Feels like I'm losing my mind.....

[sinbadd]

Hello folks,

 

Not one of does people who register on these kind of forums but right now i'm desperate.... I really don't know where to turn... got NOONE to talk about this.

 

Been with this girl for 2,4 years and in the beginning she didn't really matter all that much to me but as time passed by I let her more and more into my heart... Opened up and trusted her... Got 2 rules for her. 1 Don't take me for granted and 2. Please don't hurt me.... she agreed to that and I let her even deeper into my heart ... all my thoughts was around her 24/7 .... As we didn't live together and could only se each other now and then i started to miss her more and more ... and as i missed her more and more I guess i became more of an "ON" guy then "relaxed and cool" guy... my mind would go 100 mph in order to think what I could say or do to make her more interested. What can I do to make her give me same attention that I was giving her... doesn't even need to be same could be half of my attention to her, or even 10% as it would be more then what i was getting. Got feeling she was feeding me breadchrumbs.... giving me just enough to keep me wanting her but when it got a little intensifyed she would pull off...

 

I told her this several times that it's not working for me like this... It's just hurting me... All right I understand that she got several other arenas she needed to attend to like demanding job and what else... but still it doesn't take that long to write me a text message ... or when you write a text message don't just give me status updates where and what you are doing... it would be nice to have something to smile over... something to keep conversation going on through out the day. I was always on my toes for this girl, always available as we didn't meet each day, i refused to attend family stuff, friends and all other crap in my life - notice I said crap because it's how it felt, since i wanted to keep my self available in case she wanted to text or meet or what ever...

 

So basically we got into a few fights over this but somehow managed to find some kind of temp. solution, it would work for a while before it found it's track back into same old path.

 

Didn't see her much during xmas or new years as she was busy with family, her birthday was in mid January, I wasn't able to see her then as she was again busy... so I finally got to see her a week after... then there was this stupid valentine's day ... where i kind of expected her to make something special or say something or do something that would put a spark into our relationship again instead day passed by with out much interaction ... apparently she was busy with all mothers day being on a same day but still...

 

So Monday I asked her what's going on and we ended up in another fight... She said she didn't wanna hurt me then that this is not working bla bla .... She loves me and I love her all does messages got exchanged... then I said something like... Fine, don't take any decisions now.. think about it.. come back to me when you have thought your thoughts clear if you wish to continue this or not... Then on Wednesday I got a message that she loves me and that i was someone like she never had in her life... she basically talk about me like i was the blessing but it ended up with that she didn't wanna continue... I wrote back saying that i don't agree that we could work things out... hoping she doesn't give up and yeah i guess in the end I said please if you love me don't do this... She didn't read this message.. it was sendt on facebook and it doesn't say seen ..... so i guess she hasn't even bothered to read what i wrote to her last...

 

Thursday she was at concert, friday she went to cabin with her family and from what i could read up on she is going to this party today... So now it's 3 days of complete NC. Or since Monday it's been 1 message on Wednesday and complete NC since then.

 

Now let me say that I truly love this girl, she came to my life as a blessing and I've been showing her nothing more then unconditional love in the time we've been together... Yes I may have been difficult to be with as I may have been asking for attention but in my book I wouldn't need that if it was given to me in the first place... If you love someone you show it to them not wait until they beg for it...

 

We haven't had this much NC since day we meet. I really don't know what I'm going to do next... Part of me is saying F-*** U !!! because i really tried... while other part of me is saying that I'm so f*** lost and I will never find someone like this again... EVER !!!!!

 

Been on sleeping meds and have even been thinking of taking a bunch and just "sleep inn" forever.... no more pain ... no more nothing... I WANT HER BACK !!! I've read all about NC it's about healing your self ... but i don't wanna fu** heal I want her back !!! Any chance of that ??? Should I try and make one last attempt to reach out to her... how long should I wait... ??

 

Someone please please advice me something here... I'm totally losing my mind even if I'm trying to keep my face around everyone .....

[Brando]

My advice is to go to a doctor or any professional. Any time someone mentions harming themselves this is the ONLY advice I will offer. Stop worrying about the girl. Worry about your own health and seek a professional immediately.

[Satu]

I agree with Brando.

 

You need to get some help.

 

Do it now.

[sinbadd]

I'm not going to kill my self... Got other people in my life... But if I didn't have them I think i may actually go through this... The PAIN is unbelievable ... it hurts so much that i got a feeling that my heart is going to jump out of my chest....

[BeFierce]

Sindbad you let yourself live this love story that you made yourself believe. Clearly from everything you stated she was not invested in this relationship as you were. You even wrote:

 

Got feeling she was feeding me breadchrumbs.... giving me just enough to keep me wanting her but when it got a little intensifyed she would pull off...

 

So now you feel bad because of how much you invested:

 

i refused to attend family stuff, friends and all other crap in my life - notice I said crap because it's how it felt, since i wanted to keep my self available in case she wanted to text or meet or what ever...

 

Anyway, this so called relationship is not worth getting hurt over. She did very little for you-close to nothing. Move on.

[Brando]

I'm not going to kill my self... Got other people in my life... But if I didn't have them I think i may actually go through this... The PAIN is unbelievable ... it hurts so much that i got a feeling that my heart is going to jump out of my chest....

 

Ok. I still think even that you mentioned it you should talk to a professional. Everyone on here has felt the pain you feel at some point in their life. Don't do anything you will regret. We've all been in you shoes and we've all survived it.

 

Right now you need to regroup and get a hold of yourself. You're going through heartbreak. It's painful.