I am not really sure what to think about this guyfriend

[HansonGirl]

I am feeling very uneasy and uncomfortable about my guy friend, Charlie (pseudonym). I met him last summer and early in the fall, we drunkenly kissed and fooled around a little - we didn't have sex. We both decided not to continue that and to just be friends. I do admit I liked him but I'd rather be friends, and I appreciated the upfront-ness. But it has been very awkward between us and very weird. In the weeks after that he'd come up to me and i'd say hello, but then if I came up to him, he'd act really weird about it- i almost felt as though he thought i was a "stalker" until I'd leave him alone and he'd be the one coming up to me, asking why I was ignoring him. I was like, ummm because it seemed like you wanted me to leave you alone. The one time i asked him why he's acting so weird, he told me he doesn't like emotional attachments. After that little comment I stepped back BIG TIME and became actually scared to even talk to him at all. Needless to say I was still very confused.

(later edit: I am pretty shy, and it took a lot for me to even talk to him at all, thinking we were friends, and he made me feel like there was something wrong with me or like I was a weirdo).

 

Then he would include me on invitations to group dinners, so i that made me think we were cool with one another. I also found out through a mutual friend he hooked up with her and apparently the one time he thought i was "ignoring" him he was extremely upset. Frankly i don't even get this guy anymore, I was never ignoring him, so I just roll my eyes. But the most recent thing occurred when we were all at a barcrawl together. A friend of our friend was there and she really liked him, and I believe they had gone out together. I was having a great time at the bar crawl because a lot of our friends were there, and it was a good time. At one point, we are walking to the next bar, and Charlie grabs me by the arm and runs ahead of everybody else. so for about 2 blocks we're chatting and catching up. Then at the end of the night I think he went home with that girl- the friend of the friend - and I went home with the rest of our friends. Next time I see him a few days later, i go to wave hello to him, and he sees me and turns around.

 

Ok, I don't even know what the hell is going on with him. I've never felt so confused before about someone I wasn't even dating. I mean, I honestly don't know if I can even call him my friend. I feel ridiculous. I felt when we chatted that evening at the bar crawl we were cool. Normally I would contact the person, but i'm afraid he'll say i am being "clingy." the whole situation is very awkward - and i ALSO suspect he's been saying something about the fact that we fooled around - we're both adults and we both said we'd be friends, I am not saying let's be best friends but i just don't like this. i've never felt so much awkward tension in my life - and i've hooked up with a guy friend before - but things were never like this.

i hate to say i made a mistake but i definitely did with this guy - just glad i didn't have sex with him

Edited February 21, 2016 by HansonGirl

[cber8860]

I am feeling very uneasy and uncomfortable about my guy friend, Charlie (pseudonym). I met him last summer and early in the fall, we drunkenly kissed and fooled around a little - we didn't have sex. We both decided not to continue that and to just be friends. I do admit I liked him but I'd rather be friends, and I appreciated the upfront-ness. But it has been very awkward between us and very weird. In the weeks after that he'd come up to me and i'd say hello, but then if I came up to him, he'd act really weird about it- i almost felt as though he thought i was a "stalker" until I'd leave him alone and he'd be the one coming up to me, asking why I was ignoring him. I was like, ummm because it seemed like you wanted me to leave you alone. The one time i asked him why he's acting so weird, he told me he doesn't like emotional attachments. After that little comment I stepped back BIG TIME and became actually scared to even talk to him at all. Needless to say I was still very confused.

(later edit: I am pretty shy, and it took a lot for me to even talk to him at all, thinking we were friends, and he made me feel like there was something wrong with me or like I was a weirdo).

 

Then he would include me on invitations to group dinners, so i that made me think we were cool with one another. I also found out through a mutual friend he hooked up with her and apparently the one time he thought i was "ignoring" him he was extremely upset. Frankly i don't even get this guy anymore, I was never ignoring him, so I just roll my eyes. But the most recent thing occurred when we were all at a barcrawl together. A friend of our friend was there and she really liked him, and I believe they had gone out together. I was having a great time at the bar crawl because a lot of our friends were there, and it was a good time. At one point, we are walking to the next bar, and Charlie grabs me by the arm and runs ahead of everybody else. so for about 2 blocks we're chatting and catching up. Then at the end of the night I think he went home with that girl- the friend of the friend - and I went home with the rest of our friends. Next time I see him a few days later, i go to wave hello to him, and he sees me and turns around.

 

Ok, I don't even know what the hell is going on with him. I've never felt so confused before about someone I wasn't even dating. I mean, I honestly don't know if I can even call him my friend. I feel ridiculous. I felt when we chatted that evening at the bar crawl we were cool. Normally I would contact the person, but i'm afraid he'll say i am being "clingy." the whole situation is very awkward - and i ALSO suspect he's been saying something about the fact that we fooled around - we're both adults and we both said we'd be friends, I am not saying let's be best friends but i just don't like this. i've never felt so much awkward tension in my life - and i've hooked up with a guy friend before - but things were never like this.

i hate to say i made a mistake but i definitely did with this guy - just glad i didn't have sex with him

 

MY WORD, don't be a fool. We both know guy friends are guys wanting in your pants. Don't be so childish you have a clear parasite latching onto you. Cut him out completely, before you hurt his feelings and he sticks a shotgun in your face.

[HansonGirl]

MY WORD, don't be a fool. We both know guy friends are guys wanting in your pants. Don't be so childish you have a clear parasite latching onto you. Cut him out completely, before you hurt his feelings and he sticks a shotgun in your face.

 

:eek:WHAAATTTT?!?!?!?!

wtf

[Qboro90]

I'm betting you came off as clingy and way to transparent multiple times over the past 6 months. Let's face it... You met this guy once and hooked up last summer. Ok, big deal. You're still basically strangers. He's not operating with you in mind at all. When you're out together he probably knows he could hook up with you if he wanted to because of the way you interact with him when he does talk to you.

 

This guy isn't your friend. Guys you hook up with and see around or through friends, are NoT your friends. So stop thinking that you have a friendship with him. There's nothing to be confused about. If he wanted to hook up with you or date you he would approach you or he would contact you and ask you. Has he? If not then there's your answer. Whatever behavior of his you see or vibe you get is meaningless.

[HansonGirl]

I'm betting you came off as clingy and way to transparent multiple times over the past 6 months. Let's face it... You met this guy once and hooked up last summer. Ok, big deal. You're still basically strangers. He's not operating with you in mind at all. When you're out together he probably knows he could hook up with you if he wanted to because of the way you interact with him when he does talk to you.

 

This guy isn't your friend. Guys you hook up with and see around or through friends, are NoT your friends. So stop thinking that you have a friendship with him. There's nothing to be confused about. If he wanted to hook up with you or date you he would approach you or he would contact you and ask you. Has he? If not then there's your answer. Whatever behavior of his you see or vibe you get is meaningless.

 

You know what, When you put it this way, it makes sense. It seems straight-forward enough so I will go with that. I feel kinda embarrassed though. I mean I bet I am transparent. I am really not cut out for the hooking up business. I guess i just saw our other classmates who did it and i thought that's what happened. I know this one girl Amy who is friends with a guy she hookedup with multiple times - now he has a girlfriend, and she's still friends with him (not the same guy). And then there's another girl I know of who is friends with another guy.

What would you consider "clingy"? (just asking so i make sure never to do it again - not with him, but the next guy... him i'm just gonna forget about).

 

PS: to clarify the vibe i was referring to was just like an unpleasant, awkward vibe where i feel very self-conscious. One other thing is - a gripe - HE'S the one who suggested we be friends. He was talking about how we're going to be good friends and close friends and all that crap. I mean if he didn't say any of that, I wouldn't have even bothered to say hello to him. I'd be fine just going on my merry way. and my friend, who is older, more experienced and mature, suggested I "reach out an olive branch." I was the one who initially contacted him to tell him that I cannot hook up with him and I apologized for giving him the wrong impression. I am just so mad about the thought that he had no intention of being friends and just views me as someone he can hook up with whenever he wants. I mean maybe he can tell that i LIKE him but so what

 

ok sorry - that was just me venting... carry on

Edited February 23, 2016 by HansonGirl

[Qboro90]

You know what, When you put it this way, it makes sense. It seems straight-forward enough so I will go with that. I feel kinda embarrassed though. I mean I bet I am transparent. I am really not cut out for the hooking up business. I guess i just saw our other classmates who did it and i thought that's what happened. I know this one girl Amy who is friends with a guy she hookedup with multiple times - now he has a girlfriend, and she's still friends with him (not the same guy). And then there's another girl I know of who is friends with another guy.

What would you consider "clingy"? (just asking so i make sure never to do it again - not with him, but the next guy... him i'm just gonna forget about).

 

PS: to clarify the vibe i was referring to was just like an unpleasant, awkward vibe where i feel very self-conscious. One other thing is - a gripe - HE'S the one who suggested we be friends. He was talking about how we're going to be good friends and close friends and all that crap. I mean if he didn't say any of that, I wouldn't have even bothered to say hello to him. I'd be fine just going on my merry way. and my friend, who is older, more experienced and mature, suggested I "reach out an olive branch." I was the one who initially contacted him to tell him that I cannot hook up with him and I apologized for giving him the wrong impression. I am just so mad about the thought that he had no intention of being friends and just views me as someone he can hook up with whenever he wants. I mean maybe he can tell that i LIKE him but so what

 

ok sorry - that was just me venting... carry on

 

 

Resign yourself to realizing that unless they're already in your inner circle, no guy is trying to be your friend. Not in the way you think "friend" means. Guys say things like that just because we say things. We're Not gonna actually be friends with you and be buddy buddy. We have enough friends. And sorry to be blunt, but at your age, guys mind sets are "friends that are girls are just girls we haven't hooked up with yet".

 

Clingy? There's no clear answer I can give you. Going up to him every time you see him. Apologizing for giving him the wrong impression. Those are weird clingy things to do. Don't explain yourself. It's better off being a mystery and even a bit bitchy then being transparent and desperate. You're too easily fooled. You can't look at what other people do and how it works for them and think it applies to you at all. Sorry but that's the truth. Your mind works different and you get to emotionally invested in the smallest things that you can't just be casual like other people are.

[privategal]

You liked him.

He just wanted a sexual fling.

He's not looking to date and is invested in no way.

The way you are analyzing each encounter...he is not.

He is young and looking to hook up.

Thats about as deep as it goes.

He isnt friendship nor boyfriend material.

He likely pulled you aside to walk/talk at the bar crawl to get the other girl jealous who did end up going home with him.

Dont read into ANYTHING he does.

He is just really not into you, nor is he really that special to give this energy and thought to.

Its not that serious.

Guys who hook up arent getting emotions involved. Its a one and done and onto the next until they get MUCH older and maybe then their needs and mindset change a bit and they might settle more...but right now...its just generic encounters...for a lot of girls too.

In the future...if friendship is all you want...dont hook up in the 1st place...just be friendly and unattached and let the other girls be used.

It can hurt your self esteem to think it is more and that theres some care and investment in a bond.

Another poster was right...they have enough friends..they dont seek true friendship or need it.

[Acacia98]

He's acting weird, HansonGirl. And, no, he isn't your friend. When you interact with him, you end up feeling insecure, doubting yourself, and being miserable. Friends are the people you hang out with because you enjoy their company; you're generally supposed to feel good when you're with them. So feel free to cut him out of your life.

 

I happen not to agree with anyone who states that you are being too clingy. And that's because I've interacted with people who behave like him. Yep, I know more than one person who acts this way. You interact with them normally and they respond as if you're doing something horrific. And then, you start to wonder if, indeed, you are doing something horrific. You end up second guessing yourself... convince yourself that, yes, you were acting clingy, when, in fact, he is the one who alternates between being clingy and being cold.

 

I think you're dealing with a manipulative person who enjoys manufacturing drama and happens to have a warped view of the world and friendships/relationships. I think he probably treats many people the same way. So don't blame yourself for his behavior. Just remove yourself from his social circle and focus on whatever else is going on in your life.

[HansonGirl]

Resign yourself to realizing that unless they're already in your inner circle, no guy is trying to be your friend. Not in the way you think "friend" means. Guys say things like that just because we say things. We're Not gonna actually be friends with you and be buddy buddy. We have enough friends. And sorry to be blunt, but at your age, guys mind sets are "friends that are girls are just girls we haven't hooked up with yet".

 

Clingy? There's no clear answer I can give you. Going up to him every time you see him. Apologizing for giving him the wrong impression. Those are weird clingy things to do. Don't explain yourself. It's better off being a mystery and even a bit bitchy then being transparent and desperate. You're too easily fooled. You can't look at what other people do and how it works for them and think it applies to you at all. Sorry but that's the truth. Your mind works different and you get to emotionally invested in the smallest things that you can't just be casual like other people are.

 

I can totally see that now. I feel silly now. I have to say i also see a bit of deliberate messing with me. I mean probably just because he's entertained because clearly I am naive (not because he's interested). But considering he also contacted me (post-hookup) to message me right when i logged on gchat in the morning to send me links to cute animal websites, i feel justified in my confusion. I also just wanted to point out that I do not approach him every time i see him. And the ironic part about me telling him that i'm sorry I am just not interested in hookingup, and sorry for giving him the wrong impression was my attempt to be upfront and not to lead him into thinking he'd be getting laid. I told him that soon after it happened. I thought that's the courtesy thing you do. I did it because he was acting flirtatious and lecherous, and it made me uncomfortable. I mean i LIKE him but that made me uncomfortable. that may have been around the time he sent the first animal website, i cannot remember.

 

it doesn't matter though, i think you guys are right.

[HansonGirl]

He's acting weird, HansonGirl. And, no, he isn't your friend. When you interact with him, you end up feeling insecure, doubting yourself, and being miserable. Friends are the people you hang out with because you enjoy their company; you're generally supposed to feel good when you're with them. So feel free to cut him out of your life.

 

I happen not to agree with anyone who states that you are being too clingy. And that's because I've interacted with people who behave like him. Yep, I know more than one person who acts this way. You interact with them normally and they respond as if you're doing something horrific. And then, you start to wonder if, indeed, you are doing something horrific. You end up second guessing yourself... convince yourself that, yes, you were acting clingy, when, in fact, he is the one who alternates between being clingy and being cold.

 

I think you're dealing with a manipulative person who enjoys manufacturing drama and happens to have a warped view of the world and friendships/relationships. I think he probably treats many people the same way. So don't blame yourself for his behavior. Just remove yourself from his social circle and focus on whatever else is going on in your life.

 

yeah i kinda agree with you too. but in any event i really do admit i was barking up the wrong tree here.

[preraph]

He could just be full of himself and playing games to soothe his ego -- or he could be trying to make sure it never looks like you and he are together when there's a girl he's interested in around.

 

I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over any of it, because he sounds like WAY too much work.