mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Me and this guy were kind of seeing each other on/off for a year. We've met up a lot in the past few months on all of those times we'd be together he hasn't been able to get hard. This has happened 5 times in a row last time he couldn't get hard stopped midway during oral after we'd tried sex was trying get him hard again. He left the room to the bathroom then looking upset and gave him hug after cuddled him told him it was ok . He always makes up a excuse saying he has to go to work to cover it. After all of these times he's distant often makes up a excuse saying hes seeing someone. Uses variations of it all the time to avoid sex for a while and cover it up then either a week later or that night or some time he want to see me and admits there is no other girl when I ask him . So it looks more like he's made it up because he;s embarrassed of how things have gone. I text him a few weeks ago saying hi etc. Him:"I'm good but can't chat sadly I'm seeing someone sorry" Me :I'm really sorry to have bothered you (name). I thought maybe we still had something good going between us." Him:I no (name) I'm sorry I met someone else hope we can still be friends" Then yesterday I text him apologising about December he asked to see me alot that month but I was busy with everything Him:Sorry I'm seeing a girl and am happy Me:sorry for bothering you you've used the same excuse all year doesn't matter now anyway Him: Not a excuse im seein this girl properly now Dnt no how many times I can tell you this Need to move on Hope we can be friends Me:Ok we can be friends if thats what you want we do get on well like wouldn't want to be on bad terms hope we can still meet up at some point Him:thats great (name) thanks ye no problem And all of these times now he's said "Hope we can still be friends" then seemingly to agree to meet up again at some point? :S
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Leave him alone. Don't contact him again. He doesn't want to be friends, really. He wants to remain on friendly terms. There's the difference. He is with someone, and he has said that several times. That, more than anything else, is a signal to you that there's nothing there, and no point pursuing it. Honestly, just go 'No Contact'. Cut off everything, delete his details, block his number and move on. Totally. Drop off his radar, and
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Leave him alone. Don't contact him again. He doesn't want to be friends, really. He wants to remain on friendly terms. There's the difference. He is with someone, and he has said that several times. That, more than anything else, is a signal to you that there's nothing there, and no point pursuing it. Honestly, just go 'No Contact'. Cut off everything, delete his details, block his number and move on. Totally. Drop off his radar, and He's lying about the seeing someone there is no one he's said this before and it's always just been a excuse . Saying it to avoid sex worrying about his issues. Still sure it's the same case now . Is there any reason he wants to stay friends? he seemed pretty persistent on wanting to still be friends and then seemingly agreeing to meet up?
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 He's lying about the seeing someone there is no one he's said this before and it's always just been a excuse . Saying it to avoid sex worrying about his issues. Still sure it's the same case now . Why 'surely'...? And in any case, if he is using it as an excuse to not see you, that alone would put me off being involved with a man who lies to me in order to not have anything to do with me. That just adds insult to injury. I mean, how rude is that? "I don't really want to see you any more, and I will also disrespect your integrity by lying to you, in the hope that it will be enough to make you quit chasing me." He doesn't want to remain connected to you. Is there any reason he wants to stay friends? he seemed pretty persistent on wanting to still be friends and then seemingly agreeing to meet up? If - IF - he wants to remain friends (which I somehow doubt) it's only because he feels guilty and it appeases his conscience. it's not for your benefit, it's to make himself feel better about the situation.
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Hes the one who said the hope we can be friends not me. He seemed positive when I agreed? maybe he just wants to keep me around?
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Yes, perhaps. If you're a friend, you can't feel bad about him, can you? But you can't be a friend with someone you still have feelings for. It never works. IT. NEVER. WORKS.
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Why 'surely'...? And in any case, if he is using it as an excuse to not see you, that alone would put me off being involved with a man who lies to me in order to not have anything to do with me. That just adds insult to injury. I mean, how rude is that? "I don't really want to see you any more, and I will also disrespect your integrity by lying to you, in the hope that it will be enough to make you quit chasing me." He doesn't want to remain connected to you. If - IF - he wants to remain friends (which I somehow doubt) it's only because he feels guilty and it appeases his conscience. it's not for your benefit, it's to make himself feel better about the situation. Just because he's used that excuse all year round but I figured after a while it was to cover up his sex performance issue as he kept coming back. But I'd make sure to ask him whether he was seeing anyone else or not. And he never was and admitted there was no one. It's just the same story. Embarrassed about the sex as not done good a few times in a row now and then his I have to go to work excuse after it happens again was the same excuse. And I see him after how upset he can get over it comfort him etc. He agreed to the friends thing that we can still meet up at some point?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Hes the one who said the hope we can be friends not me. He seemed positive when I agreed? maybe he just wants to keep me around? He doesn't want you to get really angry with him, so he's trying to soften the blow. I can nearly guarantee he doesn't actually want to be friends. This wouldn't be a good idea for you, anyway. He's made it clear he doesn't want to take things any further with you, and he's not going to be seeing you anymore. Tie to go No Contact and start moving on, OP.
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 He agreed to the friends thing that we can still meet up at some point? but we did sort of skip the friends part rushing fast even though we spoke for long before anything happened nothing sexual so don't know if this is more him feeling the pressure . He just seemed way too positive after I agreed to be friends and agreeing to meet I was suprised I thought he'd have said no I can't etc wouldn't be right.
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 No. Please re-read what I put. He has agreed to 'friendship' because it makes him feel better and puts him in a better light. He can't perform, and he lies to you. So friendship would mean you've let him off the hook for being a suspect lover, and a liar to boot. Stop wondering about him, his motives, what he's doing and why. Just go No Contact. Of course, if you just want to be involved with this situation - on/off, up and down, no definitive conclusion - for the foreseeable future, just keep doing what you're doing.
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Hes the one who said the hope we can be friends not me. He seemed positive when I agreed? maybe he just wants to keep me around? People who dump others often say "Lets be friends" as they do not want to be there when there is a full-scale melt down of the other person, which might happen, if they said "I never want to see you ever again." Of course some do want to keep you around and torture you, by telling you all about their new life, their new dates and eventually their new partner, as you are now their new best friend.
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Yes, perhaps. If you're a friend, you can't feel bad about him, can you? But you can't be a friend with someone you still have feelings for. It never works. IT. NEVER. WORKS. I wouldn't see him right away give it time before . I don't know but we did get on well before the sex stuff started. I would've never brought up the friends thing and especially if I was seeing someone . Don't know just feel there's more to his excuse again with him using it so often I wouldn't be suprised if he calls/texts asking to see me then tells me he isn't seeing anyone. Or is he leaving it open as a friend so he can still contact me if he feels he wants to try sex again?
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 No. Please re-read what I put. He has agreed to 'friendship' because it makes him feel better and puts him in a better light. He can't perform, and he lies to you. So friendship would mean you've let him off the hook for being a suspect lover, and a liar to boot. Stop wondering about him, his motives, what he's doing and why. Just go No Contact. Of course, if you just want to be involved with this situation - on/off, up and down, no definitive conclusion - for the foreseeable future, just keep doing what you're doing. So he was trying to cover his tracks for lying about the "girl" asking to be friends instead? still think he's lying I just agreed to be friends as he keeps asking "hope we can still be friends" . All his friends are guys too so hes never really around girls and none on his facebook etc. Are we just heading for another on/off situation? it's normally when I stop thinking of him that he comes back. What do I say if he does come back? just "I thought we were just friends are you not seeing someone?"
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 ....Are we just heading for another on/off situation? Really?? You're not heading for anything unless you permit it. If this is a vicious circle it's as much your doing as his. In order to NOT head for another on/off situation - YOU stop being on/off! Since when have you had no control over what you think, say or do? If you're not happy with it - quit doing it!! it's normally when I stop thinking of him that he comes back. He's not psychic. He just gives it enough time for things to simmer down, before he breaks into your life again. Which, by the way, you can very easily prevent. Unless, as I pointed out, you like the constant drama.... What do I say if he does come back? If you follow advice, and go complete total No Contact, you say nothing and do nothing, because if you're wise, you will completely block him and quit this ping-pong existence. While you go back and forth, of course, you can't move on and meet someone who would make you happy, not lie to you, and have a good sexual relationship. Is that what you want? POr this constant to-ing and fro-ing? Choose. just "I thought we were just friends are you not seeing someone?" If you know he's lying, I'm not sure why you would engage him in stupid mind games, anyway....Follow advice. go No Contact (guide in my signature) and do it.
carotini Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) OP, he doesn't really want to be friends. That's just something people say - like Let's have lunch sometime. You don't need a friend like that. Tara Maiden has laid it out for you crystal clear. I don't know why you're so intent on the friendship thing, (maybe you want to believe there's still hope and something to hang onto) but it means nothing. Edited February 21, 2016 by carotini 1
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 OP, he doesn't really want to be friends. That's just something people say - like Let's have lunch sometime. You don't need a friend like that. Tara Maiden has laid it out for you crystal clear. I don't know why you're so intent on the friendship thing, (maybe you want to believe there's still hope and something to hang onto) but it means nothing. I mean I'd be ok with be friends too not wanting more. He just mentioned it so many times wanting to be friends that point. He might still be avoiding sex just still embarrassed wanting space since its same excuse.
Survivor12 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 His comment about "seeing her properly now" makes me think that he may have been seeing her all along but not having sex yet. Perhaps he couldn't get it up because he felt guilty for lying about it.
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Him:Sorry I'm seeing a girl and am happy Me:sorry for bothering you you've used the same excuse all year doesn't matter now anyway Him: Not a excuse im seein this girl properly now Dont know how many times I can tell you this Need to move on Really listen to this. He sounds like he is at the end of his tether with you. 1
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Really listen to this. He sounds like he is at the end of his tether with you. He's said that move on thing before not the first time. But then we still saw each other after. Almost sure there is no other girl just focused more on his mates, and training etc. The girl thing is made up he was hardly going to admit his issue if he's embarrassed about it covering it up. Is it the same on/off thing?
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 His comment about "seeing her properly now" makes me think that he may have been seeing her all along but not having sex yet. Perhaps he couldn't get it up because he felt guilty for lying about it. But also after he admitted the seeing someone that he wasn't the another time I asked to see him before that he said he can't he's going on a date. But he was on whatsapp most the night so he wasn't on any date. So almost like he plants to seeds to use to excuse. I had a feeling his next excuse would be hes seeing someone after that.
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 He's said that move on thing before not the first time. But then we still saw each other after. Almost sure there is no other girl just focused more on his mates, and training etc. The girl thing is made up he was hardly going to admit his issue if he's embarrassed about it covering it up. Is it the same on/off thing? OH, no.Not at all. Honest, I'm sure he really wants you to camp out on his doorstep, confess undying love, and marry you, if only you'd ask him. As February 29th is the traditional date for women to propose to men, I strongly suggest you buy a lifetime's supply of viagra, arm yourself with a lie-detector kit, and go to his place with all your bags packed and ready to move in. I'm not sure if the sarcasm will get through, but nothing else seems to have done, so far.
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 But also after he admitted the seeing someone that he wasn't the another time I asked to see him before that he said he can't he's going on a date. But he was on whatsapp most the night so he wasn't on any date. So almost like he plants to seeds to use to excuse. I had a feeling his next excuse would be hes seeing someone after that. Why are you even bothering with him? He's wasting your time and you're wasting his. To what end, exactly? Where on earth can you possibly think this is headed??
carotini Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 You said you were "kind of" seeing him, that doesn't sound serious. And he already told you he's seeing someone else. You need to stop analyzing every little thing about your association with this guy. It's a huge waste of time. Forget the phoney friendship offer. And for goodness sakes stop texting him!! Also might be a good idea to stay off whatsapp for awhile.
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Are we just the on/off thing? Have a feeling it's still the same we do this all the time but he's never been seeing someone those times. And he doesn't come across experienced so he might be embarrassed about that. He seemed positive like agreeing to meet up still sometime? or has he put me more in a fwb category?
Author mysteriouschic Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Why are you even bothering with him? He's wasting your time and you're wasting his. To what end, exactly? Where on earth can you possibly think this is headed?? I'm not sure sometimes I think maybe he's changed his mind and since we are always on/off . Don't know I can just see it continuing to be on/off unless he says the excuse because he knows he can get away with it that I'd still be there?
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