is this too much to ask? Am I settling for crumbs from this man I "love"

[smile95]

Let me ask a few things....to those of you in a healthy relationship.....is it wrong to want to get a call after you have an important dr appt, is it wrong to want a card or maybe even a gift on xmas, b-day, v-day?, is it wrong to want 1 call a day when you see each other NEVER, is it wrong to want to plan vacations or visits together, is it wrong to expect that person to talk with you about issues you have, is it wrong to want someone to ask you about your day and tell you about theirs?, is it wrong to be able to talk with your partner about things wrong in the relationship and trying to compromise?, is it wrong to want to have that person call me when something big happens or exciting, is it wrong if I want to call him if something exciting happens to me? I have put up with this all and I am confused. Maybe I did ask for too much?

[smile]

I dont think it was wrong of you for wanting those things. Not at all. But he wasnt ready or willing to give them. My ex was the same way.

 

It seems , in my case, I asked for too much and was never EVER happy with what he did for me. Part of being in a "healthy" relationship is learning to love and accept your significant other not only for what they can do for you, but understanding their limitations. I was the same way... but I had to work on that.

 

Its like small steps. You need to encourage the calling and caring by appreciating every little thing. Even if its not the thing you wanted... if you love the guy you need to learn to do this. Because with my ex the good stuff diminished at a fast pace bc I never appreciated it. Instead of feeling like he cared , he felt obligated to care.

 

Now we have been "broken up" for about a year. We are talking and maybe on our way back, but we are WORKING on our relationship. He suddenly wants to be able to be there and listen the way he couldnt before. And he says its because he finally feels accepted for who he is. He feels safe in telling me how he feels , he wants to be honest and he calls just to see how i am.

 

Towards the end my ex wouldnt talk about the relationship. Anytime I brought up how I felt he was defensive and mean. We broke up bc we werent communicating. I know you want someone to be there and share everything with, but honey that isnt a bf that is a husband. And maybe he felt pressured... or , as my ex put it, trapped.

 

taking space used to scare the crap out of me... I thought moving on would happpen, and it did. But when you get to that place where you and your ex have been out there and they still choose to be with you... that is some powerful stuff. Love him for what he is and not what he does for you. Just my two cents

[snowgirl75]

You are not wrong to want any of those things!!!!! Infact you deserve them and should not settle for less.

 

I have ended a relationship I stayed in way too long because i was settling for way less than i deserved. Reading your thread, was if I had written it myself.

 

My advice is harsh but well intentioned, cut your losses and move on. It is hard as hell but the sooner you do it the easier it will be. You don't want to waste yrs of your life with someone who will never appreciate you like i did. Life is too short, go find someone who will treat you like the princess that you are.

[smile95]

thanks! It is so hard to let go. He is not a bad person and I do love him, but he will never stop being so selfish and will never appreciate me. I want to move on, but it is so hard. We had good times too. 3 yrs of my life in love with him and damn it is hard to let go. How long did it take you to get over him? How long were you together? Do you still think of him? or talk to him? I know that I could never deal with this in the future. I sometimes think that his wife left for the same reason. I am so confused. What if I never fall in love agian. I have to try and be happy alone I guess.

[snowgirl75]

Wow, we are so the same!!!!!!!! Our stories are the same right down to the ex wife. We could write a book...lol

 

I am not completely over him. I spent most of today crying. Only broke up a month ago. We have talked a few times but I have put an end to all contact. Blocked him on my msn and cell etc......It was only bring me down and I need to move on.

 

I feel the same way, my ex is not a bad person either, and I don't have any hostile feeling towards him. I just know that he is never going to be able to give me what I need. And just like you said in your first post these are not extrodinary things you are asking for. In a mutual loving caring relationship these things come naturally. I had surgery and was in the hospital for 3 wks and he didn't come to see me once and I still made excuses for him to friends and family. I struggled for months debating if I should break up with him or not. But I KNOW that I have made the right decision.

 

A good book to read is "are you the one for me" it will open your eyes to so many things.

 

Write a list of all the characteristics you want in your ideal mate. Be completely truthful and honest with yourself. Then when you have your full list, ask yourself how many of those characteristics does your current man fulfill. I think if you see it on paper you will realize all the things your missing out on and what you deserve. Do not settle for less than what you want!

 

I know it is hard and I feel the same way "what if i don't fall in love again" I just have to believe that I will and you will too.

 

I too "wasted" 3 yrs. And it's a slow process but I will move on and I will be open to finding someone new when I'm ready. And you just have to believe that you will too. If you hold onto him, you might miss out on someone great.

 

None of this is easy to do, trust me I know. But you just have to be strong and move forward.

 

We can support each other.

 

Good luck to you!

[miss-gonewest]

Beth, I really hope I don't sound too harsh here, because from all your posts on this guy, its obvious that you are just so raw with pain now, and I don't want to make you feel worse...

 

But honey, you have to move on! Yes you gave him 4 years of your life, you supported him, you cared about him, you worried for him. You were his partner and his mate and his friend... but you never got any of that back from him!

 

You only saw him a handful of times in person, he didn't support you when you needed it - he didn't call after a doctors appointment or even just to say hi. He has left you hanging with no contact for weeks at a time, with no regard to how it made you feel... and he's done it again!!! You have to stop letting him do this to you!

 

You have to cut your ties and stop giving him so much of your pain and your grief - he doesn't deserve it!!! He treated you badly and you are the one that is feeling miserable... he's not! He's moving on with his life and its what you need to do; and the quicker the better because you are just destroying yourself here.

 

There are so many men out there that will give you what you are asking for and more, don't waste any more time pining over this one... Life is for living and you have to do that for yourself.

 

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and look at what this guy gave you (not a lot) and tell yourself that YOU DESERVE BETTER! Well actually I think you know you deserve better otherwise you wouldn't have written this post!

 

Do the list thing - I am going to do one now, and I am going to be really honest.... and lets come back and compare.

[miss-gonewest]

Originally posted by beth5201

I am so confused. What if I never fall in love agian. I have to try and be happy alone I guess.

 

And you WILL fall in love again... that's the easy part! Its finding someone to love you that's harder, but from your posts you sound like a top chick - you are loving, loyal, caring, supportive and sincere... all the good qualities a man looks for!

 

I felt the same way a year ago, but I moved on, had a really bad fling, moved on from that, and fell in love with my now ex... I feel the same way right now, today!

 

But I know I am lovable - I have a good heart, I mean well and I can make someone very happy... I just haven't found the right one yet is all.

 

My ex is probably moving on right now... and I may as well do the same, because that's him winning! And I hate being beaten!!!

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Beth, I've been reading all your posts - and your situation and the way you feel are the ones I can identify the most with. Also similar is the fact that you're very good at analyzing the situation, you even know how you "should" be, but it's just not possible yet!

 

Mine could be a really long story, but I'll try and shorten it as much as possible. I first met this guy over the internet way back in 1997 - I was 17 at that time. I happened to stumble upon his website, shot him an email - and we were friends.

I immediately felt this uncanny mental "connection" with him, this vibe - when he immediately catches onto what you're saying and vice-versa. We remained friends for years - the emails were infrequent in phases.

 

And then, in 2001, I think he "fell in love(!)" with me. And after a while, I responded likewise. For me, it was like a dream come true! Here was the guy I thought I had the perfect connection with, and finally he was in love with me! And so the saga went on till 2003. We actually met for the first time in 2003 - I hadn't even seen him before that! He had my pictures since way back, though. I thought I didn't need to know what he looked like - the feelings I had for him were enough.

 

He had been in the US since 1999, and so this was the mother of LD - we were literally thousands of miles apart. And after we fell in love, I had been planning all along to come to the US, and I thought the best way might be to come here as a student. So I took this HUGE study loan and landed up in a town near to the city where he is. My life was pretty difficult already, and I really don't know how I managed to take that loan and come here.

 

Anyway, in a couple of months, I discovered he wasn't really how I'd hoped he would be. He was rude, withdrawn, calculative - I won't go into the details, but it seemed like he'd suddenly grown "less in love" with me. And so I confronted him one day - and he said, "I don't really have any plans for the future of this relationship. I can't commit to you - and I don't know when I'll be ready". Well, I was SHATTERED. It is a really scary feeling to be alone in a new country, where you're still struggling to adjust, and you don't know people. To think that I came here all the way just for him.

 

And so for months afterwards, we had our arguments - with me writing long emails describing my thoughts, and him thinking "oh no, not again". It wasn't as if he was going out with other women, but according to him he just wasn't "ready". And last month, he finally decided that this was "as far as he could go, and we should move on with our lives". He didn't accept my calls or reply to my emails. So it's been a forced NC for me. (Although I don't think I want to talk to him - I feel so angry).

 

I know he has always been the "taker" in the relationship. Even when we were LD, he would email me when he felt like it, and if he just didn't want to email, he wouldn't, no matter what. He never called me - it was only after I'd dialled long distance a dozen times, that he started calling. The most insulting thing was that he never wanted this relationship to go public. He never took me out or even mentioned me to his friends, his family knew nothing of me - it was as if I was meant to be concealed from everyone. And of course, he would NEVER understand my feelings on anything, he didn't think it was necessary to call everyday (dammit I didn't come this far to be treated like this), and he didn't really care for me either. Sometimes I feel so angry at the f^cking b^st^rd - I have this huge study loan to pay off, wasted more than 3 years of my life, gave it my everything - and this jerk didn't think it was worth ANYTHING.

 

He does not contact me at all - no nothing. And since a month, I haven't either. I know it's been only a month and it's still raw - but honestly, the mental pain and agony and the helplessness I have gone through in this year and half - may God never bring that on anyone. I thought this jerk was my "soulmate" - someone who doesn't even care if I live or die. I think he was in it just for the sexual part, and more so the fact that it broke the monotony of his life.

 

Jeez- this ended up being a long posting after all! But I just had to talk to you guys on LS and especially to you, Beth. I just don't know how to stop myself thinking about him - although by now I hardly feel "love" for him. I feel so terribly hurt - and although I console myself that I am a better person for it and have grown so much more as a person - I can't help but wish someday he too would feel what I've felt. At least he should realize how tremendously unfair he has been to me.

Thanks for reading this - and tell me if I was wrong in anything I expected out of him! How do I forget him? I really need to banish all thoughts of him from my mind - the best thing would be when I couldn't care less WTF he does. And when I not only don't expect him to contact me, but I'd not respond at all. *wishful thinking!*

How do I cope?

[miss-gonewest]

Here are some good thoughts that may help... (copying from my new favourite self help book)

 

* Holding on to grief and accepting that things are not over does not erase facts, it just postpones and delays the healing process.

 

* When one door closes and another opens, you have to first walk through the hallway to reach the new door. Grief can be the hallway and you can remain stuck there until you realise that prolonged grief is your subconscious mind trying to keep the relationship alive.

 

* Just because you were rejected by someone who felt you weren't right for them, does not mean that there is something wrong with you

 

* Women feel rejection more than men, they feel their efforts were rejected, hence they were.

 

* The pain you feel during rejection is directly related to how you feel about yourself and how much importance you place on the person that rejected you

 

* You now have the choice to reject his rejection - it was his opinion and you can reject it too

 

* Who cares what they think? You are the one who grows and betters and will find a worthwhile relationship with someone who isn't afraid of love and commitment. You are lucky.

 

* Anger is usually the first emotional expression of grief. You can control it instead of having it control you.

 

* Holding on to anger will not change anything, but letting it go will gain you peace. You don't feel angry, you do angry. Anger is the reaction to feeling powerless, vulnerable and weak.

 

* Anger can often take on the form of blame. By accepting responsibility for yourself you can lessen the anger you feel towards others. When you blame others, you inhibit your motivation to do anything about your situation.

 

* The anxiety we feel after a breakup is usually caused by fear - fear of being alone.

 

* When painful memories haunt us, its usually when we felt shame or embarrassment; or events that were never resolved; or that you had no control over. Feel compassion for yourself and forgive yourself for any part of the event you feel responsible for. Then forgive those who took part in the painful event.

 

* What's done is done - learn from painful memories. Approach the memory, see it in a different light and you can change the way you perceive the entire event.

 

Hope some of that helped....

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.

 

Well - I know what's done cannot be undone, and I do try and get on with things- I have 2 months left to finish my master's program, and I have to start looking for a job - although being a foreign student just makes it so much more difficult.

And the study loan - with the interest payment, it's going to be over $50,000 debt on my head *jeez*

 

To be honest, I'm hurt more than angry. And the two combined are only 25% of my thoughts. What I can't seem to reconcile yet, is HOW could he have been so callous and uncaring? And why did I settle for the lousy "crumbs" of affection and attention from him? Since the past year, I knew he really didn't care about me. And yet I couldn't chuck him out of my life. On the contrary, I became even more "wishful" that he'll change one day.

 

However, I know I've never really suffered from low self-esteem. I've had really good friends, an active social life, and even right now, people around me think I'm one focused(!) and forward-looking person. Little do they know what I've been through.

My only fault, if I might call it that, is getting attached. I was and am very attached to this person. But isn't that the case with people in love? It wasn't like we didn't have our space, we each had our own lives. But hey, at some point you have to take the relationship somewhere. This person just shies away from responsibility.

 

Towards the end, I used to ask, "Can't you even just call me more often? It's not done to talk animatedly one day and then disappear for 5 days". Was I wrong in even expecting conversation? Reminds me of Beth's posting on "what is emotional abuse?"

 

Well, I know I've been treated like dirt. I also know I have been completely sincere to this man and have loved unconditionally. But how do I break my attachment to him? Does he think about me? Can he just push me away from his thoughts and carry on stoically? And yes - I really don't know whether he has killed this relationship for good - or will he ever break NC? I really wish I knew.

 

You know, the most ironic thing - I'm the "agony aunt" for most of my friends, and give "sensible" and "meaningful" advice on relationship problems...

[snowgirl75]

The big thing that I learned coming out of my relationship, was that he wasn't rejecting me, he was rejecting himself. He completely shut down and will not allow himself to love or be loved. Don't know if I explained that right?

 

Regardless, I see now that there were so many red flags over the yrs. I just chose to either ignore them or make excuses for him. I just reached a point that I couldn't do it anymore.

 

Beth, you must not look at this as a failure on your part. It just is the way it is. You can move on and you will find happiness.

 

I think I read this somewhere "never put more into a relationship than you can afford to lose"

 

Be strong Beth and you will be a better person for it.

[smile95]

I read ALL your posts and I thank you all for replying...I am headed to church now, but I will respond ASAP when I get home later. I am so amazed at how many people feel the way I feel. It helps to know I am not alone. I sometimes think that NO ONE has ever felt this way. Talk to ya soon!

[moimeme]

Well, I know I've been treated like dirt. I also know I have been completely sincere to this man and have loved unconditionally. But how do I break my attachment to him? Does he think about me? Can he just push me away from his thoughts and carry on stoically? And yes - I really don't know whether he has killed this relationship for good - or will he ever break NC? I really wish I knew.

 

Hope is one of the wonderful things about humans, but it can also be an instrument of torture. Hope is causing you to hang onto this guy and look for him to change even though all the evidence you have shows that he won't. There isn't a 'relationship', but you continue to hope that there will be one day. Really take a hard look at this. Love is shown through actions and his actions are not loving. You have had to chase him even just for something as easy to give as contact.

 

Unfortunately, your story serves as the epitome of cautionary tales about internet relationships - you simply do NOT know a person you don't spend 3D time with. You fell in love with the man you thought he was and so you continue to hope that person exists and that he'll 'return' but he never did exist. What you fell in love with was a few pleasant pieces of a person who is otherwise too flawed to be in a relationship with. And that's not enough.

 

It's time to recognize that the man you love doesn't exist, drop the fellow you were corresponding with who you thought was the man you loved, and move on with your life.

[smile95]

ok you two could have written a post for ME. The part about snowgirl being in the hospital and him not visiting! OMG that was my ex and then when my fam and friends would ask, I would make up all kinds of excuses even to justify it to myself too. I found myself justifying so much with him.....I really cannot tell you both how much I feel what you wrote.

 

thistooshallpass....do you have any idea how many times I would say"how hard is it to call once a day" or "can you give me fiv minutes?" It was so defeating and really took a toll on me. All 3 of us are stronger than we think. I know it is so hard to let go. I have not yet, but I know I have to. We all have to! Too bad we do not live close or we could all go out and vent!!!!well, where do you live? lol

 

I logically know what I have to do...move on. The problem is, I tend to think of the good things when there were more bad than good. I keep the good close and feel sad and miss him. I am making a list of what I want and what he had, as suggested.

 

Whenever you two feel weak, PM me and I will do the same. I loved this man. From the moment I met him, I knew he was it. I am on day 17 of NC and not giving in. I cannot! He will never change. I have to break this cycle. When I would ask him to try harder he would agree and you know nothing would change! Then he would say, "you know I love you, quit worrying and chill out". that was supposed to keep me content. I was to the point where I would be thrilled with an i love you text once a day! hello????? we were LD so i never saw him and he always had a great excuse why he could not call. I knew it was time to let go, but he is a cahrmer with words and I fell for it. I would wait for his call and be in such a bad mood and then he would call and I wopulf do a complete 180 and be happy over a 5 min call all about him!!!!!ugh

 

I feel I am getting better, but not sure what to do when he does call me after time. Maybe this time he will not. Sorry for rambling. Thanks so much for replying to me! we all will get thru this~ We deserve so much better.

[smile95]

he thinks about you. He has to. I still think of exes from yrs ago now and then. You are fresh in his mind. The thing we 3 need to figure out is how to stop the thoughts that cause us to be sad and interupt our days. I am seriuos when I say, I prob think of him 80% of my day unless I am busy at work or w/ family. It sucks. I wish I hated him. I wish I knew he would never call. But I know he will. I have to fgure out how to handle that day in order to move on

[smile95]

i pasted your message and sent it to my work to read each morning. What you said really had an affect on me. Isn't it so much easier to see what someone else should do??? I am not sure how I am going to do this, but I have to. I am creating my list and will let you know how it goes! thanks

[snowgirl75]

beth

 

I am so glad that you realize that you deserve better! Keep up the NC is really the only way.

 

I know my "guy" will never call. It is definately over and each day gets better, you will find that too.

 

Be strong and move on.

 

[snowgirl75]

and i agree it has helpped me to know that other people are feeling the exact same way.

 

No more excuses girls, go out and get what we deserve!

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

You are just SO right! Gosh you described the base problem accurately.

 

I know it's the typical case of "internet love gone bad" - it's just that in my case in went on for a long, long time and has cost me a LOT.

 

The most unbelievable thing is, how could I of all people have been the victim of a "superficial" and "shallow" relationship? I always thought I was a really mature person especially as far as relationships went - it took a LOT to make me fall in love with a man. How could I have made such a mistake?!

 

Apparently I have made a fool of myself now. Reminds me of a local saying we have in our country - "The cleverest sparrow gets netted first"

 

I did tell him that I came all the way here, with this study loan and all, prepared to adjust to everything on my own, just for him. Can you imagine how insulting it was when he said, "Come on they were just emails! Oh, I was in love with you, but we hadn't even met". Makes me think only the most shallow jerk with no desire for responsibility, can do this...

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

It's uncanny isn't it! We both seem to be "thinking" people with a fair amount of self respect - and yet we have taken this sort of treatment and ended up to be pictures of tragedy pining for someone really worthless, not just for us but for any relationship.

 

I remember I was once in an accident back home, and got my elbows and knees badly scraped. Of course, I limped to my computer to write him an email - and he didn't reply for 2 days. I was so upset I was hyperventilating - thinking that he really didn't even feel even an ounce of concern for me? He's into software and I know he checks his emails every couple of hours.

 

When he finally did reply 2 days later, I was so relieved I forgot all my prior apprehension. That's how it has been so many times - when he would disappear for a few days and all the anger I'd have accumulated would dissipate with a one-liner email from him.

 

WHY??!! WHY am I like this? I seem like an absolute sucker, and with a skull so thick that it takes him to actually insult me before I back off. And everytime after losing my temper with him, I used to apologize just to get him to write to me.

 

You know the feeling, don't you - the absolute frustration and helplessness you feel when you know you can't make him write or call you. It's all in his hands. I wonder if this was a way to make him feel "in control" and hide his possible insecurities.

 

I live in a place that's a 90 minute drive from where he lives - and yet he would only come visit me once in a couple of months. And yes, never on weekends. Reason? "Why should I spend my weekends with you when we know we're gonna fight".

 

In the many long emails that I wrote him, I used to say that it takes two to make a relationship work, it can't be one-sided or even lop-sided. That a person has to be ready to give and recieve affection and love, you can't say "ok I won't love more than that".

 

God, how could I have been so stupid! I know any other girl would have walked out on him long back. And I still find myself thinking about him 80% of the time, just like you. It's only when I'm involved in an engaging conversation or am doing work that requires interaction with other people, that I'm not.

 

Maybe he does think of me. Do you think he still loves me? Or has he fallen out of love with me? Does he even realize what he threw away?

In one of our last emails, I asked him, "are you absolutely certain you don't want me to be in your life ever, have you decided for good?" To which he replied, "I think it was pretty clear when we called it quits".

 

How the hell can he be so casual about it?! Anyway, I've been on NC for a month now. And now I know if he were ever to come back, I wouldn't accept him unless he'd completely changed as a person. And that's the catch - PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE, ONLY THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES DO.

 

Why do I still think about whether he thinks about me and whether he'll contact me ever?!!! How can I stop??

 

Beth, I live in California - where are you?

[smile95]

Oh my! I know what you mean!!!!! We would argue about something and he would then ignore me for a while. His plan was for me to forget why I was mad and just be excited he actaully called and what the hell-it worked for him! I was just happy he called and let the fight go. WHY????

 

I have sent emails to him and get no reply too. Sometimes I would get a call and ask if he read my mail and he would be like ya it was a bunch of blah. I would start to cry on the spot and so hurt and just get off the phone and then of course we never discussed the issue at hand. I have even lied about some things to see what response I would get and nothing!

 

Once I was in an accident and called him after and of course no reply. The next day he calls and I have ASK HIM if he picked up my voicemail and he said yes. and I say are you even going to ask how I am...you know his reply........"If you were hurt, you would have said so in the voicemail" OK SO I HAVE TO BE SERIUOSLY HURT FOR YOU TO ASK ME HOW I AM DOING??????

 

Other times, I had surgery and he knew the day. Never called before and that day I HAD TO TEXT HIM"Do you want to know how it went?" and maybe a few hrs later i get a call. WTF!

 

Oh and yes I know the frustration of getting them to call! I actaully shake and get so upset. Almost obsessed sometimes with MY messages. I hate that. It is a control thing. I think they think that as long as we contact them, they still have us.

 

I would also say sorry for things he did just to feel ok again. Why?

 

The last time he did this to me. (started to ignore) he called after I stopped for a month exactly. We never broke up? He just started to ignore me like the other 5 times he has done this. I know he loves me, but he is just not right!

 

If yours truly loved you and you could see it in their eyes, then, no, he will always love you. As to if he will call. Give it more time. COntinue NC. I am doing NC for me. To move on. He will call me, but that is when I get to turn the tables and shock the hell out of him and not take him back for the 6th time. He does this and knows when he gets his life less stressed, I will be there. Not this time.

 

Do you want him to call you? Here is the thing......we want them to call so that we feel loved and wanted. In reality, do we really want them? No. We want to be the ones to say "You treat me like crap and I do not want you"

[snowgirl75]

NO YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO CALL. Do not ever take him back. You have given him far to much power over your emotions.

 

Seriously read this book "are you the one for me" I know after you read it you will see right there in black and white that he is not the one for you.

 

We let these guys control our emotions and we have to stop.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

You're right - I don't actually want to get back in that hellhole of a relationship - not if he doesn't change.

 

To be honest, I don't know if he really loved me or not - he said he did - but love is such a complicated emotion, you never know whether it's just liking or lust or simply a need for change! Yeah, he does like me - but love? People don't play mind games in love! They feel bad if the other person is upset and crying - and would do something to change it, if possible. They want to make you happy, not themselves.

 

What if he never contacts me? I'm going to finish my Master's degree in August end. After that, I don't know if I might go back to my country. Do I email him to tell him I'm leaving for good?

Shouldn't he be emailing me to ask this?

 

Was it me who wasn't "the right one" for him? Will he find someone "better suited" to him?

 

If anything, at present what I'm feeling is to be able to tell him he's such a coward, and a selfish one at that. And that he's lost someone who genuinely loved. And what he did to me was terribly unjust and unfair, doesn't he have a conscience? I just want to tell him these things - in person, if possible.

 

I haven't even gotten an apology from him!! Was everything I did so worthless?!

 

I wonder when I'll ever be ready for a relationship again. I'm still licking my wounds and I have developed this distrust in relationships - who knows if they fall out and I get hurt again?

I know the best thing for me would be to meet someone who's like him intellectually, but a thousand times better emotionally. And it's NOT easy to find such a person, you know how difficult it is to find people you "click" with! And finding someone you can trust is even rarer.

 

I honestly don't know if I'll find someone like that. I wonder if he will?

Until then, I am left with this sting whenever I think about it. ALthough it's just been a month since we're on NC, it's been more than a year since I've known he wasn't "ready to commit or anything" for this relationship. And it has been a living hell since.

When will I be really over him?

[smile95]

the only reason you want to talk to him is to get a reaction....a reaction that will not be what you are looking for. It seems like you see he is a bad person for you, but hoping he will change. He will not! I know you want to yell at him, but that is a stage you will go thru. SO NOT give him the satisfaction of knowing he is still making you hurt after a month! He would love to know that. Let it go

[smile95]

I am also scared I will never click with anyone again either. But we must not have mutaully clicked if we are sitting here alone right? We will find someone better and when we both click, it will be great! I know how you feel tho. We had such an attraction. Like we knew each other for yrs. I still believe that when he has his life figured out, he will come for me. I will just have to break HIS heart and tell him I am happily married with a family!