NoDayButToday Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Hey, all. So, I started talking to someone through an online app, and we really seemed to hit it off. We have been texting every day for about a month, and also talk through social media. We have so much in common, but also a number of interests that we do not have in common, so it's nice to have those things to talk about and learn about. However, this person is super shy. Even though we've had some great conversations, it's usually very friendly. There's been an occasional flirt here and there, but we've talked about his shyness and I can tell that's holding him back. I also can tell he's not ready to meet in person, and since the day I mentioned meeting, the conversations have died down a lot. I ended up apologizing for mentioning it. Do you have any recommendations for things I can do to find out if he's interested in being more than friends, without sounding like I'm trying to rush into labeling? Even if it means "dating" through technology for the time being. I really started to like him, so I want to know if he feels the same way and just wants to take it slow, or if he's losing interest and that's why he's starting to seem distant. Thanks!
Jame22 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Hey, all. So, I started talking to someone through an online app, and we really seemed to hit it off. We have been texting every day for about a month, and also talk through social media. We have so much in common, but also a number of interests that we do not have in common, so it's nice to have those things to talk about and learn about. However, this person is super shy. Even though we've had some great conversations, it's usually very friendly. There's been an occasional flirt here and there, but we've talked about his shyness and I can tell that's holding him back. I also can tell he's not ready to meet in person, and since the day I mentioned meeting, the conversations have died down a lot. I ended up apologizing for mentioning it. Do you have any recommendations for things I can do to find out if he's interested in being more than friends, without sounding like I'm trying to rush into labeling? Even if it means "dating" through technology for the time being. I really started to like him, so I want to know if he feels the same way and just wants to take it slow, or if he's losing interest and that's why he's starting to seem distant. Thanks! Sounds like you guys need to meet in person. It's been a month. If he's not ready then it's his problem. I'd ask him out on a date and if he declines just move on. Not a big deal since you haven't even met him yet.. 1
basil67 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Have you skyped with him? Just wondering if his profile picture isn't real. 1
normal person Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Do you have any recommendations for things I can do to find out if he's interested in being more than friends, without sounding like I'm trying to rush into labeling? I also can tell he's not ready to meet in person, and since the day I mentioned meeting, the conversations have died down a lot. I ended up apologizing for mentioning it. It sounds to me like he answered the question for you. The guy talks to you for a month and doesn't want to meet? You have the patience of a saint, most women would've said "sayonara" to the guy 3 weeks ago. What could he possibly be waiting for? Why wouldn't he meet? Ask yourself if you really want to spend your time trying to convince an emasculated grown man to hang out with you when you could easily meet a proactive one in person at any point. I don't know why you'd put yourself through this. I was always under the impression that passivity and shyness were kryptonite to women. Typical protocol is message a little bit, text a little bit, then go out and see if it works. Done. If he's incapable of doing that, I don't know why'd you'd want to go out with him or start to "like" him even before you've even met the guy. It just seems like giant waste of your time to me.
angel.eyes Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 ...since the day I mentioned meeting, the conversations have died down a lot. I ended up apologizing for mentioning it. Do you have any recommendations for things I can do to find out if he's interested in being more than friends, without sounding like I'm trying to rush into labeling? Ask him out on a date. It's been a month.
thecrucible Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I've dated shy guys and I think even if the guy is shy, he will go to enough effort to meet you in person and go out together if he likes you. 3
blackcat777 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Shy guys who are interested will still pursue if they're that into you. With OLD, there is a whole subculture of people who never meet in person and are looking for penpals. I'd bet my life you just found one of them. Generally, if people don't ask to meet within 3-5 messages (innocuously... for coffee), I'd give them a pass. I learned to start ASKING people to meet because *I* wanted to meet and anyone else dragging their feet for the ego boost of getting messages (or whatever these penpal people do) are a waste of my time. Just saying. The penpals are out there. If you don't want to waste time with electronic conversations into infinity, you have to put your foot down and get the ball rolling. If 3-5 messages is too fast for you and what you're comfortable with, naturally, then adjust your boundaries accordingly. But without boundaries, you will inevitably be strung along at some point. There's no harm in saying, "Hey! I'm really enjoying our conversations. I joined this site to meet people, so would you like to grab a coffee?" Straight and to the point. Either he'll leave his house and meet real people... or he won't. (*This is not to excuse using good judgment and also avoiding creepers who ask to meet in the first message. ) 2
strawberryshortstack Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Hey, all. So, I started talking to someone through an online app, and we really seemed to hit it off. We have been texting every day for about a month, and also talk through social media. We have so much in common, but also a number of interests that we do not have in common, so it's nice to have those things to talk about and learn about. However, this person is super shy. Even though we've had some great conversations, it's usually very friendly. There's been an occasional flirt here and there, but we've talked about his shyness and I can tell that's holding him back. I also can tell he's not ready to meet in person, and since the day I mentioned meeting, the conversations have died down a lot. I ended up apologizing for mentioning it. Do you have any recommendations for things I can do to find out if he's interested in being more than friends, without sounding like I'm trying to rush into labeling? Even if it means "dating" through technology for the time being. I really started to like him, so I want to know if he feels the same way and just wants to take it slow, or if he's losing interest and that's why he's starting to seem distant. Thanks! Taking it slow or not, it's important to actually meet each other to see if there's anything worth pursuing between the two of you. You should not feel bad for asking to meet, no matter how shy he is. I understand wanting to feel comfortable before meeting, but a month is too long. The longer you talk before meeting, the more the "relationship" gets built up, and the more room there is for crushing disappointment when reality doesn't fulfill the fantasy. "Taking it slow" applies more to the "getting to know each other after the first meet" stage, - meaning not jumping right into bed with each other. Not before meeting - before meeting, there's really nothing there to "take slow". 1
xcupid Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 There's nothing there. He's happy being your chat buddy. Either meet or move on. This will go on forever otherwise. 1
brokengirl85 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Hey, all. So, I started talking to someone through an online app, and we really seemed to hit it off. We have been texting every day for about a month, and also talk through social media. We have so much in common, but also a number of interests that we do not have in common, so it's nice to have those things to talk about and learn about. However, this person is super shy. Even though we've had some great conversations, it's usually very friendly. There's been an occasional flirt here and there, but we've talked about his shyness and I can tell that's holding him back. I also can tell he's not ready to meet in person, and since the day I mentioned meeting, the conversations have died down a lot. I ended up apologizing for mentioning it. Do you have any recommendations for things I can do to find out if he's interested in being more than friends, without sounding like I'm trying to rush into labeling? Even if it means "dating" through technology for the time being. I really started to like him, so I want to know if he feels the same way and just wants to take it slow, or if he's losing interest and that's why he's starting to seem distant. Thanks! Yeah...well it comes to a point when I find myself being repetitive. I think we, ladies, do not want to acknowledge that a guy is not that into us, so we keep creating excuses to continue hoping, and hoping, and hoping... If the guy doesn't want to meet YOU is because he's not really interested. Even shy guys crave sex. Even shy guys will do crazy wild things when there's a female they are REALLY crazy about. A guy is shy because he's scared of hurting you telling you he's not into you. End of the question. He should be craving to meet you, to kiss you, to hold you...if he's not doing any effort to meet you its bc he doesn't like you enough. Oh yeah, he likes you as a person probably, but not enough to make the effort of meeting you. Sorry
brokengirl85 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Oh and I just can't wait to read some other people (ladies mostly, no guy will ever tell you this btw) here who'll probably tell you: force him to meet you! Force him to kiss you! Force him, force him....really?
soph-walker Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Yeah...well it comes to a point when I find myself being repetitive. I think we, ladies, do not want to acknowledge that a guy is not that into us, so we keep creating excuses to continue hoping, and hoping, and hoping... If the guy doesn't want to meet YOU is because he's not really interested. Even shy guys crave sex. Even shy guys will do crazy wild things when there's a female they are REALLY crazy about. A guy is shy because he's scared of hurting you telling you he's not into you. End of the question. He should be craving to meet you, to kiss you, to hold you...if he's not doing any effort to meet you its bc he doesn't like you enough. Oh yeah, he likes you as a person probably, but not enough to make the effort of meeting you. Sorry Your generalisation 'even shy guys will do crazy things' is astounding! Saying that they will do crazy things when they're crazy about someone, it's nonsensical as they haven't even met. And you have a problem with Toodaloo's comment of suggesting to initiate a move on a guy? C'mon! Edited February 22, 2016 by soph-walker
Author NoDayButToday Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 Have you skyped with him? Just wondering if his profile picture isn't real. His profile picture is definitely real. We skyped a couple of times, and have sent snapchats back and forth a ton.
Author NoDayButToday Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 Reading your responses, it seems to make sense that he may just be looking for a penpal. Now that some of you have mentioned it, that's what it feels more like. We've had so many great conversations, but like I said in the original post, it felt more friendly than flirty. However, when I asked him today if he was interested still, he said he is. But, maybe he's interested in having someone to talk to. The reason I was starting to become interested in him was because I really have been having the worst luck with the online dating world. The people I have spoken to either want to jump into bed for the first date, or can't hold a conversation. That's also why it would take me a bit longer to meet in person, but it wouldn't take me a whole month! This guy has never been inappropriate, has been super sweet, and can have great conversations. Then again, like someone said, it could be the complete opposite once we meet in person and it could all be building up to nothing. I would never settle or jump into anything, without meeting to see what he's really like face-to-face and to see if there really is a connection. It was just nice to find someone who seems like a good guy. If anything, he'll probably just be a good penpal and I'll keep searching. Lol
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