9Lives Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 When you want to break up with someone that you really like but know for whatever reason that you cant be with that person. What do you do? Are you a jerk? Do you just ignore the person? What do you Men especially do when breaking up with a chic?
Tony Posted June 11, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted June 11, 2005 "Are you a jerk? Do you just ignore the person?" You ARE a jerk if you just ignore the person. If you would contemplate a breakup of this nature, you are not yet mature enough to be in a relationship. To properly break up with someone, you sit with them and let them know how you feel. Don't make it so negative because obviously there were great times. You let them know that. But you also let them know that you do not feel the relationship is going in a direction that leads you to believe it will be a keeper and you feel you need to move on. There are very kind ways of saying this, although it's awfully hard to keep another person from being hurt if they think a lot of you. You must be very young. In that case, you just let them know you want to see other people and aren't ready for a major committment. The other person will likely forget you in a few days.
superfabulous Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 I was dumped-IGNORED All my friends & I thought he was a jerk, men who ignore and run away are COWARDS- honestly if u fell in love w/someone and they had to do the deed, wouldnt you like the respect of having heard the truth - in which case you would have to respect that and move on If you consider youself to be a good, communicative type and you want to be look back and think I did what was best for me at that time...I say just lay it on the line, simply and you can move on with integrity, unless you dont care....but life is about communiation and risk taking, you went for it with her/him to begin with now you should end it w/them to make both parties feel it was in retrospect for the best. I'm sure you will do the right thing.
Author 9Lives Posted June 11, 2005 Author Posted June 11, 2005 HELLO!!!!1 This is JUST a consensus of how people have broken up with other people. I do need to break up with someone but I just want to know different ways people have broken up with other people. It is really a general question.
Tony Posted June 11, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted June 11, 2005 Ok, now that I have a more clear picture of what you're wanting I stand by my post above. However, I will say that I have found many people to be cowards and instead of ending the pain instantly with a talk and immediate breakup, they will be mean and do unkind things over a period of time. If the other person is in love, they will take the negative behavior, be hurt, but hang in there hoping things will get better. The humane thing is NOT to be mean but to simply come right out with your feelings. The other person may still be hurt but you can live with yourself and you don't prolong something that should happen very quickly.
Guest Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 No one has broken up with me the right way so i can't help you out
Swimmingchic823 Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 See I want to break up with my boyfriend and see i don't know what to say cuz I don't want to break his heart can u tell me what I can say without breaking his heart!
Fallen_Angel Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 You can't break up with someone without hurting them. It's that simple. (Unless the other party for some reason wanted out of the relationship too and wasn't sure how to do it...but I think this is the exception, not the norm!!) However, there are good and bad ways of dumping someone. For crying out loud, if you care about the other person, you OWE IT TO THEM to break up in an honest, tasteful way. Don't do it over the phone, in a letter, e-mail, instant message (this happened to me once and I was VERY, VERY bitter), ESP, smoke signals, via another person, walkie talkies, text messages, so on and so forth...do it in person! PLEASE! Yes, it will be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but you're showing this person respect by telling him or her to their face that it isn't going to work. My ex dumped me in person and we even spent the night together (I was originally supposed to stay, and it rained really hard that night - kinda poetic, I think). It hurt a lot - it still does - but I am SO glad he loved me and respected me enough to tell me to my face. If your relationship meant anything to you at all, you'll end it in a classy way.
HokeyReligions Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 I broke up with a couple of people and in each case we were someplace private, but open -- like a park or something where we could each leave. Its never easy, but I basically said 'I care about you and I don't want to hurt you, but I'm afraid that is what I'm going to do. I don't think we make a good couple and I think we each owe it to ourselves to break up now so that we can each find the right person for us' and I let the conversation go from there. I was also broken up with this way once. Two other times I was 'dumped' rather poorly. One guy just started dating someone else and didn't tell me until one night I thought we had plans -- he came by my work to pick me up as was our usual way, and as we were getting ready to leave he said "I gotta go this way, I'm seeing [name] now and she's waiting for me." I sputterd a bit and asked why and it boiled down to she woould have sex with him and I wouldn't. I thought it was crappy, but I was glad it was over because I didn't need someone like that in my life. My first fiance just began to ignore me. He stopped calling, wouldn't return my calls and basically disappeared. I saw his brother-in-law at work (we worked together and it was thru him that I met the ex) and I asked if he would have EX return my books and that was that. I didn't wait around for him. I cried and went through the "what am I going to do now" bit while I adjusted to a new routine. It was a crappy way to end it, but then again he showed me clearly what kind of coward he was and I was glad to be rid of him. Others I just drifted away from -- we would date for a while and then our calls decreased and we realized that we just weren't getting together anymore and it ended. I would prefer to be told that he wasn't interested in pursuing the relationship so that there is no period of 'wondering' or self-doubt. All anyone had to say was "I can't put my finger on it, but the relationship just doesn't feel like its going anywhere and I think we should break up"
westernxer Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 It comes around, it goes around, and all the world is cold and gray. You feel the breeze blow on your knees ... oh well, it's just another day.
Zaira Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Unfortunately if someone is still in love with you, then breaking up with them IS going to break their heart. You have to ask yourself though, if you are being fair by keeping the relationship going - the longer you take to do it, the harder it gets. Be honest, tell the person that you want to break up and why. If you want to say "sorry" for hurting them, then do it. Just know in time, that they will get over you and move on with their life, just like you should be doing
bunnyWabbit Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 You should be honest. First of all, talk! maybe you could still figure things out, then if theres no more to do, break up. But NEVER just ignore her or be a jerk or lie. Have the balls to tell her the truth behind the breakup, you hurt her more neing a jerk and lying than breaking up honestly.
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