Author velvette Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Sometimes, as parents, we don't have enough confidence that our kids will be able to deal with the truth. But, somehow, we have enough confidence that they'll forgive us for lying to them. I'm sure he could handle the truth; I am also equally sure he probably doesn't want to hear it all. No one is or has lied to him as far as I know; its just not been discussed and he's never asked as far as I know. Its something to consider.
Author velvette Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 i think you should talk to your H about it; of course - when the time is right and when he's feeling better; and i think your H should be the one to talk to the son. he should explain how serious the situation with the OW was, without getting into too much detail and just kind of warn him about her -- i'm sure your son didn't think, LOL. i once did the same thing... my father has this old girlfriend, REALLY from WAAAAAY back and she was trying to get with him during both my father's marriage to my mother & my stepmother. she was particularly intrusive when my parents divorced and he started dating my stepmother; she saw her chance in that. and it was super uncomfortable for all three of my parents, my mom & dad & stepmom... and then there was, utterly clueless. i knew she was "troubled" but i felt bad and didn't think about it too much... i didn't think about it at all. i even went to have a cup of coffee with her like two or three times. i only realized it made my father & stepmother and even mother! uncomfortable when they told me. since then, i'm "aware" of her and did cut off contact but i'm still kind and nice to her; she is also a friend of my other close colleagues so i never wanted to create any drama... i just took a step back. my father spoke to me and told me he feels uncomfortable about the situation, he said he feels that the woman's intentions weren't the most nice and honest ones and that i should be careful. so he asked me to step back for HIM. i think that's the way your H should do it, too. Thanks Mariah for a real life example of something similar. This is basically how I would hope it would play out. Although, as I said before if he deletes/blocks her on facebook, I'm sure she will take note and I am also sure the next time she runs into him she will ask him why or she will ask her friend who lives next door to him to ask him. It would be helpful for him to have something at the ready to say. I don't need him being rude/uncivil/creating drama.
Author velvette Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Your husband, son's father needs to tell him to stay away from this woman and block/delete her on fb and all social media. TO ignore her in public and stay away from her as she's trouble. If she gets creepy, get the police involved. . I think that's what we will be doing. Not sure how well the ignoring will go if she keeps showing up at her friends next door. We'll see. I don't think she will do anything that rises to the level of involving the police.
soleilesquire Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 This seems to me to be a way for the OW to have passive contact without being "obvious" about it. It would definitely bother me. I agree with talking to your husband when he is feeling better. 1
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 . I think that's what we will be doing. Not sure how well the ignoring will go if she keeps showing up at her friends next door. We'll see. I don't think she will do anything that rises to the level of involving the police. I don't mean "ignore" but he certainly doesn't have to hang out with her or have long conversations with her. He can be courteous and keep his distance, not engage with her on a personal level. He owes her NOTHING. He lives next door to her best friend and he doesn't have see her every time she visits next door.
soleilesquire Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I don't mean "ignore" but he certainly doesn't have to hang out with her or have long conversations with her. He can be courteous and keep his distance, not engage with her on a personal level. He owes her NOTHING. He lives next door to her best friend and he doesn't have see her every time she visits next door. My neighbors have friends over all the time. It has never occurred to me that I need to talk to them.
Author velvette Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 This seems to me to be a way for the OW to have passive contact without being "obvious" about it. It would definitely bother me. I agree with talking to your husband when he is feeling better. Yep for now. I doubt based on past experience with her it will remain passive. Not even sure it is now. The last time she emailed son, she was told by H, me and a third unrelated party that to leave son alone and that son didn't care for her and was glad his father had broken up with her. She told me I was lying, told H how hurt she was because she thought he would be her stepson, and also that I was violating sons privacy by telling her this......rolls eyes. So, I'm ignoring it for now, but it feels more like a direct challenge to make some kind of twisted point. Also, I would think at some point, her husband will notice this or someone will tell him and wonder how she is explaining having the son of her former AP as a friend. Very strange.
goodyblue Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I wouldn't do anything. She is not reaching out to your h and you don't want to freak out. If you jump on this it will show vulnerability (which, who wouldn't feel that way) but you don't want to show it. I would make your husband aware, circle the wagons with you two and let it play out. If she did something that would be different but for now, you are not even seeing smoke, don't try to put out a non existent fire.
Author velvette Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 I don't mean "ignore" but he certainly doesn't have to hang out with her or have long conversations with her. He can be courteous and keep his distance, not engage with her on a personal level. He owes her NOTHING. He lives next door to her best friend and he doesn't have see her every time she visits next door. OK thanks for clarifying. That's what I think he needs to do. And, its likely he will do that on his on. Pretty much how he handles the nosy next door neighbor friend of OW. Both of these women are very pushy though.....OW even more than neighbor. First time we were there, sitting in fenced backyard eating dinner, neighbor brought trash out 5 times to see what was going on. Never thought to ask son if she knew we were there or just that he had company. Then, while son was showing me a project he had planned for the front, she came out with trash again and "ran into" us. Thinking she didn't realize it was me and my H there, because I said "Hi, neighbors name" and then continued talking to my son. She mumbled something and skedaddled back in the house. A few minutes later she was back out on her patio, sitting in the dark, listening I presume. Really weird.
turnera Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) She was told my someone else other than my H and I, that son doesn't even like her and couldn't wait for his father to break up with her. H confirmed that to her when she asked him, so maybe she is trying to prove some point, I dunno. I'm confused. I thought you said he didn't know about the affair. Then how could he 'not like her'? At any rate, it's getting too complicated, with the nosy neighbor and all. It's time to tell him the truth, so he knows exactly what's going on and why. Edited February 22, 2016 by turnera
Author velvette Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 I'm confused. I thought you said he didn't know about the affair. Then how could he 'not like her'? At any rate, it's getting too complicated, with the nosy neighbor and all. It's time to tell him the truth, so he knows exactly what's going on and why. He just didn't care for her and didn't want to see his Dad end up with her. Thought she was too bossy, controlling. Guessing she infringed on his space/time with his Dad because she was over at their apt a lot. She was also pushing him to get to know her son who he wanted nothing to do with because he has issues with drugs and other stuff. She had some plan she was pushing that she and my H buy a house and our son and hers could move in. He wanted nothing to do with that. She wanted to leave her H but due to a discrepancy in their retirement plans it was going to cost her 6 figures to get out and would have left her unable to buyout their house. She needed someone with the same earning power to replace him. Whether or not son knew that or even knew she was still married or whether she was presenting herself as separated while still living with her H, I don't know. But, I'm sure he somewhat had her number on that. He's pretty intuitive about people. Not sure, but wouldn't surprise me if she got in the middle between him and his Dad in some way or another, or maybe he just thought she would. She and her own H fight like crazy own how to deal with their own children.
Recommended Posts