snyder Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) Hi guys! Before I write the whole story I'd like to apologise in advance for grammar mistakes since English is not my first language. I met my ex-girlfriend L when we both were in a serious relationship. She was in a bumpy relationship of 4 years and had cheated on her bf (red flag #1) before. I knew this because at that time we were strictly friends. It didn't take too long for us to admit that we had strong feelings for each other. I broke up with my gf of one year and she did the same with her boyfriend. Everyone around us told us to take things slowly (red flag #2) but we went for it since it felt really really good. L and I went out for 6 months. These six months were the most amazing yet confusing 6 months ever. It was intense too (red flag #3). However, she used to mention her ex a lot, most of the time in a negative way (red flag #4). Basically, she promised me the world during these months. We would get married, have kids and stupid honeymoon phase stuff like that. She told me that I was the one for her and how she never felt something like this before. Me being the love fool I was believed all of it. After three months of getting the sense that she is not fully over her ex she admits that she cheated on me with him...twice (I feel stupid calling this a red flag but I was indeed stupidly in love). We talked about it, had a little break, she kept texting me and apologizing for everything. She told me that it would never happen again, she didn't want to anything with him, that it was just a stupid closure thing and that I'm the love of her life. Yup, bought that one again. She deleted her ex from all social media and we started again. She would give me so much love and attention during this period that sometimes I wasn't able to think rationally about what happened to me. I was overwhelmed by her words, her affection and the dream she painted for me. And I held tight to that dream. So much that I lost all my pride, values and principles just like that. Suddenly one day before I planned something for her birthday she gives me the ''we need to talk'' line. She told me that she is not ready for a relationship, that she needs time for herself, that everything went too fast, she is always in a relationship, has trouble to be alone and deal with her own issues and that she is basically dumping my ass. I became a total wreck. I was lost and emotional because I truly loved this girl. I don't know why since she treated me like **** but I loved her. And maybe I'm crazy as well. I just couldn't handle it. We had break up sex that night and she asked if I was up to for a fwb thing. I told her that she can't have her cake and eat it too. Her reaction to that: ''fair enough". The post-breakup days were filled with her throwing bread crumbles at me. She would text me stuff like ''I'm wearing your clothes to sleep in cause I miss your smell" and I just couldn't take it. She told me I'm the love of her life and that the break was temporary. That she was sure that we would get back together. I kept the contact low since I was so hurt. I saw on social media how much fun she was having without me and it broke my heart. I confonted her (I know stupid me) about it and she ofc pushed me away. And told me that it's over. She's single, I'm single and we'll see about the future. I went completely NC on her. My friends slowly started to delete her from FB when they found out about the whole story (I didn't tell them about the cheating part because I wanted them to like her). The moment she saw on social media that I was trying to move on (parties, new profile picture etc) she contacts me again and asks: do you feel like I used you? I said no because I didn't want to stroke her ego more by coming across heartbroken. I'm pretty sure the only reason she contacted me is to remind me to feel miserable about her leaving me. Things were going good for a while but I don't know I just felt that she went back to her ex. She had deleted me from social media. I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt horrible again and went for drinks with a friend of mine. We get to this bar and guess who's sitting there? Yup, my psycho ex! At first I didn't want to say hi but I eventually did because I wanted to let her know that I'm okay. I'm not miserable. It was awkward as hell though but I didn't show it off. The next day she texts my about how awkward it was eventhough we played it off cool and told me that since we live in the same city I should know that she is seeing her ex bf again. Then she goes on and on about how everything was real between us and she really felt it like that at the moment. That she did not play me (haha) and the only thing she did wrong was cheating. That's like Hitler saying that the only thing he did wrong was invading Poland, but whatever. I couldn't handle her lies anymore and told her good luck and bye. Now I'm sitting here, writing this and thinking how I let this happen to myself. And why is my heart still with her? Was it all a game for her? Everyone is telling me that she is crazy and sooner or later she will come back knocking on my door when the reborn honeymoon phase with her boyfriend is over. I still don't understand myself and why I still want her deeply in my heart. Do you guys think that she will contact me again in the future? Will she want to come back? How should I handle this situation....it's driving me nuts. I don't sleep, I can't concentrate on my work..I'm lost. Please help me. Edited February 21, 2016 by snyder
Zahara Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 And why is my heart still with her? It's because you are still grieving a loss. Was it all a game for her? She's emotionally immature and unhealthy. I don't believe it was a game to her but when someone is emotionally dysfunctional, likely they have no insight or self-awareness into what they do. Everyone is telling me that she is crazy and sooner or later she will come back knocking on my door when the reborn honeymoon phase with her boyfriend is over. I still don't understand myself and why I still want her deeply in my heart. It's because you had an emotional connection to her and it is going to take time to detach, regardless of whether a relationship was toxic or not. Do you guys think that she will contact me again in the future? Will she want to come back? Probably. When she doesn't have prospects and needs to latch onto someone for attention. It won't be because she loves you. How should I handle this situation.... If you want to be tossed around again, then remain open to her contact. If you want to move on and seek a healthier and more compatible partner, block her, work through your pain and move on. She sounds like the kind that will hover when she needs something. it's driving me nuts. I don't sleep, I can't concentrate on my work..I'm lost. Please help me. All very normal when suffering the aftermath of a break-up. Just know that it will get better. It will take time but if you give yourself a chance and do the right thing by you, you'll look back on this and realize that it was the best thing that ever happened to you. Learn the lesson -- you were able to spot the red flags. And if you decide to ever go back, count on those red flags popping up again.
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