mikeylo Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 How many people here fell in love with someone completely out of their typical ' type '? I've heard this often that you find someone when you least expect it and is usually someone not their type ! So by the time you realize , you are already in love ! And these are most of the time successful relationships. Not that this happened with me but 2 of my friends have similar experiences and happily married for a number of years. How many people here to tell the story?
PrettyEmily77 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 How many people here fell in love with someone completely out of their typical ' type '? I've heard this often that you find someone when you least expect it and is usually someone not their type ! So by the time you realize , you are already in love ! And these are most of the time successful relationships. Not that this happened with me but 2 of my friends have similar experiences and happily married for a number of years. How many people here to tell the story? Guilty. Used to have a 'type' - the wrong one, it turns out. All of my exes kind of look similar physically, ambitious, sociable, loyal and extroverted but they were also self-defined 'good guys' who turned not so good after all. BF is also ambitious and loyal but somewhat introverted and, albeit handsome, kooks nothing like my usual 'type'. He's also kind, thoughtful, polite and sexy as anything. I needed a combination of really bad experiences and some maturity to understand that good guy on paper doesn't automatically translates into actual good guy, and I've learned to react on a mix of reason and instinct, and to only go for guys who, for me, stir emotional, physical and mental feelings in equal measure.
Tayla Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 nah, I tend to stick with human, male gender , within my age group and mostly of good character. simplicity .
TX-SC Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 I never really had a type but I can definately say that my wife is quite different from me.
PrettyEmily77 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 nah, I tend to stick with human, male gender , within my age group and mostly of good character. simplicity . There are a ton of human, male gender within in my age group, mostly of good character and single- unless you want to spend your lifetime dating, having a more refined set of criteria definitely helps I find, in the long run .
Emilia Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Sure. As I gained more life experience my type has changed, certain trait requirements became flexible 1
Tayla Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 [quote name=PrettyEmily77;6792618 having a more refined set of criteria definitely helps I find' date=' in the long run .[/quote] Appreciate this , can you define the parameters of refined? Would be interested in how this complimented a relationship? Thanks! 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Appreciate this , can you define the parameters of refined? Would be interested in how this complimented a relationship? Thanks! To me personally, it's just knowing myself well enough to know what I'm comfortable with, what I'm willing to offer myself, what I'd expect in return and what I definitely can't deal with, irrespective of how attracted I am initially or how nice the guy seems to be - there are lot of good guys out there, but very few who are compatible + receptive. It's taken me a series of bad relationships, a year off by myself and a few months of fairly extensive 'dating' (strictly IRL, strictly no LDR, mostly in my extended social circle but also very occasionally guys I bumped into during everyday stuff) to find myself able to recognise the right guy should he come along and to fully trust my gut instinct. I don't do short-term stuff and need to be very heavily invested emotionally before anything can happen - which tends to happen very quickly, so I had to work on that a lot... .
MrDuck Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 *raises hand* I don't have a fixed type in terms of looks, I never haver. But I've always been attracted to girls who are very much free spirits, dreamers, romantics. I met my sons mother at an airport, she flipped a coin to decide on where she was going to go, as soon as she did I decided I was going wherever she was! I love that nonconformist, super laid back, approach to life. I live my own life along those lines. Thing is we had some great times together and we had my son for that i'll always be grateful but as a couple we just didn't work, in our relationship I was having to be the practical one, sort out details, and it didn't make me happy. In the end made great friends but a terrible couple, so we ended it. I know myself well enough now to know I benefit from having solid, down to earth types around me, that's what makes me the best version of myself. But i was still attracted to that same 'type' as before. However i swore off girls totally for quite a while, i just wanted to focus on me and my son I wasn't looking for a relationship. So all in all it took me by surprise when i fell head over heels in love with my beautiful, pragmatic, logical, down-to-earth, black-and-white-thinking, straight shooting, wonderfully sarcastic girlfriend. I wouldn't of expected it but I find her personality and her outlook madly attractive!!! I used to think that being pragmatic made a person dispassionate, but that was narrow-minded of me and she shattered that illusion! We might come at life from completely different angles but we share all the same values. Like I saw she complements me in all the ways I lack, Im a better man in every way for her coming into my life. Right from the start she became that voice in my head that reminds when I'm doing something stupid. I've learnt to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I've come to respect the same in others, i thought there was strength in that. But I love her layers, she's got this hilariously dry sense of humour and if you asked those we worked with they'd probably tell you she couldn't care less what people think of her, scared of nothing, a few of them would probably have her down as cocky. But then I get to see behind the front, she's got this huge heart, she's more than a little shy, and she cares more deeply than anyone I've ever met. And all that is like our little secret, this whole other side of her she saves for me, not the world at large. That girl single handedly changed my 'type'! I didn't have family, and I moved lots, and I guess you might have called me flaky, and I certainly went for flaky girls. But (aside from my son, who is my pride and joy) she is the most committed, solid person I've ever had in my life. And I didn't know how great that feels!! And I want to be the guy that she can depend on and trust the way I feel I can trust her! 4
Author mikeylo Posted February 22, 2016 Author Posted February 22, 2016 Oh boy ! You are madly in love. I've heard these stories very rarely. You have both the ingredients : when you least expect it and from whom you least expect it! Good Luck and hold on to it 1
Tayla Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Mr Duck, My hats off to you for being able to share both those relationships here. I now understand a bit better what this topic is being centered upon. I admire that you can appreciate and celebrate your differences! I thought when they meant type they were meaning....age, faiths, height, weight, political affiliation, family backgounds... Those which while they crop up and deserve attention...its comes down to foundations.... 2
Author mikeylo Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 MrDuck , just so you know , out of 240 views of this thread , only 2 people have had this experience Pretty rare , like I said Are you married ?
MrDuck Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 MrDuck , just so you know , out of 240 views of this thread , only 2 people have had this experience Pretty rare , like I said Are you married ? Haha. The thing is I believe that your personality is there right from the start, same as your blood type. But I think your character (the decisions you make, the way you act, the way your personality actually comes through in real life) I believe that's much much more fluid. I think your character is a sum of your experiences. I think a lot of people don't have a set 'type', I think that's something that crept in because of the way I was raised. Those people would never find themselves dating out of type, as you put it. I think some people don't see they have a type. If was looking for a physical resemblance between girls I've been attracted to I wouldn't be able to find one, I've lived all over the world and seen all different kinds of girls. It's only because I've worked on being more self awear that I see the pattern. It's funny to think if we'd of met back when were both our 16 year old selves, would we still have got together? Would I have fallen for her then? Maybe she'd of shattered my "type" before it even really started. Maybe we'd always have been meant to be. Who can say! But honestly? I think its unlikely! I think 16 year old her would of thought I was an idiot, and 16 year old me would of thought she was too highly strung. Even if we had dated I don't think it would of worked out back then because truth is, I was an idiot! Not a bad man, but not the man I'd want my son to be either. It took the life experiences I had over the following few years to help me grow up, and to make me the man I am now. To make me someone worthy of being her boyfriend. Plus back at 16 she would have been to highly strung for me. As a wiser man I don't only love her for her differences, I also love her for the way she complements me. She fills in all the places where I lack and together we make an awesome team! But at 16, I think we would of clashed, not gelled. So I guess, I say shes very different from the "type" I've always gone for before. But i'm also a very different man from the one I was before. Maybe as I changed my type changed too but I just didn't realise it because I was a bit stuck in my ways.. not till she came in to my life and blew it wide open. Maybe everyones type changes over the years. Or maybe being with her Is what has taught me why no relationship ever stuck before. Maybe its that experience that's changed me and shown me they were the wrong type before. I don't know. Theres so many variables that influence who we pick that maybe lots of people don't see there own relationship as being out of type even as if it is? Its a complicated subject I guess. Bottom line for me is Im lucky! She makes me so happy and all I want to do is make her smile every day for the rest of my life. In the end that's all that really matters. (no not married. But I could definitely marry the girl, and settle down with babies, and a Labrador, and a white picket fence. I never saw myself as the 'settling down type' but she makes me want to!) 2
newmoon Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 MrDuck , just so you know , out of 240 views of this thread , only 2 people have had this experience Pretty rare , like I said Are you married ? ahh... the educational system failing our students yet again;)
Author mikeylo Posted February 24, 2016 Author Posted February 24, 2016 I wouldn't dig too much into the ' why ' of it all. You found someone who brings out the best in you and makes you happy! When a non commital guy wants to get married , that in itself is a sign that you found your right match. I'm asking question again . Is it the same for her? Are you her ' type ' or she also got caught up unawares like you ? I'm nosy but I like your little love story. Mostly we get to hear the sad ones here so yours is a good one ! 1
soleilesquire Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I request that Mr. Duck clone himself.... I too learned that the "type" I typically dated when younger was not the best type for me. The sweet, brooding, laid back, nonambitious artistic types can be kind of intriguing and attractive.....but like Mr. Duck, I ended up wearing "the pants" in the family regarding decisions, otherwise they didn't get made. It was exhausting. The assertive but kind, decisive, expressive type is definitely better for me. 2
Miss Peach Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 If you looked at every guy I've gone out with you would be very perplexed at what my type might be. When I was younger there were some things that I was more attracted to that I have realized now are not that important. I would rather have someone who shares my values and treats me well. I try to remain open to what package that person might come in as long as there is chemistry there. 1
MrDuck Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 I wouldn't dig too much into the ' why ' of it all. You found someone who brings out the best in you and makes you happy! When a non commital guy wants to get married , that in itself is a sign that you found your right match. Very very true. Is it the same for her? Are you her ' type ' or she also got caught up unawares like you ? Haha oh god no, I'm definitely not her normal type! I think her friends and family thought she'd gone a bit bonkers I think shes gone more for the.. Mr conventional, macho man, very traditional. Actually both her ex's are now cops. I'm not that Like I can be macho, I play rugby. I boxed and raced bikes as a teenager. I can track, hunt & fish my dinner. But I’m a long way from the most conventional blokey bloke in the world! I practice yoga every single day with my son. You wont see me out of a bandana, I’ve currently got about 6 braclettes on my wrist, and maybe you’d say my wardrobe verges on a little bit boho. I'm mad passionate about conservation, and agriculture, and dogs! My dad was an Irish traveller, and that's how I grew up. I've since lived and worked on conservation and community projects all over the world so I guess I've turned out a bit of a cultural mash up hahah! I know that she's really really really picky when it comes to guys.. she's quite a perfectionist in all walks of life.. I think her family were a bit like "seriously?" when she brought me home!!! I'm nosy but I like your little love story. Haha I'm pretty fond of it too bro! I request that Mr. Duck clone himself.... Hahahahah oh Jeez, the world couldn't handle that! but like Mr. Duck, I ended up wearing "the pants" in the family regarding decisions, otherwise they didn't get made. It was exhausting. Absolutely! I felt like it was draining the spirit out of me. I didn't like me and I don't think she liked me being like that either. My gf now loves sorting stuff like that, the practicalities, the planning. That's why we work! But sometimes you have to experience one thing to realise why it doesn't work and see the benefit in something else, maybe something you wouldn't have considered before! 1
Author mikeylo Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 Haha I'm pretty fond of it too bro! Yeah, it seems like you want to keep on talking about her ,lmao ! On paper , you two together can't be compatible but hey, works for you two ! One a traveler and other traditional home life ! Anyway, it's great to hear real stories like yours. 1
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