SquirrelLady Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I have been dating my bf for 6 years. We practically live together. He only stays at his place when he has his kids. He is legally married, but he has finally filed for divorce. Last year, I got a couple of emails, from an email address I didn't recognize, that were telling me my bf was cheating on me. Didn't give specifics, just "warned" me to be watchful of bf's actions. I ignored them because there was no evidence and I didn't know the email sender. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been receiving emails again. Again, it's from a lady whose name I do not recognize. The lady emailing me not only knows my personal email address, she says that she knows me from a volunteer organization in our community. She said she is in that organization too, but I do not recognize her name and we are not a big organization. This time her emails sent me a link to a website my bf was a part of, it is to meet people for sexual favors. The information on the profile page matches my bf's information, but there are no pictures to prove it is him. She gave me his "username" so I would know who to look for. I searched for his username on Google, and I found another website too. He had a picture on this other website and it showed that he was connected to more than 20 different women. He does not have any male connections. One picture was posted one year ago, and another was posted two years ago. I could not tell if there was any recent posts because it told me I had to be a member to see the "chat areas". As soon as I asked my bf about this, he told me he is only on there to talk with people all over the world because he is interested in other cultures. He immediately deleted his profile once I asked him about it and told him I didn't like him talking with other women. He tells me he has not cheated on me, and he loves me and does not want to lose me. The lady who emailed me told me he was emailing people on that other website and asking them about their sex lives and if they would send him pictures. She said she was on that site, and he sent her a picture. I did not reply to her. I cannot stop thinking about this since I saw the website with his picture, and he admitted that was him but he was not doing anything wrong. Should I believe the lady that told me my bf is cheating? She was right about the website, but she did not include any proof that he was actually saying the things he said to other women. She did not send me the picture he supposedly sent her. She also told me if I will not accept that he cheats on me it is my own fault now. I do not want to believe her, I want to believe him. I love my bf, and I know he loves me. Thoughts?
Mrin Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Ok this to me smells very fishy. And the fact that you have been together for 6 years means none of this predates you. The fact that he deleted his profiles the second you brought it up seems like he is covering his tracks. If I were you I would consider meeting this woman to see what other information she can provide and what her motivation is for contacting you. In the end it all comes down to whether you want to know the truth. 2
soleilesquire Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I'd quietly investigate, but I would block whoever keeps emailing you. Strangers who don't have the cajones to do anything but slither around anonymously sticking their noses in stuff aren't honorable. 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 You have received messages from another woman about the man who has been cheating on his wife for 6 years with you...and you want to know if you should believe her? You want to know if he is telling the truth? You want to know if you should believe a cheater? Ask his wife.....I am certain she can fill you in on how honest and forthright he is........ 11
Author SquirrelLady Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 I'd quietly investigate, but I would block whoever keeps emailing you. Strangers who don't have the cajones to do anything but slither around anonymously sticking their noses in stuff aren't honorable. Since he has deleted his profiles I cannot contact any of the women on the site that listed all of them. Plus I have to have a profile to contact them. I was able to see that the 20+ women he was connected to were ages 18-52. Some had low cut "sexy" pictures. He has been very attentive to me, cooked dinner, brought flowers, and extra affectionate since I brought everything to his attention. He said he is truly sorry for not telling me he was talking online to others, but he did not cheat on me.
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 It's weird that he's only friends with women if he wants to talk with people all around the world. Especially because the one woman who contacted you isn't from anywhere exotic, she's a member of your own small organization. 4
Author SquirrelLady Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 You have received messages from another woman about the man who has been cheating on his wife for 6 years with you...and you want to know if you should believe her? You want to know if he is telling the truth? You want to know if you should believe a cheater? Ask his wife.....I am certain she can fill you in on how honest and forthright he is........ He left his wife 6 years ago, so he is not cheating on her since they are separated. His wife even knows about me. His whole family knows about me. I spend time with him and his kids on the weekends he has the kids.
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 and what about before you came into the picture? Sorry....I don't think he is telling the truth.... I think he is playing you...and i think deep in your heart ...you know it That's why you are here. 1
Author SquirrelLady Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 and what about before you came into the picture? Sorry....I don't think he is telling the truth.... I think he is playing you...and i think deep in your heart ...you know it That's why you are here. I met him at work, and we connected as friends. He would confide in me about how his wife was verbally abusive to him and did not support him in anything he did. Things between us ended up getting physical, but our chemistry is like that of no other. He finally left her because they could not work their problems out. He and I did not become a couple until he moved out. 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 The rules of cheaters...they all lie...they all blame their spouse. I am one....I know 1
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I met him at work, and we connected as friends. He would confide in me about how his wife was verbally abusive to him and did not support him in anything he did. Things between us ended up getting physical, but our chemistry is like that of no other. He finally left her because they could not work their problems out. He and I did not become a couple until he moved out. You should have told him the same thing you should tell a woman in an abusive marriage...divorce her. In fact you should have insisted he did that before you'd become involved with him. Now he can cheat on you too because he has no respect for you either. 1
Author SquirrelLady Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 I did tell him he should divorce her. He filed, but then they didn't get it finalized because she ended up having serious medical issues and needed to stay on his insurance. He has now filed again. This time they are going to make sure it's final. He respects me. If he didn't he wouldn't have deleted his profile. I ask him to clean my place and he does. I told him I don't think he should have any female friends, so he doesn't. He has also stopped answering work emails and texts after hours because I asked him too. That's respecting my wishes and me.
Just a Guy Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Looks like another sad tale in the making. I really wonder why otherwise sensible people get involved with persons of the opposite sex who have messy baggage stuck to their backs. If you invite trouble why are you surprised when it enters your life? Sad! 3
ShatteredLady Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 She gave you his username on a site that's just for "sexual favors"....you searched his username & found a site that had his picture. What kind of site was it? Was it an international, social site or was it a dating hook-up site? So....are you assuming that your bf just happens to go by the same username as the perve on the "sexual favors" site? Why not email her back & ask for more information? I'd be very, very worried. Sorry. 1
Author SquirrelLady Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 The other site is a chat site with different topics. There is a personal chat section, sections for dating, religion, etc. Some ladies he was connected too were from other countries and states according to what was visible on their profile. Some didn't list places they were from. Some from our state too. The sexual favors site had his correct birthday, hometown, and mentioned he was separated. And had same username.
ShatteredLady Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I'd be really worried. Why not email her back? Sometimes people come here saying that they know a person is cheating & ask if they should let the partner know. Some advise to anonymously send information, just as she has. I'd write back.... 7
Author SquirrelLady Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Because I don't know her true motive as to why she is informing me. If she wants to get to me then I don't want her to know she has now caused me concern. The organization that I'm in which she claims to belong to is one that I do not want people knowing my business. If she finds out I'm nervous she could tell our other group members. Plus some ladies in that group are not nice so I prefer to not associate with them. I don't know if she's one of those ladies.
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 You sound like you're in denial. You saw those personal ads with your own two eyes yet now you're questioning her intentions instead of questioning your BFs. He started up an EA with you while he was still living with his wife. He was on those sites while he was sleeping with you. Still you only concern yourself with her and say your BF respects you. I think you are even in denial about that because there is no way that a woman gets involved with a married man and has him respect her. He doesn't know the meaning of the word. 3
Mr. Lucky Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 The sexual favors site had his correct birthday, hometown, and mentioned he was separated. And had same username. In the smoke/fire relationship, you have to admit this is at least a lot of smoke. Why would your BF be registered on the site? I hope you didn't buy the old "I like to talk to people line" . She did not send me the picture he supposedly sent her. Why not ask her to? If it's something other than a head shot, you'd have your answer. Unless you don't want to know? Mr. Lucky 2
Lois_Griffin Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Last year, I got a couple of emails, from an email address I didn't recognize, that were telling me my bf was cheating on me. Didn't give specifics, just "warned" me to be watchful of bf's actions. I ignored them because there was no evidence and I didn't know the email sender. And you see where THAT got you, ignoring her message? It got you where you are today, still with a liar a year later who has a profile on a couple of hookup websites. I'm sure the women are swarming his profile. <insert extreme eye roll here> As soon as I asked my bf about this, he told me he is only on there to talk with people all over the world because he is interested in other cultures. He immediately deleted his profile once I asked him about it and told him I didn't like him talking with other women. Jeez, you played your hand WAY too soon. That gave him the chance to delete his account before you were wise enough to make him log into it while you were standing there so you could see what he's up to. I actually laughed out loud at his lame excuse that he's 'interested in other cultures.' What a load of bull that is. Someone has been kind enough to go out of their way and anonymously warn you about your lying, cheating boyfriend. People don't go to this trouble because they have the mentality of a 12 year old and are causing 'trouble' just for the sake of having fun, like making prank calls or something. She did it because unlike most people who don't give a rat's ass and can't be bothered 'getting involved,' she DOES and took the time to show you a little compassion. You keep slapping her away and ignoring her as though she's the enemy. You should be THANKING her for giving you the gift of sight. The liar you're with sure isn't going to be honest with you. He's ALL about deleting his tracks and appeasing you with his phony promises of love and devotion. Should I believe the lady that told me my bf is cheating? She was right about the website, but she did not include any proof that he was actually saying the things he said to other women. She did not send me the picture he supposedly sent her. She also told me if I will not accept that he cheats on me it is my own fault now. I do not want to believe her, I want to believe him. I love my bf, and I know he loves me. She's absolutely right. She's GIVEN you the truth about your boyfriend but you keep wanting to believe his lies so it would be your own fault if you want to bury your head in the sand. You naively tipped your hand way too early and the only thing you accomplished was to give him a heads-up so he could delete all the evidence before you thought to ask to see it. He's no fool. But he sure is a snake. That you can bet the farm on. He's been shopping for sex for years. You can pretend that it's not happening, but if I were you, I'd be down at my doctors in the morning fur a full panel of STD testing. Make no mistake about it - your lying boyfriend will continue to cover his ass at all costs and claim he's innocent - even to the detriment of YOUR sexual health. Don't bury your head in the sand. You've been given the gift of sight. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 He respects me. If he didn't he wouldn't have deleted his profile. I ask him to clean my place and he does. I told him I don't think he should have any female friends, so he doesn't. He has also stopped answering work emails and texts after hours because I asked him too. That's respecting my wishes and me. Wow. That's not respect that he deleted his accounts. It's called COVERING HIS ASS. Do you honestly think dusting the furniture and vacuuming makes him some kind of trustworthy guy all of a sudden? Seriously? Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, I guess. I'll just say good luck to you but I imagine you'll be back in the future the next time you catch him. And sure as the sun rises in the morning, you'll catch him again. 5
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I met him at work, and we connected as friends. He would confide in me about how his wife was verbally abusive to him and did not support him in anything he did. Things between us ended up getting physical, but our chemistry is like that of no other. He finally left her because they could not work their problems out. He and I did not become a couple until he moved out. Ok so, he cheated with you, did you never think he may cheat on you? YOU have oodles of evidence here and there is no doubt more if you applied yourself to try and find it, but you seem focused on how he respects you, he cooks dinner and cleans your place, and what are the volunteering ladies going to think...??? Denying this is happening will NOT make it go away. I guess some of the ladies in your group already know. 3
Author SquirrelLady Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 Ok so, he cheated with you, did you never think he may cheat on you? No. I did not believe he would truly cheat on me. In fact, we don't have proof that he has cheated on me. Just talking to other women is disrespectful but not cheating. His wife pushed him away with her verbal abusuveness, etc. I do not treat him the way she did. He and I have talked. He's very remorseful and now sees how he should not have been talking to other women. Neither one of us are ready to give up on our 6 year relationship. Plus, now that he knows I have suspicions I'm sure that will keep him from any actions that could be remotely considered cheating, but he will never again disrespect me. He is going to tell me every time he talks to friends, family, and coworkers.
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 No. I did not believe he would truly cheat on me. In fact, we don't have proof that he has cheated on me. Just talking to other women is disrespectful but not cheating. His wife pushed him away with her verbal abusuveness, etc. I do not treat him the way she did. He and I have talked. He's very remorseful and now sees how he should not have been talking to other women. Neither one of us are ready to give up on our 6 year relationship. Plus, now that he knows I have suspicions I'm sure that will keep him from any actions that could be remotely considered cheating, but he will never again disrespect me. He is going to tell me every time he talks to friends, family, and coworkers. I hate to burst your bubble...but odds are...this whole thing is going to play out much differently than you are hoping for. If you truly believe what you have written....then I fear you are in for tremendous disappointment and heart ache. But I wish you well. 5
Mr. Lucky Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 No. I did not believe he would truly cheat on me. In fact, we don't have proof that he has cheated on me. Just talking to other women is disrespectful but not cheating. His wife pushed him away with her verbal abusuveness, etc. I do not treat him the way she did. So let's think about his methodology. Wife treats you poorly = hookup with other women. You treat him well = hookup with other women. There's a message there. Plus, now that he knows I have suspicions I'm sure that will keep him from any actions that could be remotely considered cheating, but he will never again disrespect me. He is going to tell me every time he talks to friends, family, and coworkers. Doesn't sound workable, practical or satisfying... Mr. Lucky 2
Recommended Posts