Jimmyjackson Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I don't often get feelings for girls, but when I do I find myself diving in head first a lot of the time. I try my best to keep calm and cool about it but I end up showing signs of over eagerness. How does on go about changing their mentality? I slept with a girl last night i had been speaking to since Christmas, she said the sex was bad, not the actual sex but my 'build up'. She has been very quiet today and I fear she's lost interest in me for that reason, deposite telling me she really liked me prior. Again, this is displaying neediness as I am currently checking my phone constantly hoping for a reply. Any advice on how to develop a care free attitude? I am currently at work but it is quiet on a Sunday therefore I have a lot of time to think which is annoying me. I'm also 23 in case that is of any relevance.
smackie9 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I don't blame you for being desperate after a comment like that....sounds to me you need to work on your confidence, and your *ahem* skills. 4
elizabetk Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I don't often get feelings for girls, but when I do I find myself diving in head first a lot of the time. I try my best to keep calm and cool about it but I end up showing signs of over eagerness. How does on go about changing their mentality? I slept with a girl last night i had been speaking to since Christmas, she said the sex was bad, not the actual sex but my 'build up'. She has been very quiet today and I fear she's lost interest in me for that reason, deposite telling me she really liked me prior. Again, this is displaying neediness as I am currently checking my phone constantly hoping for a reply. Any advice on how to develop a care free attitude? I am currently at work but it is quiet on a Sunday therefore I have a lot of time to think which is annoying me. I'm also 23 in case that is of any relevance. I think it is natural to check your phone/expect her to get back to you if you like her. If you are adamant that changes in your behaviour are required, then I would start by working on your confidence. Why don't you enhance your looks? Perhaps you can join the local gym. Make yourself busy, do more and go out more often - that doesn't mean you need to turn into a party animal but busying yourself with interests, hobbies and friends does not do any harm. Also, if she is not the right girl for you (if sex was bad, it does not necessarily mean that you were the sole reason for it) then I would focus my attention elsewhere and in the meantime, work on improving yourself. 2
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 I don't blame you for being desperate after a comment like that....sounds to me you need to work on your confidence, and your *ahem* skills. Hit a bit of a nerve I must admit. Never had any complaints in the past 2
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 What you're feeling isn't neediness IMO ...it's anxiety. Which is normal, we all feel anxious sometimes when we like someone and we're waiting for a response. Or feel they may have lost interest. What I do to combat that is lots of exercise, running and yoga, it increases endorphins. And *mind over matter.* Force yourself to stop obsessing, pinch yourself hard so it hurts when you start obsessing. It works! Also, not understanding what you mean by the sex was bad because of your *build up*? You had too much cum or something? Why would *that* turn her off? In any event, that may just have been an excuse, she may not be all that into you... sorry!! Sucks you're at work and can't go out and do something fun to get your mind off it. But seriously, try to stop obsessing and chalk it up to you're just not sexually compatible, and move on. Again, sorry!! Dating sucks sometimes. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 In what context did she say the sex/build-up was bad? That's pretty harsh. Did you ask her for feedback or something? 2
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 In what context did she say the sex/build-up was bad? That's pretty harsh. Did you ask her for feedback or something? She said it was a little awkward and I was a bit rough at times. In my defence I was drunk haha. I told her to guide me and show me how she liked it after. 2
AMJ Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Ouch. That's a cold thing to say to a guy after the first time. Constructive feedback is better. But she's likely young also, so she'll learn that she needs to give her bedroom feedback more carefully. It's insensitive of her to be so blunt about it. And really, the first time for many couples isn't always terrific. You're charting new territory. She needs to speak up while its happening if she doesn't like the direction its going in. You can't be a mind reader. As for help not obsessing about her...I think you get better with that with more experience. Eventually the whole dating ritual becomes more routine and the whole cat-mouse chase is just less exciting. That's not really very helpful advice for you right now....so...I guess maybe start talking to other girls? Maybe you can find someone else who is more sensitive to your feelings. 1
smackie9 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 You are not going to be super stud every time for everyone you sleep with.....sometimes it comes down to sexual compatibility. And also depending on the person, some are not bothered by the first experience if it's not good, and some will simply get turned off. Such as life. 2
Jabron1 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 This is a big reason why I tell men to multi-date. Something weird can happen to a man's brain when he first starts seeing a beautiful woman. He fails to see any faults, or when he does he ignores them. He starts making loads of effort in an attempt to 'win her over'. He starts to obsess over lots of little things. He puts her on a pedestal. It's no wonder you were nervous in the bedroom. You had probably given her such esteem in your mind, that she was a perfect angel, and this was your big chance. You were 'getting lucky' - like winning the lottery, right? When you are seeing a few women at once, you won't feel this way. You'll want her, but you won't need her. You won't be so worried when one of them starts playing silly buggers with you. You will start to notice her positives and negatives. You'll have high standards. And, yes, you'll stop being needy. Next time you start going out with a woman, don't stop approaching other women until things are getting serious and there are talks of becoming exclusive. A man with options is a man without need. 1
BlametheIrish Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Hit a bit of a nerve I must admit. Never had any complaints in the past NEVER underestimate the importance of foreplay. It's pretty vital as far as sex is concerned. Get her all revved up first for a much better experience all around. 5
AMJ Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 NEVER underestimate the importance of foreplay. It's pretty vital as far as sex is concerned. Get her all revved up first for a much better experience all around. So true. But also, sometimes foreplay is just a waste of time! We all want what we want...but women need to speak up/demonstrate what we want if we ever expect to get it. 1
mortensorchid Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Other than working on confidence skills, when I am feeling crazy like that I find something else to do. You'd be surprised how a good workout can change your attitudes and emotions. It makes you feel happier that you have done something with yourself other than sit around and do nothing. 4
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 In regards to her seeming distant since we had sex last night for the first time, is there anything I can do to raise her interest? Just give her space etc? 1
brokengirl85 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I don't often get feelings for girls, but when I do I find myself diving in head first a lot of the time. I try my best to keep calm and cool about it but I end up showing signs of over eagerness. How does on go about changing their mentality? I slept with a girl last night i had been speaking to since Christmas, she said the sex was bad, not the actual sex but my 'build up'. She has been very quiet today and I fear she's lost interest in me for that reason, deposite telling me she really liked me prior. Again, this is displaying neediness as I am currently checking my phone constantly hoping for a reply. Any advice on how to develop a care free attitude? I am currently at work but it is quiet on a Sunday therefore I have a lot of time to think which is annoying me. I'm also 23 in case that is of any relevance. Omg. I think she is the rudest person ever. In all honestly though, do you think your performance was not your best? If so, try to think why that happened. But just as a way to be more confident with yourself the next time. Regarding this person, do yourself s favor and block her. She's rude and tactless. 2
Satu Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 “Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.” ― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet 2
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 What you're feeling isn't neediness IMO ...it's anxiety. Which is normal, we all feel anxious sometimes when we like someone and we're waiting for a response. Or feel they may have lost interest. What I do to combat that is lots of exercise, running and yoga, it increases endorphins. And *mind over matter.* Force yourself to stop obsessing, pinch yourself hard so it hurts when you start obsessing. It works! Also, not understanding what you mean by the sex was bad because of your *build up*? You had too much cum or something? Why would *that* turn her off? In any event, that may just have been an excuse, she may not be all that into you... sorry!! Sucks you're at work and can't go out and do something fun to get your mind off it. But seriously, try to stop obsessing and chalk it up to you're just not sexually compatible, and move on. Again, sorry!! Dating sucks sometimes. I seem to suffer from anxiety quite often now I think about it. by build up she meant foreplay. Will just have to not bother her and forget it, bit of a shame because I liked her and she did too...or so she said.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Ouch. That's a cold thing to say to a guy after the first time. Constructive feedback is better. But she's likely young also, so she'll learn that she needs to give her bedroom feedback more carefully. It's insensitive of her to be so blunt about it. And really, the first time for many couples isn't always terrific. You're charting new territory. She needs to speak up while its happening if she doesn't like the direction its going in. You can't be a mind reader. As for help not obsessing about her...I think you get better with that with more experience. Eventually the whole dating ritual becomes more routine and the whole cat-mouse chase is just less exciting. That's not really very helpful advice for you right now....so...I guess maybe start talking to other girls? Maybe you can find someone else who is more sensitive to your feelings. I've never been one to speak to multiple girls at a time but maybe I should try this, if I lose one option I won't be too bothered possibly.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 This is a big reason why I tell men to multi-date. Something weird can happen to a man's brain when he first starts seeing a beautiful woman. He fails to see any faults, or when he does he ignores them. He starts making loads of effort in an attempt to 'win her over'. He starts to obsess over lots of little things. He puts her on a pedestal. It's no wonder you were nervous in the bedroom. You had probably given her such esteem in your mind, that she was a perfect angel, and this was your big chance. You were 'getting lucky' - like winning the lottery, right? When you are seeing a few women at once, you won't feel this way. You'll want her, but you won't need her. You won't be so worried when one of them starts playing silly buggers with you. You will start to notice her positives and negatives. You'll have high standards. And, yes, you'll stop being needy. Next time you start going out with a woman, don't stop approaching other women until things are getting serious and there are talks of becoming exclusive. A man with options is a man without need. Couldn't have put it better myself, basically summed up the entire situation it seems. she likely has other options so probably isn't that bothered. She told me she got asked on a date last week but she declined it, but still, options. I'd love to turn into a Don Draper type mentality but I just don't think it is me, I will try and spin more plates in the future though. 1
Toodaloo Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Jimmy. New Flash for you here. The first time with anyone is always a bit rubbish. You don't know how their bodies or minds work, you are nervous and, as in your case, more than likely drunk. You did the right thing by telling her practice make perfect. Its a two way street. This girl has been a bit blunt but what she has said is "more foreplay please"... I can't fault her for that. I disagree with the others. I think if you get on well in other ways then you should just tell her you were nervous and that your not a performing monkey and next time please could she give you a bit more direction and a few less beers...
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Jimmy. New Flash for you here. The first time with anyone is always a bit rubbish. You don't know how their bodies or minds work, you are nervous and, as in your case, more than likely drunk. You did the right thing by telling her practice make perfect. Its a two way street. This girl has been a bit blunt but what she has said is "more foreplay please"... I can't fault her for that. I disagree with the others. I think if you get on well in other ways then you should just tell her you were nervous and that your not a performing monkey and next time please could she give you a bit more direction and a few less beers... I would tell her that but she seems to have done a complete 180 since! She's a very stubborn person and told me that same night she doesn't get feelings for people.
Summer3 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I don't blame you for being desperate after a comment like that....sounds to me you need to work on your confidence, and your *ahem* skills. I agree that you might need to work on your self-esteem but I disagree with the bedroom skills remark. Sex is a a very intimate act which makes you emotionally bond with another. Don't let societies attitude about easy, no attachment sex make you feel less than. Feel your feelings. If she isn't that interested in you then you'll need to work that out. Falling in love is very romantic. If it isn't her it will be someone else.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 24, 2016 Author Posted February 24, 2016 Spoke to her last night and just straight up asked her: "Are you still interested?" She replied with "Well I'm not sure because it was awkward after sex, but it might have been because it was our first time together". 'Not sure' = No? She's still not really initiating conversation much...should I just ignore her and if she comes chasing good?...if not move on?
katiegrl Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 Spoke to her last night and just straight up asked her: "Are you still interested?" She replied with "Well I'm not sure because it was awkward after sex, but it might have been because it was our first time together". 'Not sure' = No? She's still not really initiating conversation much...should I just ignore her and if she comes chasing good?...if not move on? What was your response? I hope it was "that's fine, if and when you ever figure it out, let me know. Bye." And then go no contact. 1
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 24, 2016 Author Posted February 24, 2016 What was your response? I hope it was "that's fine, if and when you ever figure it out, let me know. Bye." And then go no contact. She's a head ****. I look at it logically and I know she isn't that great, she's probably above average in terms of looks. I think it's the fact that I want what I can't have. We haven't spoken today, I won't initiate either.
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