HansonGirl Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Say you have gone out with a guy a few times, and you guys finally have sex. Let's say that's the last time you see the guy would you prefer A) He simply never contacts you again and you "get the picture" or B) he contacts you a few hours later to tell you he's no longer interested in dating you or C) ? (something else)?
GR4 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 B. Anyone who answers A has issues with insecurity if you ask me. 1
losangelena Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 If sex is involved, I sincerely hope at least B happens. 1
Author HansonGirl Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 all of the above happened to me, and I preferred A. I didn't contact the guy and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out he is not interested. I figured that out quickly. B felt cruel to me, perhaps because it was done by someone who seemed way too eager to find out that I was hurt. but if people are saying B is the best approach, I am really second-guessing this guy now, maybe he wasn't so bad after all.
CarrieT Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 C. Something else... I would want to be contacted a few hours after having sex. That would just raise too many additional questions. But I *would* want the consideration of some acknowledgement and contact. The whole ghosting thing and assumption that the other party would just "get the picture" is beyond rude and provides too many additional questions; was it the sex, or something else!?!? 2
Author HansonGirl Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 C. Something else... I would want to be contacted a few hours after having sex. That would just raise too many additional questions. But I *would* want the consideration of some acknowledgement and contact. The whole ghosting thing and assumption that the other party would just "get the picture" is beyond rude and provides too many additional questions; was it the sex, or something else!?!? Yes, i think i would prefer C as well... out of these 3 options. in my last post, i sort of forgot about C - it's really a catch-all. i guess i was just saying that I preferred A over B.
CarrieT Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Yes, i think i would prefer C as well... out of these 3 options. in my last post, i sort of forgot about C - it's really a catch-all. i guess i was just saying that I preferred A over B. I meant to say I would NOT want to be contacted a few hours after sex. Give it at least a day or so to give the illusion that there was some thought given to the act. 1
Shining One Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 As a guy who has been in this situation quite a few times, I always use some form of B. It may not be a few hours, but within 24 hours of when we slept together.Yes, i think i would prefer C as well... out of these 3 options.What would your "ideal" version of C be? 1
Author HansonGirl Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 As a guy who has been in this situation quite a few times, I always use some form of B. It may not be a few hours, but within 24 hours of when we slept together.What would your "ideal" version of C be? I agree - if the guy is going to do that, at least wait a little while, not like right after you wake up the next day (which is what happened to me). I think my ideal version of C would be to encompass what you are calling "some form of B" like waiting a couple days or 1 day. I also don't really mind A too much because on some level, if the other person hasn't even contacted you at all, it seems rather presumptuous to contact them to reject them. i mean how do you know they are even interested in you? I personally hate having to reject someone so i've only done it if the guy was contacting me and i just didn't want to see them. I've also done it in the past when i REALLY liked the guy but i was mad at him for basically showing a lack of interest - so i'd contact him just to preemptively reject him.... lol. That's when i was in college though!
Author HansonGirl Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 I meant to say I would NOT want to be contacted a few hours after sex. Give it at least a day or so to give the illusion that there was some thought given to the act. Oh i must have read it very quickly because that's what i had thought you said in the first place!! AND i agree with you... 1
Author HansonGirl Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 As a guy who has been in this situation quite a few times, I always use some form of B. It may not be a few hours, but within 24 hours of when we slept together.What would your "ideal" version of C be? By the way, what have you said when you've done B? And what made you reject them? like did you want to reject them in the first place?
thecrucible Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 If we have slept together there needs to be a conversation. I think it's polite to at least give a reason as it shows consideration for your feelings, no matter how many dates you've been on. I've had guys ghost on me and I can move on from it saying to myself "they are not for me".
candie13 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I would prefer the dude ghosts me before sleeping with me. I take min 2 weeks to sleep to get to know the dude, so he'd have to be pretty special and ask me to be in a RS and exclusive for me to sleep with him. If he waits to test the merchandise and then expects to bail out smoothly, then I'd prefer he just ghosts, because there's nothing to say other than admit he's garbage. I'm able to draw that conclusion from no contact as well. 1
Shining One Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 By the way, what have you said when you've done B?I say something along the lines of us not being compatible for a relationship. We're looking for different things in our partners and we just won't work out.And what made you reject them? like did you want to reject them in the first place?For me to consider a woman as relationship material, she needs to reciprocate early. In many cases, the women did not reciprocate and I rejected them as a result. Those are the most common cases. I did have one situation in which I rejected a woman when she started naming our babies the morning after. 2
Author HansonGirl Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 I would also point out that the one time B happened to me was accompanied by the man immediately telling other people how he rejected me and "really hurt [my] feelings" I was mortified so perhaps my preference is colored by my past experience.
katiegrl Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 For me to consider a woman as relationship material, she needs to reciprocate early. In many cases, the women did not reciprocate and I rejected them as a result. Shining....how early would she need to reciprocate? And is it safe to presume that when this has happened, you did not initiate having sex with her? And rejected her *before* sex occurred?
candie13 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I say something along the lines of us not being compatible for a relationship. We're looking for different things in our partners and we just won't work out.For me to consider a woman as relationship material, she needs to reciprocate early. In many cases, the women did not reciprocate and I rejected them as a result. Those are the most common cases. I did have one situation in which I rejected a woman when she started naming our babies the morning after. bloody hell, that's so scary !
candie13 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I would also point out that the one time B happened to me was accompanied by the man immediately telling other people how he rejected me and "really hurt [my] feelings" I was mortified so perhaps my preference is colored by my past experience. In all honesty, there is merit in simply falling off from the face of the earth after sex. It's clear. That man's intentions are clear. Thinking back... I don't think I've ever had a man to f*ck and immediately dump me. They kept coming back for more, those bastards . I swear, there is merit in men simply leaving. Not calling, not talking, not explaining... what's there to be explained? A man bragging about how he f*cked, hurt and dumped a girl is nothing but a poor excuse of a guy. I'd actually give him money for a cab and a beer, because we need to show mercy towards those who were so little gifted with reason and insight by God. 1
joseb Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 So there are basically 2 reasons a guy will not want to keep seeing a girl after sex. He just wanted sex all along, and always intended bailing. Or The sex was not great so he's not going to pursue. All those wanting to hear back rather than ghost, would either explanation really make you feel better? I would have thought hearing the second would be more upsetting than hearing nothing. 2
candie13 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 chances are, if sex was bad, the lady wasn't very impressed either. I think it's called sexual incompatibility. Also they do say that the first times are supposed to be rather awkward. I remember reading an article stating that quality of sex was a dealbreaker for women, while for men, it was the quantity / frequency. Made sense, if you think about it, from an anatomical perspective. But of course, I understand how poor quality of sex would be a turn off / dealbreaker for a man, as well.
Author HansonGirl Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 chances are, if sex was bad, the lady wasn't very impressed either. I think it's called sexual incompatibility. Also they do say that the first times are supposed to be rather awkward. I remember reading an article stating that quality of sex was a dealbreaker for women, while for men, it was the quantity / frequency. Made sense, if you think about it, from an anatomical perspective. But of course, I understand how poor quality of sex would be a turn off / dealbreaker for a man, as well. It must have been PRETTY bad for a man to dump a girl IMMEDIATELY because of it. I heard some comedian talk about sex once and said it's like pizza, even if it's crappy Papa Johns or whatever, it's still pretty good lol EDIT: quote is attributed to Mel Brooks. just looked it up! "Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."
joseb Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 It must have been PRETTY bad for a man to dump a girl IMMEDIATELY because of it. I heard some comedian talk about sex once and said it's like pizza, even if it's crappy Papa Johns or whatever, it's still pretty good lol EDIT: quote is attributed to Mel Brooks. just looked it up! "Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good." Maybe I'm really fussy, but I totally disagree with this. I guess when I was 18 it might have been true. But now, if the sex isn't pretty good, I won't bother continuing. I've made the mistake in the past of trying to give it a go, but if two people are not really compatible sexually it doesn't get much better.
burnt Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Oh, maybe it's my sick mind… I'm reading this thread and it makes me think of that joke "how would you prefer to die?" "The way my grandfather died--peacefully, as he drifted off to sleep, while he was driving, unlike the passengers screaming in his back seat." Back to the posted question: So what's the least morbid way to get dumped? I guess any form of respectful acknowledgement would provide at least the illusion of a closure with dignity. Getting dumped too quickly after sex makes the dumpee feel used--not a good feeling. 2
joseb Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Oh, maybe it's my sick mind… I'm reading this thread and it makes me think of that joke "how would you prefer to die?" "The way my grandfather died--peacefully, as he drifted off to sleep, while he was driving, unlike the passengers screaming in his back seat." . Love it!!... 1
Author HansonGirl Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 well the point i was getting at was that one needn't rush to the phone to dump the person immediately. i agree though myself that it's not like pizza - but i am a female ;-) I just thought that was a funny quotation and the rejection wasn't even the worst part of my B experience. PM me if you want to hear the graphic details - i think it added to why i do not like B rejections. Would rather not post it publicly though
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