LookAtThisPOst Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Got to talking to a female friend of mine that has "gone out" with men or "been on dates", but none to the point of it ever getting romantic. In fact, she's claimed pretty much every single guy that tried to date her had been moving too quickly, but she's really just been friend zoning a lot of them. Valentines Day was esp. awkward for her, because she gave a rather wishy-washy answer to agreeing to a date with this guy she was introduced to by his sister. She wound up cancelling dinner plans on Valentines Day night with him, so he wound up sending roses to her house instead! I guess this guy didn't get the hint that, "Interested people ACT interested", and these two aren't spring chickens either, like 50-somethings. But I think men STILL are under the impression that they can sway a woman into falling head over heels with a guy if he does some kind of romantic gesture, like send flowers or whatever. That kind of thing used to work in the 1940s, but not today. But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter? 3
Satu Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Flowers and chocolates are cheap. Genuine engagement and connection is more meaningful. 5
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Flowers and chocolates are cheap. Genuine engagement and connection is more meaningful. Roses aren't cheap, this guy sent roses. 4
sandylee1 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I think the right woman would appreciate flowers. This woman doesn't know what she wants from the sounds of things and instead of simply cancelling a date she should have the common courtesy of saying she's not interested. As a woman .... I do like romance. My husband bought me flowers on valentines day and I thought they were lovely. Romance works when you're interested to begin with. If a guy I didn't fancy back when I was single bought me flowers..it wouldn't change my mind..but then I don't lead people on..I say straight up if I'm not interested. I'm sure if she was upfront and honest with these guys..they wouldn't waste their time or money on her. 6
angel.eyes Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 My boyfriend sweeps me off my feet all the time with his thoughtfulness and romantic gestures. It's not a unidimensional, black and white world. Context matters. 6
Ruby Slippers Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Romance isn't going to generate romantic feelings where there are none, or there's no potential for them. I appreciate romance. I'm just getting back into dating again, and I'm looking for love, so the most attractive men to me are those who take a romantic approach. I'm a dreamer, and romance really lights me up 9
Shining One Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 She wound up cancelling dinner plans on Valentines Day night with him, so he wound up sending roses to her house instead! I guess this guy didn't get the hint that, "Interested people ACT interested", and these two aren't spring chickens either, like 50-somethings. But I think men STILL are under the impression that they can sway a woman into falling head over heels with a guy if he does some kind of romantic gesture, like send flowers or whatever. That kind of thing used to work in the 1940s, but not today. But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter?Some people just never learn or have trouble reading the situation. Another possibility is that she's feeding him false hope. Women are often advised to "confirm interest" before getting physical with a man. The advice to men should be "confirm interest" before getting romantic and spending money (roses) on a woman. 4
angel.eyes Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 She cancelled the date. Doesn't that confirm, or at least suggest, her lack of interest? 2
Satu Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Roses aren't cheap, this guy sent roses. They fall within my own definition of cheap, but I suppose its relative. 2
thecrucible Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Romance is always appreciated when it happens at the right time. I prefer romantic gestures after they have been earned - I don't know but I just feel better if the guy has fallen for me over a certain period of time and the roses are to show his feelings towards me. I don't like when I don't know a man very well as it makes me feel obligated to reciprocate the man's feelings. I had a male friend who I only ever saw as a friend and he bought me a book once because he liked me a lot (I think we were about 19). Anyway I accepted the gift but I didn't feel the same way. It puts you in an awkward position thinking "ahh am I supposed to do something since he has bought me something?". 2
loveweary11 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 They fall within my own definition of cheap, but I suppose its relative. And they are very cheap as compared to time/attention. 5
Popsicle Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Got to talking to a female friend of mine that has "gone out" with men or "been on dates", but none to the point of it ever getting romantic. In fact, she's claimed pretty much every single guy that tried to date her had been moving too quickly, but she's really just been friend zoning a lot of them. Valentines Day was esp. awkward for her, because she gave a rather wishy-washy answer to agreeing to a date with this guy she was introduced to by his sister. She wound up cancelling dinner plans on Valentines Day night with him, so he wound up sending roses to her house instead! I guess this guy didn't get the hint that, "Interested people ACT interested", and these two aren't spring chickens either, like 50-somethings. But I think men STILL are under the impression that they can sway a woman into falling head over heels with a guy if he does some kind of romantic gesture, like send flowers or whatever. That kind of thing used to work in the 1940s, but not today. But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter? It would work for me. If I've already agreed to a date, chances are I like him. I think romance is in short supply. 3
Erik30 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter? Because they really like her and don't fully understand yet that the woman is just not into them. Those men don't get that it's never going to happen, so they still think they can win her over. 5
sandylee1 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 She cancelled the date. Doesn't that confirm, or at least suggest, her lack of interest? Something important could have come up. Simply say..I don't want another date with you. Why even agree to a date in the first place if you're not interested. Basic common courtesy won't go amiss. Why not live by the simple rule of treating others as you'd like to be treated. If she's not interested is it so hard to tell a guy this? 2
Yookie Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Your "friend" needs to stop with the wishy-washy answers and be more direct. Also she could have refused the flower delivery if she really wanted to convey her lack of interest. 2
Robratory Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 That kind of thing used to work in the 1940s, but not today. But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter? It never did work, but unrequited love has been a literary trope for centuries. You see it in virtually every rom-com. You may have gotten the impression that it started in the 1940s because that decade and the one preceding it seemingly produced little but rom-coms. 1
Satu Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Nobody was ever more romantic than Shakespeare: SONNET 18 Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date: Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimm'd; But thy eternal summer shall not fade Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st; So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee. 2
sandylee1 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I think she just loves the attention and the chase. Perhaps these guys are the type that are happy she's giving them a second glance. It's just an ego boost for her. Seems sad really that she has to treat men this way to feel she has the upper hand. Perhaps the guys she really wants wouldn't give her the time of day. 1
road Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Got to talking to a female friend of mine that has "gone out" with men or "been on dates", but none to the point of it ever getting romantic. In fact, she's claimed pretty much every single guy that tried to date her had been moving too quickly, but she's really just been friend zoning a lot of them. Valentines Day was esp. awkward for her, because she gave a rather wishy-washy answer to agreeing to a date with this guy she was introduced to by his sister. She wound up cancelling dinner plans on Valentines Day night with him, so he wound up sending roses to her house instead! I guess this guy didn't get the hint that, "Interested people ACT interested", and these two aren't spring chickens either, like 50-somethings. But I think men STILL are under the impression that they can sway a woman into falling head over heels with a guy if he does some kind of romantic gesture, like send flowers or whatever. That kind of thing used to work in the 1940s, but not today. But why do some men think if they turn the romance on, that an uninterested woman's "romance light switch" her make her butterflies start to flutter? A man that is 50-59 definitely grew up in a time when men did romance women. He is doing what people did in his youth, doing what was portrayed in all the old movies from the 30's - 50's that were on tv in his youth. Him being single at his age, and needing help from his sister to get a date, shows a man that is lonely. He got a date, finally, his sister probably told him what to wear and pointers on how to have a good date. He's floating on cloud 9. He is telling himself to go slow, don't push for sex, don't scare her off, so he gets a 2nd date. He gets the I have to cancel the date call. Damn, not again. How can I snatch victory from the jaws of defeat? How can I at least salvage a shot at least getting the 1st date rescheduled. He comes up with a memory from his youth. Back in the day a man would use flowers and it always seemed women liked that stuff. I got nothing to lose and maybe it will work and if it doesn't I tried my best. And, the best this friend of yours and you could do was to belittle this man that dared to date your friend. 4
Ferret Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I wish more men knew how to "do romance" these days cause most don't or don't care..I was told by my bf that "im sorry I really don't know how to do romantic" this was what I got told for valentines day..one day out of the year and he cant manage to figure it out..to me that's sad a good potion of romance is just a kind thought to take the time to consider the other in some special way it doesn't even have to be big..I would have been over the moon with a cheap bouquet' of flowers or a nice balloon something I didn't have to coach him on and tell him what I want...Le sigh I think a lot of women are just as bad maybe this is why a lot of relationships fail I dunno... 4
AMJ Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I'm a huge fan of romance. If a guy I'm not interested in decides to get more romantic, give me flowers, for example, it probably won't change how I feel initially. But it makes me want to give him a chance. In that sense, it does work. If I already have feelings for the guy, then he gets romantic, that seals the deal. 1
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 And, the best this friend of yours and you could do was to belittle this man that dared to date your friend. I'm not belittling the man, if anything I was more so criticizing her. I felt more sorry for him than I did her. I wish more men knew how to "do romance" these days cause most don't or don't care I am noticing the women here kind of going off track a bit and not addressing the lack of reciprocation interest on the woman's part. Is it not all moot if the woman simply has no interest?
Robratory Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Nobody was ever more romantic than Shakespeare: SONNET 18 Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date: Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimm'd; But thy eternal summer shall not fade Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st; So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee. Ha, ha, ha! You know, maybe it's just my Latin background, but when I was introduced to that Shakespeare sonnet in college, I couldn't believe that it was considered romantic! Where are the comparisons of lips to red rubies, of eyes to emeralds or deep oceans? A summer's day? No, no, no, that's not romantic! One theory is that the sonnet is so awkward because Shakespeare wrote it for a man, not a woman. The thee and the thou were about a guy, not a girl, and given the mores of the time, Shakespeare couldn't allude to ruby-red lips and emerald-green eyes.
AnnaGem Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I'm all for romantic gestures and flowers, but only if there's a genuine sense of interest. Canceling a date with a guy on Valentine's Day, isn't necessarily direct, but to me, it conveys uncertainty in whether or not someone is interested at all. So in this case, sending roses as an attempt to increase her interest in him, is kind of lame. I would be put off. Roses after a fantastic first date, sure! It's a great next step! Roses after a cancellation on "the most romantic day of the year" = he clearly missed my signal.. Meh. Side note: Those are usually the guys that want to get out of an argument with jewelry instead of actually talking.. Fix feelings with grand romantic gestures- no thanks.
Wewon Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I feel bad when I hear these stories about a 20-something guy because I know that he's likely heard this nonesense from too many rom-coms or women venting about "Back in the day when men were men.." speeches. That's literally like giving someone new to town an outdated map and then mocking them for getting lost. But this guy is 50ish. He should be navigating things a bit better now, wishy-washy answer or not. I'd even go so far as to say that a wishy-washy answer is very telling in and of itself.
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