2mehappiness Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 My ex-bf broke up with me last October. This breakup devastated me and I was very hurt. Long story short, I was in love with him and thought he felt the same way. But in the end, he didnt want to settle down with one person for the rest of his life (me). So I kept the little pride I had left and tried my best to move on. I was very hurt but I knew there is no point in trying to hold onto a relationship when he clearly couldnt see a future with me. After the breakup, he continued to text me to see how I was doing but the breadcrumbs made me feel worse. He didnt outwardly tell me he wants to be with me, only that he was thinking about me. He said he thought about a future with me, but doesnt know what he wants. When I questioned his real motive in corresponding with me, he said he just wanted to say hi and will leave me alone. I ended up having anxiety and panic attacks in which he was well aware of. I returned everything to him via a friend because i couldnt bear the thought of seeing him. A month after the BU, he asked my friend if it would be easier to contact me directly to pick up the items and my friend told him no (to protect me). It has been strict NC since his initial texts after the BU. I am trying to move on and focused on myself. I deleted him off my contacts, fb, emails etc so there wont be unnecessary triggers. I avoid going to his neighborhood, avoid seeing our mutual friends etc and started working on myself. I have no idea how he is doing or if he is seeing somebody. I dont want to know nor am I ready. A few days ago, he emailed me out of the blue. He sent me a link to a job posting that I was interested in a year ago. The email says he hopes I am doing well and ended it with take care. Right after reading his email, i burst into tears. I guess I wasnt expecting anything from him so I didnt know how to handle my emotions. I dont understand the intention of his email nor do I want to analyze it. Instead, I am choosing to ignore it and not reply because I dont see a reason to. I was doing fairly well, but his email reopened my wounds. Since his email, I started to be angry at him again. I am angry because i dont think he has a right to "look out" for me since he has not been there at all after the BU. He knew i had panic/anxiety attacks but never to bothered to check to see if i was ok. So why now? Im trying to forgive and move on as I know its unhealthy to be angry at someone but i cant help how I feel. Any tips to get rid of this anger? Is this normal? Thank you for reading.
BeFierce Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 tell him to take his stale bread crumbs and shove it. Just block him from sending you emails. lol 2
edel Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 This is normal, don't worry. You did great by deleting him from your life, and you started healing, but deep down there are still some wounds that take longer to heal than a few months. I completely understand your anger, because he doesn't want to be part of your life, but at the same time he doesn't want to leave you alone. Isn't there any way to block his email address so he won't be able to contact you anymore through email? If so, do it. If not, don't react to the email, delete it and hope he gets the hint. If not, if there are more 'casual' emails following, tell him to stop contacting you. 1
CDJ Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 He's just trying to make himself feel better (for whatever he is feeling bad about - guilt, broken heart, etc). It's not necessarily malicious - he might not really be aware he's doing it - but that's essentially what breadcrumbs are about. I feel for it and got burned, as have many others here. Keep doing what you're doing and stay strong! If there's anything you feel you want to say to him, say it here instead.
Author 2mehappiness Posted February 15, 2016 Author Posted February 15, 2016 Befierce - Your response actually made me lol Edel - Thank you. I read your post...you are resilient. Stay strong CDJ - I don't think its malicious. But I just think its incredibly sad that he has no idea how much his action is hurting the other party. What does he expect? For me to tell him that my life is great and dandy after he shattered my heart...will that alleviate his guilt? I wish I can honestly say that I am completely ok without it but I am not at that stage yet. I see these breadcrumbs as a major setback. Just when I think I am able to finally let go and think there is absolutely no hope, sometimes I cant help but wonder. I need to stay focus!
DarkHorizon Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Someone here wisely posted "Breadcrumbs are only a problem when you eat them". The only answer: Block, block and block.
BC1980 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 The best thing to do in these situations is to make all attempts to minimize any contact. For example, block his email. He probably thought he was being nice by sending the email. A lot of dumpers enjoy having limited contact because they might like you as a person, or they might feel less guilty. They can usually handle the limited contact with no problem because they don't have the depth of emotion a dumpee might have. You have one of two options. Tell him that you would prefer no further contact from him. Most people will respect this. OR block him in all ways. It's up to you as to what you feel comfortable doing.
Author 2mehappiness Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 I requested to take some time off work and due to miscommunication on their end, they didn't receive my leave request. My new manager panicked and called my ex to ask for my whereabouts instead of calling my number. My ex was listed as my emergency contact and I forgot about this. I am really upset and I cant stop myself. My ex has not attempted to contact me to see if I am ok. I understand we broke up...but what if something serious did happen to me? How can someone I care about so deeply not even take 30 seconds of their precious day to check if if im ok? He broke up with me in October. There has been essentially no contact since the breakup. Last week he emailed me out of the blue with a link about some job posting. He was very careful with his words in the email, choosing statements that does not require a response. I didnt respond because i didnt think he had a right to look out of me when he never once checked up on me after the breakup. I know I am contradicting myself. I dont even know what I am trying to say. I guess when he emailed me, I felt like I had some control of the situation when I deliberately chose not to answer him (I know I couldn't for my sanity/healing). But the mere fact that he chose not to contact me to see if I am ok with the misdial fiasco, I felt like I had lost the little control I had gained. It is as though I am reliving my breakup from the beginning again when I had no say about the matter. This is such a setback and I dont know how many more of these stumps/triggers I can take. Whenever I think I am doing better, there is another setback. How do you overcome these setbacks?
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Healing is not linear. It's one step forward, two steps back. First change your emergency contact info. Second, don't just disappear from work without confirming that somebody got your leave request. Third, acknowledge that if somebody didn't call you in a situation like that he's not somebody you want in your life & you are better off without him. 2
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