What kind of rejection would you prefer?

[candie13]

Maybe I'm really fussy, but I totally disagree with this.

I guess when I was 18 it might have been true.

But now, if the sex isn't pretty good, I won't bother continuing. I've made the mistake in the past of trying to give it a go, but if two people are not really compatible sexually it doesn't get much better.

It's a tough one. I remember dating a man and the first time we had sex - anxiety performance. I mean, the worst - losing his erection midway. Then, finishing in the next 2-3 min. He was mortified. Sorry, I couldn't leave a man just like that (also I was a bit shocked, to be honest).

 

Unfortunately, our sex life never really took off, and I kept hoping we'd be able to talk about it or acknowledge it or at least buy some toys while we're at it.

 

I agree, sexual compatibility is crucial, but man... leaving a person because they suck in bed is really really tough. Like really tough.

[ScienceGal]

Definitely not A!

[candie13]

Definitely not A!

in all honesty... if it's not doing it for him and he doesn't want to see me again, I would really prefer to not hear from him again. Keeping it real and limiting the damage as much as possible - when it comes to efforts & time.

[ScienceGal]

I think it's rude and may prolong the dumpees false hope.

[Shining One]

For the ladies advocating a delay between the man making the decision and letting the woman know, what do you consider an appropriate amount of time? I've always gone with "sooner rather than later" because I felt it was best to let her know and not keep her waiting and wondering.

 

I would hate to be the cause of the following situation: I decide to end things on Monday. Another guy asks her out on Wednesday, but she rejects his offer to pursue things with me. I let her know on Thursday that things are over.

[candie13]

I think it's rude and may prolong the dumpees false hope.

no call is a No. I am under no illusion that no call is a maybe. Interested men act interested. So if my phone isn't ringing, I get the message loud and clear.

 

On the contrary, imagine the awkward conversation if the dude calls. What will he say "it's not you, it's me?". What can he possibly say to make me feel better? On the contrary, given that he doesn't know me, chances are he makes me feel worse.

 

Unless the guy truly is a gentleman. Like a real gentleman who didn't feel it and had to break the news in the nicest way possible, over the phone. I couldn't hate a dude like that. Maybe because those don't exist !

[candie13]

For the ladies advocating a delay between the man making the decision and letting the woman know, what do you consider an appropriate amount of time? I've always gone with "sooner rather than later" because I felt it was best to let her know and not keep her waiting and wondering.

 

I would hate to be the cause of the following situation: I decide to end things on Monday. Another guy asks her out on Wednesday, but she rejects his offer to pursue things with me. I let her know on Thursday that things are over.

24 hours.

 

You really think a woman would think she's in a RS with you if you sleep on Monday and go MIA until Wednesday? Trust me, if you don't make a move by Tuesday, she will have new dates Wednesday to Saturday. I think it's called rebounding or having your ego boosted. No one's waiting for the kiss of death anymore... not around me, anyway.

[HansonGirl]

no call is a No. I am under no illusion that no call is a maybe. Interested men act interested. So if my phone isn't ringing, I get the message loud and clear.

 

On the contrary, imagine the awkward conversation if the dude calls. What will he say "it's not you, it's me?". What can he possibly say to make me feel better? On the contrary, given that he doesn't know me, chances are he makes me feel worse.

 

Unless the guy truly is a gentleman. Like a real gentleman who didn't feel it and had to break the news in the nicest way possible, over the phone. I couldn't hate a dude like that. Maybe because those don't exist !

 

candie and i think alike!

[HansonGirl]

no call is a No. I am under no illusion that no call is a maybe. Interested men act interested. So if my phone isn't ringing, I get the message loud and clear.

 

On the contrary, imagine the awkward conversation if the dude calls. What will he say "it's not you, it's me?". What can he possibly say to make me feel better? On the contrary, given that he doesn't know me, chances are he makes me feel worse.

 

Unless the guy truly is a gentleman. Like a real gentleman who didn't feel it and had to break the news in the nicest way possible, over the phone. I couldn't hate a dude like that. Maybe because those don't exist !

 

maybe the conversation would go something like a job rejection: "Dear Maggie, I really appreciate you taking the time to join me for our date at the Burger King. It was great to meet you. Unfortunately, I have had many other dates with many other women who have all had great tits and legs. Unfortunately, I have decided to pursue one of these other ladies. Good luck to you in your husband search, I am certain that with your qualifications, you will have no trouble getting another date."

 

PS, i am craving pizza now!

[candie13]

maybe the conversation would go something like a job rejection: "Dear Maggie, I really appreciate you taking the time to join me for our date at the Burger King. It was great to meet you. Unfortunately, I have had many other dates with many other women who have all had great tits and legs. Unfortunately, I have decided to pursue one of these other ladies. Good luck to you in your husband search, I am certain that with your qualifications, you will have no trouble getting another date."

 

PS, i am craving pizza now!

That is really cruel, OP. do you realize your jokes and comments are dégrading towards women - including yourself ?

 

Not all women get dumped after sex. Not all men ghost women after intercourse. Not if they are truly interested in their partner or invested emotionally. Being pumped & dumped is NOT the norm. I almost regret having posted in this thread, it's crass.

[joseb]

I thought the job anology post was kinda funny.

 

I'm sure it wasn't meant to be serious

[HansonGirl]

That is really cruel, OP. do you realize your jokes and comments are dégrading towards women - including yourself ?

 

Not all women get dumped after sex. Not all men ghost women after intercourse. Not if they are truly interested in their partner or invested emotionally. Being pumped & dumped is NOT the norm. I almost regret having posted in this thread, it's crass.

 

oh my, i'm sorry - I was not saying that was ideal - i was being sarcastic. I personally think that's cold and mean. that's what i was trying to get at. I was saying, how ridiculous that would be. I'm sorry I offended. it was absolutely not meant to make light of the situation!!

[joseb]

 

I agree, sexual compatibility is crucial, but man... leaving a person because they suck in bed is really really tough. Like really tough.

 

They don't necessarily suck in bed. It's just for 2 people it's not always a good match.

 

I used to think like that. It's not a "fair" reason to leave someone. It sounds really selfish.

But I got myself into a few situations where I stayed longer and it just made it much harder to leave, both for me and for her. So know I pull the plug sooner rather than later.

[candie13]

Yeah well ... I only sleep with men who asked me to be exclusive - so getting ghosted would be a slap. The job analogy may be a funny joke for people in their 20, for whom sex ain't such a big deal. It is to me. Exactly why I prefer to not wait for the explanatory call. The guy future faked & i bought it. 'Nough said. Next.

[candie13]

They don't necessarily suck in bed. It's just for 2 people it's not always a good match.

 

I used to think like that. It's not a "fair" reason to leave someone. It sounds really selfish.

But I got myself into a few situations where I stayed longer and it just made it much harder to leave, both for me and for her. So know I pull the plug sooner rather than later.

yeah, I had to learn this the hard way (pun intented ).

[HansonGirl]

Yeah well ... I only sleep with men who asked me to be exclusive - so getting ghosted would be a slap. The job analogy may be a funny joke for people in their 20, for whom sex ain't such a big deal. It is to me. Exactly why I prefer to not wait for the explanatory call. The guy future faked & i bought it. 'Nough said. Next.

 

 

I again apologize about the joke - it was meant to MOCK people who think like that. personally i do not think like that, and i don't go after guys who think about t & a... i did know a guy who was like that, but i wasn't interested because he was very shallow.

but we were talking about shallow fools who pump and dump so it was in the context.

[candie13]

oh my, i'm sorry - I was not saying that was ideal - i was being sarcastic. I personally think that's cold and mean. that's what i was trying to get at. I was saying, how ridiculous that would be. I'm sorry I offended. it was absolutely not meant to make light of the situation!!

oh ok, i understand & agree with you. Life in 2016, i guess .

[HansonGirl]

oh ok, i understand & agree with you. Life in 2016, i guess .

 

 

...but I am really craving pizza...because we were talking about it. like actual pizza i mean.

[candie13]

I again apologize about the joke - it was meant to MOCK people who think like that. personally i do not think like that, and i don't go after guys who think about t & a... i did know a guy who was like that, but i wasn't interested because he was very shallow.

but we were talking about shallow fools who pump and dump so it was in the context.

 

Well, it is true That one only knows a person after they've taken their clothes off, so nothing's ever guaranteed. All précautions & good intentions of the world included. Like you say, if the Guy is supershallow, I prefer to know as soon as possible .

[candie13]

...but I am really craving pizza...because we were talking about it. like actual pizza i mean.

had pizza tonight - i was bad ! Hate running in the morning, at least it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow !

[Shining One]

You really think a woman would think she's in a RS with you if you sleep on Monday and go MIA until Wednesday?

I don't think she would assume we were in a relationship, but she might have assumed things were going well. I've had women tell me that they thought things were going so well when I ended things with them.

[HansonGirl]

had pizza tonight - i was bad ! Hate running in the morning, at least it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow !

 

 

I LOOOVE Pizza!

do you have to run to burn off the pizza calories?

[HansonGirl]

I don't think she would assume we were in a relationship, but she might have assumed things were going well. I've had women tell me that they thought things were going so well when I ended things with them.

 

personally i don't assume anything that early on. (pre-relationship that is)

[soleilesquire]

If we've been dating a couple of months, I'd like a polite, definitive ending. If we have gone out 2 or 3 times, then it wasn't a relationship, and fading is fine. I'm a big girl, so I don;t need my hand held over a non-relationship.

[candie13]

I don't think she would assume we were in a relationship, but she might have assumed things were going well. I've had women tell me that they thought things were going so well when I ended things with them.

i dunno... I mean... Things were going so well that You had to wait 96 hours to get back in contact? Makes no sense.

 

I mean, i may think things go well, but unless he calls soon and makes new plans, i assume he's not interested in spending Time with me, after sex. Feelings aren't facts.