safir Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I was dating a guy that I met through an app for 5 months and had the amazing time with him, I was even developing some feelings for him by now but we weren’t on the same page he wasn’t interested in being exclusive so we decided to take a break. He still wanted to be friends. We decided to take a break for 2-3 weeks and, he wants to see other people. I will cut off all my contact with him, I already deleted his number and his messages. We started things casual but I ended up liking him more than I thought and he was so caring and attentive with me and I really saw it in his eyes, in just the way he looked at me. How likely do you think that he will realize my worth/miss me? I know the obvious thing is to accept that he’s not just that into me and move on and that’s how I’ll try to do but, I really value what I shared with him and that I would like to be back with him. Any thoughts, advice?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 To be totally honest, I don't think it's likely he'll be back. You two didn't have enough of a relationship established for him to really miss it. I think it's more likely that he just didn't feel much of a connection and realized he wouldn't be pursuing it further. Taking a break after just 3 weeks is a sign he wasn't into it the same way you were. This doesn't mean you did something wrong. He just found the two of you are not compatible, for whatever reason. I'd just let it go and move on.
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 You started as casual and you didn't get even get past the first rung and make it to exclusive. I very much doubt that this relationship will ever get past casual/FWB/"woman he sleeps with sometimes", and will only continue if you allow it and turn a blind eye to his sowing oats elsewhere too.
joseb Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Taking a break after just 3 weeks is a sign he wasn't into it the same way you were. . Looks like they were together for 5 months, the break is for 3 weeks. OP what was the agreement about the break? Were you two supposed to get back after it?
Author safir Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 To be totally honest, I don't think it's likely he'll be back. You two didn't have enough of a relationship established for him to really miss it. I think it's more likely that he just didn't feel much of a connection and realized he wouldn't be pursuing it further. Taking a break after just 3 weeks is a sign he wasn't into it the same way you were. This doesn't mean you did something wrong. He just found the two of you are not compatible, for whatever reason. I'd just let it go and move on. I don't think that I did anything wrong. We've been together for 5-5,5 months not just 3 weeks. I am planning to move on, I'm not gonna live my life and wait for him to come back but at the same time I would be lying to myself if I say that I don't want him to be back. You started as casual and you didn't get even get past the first rung and make it to exclusive. I very much doubt that this relationship will ever get past casual/FWB/"woman he sleeps with sometimes", and will only continue if you allow it and turn a blind eye to his sowing oats elsewhere too. I agree that it can become a FWB cycle and I don't think that I deserve to be someone's side chick, but my feelings are still there and they are hard to ignore.
Author safir Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Looks like they were together for 5 months, the break is for 3 weeks. OP what was the agreement about the break? Were you two supposed to get back after it? The break is to realize how we feel about each other and if we'll miss each other. We agreed to talk after that and tell each other how we feel and if not seeing each other makes us that either of us or both won't really miss the time we had then we'll be through. He still wanted to be friends though, and I told him that I wasn't sure if I could be friends with him for the time being, because my feelings are hurt.
Summer3 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I was dating a guy that I met through an app for 5 months and had the amazing time with him, I was even developing some feelings for him by now but we weren’t on the same page he wasn’t interested in being exclusive so we decided to take a break. He still wanted to be friends. My advice is that you cannot be friends with him and he doesn't want to be exclusive. You cannot force someone to do something they don't want to do. No amount of sexy dresses or witty text messages will make him see that you are his "soul mate" and nobody could ever be as amazing as you. This has happened to me and I beat myself up for not being "enough." You can beat yourself up and think of ways to "get him back" but I doubt those methods will bring you any happiness. My advice is to work on letting him go and meet someone else.
Survivor12 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Just stop having feelings for him. Now, before you tell me that it's not possible to change how you feel about him, ask yourself why you believe that you can change how HE feels about you. The truth is--you can't. If he wanted a relationship with you, he wouldn't have broken it off because he wants to see other women. It has nothing to do with you or your "worth". Think about it...why THIS guy? Is he more "worthy" than the next guy? There are a lot of good men out there, but they just don't float your boat like this one does. Does you not being interested in having a relationship with them lessen their "value"? Of course not. So why assume that your "worth" is the game changer? Look, the guy was attracted and interested enough to date you for 5 months. He got to know you. Unfortunately, he just didn't feel the same about the relationship as you did. It's always disappointing--and painful--to find out that someone doesn't feel the same "connection" and it's normal to hope that their feelings will change, but the truth is that the only feelings we have the power to change are our own--and that takes time. Start by staying NC--do everything you can to remove him from your life. You can't change what's already inside your head, but you can refrain fueling your memories. You can't erase the memories you already have but, in time, memories fade--if you let them. Once you accept that it's over & there is nothing you can do to change him, you will begin to heal. 1
Author safir Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Just stop having feelings for him. Now, before you tell me that it's not possible to change how you feel about him, ask yourself why you believe that you can change how HE feels about you. The truth is--you can't. If he wanted a relationship with you, he wouldn't have broken it off because he wants to see other women. It has nothing to do with you or your "worth". Think about it...why THIS guy? Is he more "worthy" than the next guy? There are a lot of good men out there, but they just don't float your boat like this one does. Does you not being interested in having a relationship with them lessen their "value"? Of course not. So why assume that your "worth" is the game changer? Look, the guy was attracted and interested enough to date you for 5 months. He got to know you. Unfortunately, he just didn't feel the same about the relationship as you did. It's always disappointing--and painful--to find out that someone doesn't feel the same "connection" and it's normal to hope that their feelings will change, but the truth is that the only feelings we have the power to change are our own--and that takes time. Start by staying NC--do everything you can to remove him from your life. You can't change what's already inside your head, but you can refrain fueling your memories. You can't erase the memories you already have but, in time, memories fade--if you let them. Once you accept that it's over & there is nothing you can do to change him, you will begin to heal. I'm not extremely desperate about being back with him for my own selfish reasons, I know that I'll be fine. I've been through much more harder break ups and I survived. But the thing is I had a 2 years relationship before him and I enjoyed our 5 months time more that I enjoyed my 2 years relationship overall if I really had to compare. And this is the reason that I would like to be back together, if not I'll know that I'll survive. I am feeling hopeful (maybe it's false hope) because I had guys that I had only 1 date calling me after a couple months that I didn't contact them at all because they weren't interested and I moved on with my life. It's obviously not guaranteed that this one will be back but comparing the experience I've had with him with my past relationships I do prefer him. I know these might not get me anywhere but I also think that I should allow myself to feel whatever I'm feeling now and be over it so I can move forward with my healing process. Even if he calls me now and says that he wants to be back together I cannot do that because I'm feeling hurt. I know I have to heal and I know that I will. Thank you so much for your input
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I don't think that I did anything wrong. We've been together for 5-5,5 months not just 3 weeks. I am planning to move on, I'm not gonna live my life and wait for him to come back but at the same time I would be lying to myself if I say that I don't want him to be back. I agree that it can become a FWB cycle and I don't think that I deserve to be someone's side chick, but my feelings are still there and they are hard to ignore. My bad, didn't read correctly! However, my opinion still stands. You shouldn't need to be taking breaks after just 5 months, either. That's still a very short time. Him calling it off so soon is a bad sign that he wasn't invested the same way you were. People simply don't take breaks from partners they're really into. It really is that simple. Sorry OP, I would still move on and not count on him coming back.
hippychick3 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Sorry, OP. It's very unlikely. After 5 months, a guy who was meant for you would not take the risk of you dating others. The fact that he wants to date others, which also constitutes you dating others, speaks for itself. Now get out there and keep dating until you find someone who is crazy about you and will not let you go. Don't waste another single second of your energy on this person. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 You can get him back easy. All you have to do is be willing to have sex with him knowing that he's also having sex with other people. You will hate yourself for this because you don't want casual. You be even more upset when he meets another woman who he is willing to be exclusive with & he dumps you because he doesn't respect you. So what do you want: him or your own self respect? It's your choice. Do not for one minute think that if you give him what he wants: NSA sex that he will eventually come around & develop feelings for you. It doesn't work that way. 1
stillafool Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) We started things casual but I ended up liking him more than I thought and he was so caring and attentive with me and I really saw it in his eyes, in just the way he looked at me. This is probably the way he is with all the girls. It's just their personality. When I was dating I always made the person I was with feel like the most important person in my world (until the date ended) (shrug). Just move on if he wants you he will come back and tell you he made a mistake, but don't look forward to it. Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for quote bracket ~ V
carotini Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 He wants to take a break and see other people. Dead giveaway. He's already seeing someone else. He was never into you. Sorry. You can't get back something you never had in the first place. Don't waste anymore time on him. Move on.
Mrin Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 He wants to take a break and see other people. Dead giveaway. He's already seeing someone else. He was never into you. Sorry. You can't get back something you never had in the first place. Don't waste anymore time on him. Move on. This. Guys don't give up casual sex unless they see something they want more.
Author safir Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 He wants to take a break and see other people. Dead giveaway. He's already seeing someone else. He was never into you. Sorry. You can't get back something you never had in the first place. Don't waste anymore time on him. Move on. I asked him if he was seeing someone else and and he told me that he wasn't trying to get them to his bed but he wanted to meet them for coffee. It hurts to admit that we didn't even have anything to go back to to begin with but I'll get through this.
carotini Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 The break is to realize how we feel about each other and if we'll miss each other. We agreed to talk after that and tell each other how we feel and if not seeing each other makes us that either of us or both won't really miss the time we had then we'll be through. He still wanted to be friends though, and I told him that I wasn't sure if I could be friends with him for the time being, because my feelings are hurt. The specification of a time frame of 3 weeks is very strange. My guess would be that he's going to visit his real girlfriend for 3 weeks OR she's coming to visit him - but it really doesn't matter because nobody needs 3 weeks to determine if they care for someone. So that's BS.As far as him "still wanting to be friends"....pffft. I don't know why people think they need to offer to still be friends when a relationship ends. Friends?? Surely you can find a better quality of friend.OP, you've been given a lot of good, honest feedback. The choice is yours.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I asked him if he was seeing someone else and and he told me that he wasn't trying to get them to his bed but he wanted to meet them for coffee. It hurts to admit that we didn't even have anything to go back to to begin with but I'll get through this. What guy would tell you he wants to get another girl into bed? OP, he's essentially told you he is already seeing someone else. I doubt this coffee meet-up will be the first time they've met. She's caught his eye enough to end it with you, which rather indicates to me they've already established some type of connection. Yes. it's hurtful. Quite a few of us have been in your shoes. The silver lining is that this didn't go any further than 5-ish months. Don't bother waiting around those 3 or so weeks he wants a break. It's already over.
edel Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Why do you want a guy who doesn't like you enough to keep dating you? He wants to see other people. He doesn't care about you. Don't contact him again, move on and find someone who appreciates you.
Author safir Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Why do you want a guy who doesn't like you enough to keep dating you? He wants to see other people. He doesn't care about you. Don't contact him again, move on and find someone who appreciates you. Actually today I'm not sure how I feel about him. I don't know why I want to be with him but i think today I realized that he is not on the pedestal in my life. I didn't have that emptiness in me, yes I'm bitter but not like I cannot live without him. Additionally, yesterday a guy I only went on 1 date asked me to get together again and invited me to his housewarming party. I am not sure if I should go, I remember that I had a very pleasant conversation with this guy but I don't want to get in the cycle of dating guys, developing feelings eventually and ending up hurt again. I am not sure how to respond to his invite...
Recommended Posts