Couples joined at the hip? It works for some

[LookAtThisPOst]

Often times I see single women on dating sites state, "Must have his own buddies/friends to hang out with." I had asked this to a few women in regards to this and they say, "I just want to make sure he has a life outside of just dating me 24/7."

 

Apparently, this is a problem for some women?

 

Me and a female friend had this discussion and she said she prefers to see her partners around 3 times a week. (That was the number she gave, probably more or less...ball park of 3).

 

Anyhow, we get to talking about how some people who are "couples" but rarely see each other probably like once a month. One couple I know that does this, had apparently been together for 3 years and they live like one state away hundreds of miles between them...

 

I thought about talking her out of it to date me, who is more geographically desirable...but, nah...don't want the b/f to catch wind of that. LOL

 

Then, where I used to work, there was this couple that have been together for 7 years, live together for 5...and they come to work together, he comes up to her desk to eat lunch on his lunch break with her sometimes, and then of course they go home together.

 

Could you seriously, imagine if you will doing that with someone you worked with? Apparently, it works for THEM? But I know a ton of people that couldn't fathom that lifestyle. I know a married couple that does the same thing as these two and they ALSO worked at the same place.

 

They rarely get out of the house to socialize, because if you ask them what they did that weekend, it was just mostly "chores on Saturday" and "Netflix on Sunday" or "took the kids to grandmas" or whatever.

 

They have friends, but none that they would hang out with outside of THAT.

 

But, apparently works, but some may actually find that rather unhealthy? Yes? Of course, this is a small town area, an area known for coupling up and being around each other 24/7, as a couple is a fact of life.

 

In fact, I had to cut ties with friends that wound up getting married and find new ones.

 

My question is, is this kind of relationship unhealthy, even if BOTH parties are happy?

[Redhead14]

Often times I see single women on dating sites state, "Must have his own buddies/friends to hang out with." I had asked this to a few women in regards to this and they say, "I just want to make sure he has a life outside of just dating me 24/7."

 

Apparently, this is a problem for some women?

 

Me and a female friend had this discussion and she said she prefers to see her partners around 3 times a week. (That was the number she gave, probably more or less...ball park of 3).

 

Anyhow, we get to talking about how some people who are "couples" but rarely see each other probably like once a month. One couple I know that does this, had apparently been together for 3 years and they live like one state away hundreds of miles between them...

 

I thought about talking her out of it to date me, who is more geographically desirable...but, nah...don't want the b/f to catch wind of that. LOL

 

Then, where I used to work, there was this couple that have been together for 7 years, live together for 5...and they come to work together, he comes up to her desk to eat lunch on his lunch break with her sometimes, and then of course they go home together.

 

Could you seriously, imagine if you will doing that with someone you worked with? Apparently, it works for THEM? But I know a ton of people that couldn't fathom that lifestyle. I know a married couple that does the same thing as these two and they ALSO worked at the same place.

 

They rarely get out of the house to socialize, because if you ask them what they did that weekend, it was just mostly "chores on Saturday" and "Netflix on Sunday" or "took the kids to grandmas" or whatever.

 

They have friends, but none that they would hang out with outside of THAT.

 

But, apparently works, but some may actually find that rather unhealthy? Yes? Of course, this is a small town area, an area known for coupling up and being around each other 24/7, as a couple is a fact of life.

 

In fact, I had to cut ties with friends that wound up getting married and find new ones.

 

My question is, is this kind of relationship unhealthy, even if BOTH parties are happy?

 

No, it's not unhealthy if both parties are happy. However, some women, are prone to "making" themselves fit into a man's "mold". In other words, she wants a man so badly that she gives herself and her needs up in order to keep him. And, to the world, it appears that they are a happy couple, when behind her "scenes" is an unhappy, anxious, insecure person.

[ASG]

One of my best friends has one such relationship. They work for the same company, but not exactly in the same department and they work shifts, so don't always go to work/home together. Other than that, they are pretty much attached at the hip. They haven't slept apart since they became official, about 2 months after they started dating. That was 3 years ago.

 

It works for them. The down side has been that she hasn't been able to join us for certain events because he isn't keen on going and she prefers to stay with him, which is her right and although she knows she's missing out, she is quite happy with her decision.

 

It can work and it doesn't have to be unhealthy either.

[LookAtThisPOst]

No, it's not unhealthy if both parties are happy. However, some women, are prone to "making" themselves fit into a man's "mold". In other words, she wants a man so badly that she gives herself and her needs up in order to keep him. And, to the world, it appears that they are a happy couple, when behind her "scenes" is an unhappy, anxious, insecure person.

 

Hm, I guess that's the small town mentality. Everyone around here is joined at the hip once they get hitched. Say good-bye to your left over single friends, except maybe once a year on the holidays.

 

This is kind of funny, because in my social circles, once someone starts dating someone else, they stop showing up. Then 6 months later...you see them pop up again out of the blue because they broke up. lol

[Benj]

The last relationship I had was with a girl like that. We dated for 3 years. She wanted to spend every waking moment together. She was like that in all of her relationships. It was annoying as hell because I need my own time. She literally never needed or wanted alone time. If I was peeing or brushing my teeth she'd follow.

 

Last I heard she was married to a guy who is exactly the same ands they are very happy. Works for some people.

[xxoo]

 

They rarely get out of the house to socialize, because if you ask them what they did that weekend, it was just mostly "chores on Saturday" and "Netflix on Sunday" or "took the kids to grandmas" or whatever.

 

They have friends, but none that they would hang out with outside of THAT.

 

 

 

 

Sounds like my life

 

Family life! The work week is busy, and we use the weekend to catch up in rest, chores, and time with our kids.

[Butterflying]

It really depends on the couple. I believe couples joined at the hip are insecure individuals. Then they become insecure as a couple, afraid the an "outsider" will break them apart. I used to be in a relationship like that. I was young & naive. We missed so many opportunities in our education, career, and socially because of that. I regret it.

 

Now, I prefer to include my loved ones & friends in my relationship. There are things I share with my lover that we don't share with anyone else. But we don't neglect our individual interest just because we're in love. It's sad when I lose friends because they are in a relationship. When that happens I lnow it's just a matter of time before they come back begging forgiveness, wondering why we stopped hanging out, feeling like they've missed a lot, sad because the relationship they sacrificed it all for is over.

 

When I see couples joined at the hip, I don't think it's sweet or romantic. I feel sorry for them.

[NoLeafClover]

It really depends on the couple. I believe couples joined at the hip are insecure individuals. Then they become insecure as a couple, afraid the an "outsider" will break them apart. I used to be in a relationship like that. I was young & naive. We missed so many opportunities in our education, career, and socially because of that. I regret it.

 

Now, I prefer to include my loved ones & friends in my relationship. There are things I share with my lover that we don't share with anyone else. But we don't neglect our individual interest just because we're in love. It's sad when I lose friends because they are in a relationship. When that happens I lnow it's just a matter of time before they come back begging forgiveness, wondering why we stopped hanging out, feeling like they've missed a lot, sad because the relationship they sacrificed it all for is over.

 

When I see couples joined at the hip, I don't think it's sweet or romantic. I feel sorry for them.

 

I disagree with the comment about being attached to the hip being because of insecurity. Love makes you attached to the hip not insecurity. The fact you want to be with them through everything is what happy married couples do. When you marry and have kids and a family priorities change. Going out to bars and meeting friends isnt as important as making sure your kids are going to bed early and doing their homework.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I don't think many well adjusted people would choose a partner who had NO life aside from dating them.

[xxoo]

I disagree with the comment about being attached to the hip being because of insecurity. Love makes you attached to the hip not insecurity. The fact you want to be with them through everything is what happy married couples do. When you marry and have kids and a family priorities change. Going out to bars and meeting friends isnt as important as making sure your kids are going to bed early and doing their homework.

 

Exactly.

 

When I think of my childhood, my parents were both always around on the weekends, all day. Maybe my dad would take an hour or two to browse cars at the dealerships, but he'd always invite one of us kids to go along (1:1 time, plus getting one kid out of mom's hair!). Otherwise, it was working around the house, grilling in the backyard, chatting with neighbors on front porches, and evenings in front of the tv with us kids. I'm sure they looked forward to bedtime

 

My own marriage is very similar. Worked then, works now.

[elizabetk]

I disagree with the comment about being attached to the hip being because of insecurity. Love makes you attached to the hip not insecurity. The fact you want to be with them through everything is what happy married couples do. When you marry and have kids and a family priorities change. Going out to bars and meeting friends isnt as important as making sure your kids are going to bed early and doing their homework.

 

I cannot agree more. It truly depends on the couple but if one is happy with their significant other, there is not a reason why precious time (considering both are juggling busy professional lives) should not be spend with the one you love the most. With that being said, a healthy balance is important and family and friends should often be included in the mix, to complement rather than separate - seems like a great balance to me.

[smackie9]

It can be both, compatibility or codependency. If one has a mental breakdown because the other had to do something simple as running out for toothpaste or had to work late, then yes you have a problem Huston.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Funny, the two couples I spoke of...one married (working at the same place) the other living together (also both working at the same place), typically leave little love notes on each other's Facebook pages.

 

What's sad is, they friggin' live in the same house together. That's the weird thing about it.

[xxoo]

Funny, the two couples I spoke of...one married (working at the same place) the other living together (also both working at the same place), typically leave little love notes on each other's Facebook pages.

 

What's sad is, they friggin' live in the same house together. That's the weird thing about it.

 

How can that possible be construed as sad?

 

That's so sweet! I love when my H does that.

[Robratory]

If both people are happy, then sure, it's healthy. But you didn't really describe anything extreme. The couple that works at the same place and sometimes eats lunch together is not far out there. Commuting together makes sense if they have the same schedules. As for the women and their personal ads, they don't want to hear from sad sack losers with no social circles of their own. That's red flag. How come someone has no friends?

 

Generally, couples become tighter in proportion to the depth of their commitment. If you're just dating someone, you see them a few times a week because you have your own life to attend to. But that changes once you have a shared life with someone. Still, people in happy couples do retain some individuality with hobbies and friends they don't share.

[loveweary11]

Every relationship I've ever [been] in was like this. My marriage too.

 

I wouldn't settle for someone that doesn't see me as an extension of themselves...as that's how I see all long term, serious relationships.

 

I typically live with, work with and spend all my time with my girl.

Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[smackie9]

Man alive there is no way I could work with my husband lol.

[Popsicle]

Welcome to what marriage is like.

 

Obviously lots of people have no problem with it.

 

But yes, it can be a bit smothering, but initially, you really like it and that lasts for a while, until you wake up one day and realize that you've strangled to death your social life. smothered, but by then, it's too late to change it. Your partner will take it personally and get upset. Unless you're lucky and have a partner who also feels the same way, but I have always been with loners, so I dunno.

 

Ideally, you try to have a balance from the beginning and can maintain that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Welcome to what marriage is like.

 

Obviously lots of people have no problem with it.

 

But yes, it can be a bit smothering, but initially, you really like it and that lasts for a while, until you wake up one day and realize that you've strangled to death your social life. smothered, but by then, it's too late to change it. Your partner will take it personally and get upset. Unless you're lucky and have a partner who also feels the same way, but I have always been with loners, so I dunno.

 

Ideally, you try to have a balance from the beginning and can maintain that.

 

I think there's an exception as I live in an area where social lives are non-existent...well...I'll be specific...there are nice fairs, flea market events, winery functions, and county fairs that people can attend, but...EVERYONE goes together.

 

You'll see couples holdin' hands at these events or I'd check out a "hottie" walkin' by, almost not noticing the hubby with a kid on his shoulders, and she holding the other kids hand.

 

I'd say to myself, "Man, bummer, this is incubator alley!" lol

[Popsicle]

I think there's an exception as I live in an area where social lives are non-existent...well...I'll be specific...there are nice fairs, flea market events, winery functions, and county fairs that people can attend, but...EVERYONE goes together.

 

You'll see couples holdin' hands at these events or I'd check out a "hottie" walkin' by, almost not noticing the hubby with a kid on his shoulders, and she holding the other kids hand.

 

I'd say to myself, "Man, bummer, this is incubator alley!" lol

 

Sounds EXACTLY like where I live. Which is why I'm moving!

[xxoo]

Hey! I just went to the flea market with my husband and my kid this morning

[Popsicle]

Hey! I just went to the flea market with my husband and my kid this morning

 

This was a really wonderful place to be when I was married and a great place to raise kids, and I would stay if I were still in that place, but I'm not. I feel like a fish out of water.

[AMJ]

I have a good friend who commutes an hour each way to work with her husband and two toddlers in tow. They spend literally every waking minute together. Since they've been married (4 years ago) I've spent exactly two nights alone with her, without her husband or kids. I miss her terribly. Lol. But I also think her hubby is wonderful and get along with him well. They seem so happy and I truly believe they are really happy.

 

I have another good friend who, due to his job, lives in different countries for 3 years at a time. His girlfriend of four years lives in Brazil, he's in Southeast Asia. They get to see each other a handful of times each year. His lifestyle isn't going to change anytime soon, and I'm not sure if she wants to give up her successful career to follow him all over the globe and live away from her family. I have no idea how they are still together, or manage to find time to even talk on the phone. But they make it work.

 

I'm independent and hate feeling smothered- one of the many reasons I've always been single. I've always looked for relationships with men who were more independent. Any signs of neediness make me uncomfortable.

 

Everyone is different, I guess. Different relationships work for different people.

[NoLeafClover]

I have a good friend who commutes an hour each way to work with her husband and two toddlers in tow. They spend literally every waking minute together. Since they've been married (4 years ago) I've spent exactly two nights alone with her, without her husband or kids. I miss her terribly. Lol. But I also think her hubby is wonderful and get along with him well. They seem so happy and I truly believe they are really happy.

 

I have another good friend who, due to his job, lives in different countries for 3 years at a time. His girlfriend of four years lives in Brazil, he's in Southeast Asia. They get to see each other a handful of times each year. His lifestyle isn't going to change anytime soon, and I'm not sure if she wants to give up her successful career to follow him all over the globe and live away from her family. I have no idea how they are still together, or manage to find time to even talk on the phone. But they make it work.

 

I'm independent and hate feeling smothered- one of the many reasons I've always been single. I've always looked for relationships with men who were more independent. Any signs of neediness make me uncomfortable.

 

Everyone is different, I guess. Different relationships work for different people.

You mean to tell me if the man of your dreams showed up you wouldn't wanna spend every minute you can with him?...yea okay

[yxalitis]

No, it's not unhealthy if both parties are happy. However, some women, are prone to "making" themselves fit into a man's "mold". In other words, she wants a man so badly that she gives herself and her needs up in order to keep him. And, to the world, it appears that they are a happy couple, when behind her "scenes" is an unhappy, anxious, insecure person.

 

And you can repeat that sentence with the genders reversed.