If the woman is already interested, then the romance is not necessary. The only situation in which romance is "practically useful" is when a woman is interested in two (or more men). Romance in that situation can bring someone to the forefront.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Romance is one of those things that seems to be dying as a result of pragmatism. If the woman is not interested, all of the romance in the world will do no good. If the woman is already interested, then the romance is not necessary. The only situation in which romance is "practically useful" is when a woman is interested in two (or more men). Romance in that situation can bring someone to the forefront.

 

I am curious, though I got an idea of what pragmatism is, what do you mean in the context regarding dating and romance? I just know the word is associated with those who practice it be seemingly callous.

 

I knew men who picked up on such a vibe from certain women, usually those that are career, independent types. The said woman had a few guys accuse her, nicely, of being a bit cold compared to their more warmer, feminine counter parts.

 

Yes, some pragmatic women my come off as unfeminine to men.

 

Am I barking around the right tree there?

[ZA Dater]

Sadly I don't think romance counts for very much. By extension I don't think being a generous, nice, honest person of integrity counts for very much either. Romance lost its place when the world decided dating and partners is not much different to picking up something at the store.

 

It doesn't take much looking to see how many guys don't appreciate their partners and yet those same partners still hang around. Perhaps its better to something less than ideal than to have nothing at all.

[kendahke]

Sadly I don't think romance counts for very much. By extension I don't think being a generous, nice, honest person of integrity counts for very much either..

 

It does for me and quite a few others. But I'm also mature enough to understand that their exterior packaging doesn't automatically disqualify those qualities.

 

You can have a generous, nice, honest person of integrity but if they have some physical detractor then for some, all those redeeming qualities are negated because of their packaging. It's the "How dare she have interest in me and be (whatever)!!! How dare he have interest in me and be (whatever)!!!!" But if everyone is entitled to their preferences, then that means ev•er•y•one.

 

Not everyone is going to be someone else's cup of tea.

[soleilesquire]

Got to talking to a female friend of mine that has "gone out" with men or "been on dates", but none to the point of it ever getting romantic. In fact, she's claimed pretty much every single guy that tried to date her had been moving too quickly, but she's really just been friend zoning a lot of them.

 

Valentines Day was esp. awkward for her, because she gave a rather wishy-washy answer to agreeing to a date with this guy she was introduced to by his sister.

 

She wound up cancelling dinner plans on Valentines Day night with him, so he wound up sending roses to her house instead!

 

I guess this guy didn't get the hint that, "Interested people ACT interested", and these two aren't spring chickens either, like 50-somethings. But I think men STILL are under the impression that they can sway a woman into falling head over heels with a guy if he does some kind of romantic gesture, like send flowers or whatever.

 

That kind of thing used to work in the 1940s, but not today. But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter?

 

Socially inept males tend to fixate. The woman they desire is a formula to be solved and a right to which they are entitled. Because they deem themselves "nice," the believe this woman - if she has any value at all - MUST return their interest. If she does not, then it can only be because she is a beyotch or princess.

 

The idea that the MAN might need to learn some emotional intelligence never enters these guys' minds.