strugglinghubby Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 No. I did not believe he would truly cheat on me. In fact, we don't have proof that he has cheated on me. Just talking to other women is disrespectful but not cheating. His wife pushed him away with her verbal abusuveness, etc. I do not treat him the way she did. He and I have talked. He's very remorseful and now sees how he should not have been talking to other women. Neither one of us are ready to give up on our 6 year relationship. Plus, now that he knows I have suspicions I'm sure that will keep him from any actions that could be remotely considered cheating, but he will never again disrespect me. He is going to tell me every time he talks to friends, family, and coworkers. I'm sorry but you are wrong. I'm a recently BS, and I went through all of the emotions you are going through now. I never thought my W could do what she did to me, I minimized what she'd done, swept things under the rug, over emphasized things that painted her in a good light, but truth be told you've had some very good advice in this thread - cheaters lie, cheaters cover their tracks, cheaters will trickle you little bits of truth until you buy their story and then they will stop. You need to sort this out, don't leave it where it is, it's not a nice way to live the rest of your life. I would start by using a recovery tool on his phone to retrieve any deleted text messages. It's likely if he was hooking up with any of these women he would've communicated with them outside of just email. In addition have him log into his iTunes account in front of you and browse the apps section in the store to see what apps he has downloaded, be sure to check the 'hidden' section in iTunes as well which is where previously downloaded apps can be hidden, they can never be deleted. Look for dating apps as well as different messaging apps. If he has previously downloaded them, have him download them again and log into them right in front of you so that you can go through his message history etc. Lastly I would look at his location services on his iPhone, it tracks a history of places he has visited by date and time that he arrived and left. If you have any parks, motels, strange houses etc you should be worried. Even if as you say he is telling you the truth, these steps will make him realize he can't f*ck with you, and that you mean business. 1
Author SquirrelLady Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 He does not have an iPhone. He has an older phone that does not even have apps.
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I cheated 33 years ago. We did not have a computer or cell phones. We had dial phones with a cord. I still cheated. Just sayin 1
afoolto no end Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Look you are not thinking about this logically,he was on these sites talking to other women, 20 of them that you could see.... He hid this from you.....why, why is he on the sites anyway. There is something wrong for him to even go there for stimulation. I think there is a lot more to this story and the length of him being on those sites is also a huge red flag.... What I would do is, start tracking his computer use(key logger) and use something on his phone so you can see his emails, texts......don't let him know I would also hide a voice activated recorder in his car......or places where he can and does make phone calls...... don't tell him, just see what he is up to, this is your life.....maybe there is more to the story of his first marriage...... maybe not but at least this way you will know.......just be smart about it.... If it were me I would be all over this finding out for sure who he was.......doesn't matter if he is nice in the moment that is what liars do to throw you off the real person they are in hiding... I think you will be surprised how quickly you get the information you need to decide what you will do..... you want a life partner that isn't capable of this, just pretend you believe him and see what he does........ If you don't know for sure it will eat you alive........if you find nothing than you will be able to set your mind to rest.
SSJROMANCE Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) Hello? McFly? First of all he has ALREADY been cheating on you by not telling you he has been talking to other women (and not JUST talking…). What does this tell you? It tells you he is capable of doing things behind your back without your knowledge. If you couldn't catch this what makes you think you might catch him in the act - in other words the proof you are seeking? Secondly if he WASN'T cheating behind your back why didn't he show you his chats BEFORE he deleted the account??? It's because he didn't WANT you to see those chats. Thirdly this lady isn't out to get your BF only to WAKE YOU UP. Red flags galore. You have been played a fool and you are in denial. Time to email this woman back and listen. Then time to have a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG talk with the BF. Edited February 22, 2016 by SSJROMANCE
VeveCakes Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 What is the specific website? Was it a forum or a place to meet singles? Can you put a keylogger onto his computer? Does he have a burner phone he keeps at work? Can you make a fake profile on the other site and email him to see if he replies?
SSJROMANCE Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) What is the specific website? Was it a forum or a place to meet singles? Can you put a keylogger onto his computer? Does he have a burner phone he keeps at work? Can you make a fake profile on the other site and email him to see if he replies? Not sure what difference does it make. He is on a site with connections ONLY to women asking about sex and wanting pictures. You can call that site whatever you want but it's obvious what he wants. I do believe the lady who sent the email as she was right about his account. If she was right about that what is in it for her to lie about everything else? Don't be so naive like my wife had been in the past. She wouldn't know a pickup line if it hit her in the head. Most the guys she dated only wanted one thing and many had already girlfriends. She gave the guys every benefit of the doubt and always got burnt. Do yourself a favor and consider him guilty until proven innocent. The evidence is there. It is HE who should prove he his innocent but what did he do instead? He deleted the evidence - and why would he do that if he wasn't guilty? Edited February 22, 2016 by SSJROMANCE 1
Try Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Because I don't know her true motive as to why she is informing me. If she wants to get to me then I don't want her to know she has now caused me concern. The organization that I'm in which she claims to belong to is one that I do not want people knowing my business. If she finds out I'm nervous she could tell our other group members. Plus some ladies in that group are not nice so I prefer to not associate with them. I don't know if she's one of those ladies. Let me get this straight. A anonymous person sends you an email that tells you that your boyfriend has been cheating on you. She even gives you a link to a site with a user name that she says is your boyfriend's. This user name has correct data about your boyfriend, and the same user name is confirmed to be use by your boyfriend and has only female friends. Your response of shunning the anonymous person, and to not ask them if they have more information, is you sticking your head in the sand because you do not want to have to do anything about his cheating. 2
Mr Blunt Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 By SquirrelLady He had a picture on this other website and it showed that he was connected to more than 20 different women. He does not have any male connections. he told me he is only on there to talk with people all over the world because he is interested in other cultures I am a man and if I was on a site and only contacted women and no men then I would be interested in more than culture. If he was really just interested in culture do you know that men can tell you about culture also? If you were just interested in only culture would you have contacted 20 men and no women? I am not a detective but this requires getting a lot more information and not from him. By SquirrelLady I do not want to believe her, I want to believe him That could be a big problem for you! You want to believe him? That is OK by me as it is not going to affect my life like it can yours.
Lady2163 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I've had a couple of friends who have only been separated for similar reasons like you mentioned. One is going on 20 years separated. So, I totally get that. Not sure why he'd care that his abusive soon to be ex was ill, but okay. I'd hire a private detective. This expense will be worth it for your peace of mind. They may be able to recover interesting things from your computer. Don't stew about this. I've already decided before I take the leap of loving or living with my next boyfriend I will spend the money on a background search.
flowergirl14 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I did tell him he should divorce her. He filed, but then they didn't get it finalized because she ended up having serious medical issues and needed to stay on his insurance. He has now filed again. This time they are going to make sure it's final. He respects me. If he didn't he wouldn't have deleted his profile. I ask him to clean my place and he does. I told him I don't think he should have any female friends, so he doesn't. He has also stopped answering work emails and texts after hours because I asked him too. That's respecting my wishes and me. Respect is not setting up a profile in the first place. Cheaters will clean the house, take the kids to school, buy you diamonds, renew there vows, vacations, give you passwords, be accountable for their time. NONE OF THESE MEAN THEY RESPECT YOU OR HAVE STOPPED CHEATING!! They just get sneakier and sneakier. Go on a forum where cheating is encouraged and see how they think. Maybe thats what you need to open your eyes. 1
VeveCakes Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Not sure what difference does it make. He is on a site with connections ONLY to women asking about sex and wanting pictures. You can call that site whatever you want but it's obvious what he wants. I do believe the lady who sent the email as she was right about his account. If she was right about that what is in it for her to lie about everything else? Don't be so naive like my wife had been in the past. She wouldn't know a pickup line if it hit her in the head. Most the guys she dated only wanted one thing and many had already girlfriends. She gave the guys every benefit of the doubt and always got burnt. Do yourself a favor and consider him guilty until proven innocent. The evidence is there. It is HE who should prove he his innocent but what did he do instead? He deleted the evidence - and why would he do that if he wasn't guilty? I was hoping if it was a site we were familiar with we could convince the OP there would be no way he is on their for "cultural reasons". I like culture too, prefer it first thing in the morning I bet there are many more websites.
stillafool Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I don't know if you realize this or not, but have you wondered why this woman would contact you? More than likely it is because she has been involved with your man and is jealous of something he has done with another woman from that site. Her jealousy has made her contact you to get him in trouble and make him cease contact with the other woman she is jealous of. Oh yes, he's had an affair and was involved with more than one woman. Look on the OW forum at the OW who get jealous and tell the wife everything. You've got a cheater on your hands. Now that he knows you know, he will take it underground.
elaine567 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 The OP is a former OW, so she doesn't want to admit to herself, that her MM, now her partner of 6 years, would cheat, as that rocks the very basis of their relationship. He didn't get with her, because he was a poor man in an impossible situation with a harridan of a wife - he cheated because he is just a cheater... If he is a cheater, then it follows that she is the "mistress" who broke up his marriage. She is not "the love of his life, with the fairy tale ending", it is a lot dirtier and sleazier. She cannot process that. So instead, the email woman is up to no good, she is telling lies, he IS a good man and he IS worth defending. 2
ChickiePops Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Is there a chance that the anonymous emailer is his wife? I imagine she's quite hurt and upset (whether his stories of abuse are true or not) that her husband cheated on her with you. Perhaps this is her revenge. Not saying it's ok if that's what it is, but it would at least be slightly understandable. Or if his abuse claims are true, perhaps she's just being mean for the sake of being mean. Unless I am misunderstanding the timeline and he didn't cheat?
strow Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 As soon as I asked my bf about this, he told me he is only on there to talk with people all over the world because he is interested in other cultures. He's guilty as sin but he's very creative.
ChickiePops Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 Is there a chance that the anonymous emailer is his wife? I imagine she's quite hurt and upset (whether his stories of abuse are true or not) that her husband cheated on her with you. Perhaps this is her revenge. Not saying it's ok if that's what it is, but it would at least be slightly understandable. Or if his abuse claims are true, perhaps she's just being mean for the sake of being mean. Unless I am misunderstanding the timeline and he didn't cheat? Oops..missed the part about him admitting he was on the website. Yeah he's guilty.
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