Affirmation Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 So I'd like an honest opinion on my situation. I have asked friends but sometimes it's good to get someone else's opinion who can look completely objectively. So I have just broke up with my partner of nearly 2 years. Basically I found messages between her and another guy saying things along the lines of "I've got a soft spot for you" and "I wish we would have told each other we liked each other" and various other flirty messages. No sexting. There was also a message from her to someone else saying that she "thinks she likes..." And some other guy. Now we had always been open with each other and for a while she had been going on about wanting to get engaged. I had bought a ring and had been planning on how to do it when I found these. I sat on it for a few weeks trying to judge whether or not they were bad enough to warrant saying anything. Last week we got into an argument about something and I brought it up because it had been in my mind and if I was going to ask her to marry me, I couldn't let it go on. She immediately denied it - said it wasn't the case etc. A shouting match ensued because I cannot stand liars. And she stormed out, saying that we were over. I then punched a door in anger. She came back the next day, not sorry for what she'd done and packed some things and moved back in with her mum. Now she also has a daughter from a previous relationship. As it stands now, they are living with her mum in a cramped house while I live at our joint house. The tenancy is up in a month and I will be moving out then. But she has asked me to move out now because I have the option of staying with a friend so that she can get her daughter back into a routine for school etc (she's 4). She has also in the days since we split up, started seeing the guy that she said she liked in the text. I have been told that I've paid for everything for the house and haven't done anything wrong when it comes to the relationship so I should stay. But I can't help feeling guilty for the little girl, who I have treated as my own throughout the relationship. I've said she can stay at the house as well but she is refusing to do that. There are various other details but I don't want this to be too long. Any opinions or thoughts would be very helpful. Thanks!
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Stay until the tenancy is up. She chose to leave, you're going in a month. Sometimes, when we make a hasty decision, we have to live with the consequences. You offered to have her back with her daughter. She refused. Now she wants you to leave, for her convenience? No. I don't think so. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Did the child live with you? I wasn't super clear about that. If no, do what you want. If yes, it's up to you. Can your EX buy you out of the things you purchased for the house? If she's willing to buy the furniture I'd be more inclined to do what she wants. Perhaps she can borrow the money from the new guy. Just make sure you end up off the lease, that is the more important financial piece.
Author Affirmation Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Yes the child lived with us. We've agreed that I'd take all the stuff that I'd paid for and I said i would leave all the joint stuff. She definitely won't have any money left over to buy any of it. She's going back into the benefits system and I've had to write off £500 or so that she owed me.
LostOnes05 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I agree with Tara...she made a choice to emotionally (at least) cheat on you. Then she leaves and has demands??? And is with the other guy??...nope, nope, nope. This may sound cold, but the little girl is not yours and her mother made the decision for both of them. Stay until your month is up. She'd have to move in a month regardless so her routine would be disrupted again. Her wanting you out of the house is a control tactic. Stay firm and best of luck!
Author Affirmation Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Yeah I have thought that at the end of the day, the little girl isn't really going to remember me and it's not my responsibility anymore. She is staying on in the house so she wouldn't have to move again. But regardless, I've decided I'm going to stay until the end of the contract. Thanks for your replies, reading back now I can see how ridiculous it sounds for me to give in to her demands. 1
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